Wedding 911

Bringing a Plus One we know but didn't invite?

So my FI and I met at work and have a number of mutual friends.  However, we decided only to invite those we felt closest too rather than feeling like we had to finance a work reunion (we've all transferred since meeting).  So, we sent out of invites and gave every single person a plus one.  I know that I cannot in any way dictate who brings who, however, I had a question from one of my guests that puts me in a super awkward position.

He asked me if he could bring one of our friends from work that we did not send an invite to as his plus one.  She had mentioned really wanting to go and I suppose was expecting to receive her invite in the mail.  I don't dislike her, but to control my guest list she didn't make the cut (I do not have a B-List).  We have the room (especially since we budgeted for the plus ones) but I can only imagine how she would feel knowing she didn't get invited but was being asked to go as a plus one.  I would feel so awkward in her shoes.

In hindsight, I probably should have made the room and invited her, but it's too late for that now.  I do not want to tell my friend not to bring her...even though he's given me the out by asking me first.  I want to do the right thing for everyone but have no idea what to do.  Help!

Re: Bringing a Plus One we know but didn't invite?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I think you are over thinking this.  Like you said, you can't dictate who brings who as their plus one so just tell your friend "bring whoever you want!' and move on.

    mysticllyndausvi
  • So my FI and I met at work and have a number of mutual friends.  However, we decided only to invite those we felt closest too rather than feeling like we had to finance a work reunion (we've all transferred since meeting).  So, we sent out of invites and gave every single person a plus one.  I know that I cannot in any way dictate who brings who, however, I had a question from one of my guests that puts me in a super awkward position.

    He asked me if he could bring one of our friends from work that we did not send an invite to as his plus one.  She had mentioned really wanting to go and I suppose was expecting to receive her invite in the mail.  I don't dislike her, but to control my guest list she didn't make the cut (I do not have a B-List).  We have the room (especially since we budgeted for the plus ones) but I can only imagine how she would feel knowing she didn't get invited but was being asked to go as a plus one.  I would feel so awkward in her shoes.

    In hindsight, I probably should have made the room and invited her, but it's too late for that now.  I do not want to tell my friend not to bring her...even though he's given me the out by asking me first.  I want to do the right thing for everyone but have no idea what to do.  Help!

    Either way she will know that you didn't invite her. If she feels awkward attending under those circumstances she will decline the invitation to be a plus one.    
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    bahamabride2015
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    It would be DOUBLY awkward if you said not to bring her.  Chances are, word would get back to her that someone considered bringing her as a guest and you said no.

    Anniversary
    jules3964
  • I'm in the "overthinking" camp.  If I were this person, I'd think, "Cool!  I understand I wasn't close enough to the couple to get my own invitation, but I'm glad I can still celebrate with them as someone's guest."

    In fact, I almost was "this girl". In college, one of my sorority sisters was getting married, but I wasn't invited to the wedding.  We weren't that close and it wasn't like I was the only "sister" not invited, so NBD.  However, my b/f was invited with a plus one...hmmm, now that I think about it, that was pretty rude, lol...so I was going to go with him.  Anyhoo, we broke up a few weeks before the wedding anyway, so I didn't go.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I think you are over thinking this.  Like you said, you can't dictate who brings who as their plus one so just tell your friend "bring whoever you want!' and move on.
    This a million times.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I've been this girl before and it wasn't awkward for me at all! I was kind of a fringe friend in this group of people in college and I was very close with one of the guys who was more in the group. I actually agreed to be his date as a back up if his planned plus one bailed (he has an unfortunate trend of girls he's seeing moving after agreeing to attend weddings with him). The girl did bail and I went with him (I had actually been seeing FI for a couple months but felt obligated since I'd promised) as a friend. I was worried the bride would feel awkward or like she needed to justify not inviting me. But she simply said, "Oh, I'm so glad you're here!" and that was that. 

    I think most people have a pretty reasonable view of how close they are to the couple and understand that you have to cut things off somewhere on the guest list.
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    adk19
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