Wedding 911

Getting married now, having a wedding in a year?

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Re: Getting married now, having a wedding in a year?

  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014

    We got married in a civil ceremony, and our public church wedding with all of our family and friends is going to be this December.  It was simply the way the circumstances played out, and everyone in our family/circle of friends understands why we're doing it this way.  Neither of us wanted to give up our wedding, but in order for my husband to have his PR and be gainfully employed we got married earlier so I could sponsor him.

    MAN, I didn't know I was going to ruffle so many feathers with this.  There's some cranky old biddies with their corsets laced too tight on here! 

    It's not to downplay our civil ceremony as "not the real thing".  It was meaningful and lovely.  However, my husband's family is Catholic and it's important to them (and us) that we are married in the church, and this is what's happening in December.  Oh, and it's technically a "convalidation ceremony".  Everybody knows we're already civilly married, including the freakin' Archdiocese, so all the people currently clutching their pearls in horror can relax now.

    That being said, I wasn't aware that the purpose of the message boards on this website was to trash all the other people that are posting on here.  Had I known, I would never have gotten involved with the boards.  I thought the boards were here for women to come with their problems and successes and be able to talk about it without having the Etiquette Patrol look down their noses at you with disdain.  Ohh! Are we going to start hunting down all the unchaste, non-virgin brides too?  Whee! 

    I'm so glad I know that the largesse of the people here are puckered at both ends.  Really, it's great to be judged about the fact that I wasn't planning to have my civil ceremony when I did.  It's great to know that everyone else here can afford to have a wedding on very short notice.  Did it occur to anyone to consider that maybe the immigration laws in this country need a MASSIVE overhaul, so that it won't take eleven years (or longer) for someone to get the right to work in this country.  Nope, let's just be rude and split hairs because there's apparently nothing better to do.

    As I said, OP, it's no one else's business but yours.  I hope you and your family are able to do what's best for yourselves.
    Several years ago, one of my family members went to visit a man she had met online, he lived in another country. (They actually met on one of those Catholic dating sites.) A few months later they decided to get married so he could move and work here and because religion was so important to them they wanted to be married in the church so within about a month or two they put together a lovely Catholic wedding that was not a huge affair, I think the bride's family hosted a reception dinner at their house after or something, but they still managed to have all the tradition on a budget. They've been married for close to 10 years now and he just had became a US citizen this summer. 

    So an affordable Catholic wedding for immigration reasons can be done the first time around on short notice. Your wedding was a choice you made, for which you now want a PPD do-over. That's why you get the side-eyes from the boards.
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    esstee33[Deleted User]fwtx5815southernbelle0915
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    darkphoenixv said:
    We got married in a civil ceremony, and our public church wedding with all of our family and friends is going to be this December.  It was simply the way the circumstances played out, and everyone in our family/circle of friends understands why we're doing it this way.  Neither of us wanted to give up our wedding, but in order for my husband to have his PR and be gainfully employed we got married earlier so I could sponsor him.

    MAN, I didn't know I was going to ruffle so many feathers with this.  There's some cranky old biddies with their corsets laced too tight on here! 

    It's not to downplay our civil ceremony as "not the real thing".  It was meaningful and lovely.  However, my husband's family is Catholic and it's important to them (and us) that we are married in the church, and this is what's happening in December.  Oh, and it's technically a "convalidation ceremony".  Everybody knows we're already civilly married, including the freakin' Archdiocese, so all the people currently clutching their pearls in horror can relax now.

    That being said, I wasn't aware that the purpose of the message boards on this website was to trash all the other people that are posting on here.  Had I known, I would never have gotten involved with the boards.  I thought the boards were here for women to come with their problems and successes and be able to talk about it without having the Etiquette Patrol look down their noses at you with disdain.  Ohh! Are we going to start hunting down all the unchaste, non-virgin brides too?  Whee! 

    I'm so glad I know that the largesse of the people here are puckered at both ends.  Really, it's great to be judged about the fact that I wasn't planning to have my civil ceremony when I did.  It's great to know that everyone else here can afford to have a wedding on very short notice.  Did it occur to anyone to consider that maybe the immigration laws in this country need a MASSIVE overhaul, so that it won't take eleven years (or longer) for someone to get the right to work in this country.  Nope, let's just be rude and split hairs because there's apparently nothing better to do.

    As I said, OP, it's no one else's business but yours.  I hope you and your family are able to do what's best for yourselves.
    Honestly, I loved this reply. I posted a similar issue to the boards a couple of weeks ago and got slammed by some judgmental morons. I'm glad you're doing it your way and owning it even if it may not be what you originally planned.
    Those "judgmental morons" are actually trying to save the OP from looking like a total ass in front of her guests.  A lot of posters, (myself included) have learned A LOT about etiquette from these boards. This poster can "own" it all she wants, but it doesn't excuse rudeness.
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    beetheryredoryxesstee33lnixon8
  • I'm confused with why you posted this OP. If you lurked for one or two posts you'd understand the responses you'd get here.

    If you want people to tell you how awesome this idea is, you should have went to family and friends who would likely have lied and told you it was a great idea. Or wedding bee? Wedding wire? One of those websites tells brides their PPDs are great.
    hellohkb
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    darkphoenixv said:
    We got married in a civil ceremony, and our public church wedding with all of our family and friends is going to be this December.  It was simply the way the circumstances played out, and everyone in our family/circle of friends understands why we're doing it this way.  Neither of us wanted to give up our wedding, but in order for my husband to have his PR and be gainfully employed we got married earlier so I could sponsor him.

    MAN, I didn't know I was going to ruffle so many feathers with this.  There's some cranky old biddies with their corsets laced too tight on here! 

    It's not to downplay our civil ceremony as "not the real thing".  It was meaningful and lovely.  However, my husband's family is Catholic and it's important to them (and us) that we are married in the church, and this is what's happening in December.  Oh, and it's technically a "convalidation ceremony".  Everybody knows we're already civilly married, including the freakin' Archdiocese, so all the people currently clutching their pearls in horror can relax now.

    That being said, I wasn't aware that the purpose of the message boards on this website was to trash all the other people that are posting on here.  Had I known, I would never have gotten involved with the boards.  I thought the boards were here for women to come with their problems and successes and be able to talk about it without having the Etiquette Patrol look down their noses at you with disdain.  Ohh! Are we going to start hunting down all the unchaste, non-virgin brides too?  Whee! 

    I'm so glad I know that the largesse of the people here are puckered at both ends.  Really, it's great to be judged about the fact that I wasn't planning to have my civil ceremony when I did.  It's great to know that everyone else here can afford to have a wedding on very short notice.  Did it occur to anyone to consider that maybe the immigration laws in this country need a MASSIVE overhaul, so that it won't take eleven years (or longer) for someone to get the right to work in this country.  Nope, let's just be rude and split hairs because there's apparently nothing better to do.

    As I said, OP, it's no one else's business but yours.  I hope you and your family are able to do what's best for yourselves.
    Honestly, I loved this reply. I posted a similar issue to the boards a couple of weeks ago and got slammed by some judgmental morons. I'm glad you're doing it your way and owning it even if it may not be what you originally planned.
    girlwithakite If the poster had originally said she was having a covalidation, people would not have jumped on the post.
    b) This post contains multiple uncalled for insults. If you were similarly insulting, you would surely be similarly judged. 

    If folks feel offended at anything, firing back with even worse comments is completely childish and uncalled for. Rise above. 
    ________________________________


    ohannabelle
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2014
    So you need to decide between your job and your wedding.

    Whatever you decide to do, if you have a legal ceremony now to satisfy the headmaster of your school, that IS your wedding. You don't get another one later. And don't lie by pretending the legal ceremony didn't take place wile claiming all the benefits of being married-including your job. That pisses people off even more than quiet ceremonies followed by celebrations later.
  • First of all, I am so sorry that you are put in what I believe to be a very unfair position by an uncompassionate person (or set of persons). It sounds like you are a very giving person who simply wants to work with children and make your family happy. In my personal opinion, the headmaster (or the board or whoever sets these ridiculous morality rules) is unreasonable and has no business dictating that your employability hinges on your marital status or living situation. But then I'm of the opinion that people's sex lives are no one else's business but their own and people need to learn a little compassion for other people and respect others' decisions that don't necessarily line up with their own. 

    Ultimately, I think you're going to have to decide what is most important to you. Is this job worth you getting married right now? And I mean having whatever wedding you can afford both in time and money and having your anniversary date now and telling your family. Or would you rather pass up the job opportunity and have the wedding you originally planned? I agree with others that lying about a secret wedding is probably going to bite you in the ass later, especially since you acknowledged that just getting the job will essentially "out" your secret. That's not to say you can't have a marriage celebration or a vow renewal later. But as mentioned before, you really only get married once (unless you get divorced) so you have to decide what works best for you.

    I also want to ask, do you know for a fact that you'll get the job if you do get married? I would imagine you would be unbelievably pissed off if you got married to get the job and then did not get the job after all. Also, are there other similar job opportunities that would allow you to go forward with your wedding as planned and work somewhere else that respects your life decisions? I cannot even imagine getting married in a rush just to have the opportunity to apply for one job. 
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