Uninvited Guests

southerngirl2011

I'm full of questions today!

Has anyone had to deal with uninvited guests being turned away at the reception? I am only formally (to include by mouth and in writing) inviting those who are invited to my reception to the ceremony. However, the church will announce our ceremony to the congregation/members. Also as a 25 year old, most people my age don't know nor abide by proper wedding etiquette. Its impossible keep all ceremony details (time, location) just between us and the invitees (people just talk to much nowadays). What do you do when people just show up? More specifically when they assume they are welcomed at the reception?

Also, how do you deal with those who don't RSVP? Fill the spot with others or reallocate the funds?

I'm trying my best to stay within proper etiquette. I've come to the realization that the truth of the matter is, either people will feel slighted or just won't abide by proper etiquette themselves (my younger acquaintances) but I want to make sure that I am not in the wrong about anything. 

holyguacamole79

southerngirl2011 said:

I'm full of questions today!

Has anyone had to deal with uninvited guests being turned away at the reception? I am only formally (to include by mouth and in writing) inviting those who are invited to my reception to the ceremony. However, the church will announce our ceremony to the congregation/members. Also as a 25 year old, most people my age don't know nor abide by proper wedding etiquette. Its impossible keep all ceremony details (time, location) just between us and the invitees (people just talk to much nowadays). What do you do when people just show up? More specifically when they assume they are welcomed at the reception?

Is your reception at the church, or is it at another venue?  If it's at another venue, then I would refrain from having directions printed out and available at the ceremony.  Nobody just "showed up" to our reception (although we did have a couple who brought their kids after they had RSVPed for just them). 

Are you planning to have escort cards?  That might be the safest way to go that doesn't look like you're screening people.  If Jane Smith shows up and there isn't an escort card for her, that would be a hint that she was not invited.  And likely it will be a hint to your venue staff that she wasn't invited.

Also, how do you deal with those who don't RSVP? Fill the spot with others or reallocate the funds?

Definitely don't fill in the spot with others; that is rude.  I just reallocated the funds.   

I'm trying my best to stay within proper etiquette. I've come to the realization that the truth of the matter is, either people will feel slighted or just won't abide by proper etiquette themselves (my younger acquaintances) but I want to make sure that I am not in the wrong about anything. 

I think you're doing great by asking these questions!  Stick around!

mysticl

southerngirl2011 said:

I'm full of questions today!

Has anyone had to deal with uninvited guests being turned away at the reception? I am only formally (to include by mouth and in writing) inviting those who are invited to my reception to the ceremony. However, the church will announce our ceremony to the congregation/members. Also as a 25 year old, most people my age don't know nor abide by proper wedding etiquette. Its impossible keep all ceremony details (time, location) just between us and the invitees (people just talk to much nowadays). What do you do when people just show up? More specifically when they assume they are welcomed at the reception?

Also, how do you deal with those who don't RSVP? Fill the spot with others or reallocate the funds?

I'm trying my best to stay within proper etiquette. I've come to the realization that the truth of the matter is, either people will feel slighted or just won't abide by proper etiquette themselves (my younger acquaintances) but I want to make sure that I am not in the wrong about anything. 

First call, text, e-mail, Facebook them (whatever works) to find out if they are attending. Some people just forget to send in the card.  If they are a "no" or don't respond then you find something else to do with the money.  

atlastmrsg

About the church announcing it--how? If it's a newsletter or something like that, simply ask them not to.

As for turning people away--this is why you hire a DOC--so s/he can deal with it and you can be happily oblivious to the problems.

theartistformerlyknownas

It's pretty common for a church to announce the ceremony to the congregation, because technically weddings taking place in a church are open to the public. You may have people who show up to witness your ceremony and give well-wishes -- this is OK. They SHOULD understand that they're only welcome for the public portion. Don't put directions to the reception at the church, or announce anything like "we'll see you all at the reception." The invited guests will know what to do.

Jen4948

Even at the church, an invited guest might inadvertently give a ride to the reception to someone whom they don't realize is an uninvited guest. Just something a host or DOC has to be on the lookout for.

southerngirl2011

Thanks ladies!