Honeymoon Registry through Agent

edkeller33

Honey moon registry using an agent. Hopefully setting up dinners/day trips/ etc. Has anyone done this? If so how did it work? How did you let your guests know?

*This is an edited version of original post*

 

Liatris2010

edkeller33 said:

Hello,

This is my first post. My fiancé and I just got engaged and are beginning our plans. A little about us: we've lived together for two years and just bought a home. We will not be getting married until Sept. 2015. Because of this, we've decided to request people help pay for our honeymoon. Here's a little info about the registry:

·       Through a travel agent

·       Guest can call/e-mail agent and purchase a gift certificate that can get sent to them or us

MY QUESTION: how should we TASTEFULLY tell people this is what we want/how we're registered? Has anyone else used this method? How did it work for you? I don't want to end up with 4 things of Tupperware lol.

Thanks

 

Honeymoon registries are generally considered tacky because people are misled, thinking they are buying a whale-watching tour, when in reality the couple gets a check, with which they may or may not spend on watching whales. Do you get what the people think they are buying, or do you just get a check? If you just get a check, skip the registry. When people ask where you are registered you reply, "We didn't register, but we are saving for our honeymoon." This is a polite way to convey that you prefer cash. Registry information should never be included in wedding invitations, posted on facebook, or generally announced because it looks (and is) gift-grabby.

Jells2dot0

The only semi-acceptable form of a honeymoon registry direct with a travel agent is if the guest can call the agent, purchase an upgrade to a room, dinner on the beach, or excursion and then you actually have those items as a part of your package. You then use those items on your trip. Otherwise, you are just asking for money and asking for money is against proper etiquette. It is rude, presumptuous, and may offend some of your guests. Plus, why should someone pay for your vacation when they themselves may not be able to afford one for their family?

As someone who lived with my DH for 6 years prior to getting married, and had owned homes for much, much longer, I recommend just forgoing any type of registry and having close friends or family pass via word of mouth that you are not registered because you are saving up for your honeymoon.

edkeller33

Thank you for the replies. I know LOTS of people who are going this route. The way the travel agent will set-up our registry is guest purchase gift certificates (not a check or just cash). That way we have to use it for the honeymoon--that's why this is okay in my opinion. I also know most people say where they are registered on their invites or wedding website because people are going to ask. They don't have to get anything but if they do it lets them know what you'd like. Again, this is just my opinion. I don't want to offend anyone but this is the route we've decided to go.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

climbingsingle

There's no way to tastefully ask your guests to fund your honeymoon. Sorry. 

MNVegas

Sorry but there is no tasteful, classy, cute or proper way to ask for money. Asking for money even disguised as a HM registry is inappropriate. Either don't register or do only a small registry. Your guest will get the hint that cash is appreciated. If someone asks you directly, you can say you are not registered/registered or store xyz but also saving for a HM. 

As others have said no registry information should be included with wedding invitations. This may be the way you want to do things but it is inappropriate and the majority of posters here will not condone doing something rude. Sorry

Jells2dot0

edkeller33 said:

Thank you for the replies. I know LOTS of people who are going this route. The way the travel agent will set-up our registry is guest purchase gift certificates (not a check or just cash). That way we have to use it for the honeymoon--that's why this is okay in my opinion. I also know most people say where they are registered on their invites or wedding website because people are going to ask. They don't have to get anything but if they do it lets them know what you'd like. Again, this is just my opinion. I don't want to offend anyone but this is the route we've decided to go.

A gift card = cash. 

I was once a part of a wedding where the bridesmaids all chipped in to buy the couple a romantic dinner on the beach through their travel agent. The MOH called the agent, asked the agent the price, the agent added the dinner to the booking, and the MOH paid the agent the cost to be applied to the package. When the bride and groom got their travel documents, they saw the dinner on their itinerary. So, it was an actual item purchased directly with the agent rather than gift card. It as more meaningful to the couple for sure.

I'm sure your agent can do something similar. Create a list of items you might like, along with prices, with your agent. You could even list these choices on your website along with the agent's contact info. As people call or e-mail the agent, the agent can book the items and cross them off of the list.

edkeller33

I've read several other posts about the topic and a lot more people are open to the idea. I think it depends on your friends and family. But thank you for your feedback.

Jells2dot0

These posts must not have been on The Knot forums! The regular posters on here are very in tune with traditional wedding etiquette and give honest, yet blunt, advice to avoid any potential snafus with guests. While your marriage is about you and your SO, making sure your guests are treated and hosted properly is extremely important. Honeymoon registries tend to be those items that fall into the "know your crowd" category. However, it's always best to err on the side of caution to avoid offending those around you. 

climbingsingle

edkeller33 said:

I've read several other posts about the topic and a lot more people are open to the idea. I think it depends on your friends and family. But thank you for your feedback.

It has nothing to do with friends and family. You will find that the majority of people here (with sense and that understand etiquette) find them extremely tacky. You should be able to fund your own honeymoon without begging your guests for money. 

manateehugger

edkeller33 said:

I've read several other posts about the topic and a lot more people are open to the idea. I think it depends on your friends and family. But thank you for your feedback.

STUCK
I think this is because the way these kinds of registries work is highly deceptive, so people don't understand that they are losing money and basically writing a check. 

And I'm sure there are tons of vendors and brides who are ok with it, because honeymoon registries line their pockets. 

Liatris2010

edkeller33 said:

I've read several other posts about the topic and a lot more people are open to the idea. I think it depends on your friends and family. But thank you for your feedback.

  Yes, a lot of people are open to the ideas of foul language, spitting, and chewing with an open mouth. Just because a lot of people do it doesn't mean it is polite.

Asking for money is rude, and as you have your registry set up, you are asking for money. Several of your guests may not care. But some might, and why risk offending them? You can get what you want, cash gifts, by forgoing the registry altogether. This saves you the embarrassment of asking for money, but still conveys your gift preference. Why would you go the route that risks offense when there is another, safer way to get to the exact same outcome?

AddieCake

The only way to know who is open to the idea is to ask every single one of your guests. Personally, I'd rather not do that or risk anyone thinking I was tacky and asking them for money. So I would nix the honeymoon registry and save myself the work or potential embarrassment.

WinstonsGirl

I'm going to a wedding where they've done something similar.  To their face, I would say "That makes sense, you guys have had a home for years now".  They're also getting a boxed gift from me.  They will have no idea how tacky and rude I find asking for money, cos I don't want to be the one who tells them their idea is rude, unless they ask me if I think it's rude.  Please don't assume that everyone is ok with this just cos lots of other people do them.   

mysticl

Here's another point of view. What if something goes wrong and you don't get married? Is there a way for your guests to get a full refund? I tend to give gifts at the wedding or send them after because I have been invited to more than one wedding that didn't happen. Another thing is some people just like to give actual gifts (my step-father thinks giving money is crass) so you could still end up with those 4 things of tupperware. Plus a lot of people are last minute shoppers so you may not get enough money to actually book the trip, will you be able to cover the costs on your own or will the things that were purchased just go to waste and never get used?

edkeller33

The posts I've been reading ARE on TheKnot. I'm not concerned with what people I don't know think is "tacky or rude". In all honesty, this post was more so directed at people that have gone this route and asking their advice on how to do it.

As a side note, we can and will be going on our honeymoon with or without help from others. If we all went by "tradition" and who does what--The parents would still be paying for everything--as this is a new day in age, I think some "rules" can be changed. This is a celebration of us. We are have a very small wedding (50 people) close family and friends.

So please, let me know if you HAVE done this and how you informed your guests, etc. I don't need people's opinions on if I should, because that's not what I'm asking. Again, not trying to offend, but I don't think someone should keep being told how wrong they are when they didn't ask for that kind of feedback.

manateehugger

edkeller33 said:

The posts I've been reading ARE on TheKnot. I'm not concerned with what people I don't know think is "tacky or rude". In all honesty, this post was more so directed at people that have gone this route and asking their advice on how to do it.

As a side note, we can and will be going on our honeymoon with or without help from others. If we all went by "tradition" and who does what--The parents would still be paying for everything--as this is a new day in age, I think some "rules" can be changed. This is a celebration of us. We are have a very small wedding (50 people) close family and friends.

So please, let me know if you HAVE done this and how you informed your guests, etc. I don't need people's opinions on if I should, because that's not what I'm asking. Again, not trying to offend, but I don't think someone should keep being told how wrong they are when they didn't ask for that kind of feedback.

The Knot's articles which are designed to make the wedding industry vendors money? Yeah, no kidding that they are yay honeymoon registries.

You can't tell people how to post, and I'd be embarrassed for anyone who did have a honeymoon registry to tell you the best way to deceive your guests out of money (and yourself given those pesky fees). 

Tradition is not etiquette. Traditions are custom that are passed through generations, which may or may not be offensive or outdated. Etiquette is a set of rules designed to help people treat others with courtesy and consideration - courtesy is never outdated. Not the same. 

Liatris2010

edkeller33 said:

The posts I've been reading ARE on TheKnot. I'm not concerned with what people I don't know think is "tacky or rude". In all honesty, this post was more so directed at people that have gone this route and asking their advice on how to do it.

As a side note, we can and will be going on our honeymoon with or without help from others. If we all went by "tradition" and who does what--The parents would still be paying for everything--as this is a new day in age, I think some "rules" can be changed. This is a celebration of us. We are have a very small wedding (50 people) close family and friends.

So please, let me know if you HAVE done this and how you informed your guests, etc. I don't need people's opinions on if I should, because that's not what I'm asking. Again, not trying to offend, but I don't think someone should keep being told how wrong they are when they didn't ask for that kind of feedback.

You asked how to do this tactfully. There is no way to ask for money tactfully. Yes, things change, often for the better, but whether or not it is okay to solicit people for money is not on that list of things. The best way to convey that you prefer cash to boxed gifts is to skip creating a registry, and when asked about where you've registered, reply, "We didn't register, but are saving for our honeymoon."

Can you please explain to me why you find this so inconvenient that you are willing to risk offending your guests? What is the benefit of having checks made out to your travel agent instead of to you? If anything, it limits what you can spend the money on. It's like choosing a gift card over cash. Why??

edkeller33

There are no fees for our registry because it's not a website it's through an agent. Once again, I'm asking for help not judgement.

manateehugger

edkeller33 said:

There are no fees for our registry because it's not a website it's through an agent. Once again, I'm asking for help not judgement.

Look, this is like when my best friend comes to me asking the best way to ask out I guy I know is a douchebag. I'm not going to give her advice, I'm going to tell her the guy is a douchebag and she shouldn't even consider it. 

The honeymoon registry is the douchebag here. 

Liatris2010

edkeller33 said:

There are no fees for our registry because it's not a website it's through an agent. Once again, I'm asking for help not judgement.

I didn't mention fees, but thanks for clearing that up I guess. I am helping you by trying to prevent you from embarrassing yourself and offending your guests. I have not passed any judgement on you. I am sure you're lovely. That being said, there is no way for you to do what you want tactfully, so the most helpful thing I can do is offer a socially acceptable alternative.

Why are you so set on having the checks sent to the travel agent and not to you? Aside from the etiquette issue it is the only difference between what you want and what we are suggesting, so I don't understand your resistance. You get money either way, and our way avoids offending people and will probably get you more. As WinstonsGirl alluded to in her post, people who are offended may go out of their way to give a boxed gift in response to a rude request.

edkeller33

Thank you for your feedback. I don't agree but thank you anyway.

Liatris2010

edkeller33 said:

Thank you for your feedback. I don't agree but thank you anyway.

You're welcome. While we are on the subject of etiquette, deleting your post on an internet forum is rude, and changing the title to "delete" is a giant bat signal for people looking for drama, so expect a big influx of people.

It's fine if you don't agree with me, but your inability to articulate why you think your honeymoon registry is better than not registering leaves me entirely unconvinced of your viewpoint. If you can't identify a reason for doing something, maybe you should reconsider doing it.

mysticl

edkeller33 said:

Couldn't figure out how to delete post--so this is how I'm doing it.

 

That's because you can't delete it. And since people quoted you overwriting your original post didn't make it go away.  Everyone can still see what you wrote.  

edkeller33

I didn't say that I couldn't articulate my point. I simply do not wish to explain myself to people on the internet. I was hoping to connect with other brides who had done something similar, not have other people give their opinion.

I didn't say that may way was better, simply that it is the decision my fiance and I have decided to go with. I would like my friends and family to contribute to a meaningful experience for Sean and I. Our honeymoon will actually be our first major vacation together. So again, I have my reasons for wanting to do it this way--I just didn't think I need to explain myself to people I don't know.

My goal here was not to persuade people to do a honeymoon registry--so you changing your veiwpoint does not matter. I was hoping to find help not be told what I was doing needed to change.

And the "delete" was because I was hoping a moderator on the cite would see it and be kind enough to delete it for me because the only option I could find was "edit". I realized I wasn't going to get the feedback I requested and didn't see the point in getting 10 more replies with people telling me I shouldn't do it, when I've clearly stated I am.

manateehugger

edkeller33 said:

I didn't say that I couldn't articulate my point. I simply do not wish to explain myself to people on the internet. I was hoping to connect with other brides who had done something similar, not have other people give their opinion.

I didn't say that may way was better, simply that it is the decision my fiance and I have decided to go with. I would like my friends and family to contribute to a meaningful experience for Sean and I. Our honeymoon will actually be our first major vacation together. So again, I have my reasons for wanting to do it this way--I just didn't think I need to explain myself to people I don't know.

My goal here was not to persuade people to do a honeymoon registry--so you changing your veiwpoint does not matter. I was hoping to find help not be told what I was doing needed to change.

And the "delete" was because I was hoping a moderator on the cite would see it and be kind enough to delete it for me because the only option I could find was "edit". I realized I wasn't going to get the feedback I requested and didn't see the point in getting 10 more replies with people telling me I shouldn't do it, when I've clearly stated I am.

Hint: When random strangers who don't care about the specifics and relationships of your life say, "Hey, this sounds like a bad idea and may offend people," it's usually a bad idea. And The Knot doesn't delete posts because you didn't get the responses you didn't want. 

And with that, puppies!

Liatris2010

edkeller33 said:

I didn't say that I couldn't articulate my point. I simply do not wish to explain myself to people on the internet. I was hoping to connect with other brides who had done something similar, not have other people give their opinion.

I didn't say that may way was better, simply that it is the decision my fiance and I have decided to go with. I would like my friends and family to contribute to a meaningful experience for Sean and I. Our honeymoon will actually be our first major vacation together. So again, I have my reasons for wanting to do it this way--I just didn't think I need to explain myself to people I don't know.

My goal here was not to persuade people to do a honeymoon registry--so you changing your veiwpoint does not matter. I was hoping to find help not be told what I was doing needed to change.

And the "delete" was because I was hoping a moderator on the cite would see it and be kind enough to delete it for me because the only option I could find was "edit". I realized I wasn't going to get the feedback I requested and didn't see the point in getting 10 more replies with people telling me I shouldn't do it, when I've clearly stated I am.

Which is exactly what will happen if people address checks to you and not your travel agent. A polite alternative would be what

Jells2dot0 said:

I was once a part of a wedding where the bridesmaids all chipped in to buy the couple a romantic dinner on the beach through their travel agent. The MOH called the agent, asked the agent the price, the agent added the dinner to the booking, and the MOH paid the agent the cost to be applied to the package. When the bride and groom got their travel documents, they saw the dinner on their itinerary. So, it was an actual item purchased directly with the agent rather than gift card. It as more meaningful to the couple for sure.

I'm sure your agent can do something similar. Create a list of items you might like, along with prices, with your agent. You could even list these choices on your website along with the agent's contact info. As people call or e-mail the agent, the agent can book the items and cross them off of the list.

Maggie0829

edkeller33 said:

I didn't say that I couldn't articulate my point. I simply do not wish to explain myself to people on the internet. I was hoping to connect with other brides who had done something similar, not have other people give their opinion.

I didn't say that may way was better, simply that it is the decision my fiance and I have decided to go with. I would like my friends and family to contribute to a meaningful experience for Sean and I. Our honeymoon will actually be our first major vacation together. So again, I have my reasons for wanting to do it this way--I just didn't think I need to explain myself to people I don't know.

My goal here was not to persuade people to do a honeymoon registry--so you changing your veiwpoint does not matter. I was hoping to find help not be told what I was doing needed to change.

And the "delete" was because I was hoping a moderator on the cite would see it and be kind enough to delete it for me because the only option I could find was "edit". I realized I wasn't going to get the feedback I requested and didn't see the point in getting 10 more replies with people telling me I shouldn't do it, when I've clearly stated I am.

Actually @Jells2dot0 gave you great advice on how to still set something up where guests could purchase things for your HM and where you actually get what they are purchasing not a gift card which is essentially money.

I know that if I were to buy a nice romantic dinner through a travel agent and knew that it was added to your itinerary and the dinner was reserved then I would be all about buying it for you.  But if I bought you a dinner and all you got was a gift card, then why go through the hassle of going through the travel agent when I can easily write you a check or give you cash with a note saying "hey use this on your HM for a nice dinner."

mysticl

Here's the thing you asked how to tastefully ask people to contribute to your honeymoon registry. People are telling you that a honeymoon registry is not tasteful. Therefore there is no way to tastefully ask people to contribute to it because the entire thing is distasteful.

holyguacamole79

edkeller33 said:

There are no fees for our registry because it's not a website it's through an agent. Once again, I'm asking for help not judgement.

Sorry, you get what you get.  Also, I rarely come on the Honeymoon board, but when I saw 'Deleted Post', I had to come and see.  I would not have come to your post had it not been for you changing the title.  Congrats.

ETA:  By the way, I agree with the PP who said earlier that this is how the conversation should go.
Wedding guest:  "Where are you registered?"
You:  "We already have our house furnished, so we don't have a registry.  We are currently saving up for our honeymoon."

If I were the guest, I would have understood completely and would give you a check or some cash for you to use on your honeymoon.

sophhabobopha