Confessions/UO/II

GoldenPenguin

es14bw said:

GoldenPenguin said:

II: I get all of the "E" names on here confused. EisleyGoJo, es14bw, eilis#'s - I have to really concentrate to figure out which of you is which most of the time. Sorry. 

SITB : I can change mine to just Joy*** something if that would help. lol

I mean, I like all of you, so at least I'm not confusing good people with bad people? If I was confusing you with a bubbles-ish poster, that would be one thing, but you guys are all cool

Although if you REALLY want to change  your name to help, I won't say no. 

lmcooper86

@TwoDimes and @jenna8984 - FI has lost weight since he and I started dating, but really should lose some more. This is not to do with his attractiveness (hello, started dating when he was heavier), but with his health. He has some health problems anyways, and the last thing he needs is to have additional health problems coming from his weight. He says he wants to lose some weight before the wedding...but doesn't want to start trying to until the fall. I actually said "what's wrong with starting right now?" I mean really, if you WANT to do it then why are you waiting?

That clearly turned into an II post.

ETA @Blue & White - Okay fair enough. I mean, I KNOW that if we go with a new build we'll have a long closing...totally understandable. I'm just tired of paying rent; if I'm going to give away lots of my money I would rather it be going into a mortgage.

Blue & White

@lmcooper86 oh I totally understand hating paying rent   I just want to remind you that house closings aren't typically instantaneous processes either!  I obviously want you to be a homeowner so we can talk about all the wonderful things homeowners do like...wait for the carpet cleaners to come

lavenderfields13

To everyone that mentioned second guessing having kids- I'm so glad there are a lot of people that feel the same way I do.

I always thought I'd have kids and like @cu97tiger said I think it has to do with our cultural- what would I do if I didn't have kids? Would I regret it? People are going to forever ask "when are you having kids?", my FMIL is dying for a grandbaby..

but now that I'm almost at the point in my life where it's expected that we start having kids..I just cannot stop wondering if I really want my life to change FOREVER. No more doing things on a whim, leaving the house without getting someone else ready first, no more running into the store really quick..all the little things. Some days I can't imagine not having kids and some days I'm like I want to be able to whatever I want whenever I want!

joy14bw

GoldenPenguin said:

es14bw said:

GoldenPenguin said:

II: I get all of the "E" names on here confused. EisleyGoJo, es14bw, eilis#'s - I have to really concentrate to figure out which of you is which most of the time. Sorry. 

SITB : I can change mine to just Joy*** something if that would help. lol

I mean, I like all of you, so at least I'm not confusing good people with bad people? If I was confusing you with a bubbles-ish poster, that would be one thing, but you guys are all cool

Although if you REALLY want to change  your name to help, I won't say no.


SITB AGAIN!! - ok I think thats simple enough while still staying somewhat with my old SN.

minskat30

@lavenderfields13 - Exactly. I don't think it helps if you are in a sandwich generation (not sure how old you are). I've cared for two elderly/sick people (grandmother and dad). H's mom is in her 70s and not in the best health, my mom is in her 60s and healthy (knock on wood)...I think about that all the time when I think about raising kids. Its hard enough to care for your parents as they age...adding a kid seems like so much work. Then again, I've always wanted to be a mom and LOVE kids.

[Deleted User]

@LivLeighton - Periods always make me put on 2-4 pounts of just water weight. Keep that in mind! It might not even be from the food!

On the topic of kids -

Confession, and I mean CONFESSION: I had a miscarriage in college. Never went to the doctor, though. I got insanely depressed for a while, not because I lost a baby, but because I realized that it would have been the worst thing in the world having a baby with the man I was dating. He was a terrible BF, would have been a terrible father at the time, and I couldn't believe I was so stupid to be with someone I disrespected so much. . Yet I stayed with him for another year after that.

You are now the only people who know that. Holy hell, it kind of feels great to tell someone! But basically, since then, I am more than willing to wait to get preggo. BF and I agreed that we'll both be 30 before trying. It's awesome knowing I can relax for a while.

II: BF doesn't have a picture of me on his work desk because he doesn't want to look "settled in". I still feel like he should want to at least have one picture around.

bethsmiles

Confession: I've also had the thoughts of well what if we don't have kids. It's a lot of responsibility to have a kid, it's huge financial commitment, and it's life changing. But BF and I are still 4-5 years away from having kids and we do really want them and we're absolutely open to adoption if we can't have our own so I don't think we'll change our minds about having them. However, those thoughts definitely make me not want a lot of them! 3 would be our absolute tops and 2 would be ideal. Sometimes I think having 5+ would be fun but I know I could never handle that many kids!

lmcooper86

@EisleyJoGo - That just breaks my heart. I want to hug you.

On another note, could you just conveniently happen to sneak a picture into your BF's work bag or something? Then he HAS to take it to work!

@Blue & White - I want to talk about wonderful home owner things too! Like throwing away my shitty couch and arguing with the builder to please not bother putting down carpet because we would just rip it up!

[Deleted User]

@lmcooper86 - Ack! I was just thinking "Oh god, that's way too freaking morbid. I'm gonna go delete that part." But now you commented, and you having a broken heart about him not having a picture of me doesn't make as much sense, haha. So thanks a lot. :P No hugs needed. I'm a damn happy person anyways, and having it off my chest is kind of incredible.

ETA: He has no work bag If I had a small one I could sneak it into his wallet, I guess.

Ollie08

Confession: I avoid posts if there are too many responses already because I hate being so late to the thread. I usually check TK several times a day, but usually only respond to the ones with just a few responses. I'm too lazy to read through all of them. 

Confession: I love having kids, and while it was a struggle (and still is) to raise them, it is probably one of the best things that have ever happened for me. I'm also really looking forward to the girls being grown and in college when I'm only 40. At least I should still be able to enjoy my (hopefully) more affluent years. 

Confession: I also have a hard time with some of the newbs, but also some of the newer regs. I get everyone confused and it's hard to remember who's who. 

cu97tiger

I need to catch up on all the posts, but I thought of another one: UO: I cannot stand the term Babymoon. Blech.

cu97tiger

minskat30 said:

@cu97tiger - I can only imagine the turmoil the whole situation has caused.  Huge hugs. I think people take getting pregnant for granted a lot of times and just get pregnant because society demands it.  I don't know the right words of comfort but I'm sorry for the stress this has caused you.  

I've never shared this before but H doesn't really want kids but knew it was a deal breaker to me very early on in our relationship (like the second date).  He's come around to the idea a little (and honestly, I think he'd be a better dad than I would be a mom sometimes) but isn't really "into it" which is making me second guess myself and if kids are right for us.  I see how he is with our dog and I think he'd be a steller dad but his feelings of uncertainty have crept into me.  I've always wanted to be a mom but as I get older I'm starting to have many of the same thoughts you are @cu97tiger ... about freedom, finances, etc. Major confession? I haven't shared those feelings with H or anyone because I feel like H would pounce on them and kids would be off the table entirely.  I feel like I need to wrap my head around what I want first because I made it a deal breaker in the beginning.  H's mom doesn't help because every time we talk to her she asks when we are going to give her a grandbaby...I hate to say it but I avoid the IPad when H is talking to her now so I don't have to talk about it. 

This. So much this. But I'm a bit of a scatterbrain. A couple times recently I've left our doors unlocked. Sometimes I forget to turn the radio on for the dogs, or the fan! If something isn't a part of my routine, it can be easily forgotten (or make me do part of my routine out of order? Oh shit). So I worry that I would have this poor child that wouldn't get fed enough, or laundry that would sit in the washing machine for three days, or some other ridiculous thing. Maybe I'm just cut out to 'mother' adults instead of mothering actual children.

LivLeighton said:

Confession: I had gotten back on the wagon and lost a few pounds this week. Yesterday wasn't a stellar eating day, but nothing TOO horrible, and also I got a legit period for the first time in ever. I'm up 2.8 lbs overnight. Rather than that making me be determined and wanting to eat awesome and go to the gym, it makes me feel defeated and like I want to eat ALL THE THINGS. This is how I sabotage my efforts. 

Confession: I pretty much have no desire to follow through on any plans I make. Things sound fun at the beginning and then by the time whatever it is gets there, I sort of feel like I would way rather take a nap. I know that part of it is that I've been feeling really shitty lately so EVERYTHING feels like a chore, but I wish I could honestly just cancel all my plans and not have people be upset with me.

Confession: Dating is a chore. I don't want to do it. 

Confession: I'm starting to SUPER stress about money. I've been down to two jobs for a month and a week, and I'm already realizing that I need a new second job ASAP/STAT for me to just be able to live. It's terrifying. 

Granted, I know very little about depression, but that's the first word that popped into my mind.

jenna8984 said:

@southernpeach89 I guess I might fall into your unknown people category. I got engaged last October and have been hanging out on Chit Chat since then. I never thought to look in this section until like 2 weeks ago when I got really bored at work and saw some really cool threads over here. So I've been posting but Confession- I feel out of the "clique" that you all share since you've been talking to each other for what appears to be years and half of you seem to know each other in the real world. But I'm fun, I wanna sit with you guys too 

@cu97tiger We go through those feelings a lot. We are not TTC yet so we have no idea if we will have problems or not but we often contemplate what our lives would be like if we chose not to, and being able to spend our money freely and travel freely. Just yesterday, we got up at 5:30am together and went to the town lake and went swimming before work. Not another soul was around and he turned to me and said "it's moments like this, that make me question having children". I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about by feeling that way, but I wish you the best of luck in your efforts!

Confession- I don't think my niece is very cute. She's only 6 months old. My nephew has a different mother (ex sister in law) and I think he's 100 times cuter.

II- When my friends across the country don't take my time zone into consideration and text me at 1am. I always think about their time before I text them.

I assume that if people are within hearing-distance of their phones, that they have the notifications turned off or they don't mind if it goes off. I mean, I get email notifications at 4am every day (thanks Hotmail!). But I turn my sound off so that I can't hear them.

Blue & White

@cu97tiger I had never heard of baby moons until watching The Fosters. Apparently I am out of the loop.

I just don't want to give up my life to raise kiddos. I know they will add to my life but there are still some things I've gotta do first. Like oh, go on our honeymoon. Which is gonna likely be an anniversary trip instead. Oh and try not to get eaten by the snake in the front yard

eilis1228

Ahhh this turned into a super active thread, and I'm all behind and stuff  

RE: second guessing kids

FI and I do this all the time. While I know we would be great parents one day, it's so hard to think about not having down time, extra money, etc. We can do what we want when we want, and it's wonderful. We don't even have a pet! It's super selfish, but we both aren't quite ready to part with this lifestyle just yet. I can tell my bio clock is starting to tick though because babies and puppies make me go crazy. I can't gush over them enough. It's ridiculous. 

I'd also like to add that we have friends who are stellar parents and friends who are not so great at parenting. The friends with the troubled marriage and not-so-awesome parenting skills scare the bejeesus out of us. We do NOT want to be like them, which I know sounds horrible, but yeah... seeing how their lives have unfolded has been some of the best birth control/pet control in the world.

RE: e names

LOL sorry 'bout that... especially because I changed to an e name from a w name... oops. 

ETA: I guess I could actually contribute to this thread too.

II: I DON'T WANT TO WORK OR FOLLOW MY DIET ALL TODAY! Yes, it's worthy of all caps. I just want to be on vacation already and not deal with stupid stuff. Plus it's Friday, so I mean... who actually works on Friday? The struggle is real, y'all.

II: We're going on a beach vacation... beach = swimsuits. Swimsuits = diet. Diet and vacation do not mix. 

II: People who don't read. I don't mean books, I mean things like signs and articles. I work with librarians. WHY THEY NO READ GOOD?! They keep asking me dumb questions that could be avoided if they actually read... I encountered this a lot in retail as well. I'm sure @Blue can sympathize. 

cu97tiger

eilis1228 said:

Ahhh this turned into a super active thread, and I'm all behind and stuff  

RE: second guessing kids

FI and I do this all the time. While I know we would be great parents one day, it's so hard to think about not having down time, extra money, etc. We can do what we want when we want, and it's wonderful. We don't even have a pet! It's super selfish, but we both aren't quite ready to part with this lifestyle just yet. I can tell my bio clock is starting to tick though because babies and puppies make me go crazy. I can't gush over them enough. It's ridiculous. 

I'd also like to add that we have friends who are stellar parents and friends who are not so great at parenting. The friends with the troubled marriage and not-so-awesome parenting skills scare the bejeesus out of us. We do NOT want to be like them, which I know sounds horrible, but yeah... seeing how their lives have unfolded has been some of the best birth control/pet control in the world.

RE: e names

LOL sorry 'bout that... especially because I changed to an e name from a w name... oops. 

Um yeah, that annoys the crap out of me. It's NOT selfish to want to live your life on your own terms and to recognize that you do not want to take on the responsibility of having a child. I fully plan to still do positive things with my life (Habitat from Humanity will be hearing from me immediately after my last BFN). But to say it's selfish is ignorant and hurtful.

(And I'm sure you didn't mean it THAT way, but considering so many people have expressed similar misgivings about having kids, it was probably not the best thing to type).

eilis1228

@cu97tiger Fair point. I guess it's just the way I've been raised? As in, wanting to live your life for yourself instead of devoting your life to raising kids = selfish. It's really twisted and biased. I also think I say it in a defensive tone because I normally hear gasps of horror when I mention potentially not having kids, so I've started to preface those statements with, "Yes, I'm selfish, but..." when in reality it's not selfish at all. I apologize for the offense!

lmcooper86

Confession: I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at the floor plan of the house that we are thinking about buying. All of the house talk on this board is not helping my obsession!

Peaseblossom55

@Blue&White wait are you serious.. is there really a snake in your front yard right now?

 

Blue & White

@peaseblossom55 I just bought a house in Florida. We will encounter many snakes lol. But the carpet cleaner almost got bit by this one in our front yard. It's probably still there.

cu97tiger

eilis1228 said:

@cu97tiger Fair point. I guess it's just the way I've been raised? As in, wanting to live your life for yourself instead of devoting your life to raising kids = selfish. It's really twisted and biased. I also think I say it in a defensive tone because I normally hear gasps of horror when I mention potentially not having kids, so I've started to preface those statements with, "Yes, I'm selfish, but..." when in reality it's not selfish at all. I apologize for the offense!

I think this raises a really good discussion. I mean, we're all taught 'get married, have babies.' But then if we don't, we're selfish? The best way to change that thinking isn't necessarily to NOT have babies, but to not shame those who don't have them. Change the way we talk about MAYBE having babies so that it can be an open, honest discussion, and not one where people don't speak up because if they do, they will be labeled as selfish.

(This wasn't AT you @eilis1228, I just feel pretty strongly that we are going to change this conversation one person at a time, not all at once).

Peaseblossom55

@Blue&White oh yuck I have such a fear of snakes, I'll never move down to FL.

eilis1228

@cu97tiger I completely agree! People need to stop judging different lifestyles from their own in general. As for the no kids thing, there's actually a subreddit for people who choose not to have children. FI and I have checked it out a few times. Sometimes they seem really judgmental against people who choose to have kids, but overall it's an interesting subreddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/childfree 

luckya23

Confession: I just cleaned my ring in solution for the first time ever, and what a difference!!  I think it looks better than when I first got it from the jeweler, so he probably didn't clean it either. 

Confession: My suitcase going to Chicago last week was practically empty, but was filled with food coming home!

II:  My company sent an email that they will no longer be paying for meals on the road, unless we stay overnight, and in that case only dinner/breakfast.  I feel like this is a big pay cut, even though I suppose most normal people have to pack a lunch for work. 

UO: The few real kids/parents I know have only pushed me farther toward the childfree life.  Still totally undecided though.

 

 

[Deleted User]

Confession: I just had two beers with lunch. I'm pretty buzzed. Gonna try and act like I'm not cuz I'm still at work for another 3 hours.

I don't think it's selfish to not want kids. . . On the flip side, I think it's extremely selfish to keep having kids you can't afford to have! We have these friends, dad works at Wal-mart, mom is unemployed. Instead of finding a job, she decides to get pregnant. She posts ALL OVER facebook about how they can't afford ANYTHING, yet no job is good enough for her, and she's already talking about wanting another baby. Hell, my own SISTER is unemployed and trying to raise 4 kids on her BF's minimum wage salary because she can't convince herself to take birth control for some stupid reason. It makes me sick, and I feel awful for the kids because I know their parents always manage to afford weed, somehow. . .

bethsmiles

cu97tiger said:

eilis1228 said:

@cu97tiger Fair point. I guess it's just the way I've been raised? As in, wanting to live your life for yourself instead of devoting your life to raising kids = selfish. It's really twisted and biased. I also think I say it in a defensive tone because I normally hear gasps of horror when I mention potentially not having kids, so I've started to preface those statements with, "Yes, I'm selfish, but..." when in reality it's not selfish at all. I apologize for the offense!

I think this raises a really good discussion. I mean, we're all taught 'get married, have babies.' But then if we don't, we're selfish? The best way to change that thinking isn't necessarily to NOT have babies, but to not shame those who don't have them. Change the way we talk about MAYBE having babies so that it can be an open, honest discussion, and not one where people don't speak up because if they do, they will be labeled as selfish.

(This wasn't AT you @eilis1228, I just feel pretty strongly that we are going to change this conversation one person at a time, not all at once).

The whole if you don't have babies you're selfish line of thought has always seemed so backwards to me. It's not like the world needs more humans, no one is putting the human race in danger by not having babies.

ETA: @EisleyJoGo - So much yes to having way more kids than you can afford. Obviously kids are expensive and you don't need to be in a perfect financial situation to have them but if you're already struggling don't add another person into the mix.

cu97tiger

eilis1228 said:

@cu97tiger I completely agree! People need to stop judging different lifestyles from their own in general. As for the no kids thing, there's actually a subreddit for people who choose not to have children. FI and I have checked it out a few times. Sometimes they seem really judgmental against people who choose to have kids, but overall it's an interesting subreddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/childfree 

Confession - I don't get reddit. I've clicked on a link here or there that goes there, but I find it really hard to read/follow. 

I am a semi-reg on TB and they have a 'child free - not by choice' board, as well as several for people who are struggling with infertility. It's a good place to learn a lot about having babies (more than the 'take penis, insert in vagina' way).

[Deleted User]

Ugh, I'm just going to rant because I'm super annoyed. Plus, I'm still stuck at work while I'm sure everyone else has already started their weekends. . .

Along the same lines of not having kids you can't afford, people need to realize that dogs are a HUGE responsibility. Almost (if not equal to) kids. People get dogs because they're mesmerized by them as puppies, but don't put in the time to train them because "Oh, they're just a puppy! Silly puppy!" then treat them like crap when they're older because they've turned into a total pain in the ass.

My sister found a puppy dropped off on the steps of the court house where she works, a little terrier puppy. She figured it couldn't have been more than 8-10 weeks old. Took it home, and decided to keep it, instead of trying to find a new home. She already has one dog that never gets walked, never gets ANY attention, and just hangs out in the back yard digging holes, smelling like poop, and becoming obese.

Well, now the terrier is 6 months old, and she's decided she "can't handle it anymore". It started chewing up things (Duh, it's a terrier, and it's a puppy). Otherwise, the dog is fine, according to her. It's become her 2 year old daughter's best friend. But no, she calls me crying because she just dropped him off at the shelter. She wishes she could keep him, but he's just too much and doesn't behave. DUH. You didn't train him, AND he's going stir crazy! She tells me the shelter is no-kill, but I look it up and sure enough, it says right on the website that they euthanize. . . She couldn't have put in a LITTLE more effort to find a home before just dropping him off somewhere like that? I mean, he's a puppy, I'm sure he'll be adopted, but he's still at risk. Plus, he went for Marv's throat with absolutely no provocation, so he obviously isn't well socialized either.

Bringing a dog into your home should be treated the same as having a child. You can't just give up a kid. If you do, it's when it's a baby, so someone else has a chance to raise it from the beginning. If your kid's a dick, you work on it. If your kid/dog is violent, that can be a special circumstance that I understand. But there are programs and facilities to work on stuff like that.

Sorry for the essay. I'm also just bored and wanted to get my thoughts out. Unfortunately, I believe this to be a completely Rational Irritation, so it doesn't even fit in with this discussion. I just didn't want to start a new thread.

25 minutes until my weekend starts.

lavenderfields13

@EisleyJoGo I completely agree with you on the dog thing! Besides me having really bad allergies and allergy induced asthma, that's why we don't have a dog. I don't have the energy to take care of one properly and give it the attention it needs. FI has always wanted a dog but I don't think he thinks about all the serious responsibilities that come with it. It IS like having a child, you can't just go wherever and do whatever you want any time because you have an animal that needs to be fed, walked, taken out to go to the bathroom, etc.

I'll stick with my cat for now. 

blabla89

Confessions:
1. I'm knotting on a friday night. I've been too busy all week and I feel like I've missed all the threads.
2. All I ate today was cupcakes and coffee. No shame.
3. Tonight I found out that FI has never been to a tractor pull. We are now watching youtube videos of tractor pulls...yep, that's our Friday night. (paging @TwoDimes because she might actually know what I'm talking about...apparently tractor pulls aren't a thing around here)