White dress on a guest - Snark

gen148

I'm very traditional when it comes to myself not wearing white when I'm a guest at a wedding - right down to my socks.

An anecdote:

A family member wears a white dress when she goes to weddings.  EVERY wedding.  My mother's in the 80s, my cousin in the 2000s.  I want to elope because of this, so she won't get a chance to wear white.  Maybe I'm overly picky; quite possible.  Here's the anecdote: at my cousin's wedding, the B&G couldn't find the marriage certificate, and the officiant said they had to go to another wedding, and please hurry up and sign it.  Finally discovered my family member was fanning herself with it!!  

missdelilah

Oh dear!  How close are you to this family member?  Could you tell her there's some sort of theme, that would make white an appropriate garment choice?  Or perhaps even sit down with her and let her know you'd really appreciate it if she didn't wear white, and could she please wear something else, and not fiddle with anything on the officiants table?  You may find that there's some sort of reason she dresses like this that means a lot to her and would be happy to explain it to you.  Or maybe, she's just a giant pain.  It's hard to tell from such a small original post.

Good luck, however you approach this.  But seriously, make your wedding plans based on what you want, not on what you're worried some family member (I'm assuming not particularly close as you didn't list the degree of relation) may or may not do.  You'd regret it later if you let this one issue take center stage in your planning.

Senecaf

I think you're being a tad dramatic here. Eloping because of one guest's possible attire? That seems a little much.

Using the marriage certificate to fan herself is quite loopy but easily avoided.

Relax and plan your wedding how you like. Try not to worry about what your friends and family will wear. It's really not that big of a deal. It is your day, everyone will be able to tell.

southernbelle0915

You want to elope because some crazy family member wears white to weddings? That's making a mountain our of a molehill if I've ever heard it.

Does your FI want to elope? If not, you need to find a compromise.

Also - you don't need to invite her even if you have a bunch of guests. I tried to invite in circles but there are cousins who have been such assholes to my parents over the years that I invited their siblings and not them.

Side note: I generally side-eye guests dressed in white and I think others do too. She only makes herself look like a jackass...

RebeccaFlower

Do I think wearing white to every wedding for years is tacky? Sure. Do I think eloping over it is incredibly dramatic? Yes.

CMGragain

You are missing such an opportunity for laughs through the years!  The lady's attire only reflects poorly on her, not on you.
I played for a wedding years ago where the FOG's new wife wore a white floor-length dress, with no underwear.  How do I know?  Well she was a brunette, and you could easily see through the white dress to San Francisco!  The look on the MOG's face was priceless!  I do hope she was in the wedding photos!  I'm sure they still talk about it!

manateehugger

gen148 said:

I'm very traditional when it comes to myself not wearing white when I'm a guest at a wedding - right down to my socks.

An anecdote:

A family member wears a white dress when she goes to weddings.  EVERY wedding.  My mother's in the 80s, my cousin in the 2000s.  I want to elope because of this, so she won't get a chance to wear white.  Maybe I'm overly picky; quite possible.  Here's the anecdote: at my cousin's wedding, the B&G couldn't find the marriage certificate, and the officiant said they had to go to another wedding, and please hurry up and sign it.  Finally discovered my family member was fanning herself with it!!  

I really hope you are just exaggerating. Surely by now everyone knows this relative is weird and tacky. Why don't you just not invite her?

Someone wore a white cocktail dress with gold accents to my wedding. It was stunning, and I asked her where she got it. Absolutely no one confused her for the bride - shocking, I know.

emmyg65

gen148 said:

I'm very traditional when it comes to myself not wearing white when I'm a guest at a wedding - right down to my socks.

An anecdote:

A family member wears a white dress when she goes to weddings.  EVERY wedding.  My mother's in the 80s, my cousin in the 2000s.  I want to elope because of this, so she won't get a chance to wear white.  Maybe I'm overly picky; quite possible.  Here's the anecdote: at my cousin's wedding, the B&G couldn't find the marriage certificate, and the officiant said they had to go to another wedding, and please hurry up and sign it.  Finally discovered my family member was fanning herself with it!!  

This is one of the more ridiculous things I've read on The Knot.

theartistformerlyknownas

Did all of your family members' marriages crumble immediately because this woman wore white? I doubt it. Just have a laugh about it - it's obviously already a family inside joke. Let her make a fool out of yourself and move along with your plans. Don't tell adults how to dress.

climbingsingle

I'm a person that totally side-eyes a guest wearing white. There are so many other colors to choose from! 

BUT eloping to avoid having a guest wear white? You can't be serious. 

gen148

No I'm not serious about eloping haha!  Just think it's ridiculous she thinks she has to outshine people.  She's an aunt.  Reading these made me laugh. 

AddieCake

How is wearing white "outshining" anyone? 

beethery

This was wild from start to finish. And very dramatic.


Though I would have serious WTFness over someone who was fucking off fanning themselves with the marriage certificate. Who does that???

manateehugger

beethery said:

This was wild from start to finish. And very dramatic.


Though I would have serious WTFness over someone who was fucking off fanning themselves with the marriage certificate. Who does that???

Yeah, I don't get how these even happens. Ours sat in a folder, we handed folder to pastor, never saw folder again. 

holyguacamole79

This aunt sounds klassy.  I wouldn't worry about her.  I'd even have fun with it ... make sure I get a picture with her!

mysticl

PDKH said:

beethery said:

This was wild from start to finish. And very dramatic.


Though I would have serious WTFness over someone who was fucking off fanning themselves with the marriage certificate. Who does that???

Yeah, I don't get how these even happens. Ours sat in a folder, we handed folder to pastor, never saw folder again. 

Ours was in the room where I got ready.  The minister didn't even touch it that day.  We went to his office on Monday and he filled it out.  

gen148

sarahbear31 said:

This aunt sounds klassy.  I wouldn't worry about her.  I'd even have fun with it ... make sure I get a picture with her!

Oh yeah, she is def klassy.  Oooh makes me think I should have her wear white (which she does by default, no prob) and then have her pose with us with the dang marriage certificate fanning herself for old time's sake.  Oh yes we still make fun of her.  She takes it rather well.

novella1186

Maybe she's one of those people who loves to dress for themes, like "oh it's Christmas, I need to have green pants and a red sweater. Oh it's a wedding, I need to wear white!" Sounds like she doesn't really understand that she's committing a faux pas. I say make sure you get a photo of it so you can remember how funny it was.

jenijoyk

  novella1186 said:

Maybe she's one of those people who loves to dress for themes, like "oh it's Christmas, I need to have green pants and a red sweater. Oh it's a wedding, I need to wear white!" Sounds like she doesn't really understand that she's committing a faux pas. I say make sure you get a photo of it so you can remember how funny it was.

This. My FMIL is super excited about the "light blush" dress she purchased for the wedding. Like suuuuuper excited about it. And then she showed me a photo of it. And it is straight up a floor length white gown. I went through a 5 minute "WTF why are you doing this to me" period, followed by a 2 day "this effects me in no way and really it's kind of funny" period... and now I'm in a slightly panicky "people are going to be side-eyeing her the entire wedding and she's not going to know why" period! I'm already dreading having to warn my own mother about it, so she's not taken aback and says something snarky...

climbingsingle

jenijoyk said:

  novella1186 said:

Maybe she's one of those people who loves to dress for themes, like "oh it's Christmas, I need to have green pants and a red sweater. Oh it's a wedding, I need to wear white!" Sounds like she doesn't really understand that she's committing a faux pas. I say make sure you get a photo of it so you can remember how funny it was.

This. My FMIL is super excited about the "light blush" dress she purchased for the wedding. Like suuuuuper excited about it. And then she showed me a photo of it. And it is straight up a floor length white gown. I went through a 5 minute "WTF why are you doing this to me" period, followed by a 2 day "this effects me in no way and really it's kind of funny" period... and now I'm in a slightly panicky "people are going to be side-eyeing her the entire wedding and she's not going to know why" period! I'm already dreading having to warn my own mother about it, so she's not taken aback and says something snarky...

Oh boy. You have to show us the dress now! 

jenijoyk

Haha. I have no idea how I'd find it. She just showed it to me on her phone and I have no clue where she purchased it. Just imagine... white... floor length... fitted top and flowy bottom.... you know.... everything. it. shouldn't. be. It makes me giggle right now just thinking about it. OH WELL!

jenijoyk

It's actually a very pretty. She will look lovely in it and she will be super happy, soooo, I just hope no one judges too harshly.

ShesSoCold

My teenage SIL wore one of those short dresses with the long overlay to our wedding. It was WHITE-white. Whiter than my dress. I didn't notice it until my sister pointed it out. And there were 35 people at my wedding. 

Yes it's poor taste but it's typically NBD. 

CMGragain

...as long as she wears underpants!

manateehugger

CMGragain said:

...as long as she wears underpants!

Careful what you wish for! For sorority rituals, we used to have a couple girls that would wear brightly colored thongs under their thin white dresses. 

We eventually had to make it a by-law that you wouldn't be allowed to participate if we could see your panties through your clothes.

xyentruocx

Oh my goodness, we did too! In our sorority on initiation day we had the new members wear all white while they went about their day (going to class, etc) so every semester we would have to be like "okay and just remember - BEIGE goes under white or, at the very least, white." And every semester there would be some girl who walked around all day in white pants and a zebra print thong and it's just like... why? lol

xyentruocx

jenijoyk said:

It's actually a very pretty. She will look lovely in it and she will be super happy, soooo, I just hope no one judges too harshly.

Perhaps in the photo it looks lighter than it actually is in real life? My FMIL just bought her dress and in the photo she showed me it looks like a very light periwinkle/grey color, but I guess in real life it's actually a kind of smokey grey. I don't think your FMIL would wear white, or anything too close to it - BUT you said she looks very pretty in it, so that's important too. Although I do understand your point about being worried that other guests might be like "what the heck" - especially if it's something that doesn't bother you.