Non-Wedding Wedding??

[Deleted User]

Hoping I could have some advice! I'm recently engaged! My fiance and I always talked about going to the courthouse and then throwing a party/reception (we don't want to do a ceremony). It all sounded easy/simple in my head until now, when the actual planning is required... Our families/friends live in three different countries, four different states in the US (coast to coast), all over the place!! We do not want help with money, and we don't have plenty of money to spend. I looked into doing a destination type wedding but the packages all include things we don't particularly want (such as a ceremony). I just want to get our friends/family from all over the world TOGETHER somewhere, relax, have a good time, and not require everyone to spend lots of money. Do we make everyone come to us? We only have two spare rooms, so cannot ask too many people to stay with us (We don't live near any family/friends right now due to my fiance's job) ANY ADVICE IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!! Thank you!!

missdelilah

I know how you feel. FIs family and friends are all in one state, we live in another, I'm from another country, have friends from three states there who we want involved, and family in two other countries. It's likely going to be impossible to get everyone involved unless you want to do a lot of travel and throw several parties. Have you contacted the places that do the destination wedding packages and asked if they could exchange something for the ceremony - say an extra night's accommodation or such? Are there any inexpensive hotels, hostels, or such anywhere near your area? Or have checked a site like airbnb for apartments/houses? I've found a couple at reasonable prices near our location that have several bedrooms, thus splitting the cost between different parties.

JCbride2015

futuremrskombalova said:

Hoping I could have some advice! I'm recently engaged! My fiance and I always talked about going to the courthouse and then throwing a party/reception (we don't want to do a ceremony). It all sounded easy/simple in my head until now, when the actual planning is required... Our families/friends live in three different countries, four different states in the US (coast to coast), all over the place!! We do not want help with money, and we don't have plenty of money to spend. I looked into doing a destination type wedding but the packages all include things we don't particularly want (such as a ceremony). I just want to get our friends/family from all over the world TOGETHER somewhere, relax, have a good time, and not require everyone to spend lots of money. Do we make everyone come to us? We only have two spare rooms, so cannot ask too many people to stay with us (We don't live near any family/friends right now due to my fiance's job) ANY ADVICE IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!! Thank you!!

1) What do you mean, you don't want a ceremony?  The ceremony is the wedding.  That's how you become married.

Generally, it sounds like what you want to do is have a private ceremony at the courthouse (yes, this is still a ceremony and a wedding), and then host a low-key lunch or dinner at a restaurant.  Just invite the people you love and can afford to pay for their meal; some people might travel, others may be unable but they will be happy to be invited.  If you have a very small group you can all just go to a restaurant.  If it's a little larger, you can get a private room.

Don't stress yourself out about planning a big destination wedding if that's not what you want.  A courthouse wedding and lunch or dinner afterwards (probably lunch, but depends on the time of day) sounds lovely and low-stress.

theartistformerlyknownas

futuremrskombalova said:

Hoping I could have some advice! I'm recently engaged! My fiance and I always talked about going to the courthouse and then throwing a party/reception (we don't want to do a ceremony). It all sounded easy/simple in my head until now, when the actual planning is required... Our families/friends live in three different countries, four different states in the US (coast to coast), all over the place!! We do not want help with money, and we don't have plenty of money to spend. I looked into doing a destination type wedding but the packages all include things we don't particularly want (such as a ceremony). I just want to get our friends/family from all over the world TOGETHER somewhere, relax, have a good time, and not require everyone to spend lots of money. Do we make everyone come to us? We only have two spare rooms, so cannot ask too many people to stay with us (We don't live near any family/friends right now due to my fiance's job) ANY ADVICE IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!! Thank you!!

There's nothing wrong with having a courthouse wedding and then a later celebration (though it won't be called a "reception," technically). Your post-wedding party just shouldn't have the typical wedding trappings since your wedding will have already taken place some other day. You won't wear a wedding dress since you're already a wife, you can just get a regular cake but skip the cake cutting, have a DJ and dancing but not the "first dance," etc.

It'll be very important though for you to accept that you may not be able to get every single person in the same place. This is OK - you'd have the same challenge throwing a traditional ceremony and reception. You're not obligated to let anyone stay at your house - guests are responsible for coming up with their own lodging. 

Congratulations on your engagement!

chibiyui

Your cheapest option would be to invite everyone to the area you live in, and host a party at a local VFW, legion, etc. Unfortunately, when no one lives close, some people will decline due to cost. That's life.

mysticl

Keep in mind some people may not want to travel if there isn't a ceremony for them to attend.  They may not feel it's worth the time and and expense just to go to a party.  

CMGragain

Is your state one that permits no ceremony?  Many courthouse marriages do have a short one.  Check.

raissyrais

@futuremrskombalova You can check the Destination Weddings board which can be quite helpful. I have families and friends from 10 different countries, all over the world, and FI and I live in two different countries at the present but planning is going very smoothly! It will require lots of patience and coordination but it's all very doable. Also, if you can, hire a wedding planner. Mine has been of exceptional help since our wedding will be on the island I come from which is in like, the middle of nowhere. So, I understand your distress but take a deep breath! If your guests are just from state to state in the US and you only have a handful international ones, then it's easy peasy! All the Knotties are here to give advice too, so don't hesitate to ask

lc07

mysticl said:

Keep in mind some people may not want to travel if there isn't a ceremony for them to attend.  They may not feel it's worth the time and and expense just to go to a party.  

FU BOX

I agree. I would fly to another country to attend your wedding if we were close but not just for a party. Even if it's a party to celebrate your recent marriage. I'd actually want to SEE you get married. Otherwise, I'd plan a trip on my own time to come see you and congratulate you.