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My groom has interesting tux ideas...

jenijoykjenijoyk member
Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
edited August 2014 in Attire & Accessories Forum

And by "interesting" I mean "eeehhhhh." I told him what he picked for himself, groomsmen, and our dads was totally up to him, thinking "Yay! One less task for me!" and plus, it only seemed fair, since he has no say in my wedding get-up.

Then this weekend he told me he decided on classic black tuxes, no vests, and all the men in black straight ties, except for him. He would like to wear a black bowtie and adamantly feels that he should stand out (hello, groomzilla) and he believes different colored lapel flowers aren't enough. His actual words were "I believe it would be a faux pas for me to not have a different tie." Haha, um, sure.

I can't really wrap my head around him wearing a bowtie, while all the rest of the men are in normal ties. Ties seem "tied" (haha - pun) to the level of formality. So we should either have a black tie wedding and wear bowties, or we shouldn't, and wear normal ties. Am I just being too nitpicky?

On the formality scale, our wedding is fairly classic, but falls short of black tie. While the bridesmaids and mothers are wearing floor length sequin gowns, it is an outdoor wedding in a courtyard, and the ceremony starts at 5, about an hour before the sun will go down. (This is not a hipster wedding. There is no bowtie+suspenders+colorful argyle socks look going on so he can't justify the bowtie that way.) Should I just let this go and let him do whatever he wants, or should I try to save him from himself?

Re: My groom has interesting tux ideas...

  • @jenijoyk I actually agree with you on this.  I don't like the idea of different ties.  If he wants to stand out more, perhaps everyone can wear a straight tie in a color that matches your overall looks, and he can wear a black one, or the other way around.  I think the trick is subtly suggesting ideas you like to him and coaxing him in to choosing one, thus leaving him believing that he's made the choice himself.  Or see if you can find pictures of what he's describing online and get a feel for how it looks, and then you have something concrete to point to when you say, "I really *insert compliment here*, but I just don't think your idea for wedding attire is going to work."  

    If it makes you feel any better, I made alterations to FIs suit.  I told him flat out that what he wanted was old fashioned and going to make him look like a preacher.  Well, that's what he gets when he wants me to get on the phone at 1am to organize things with our family tailor, who happens to live on the other side of the world.

    I would stay away from the whole "black tie" thing if you can.  It's such an extra hassle for guests.  
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  • He and the groomsmen will look just fine.  Note that he can choose his and his side of the wedding party's outfits, but neither one of you can tell your parents what to wear.
    The wedding party and the couple themselves are often more fancily dressed than the rest of the guests, and that is perfectly fine.  What they might look like on the day of:
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  • Personally, I would let this one go.  It's just a tie. 
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 2014
    It's a bowtie for pete's sake. He's not trying to dress up like Prince William here. Let this one go. And you can't really call him a groomzilla for wanting to stand out unless you're totally cool with your bridesmaids showing up in formal, full length white gowns. ETA: This is not an interesting idea or a problem. My H at one point in full seriousness asked me how I felt about a BROWN TUXEDO. That was an interesting idea.
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  • What if he told you that your dress just "wasn't the right level of fancy"? And you had a choose a different dress. Would you be pissed? Hurt? Feel like you'd been robbed of your choice? Yeah. It's just a bow tie. Relax and let him have what he wants. The tie is such a minor thing, and he seems to feel very strongly about it. It's his day too. Let him wear it. It is going to look good either way. If this is such a huge deal to you, then you should not have given him the freedom to choose his own outfit. In which case, make sure you also control what he eats, drinks, says, does... better yet just attach a leash to him to ensure he has no free will at all. In other words, IT'S OK! Don't stress, it's not worth it. You guys will look awesome.
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  • My fiance thinks that since he can't see my dress, I don't get to see his tux choices.. he was threatening me with a Jedi robe or this robe from Assassin's Creed (video game...) but luckily I just sent him off to Men's Warehouse which is fairly conservative as far as color choices go. I wanted a gray to go with the navy bridesmaid dresses, but I have a feeling he'll show up in black. Just as long as it's not a Jedi robe..
  • I really don't see the issue here.  So he wants to wear a different tie to stand out.  I bet you are wearing a different dress then your bridal party aren't you?  And I am sure you are doing that because you want to "stand out" as well.  

    But seriously, it is just a tie.

  • And really this is very tame in regards to "interesting" tux ideas.  I mean, your FI could have wanted everyone to wear blue and orange tuxes with top hats and canes a la Dumb and Dumber for crying out loud.

  • I seriously thought you were going to say he wants hot pink tuxes or something. A black bow tie is not an issue.
    Apparently Bruno Mars did it.
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    OP, I'm sure he'll look great.
  • Thanks guys. I definitely wasn't freaking out about it, and called him a groomzilla in complete jest, so it's all good. Trust me, no hair has fallen out and no sleep has been lost. I was just wondering if it was strange to mix tie types, in the same way it would be strange to have one bridesmaid in a floor length sequin gown and the next in a short casual bm dress. And thank you @doeydo for those pictures! I hadn't found any and those guys all look awesome. It doesn't look odd and out of place at all the way it was in my head.
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited August 2014
    Also, no need to fret over our dads' feelings, we aren't telling them what to wear. They both said they want to wear tuxes and my dad is very excited to look amazing while walking me down the aisle. I promise you all I am not a psychopath with my groom on a leash and my dad locked in a closet somewhere, although it definitely makes me giggle to know that asking whether it's weird to mix bowties and straight ties (something I honestly have never seen before) was interpreted that way!
  • I agree with PPs. This is a non-issue. 

    FWIW, my groom wore a black tux with a black bow tie and no vest (pretty much exactly what your groom wants to wear). The GMs wore black suits (which they bought to keep - same price as renting so we offered them the choice) and ties. I thought they looked really good, but that could be my bias....

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  • @southernbelle0915 - they look great! I honestly didn't know this was a thing, but all these pictures look awesome. I love the groomsmens' white ties, too!
  • It will be fine. My FI thought of doing this too, before settling on an ivory tie for himself (and black ties for the other guys).


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