Bridesmaid's Guest

dreamxx09

Thank you for the answers!

manateehugger

dreamxx09 said:

One of my bridesmaids, a friend of mine since I was 2, has broken up with her boyfriend of 5 months, twice in the past 2 months. He's been on an off about coming to our wedding ever since she invited him as her guest. They broke up last week again, but are starting as "friends" and are trying to "work things out". He originally said he wasn't going to come to the wedding and then she told him to think about it for a couple of days. He told her yesterday that he was going to come. I told her today that I would rather him not come to the wedding because of his uncertainty throughout this whole time. If he doesn't show up to the wedding (which I feel he would do after I've seen his indecisiveness and the way he treats her), she will be extremely upset and not have a good time. Obviously I want her to be happy the day of, so I don't want her to have to worry about whether he shows up or not. I've been waiting 10 years for this day and don't want it to be ruined because her ex-boyfriend didn't show up.

I should also mention that I already have to worry about my mother and my step-mother being in the same space together for the night. My mother has been ruining this whole experience as it is because she doesn't believe in marriage anymore after my parents got divorced. She actually refused to come to my bridal shower if my step-mother was invited. She ended up coming after much fighting with her and accommodating her by having my step-mother come for an hour and a half and my mother came for the last part of the shower. Please let me know what you all think about this. Thank you!!

1. Bridesmaid - if they are together when invitations go out, you must invite him. And I think you were out of line to say you'd rather he not come; it's not your job to determine the value or significance of relationships. You can't control her reaction to him at your wedding (she could even bring him and then they get into a fight), so I'd just try not to worry about it. She can't ruin your wedding unless she murders your FI the night before and you can't get married.
If she starts to get mopey, just blissfully avoid her. Ask someone to run interference if you need to. But bottom line - if they are together, they need to be invited together.

2. Your mother is ridiculous. I'd be telling her that if she can't manage to be civil to everyone and just avoid your father and his wife, she does not need to come. I would not invite someone so determined to be ridiculously uncivil.

MairePoppy

Let your bm work out her own issues with her bf. It's not fair for you to uninvited him to your wedding. If he stands her up, I hope she'll have the sense not to make this your problem.

If your mom threatens not to show at another wedding related event, tell her you'll miss her.

climbingsingle

It's up to your BM if she wants her boyfriend or whatever to attend. You've extended an invite to him. It would be wrong to uninvite him. And it's her relationship. Clearly she's choosing the situation. She needs to work this out on her own. 

Your mother is acting very childish. I'm sorry that she can't put her own issues aside and be happy for you.