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Self-confidence? Currently down from my usual zero. -.-

hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
So FI and I have the house to ourselves tonight. It's the last night of empty house before my parents and 17 year old sister come home from vacation tomorrow. I thought, this morning, that we should....well, we should "use the time appropriately" as we are not particularly likely to have a lot of empty-house time in the future. So I texted FI about nine saying, "Hey, go dig out the box where all our fun stuff is and let's go out to dinner and then make use of all our fun stuff."

Now, at 11:20 (two hours later) this is how my brain is going:
- "He's just humoring you."
- "Why would he want to go out for dinner? He has to put on pants for that."
- "What if he's pissed off at you and wants nothing to do with you today?"
- "You've had empty house for two days and y'all haven't done anything yet. What makes you think he wants that to change?"
- "He probably just wants to sit in peace and play his game. That's more fun anyway."

Now, I KNOW all of these things are stupid. (Except maybe the pants thing.) Like, logically, I have no reason to believe any of them. But I find myself struggling to ignore them anyway. Fun, semi-related fact: these monsters only tend to rear up this badly when I'm trying to initiate some sort of seksytimes. I mean, I'm not GREAT in the self-confidence area, but I don't usually struggle quite so hard with it.

So - yeah... any tips to deal with stupid self-confidence issues crushing my excitement for fun plans tonight??
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Re: Self-confidence? Currently down from my usual zero. -.-

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    I am way self conscious when it comes to intimacy. Especially now that I look like a bald, fat man. Has he responded yet? Or did he give a very neutral response? I'm sure that he is looking forward to it, especially since he didn't have to bring it up- you did! My DH loves when I do that. He's always game :)

     







  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    I'm sure he's not thinking any of that! I'm sure he's thinking "fuck yea, she wants to break out the fun box"

    We have no such box so you rule.

                                                                     

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    themuffinman16lc07
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I am way self conscious when it comes to intimacy. Especially now that I look like a bald, fat man. Has he responded yet? Or did he give a very neutral response? I'm sure that he is looking forward to it, especially since he didn't have to bring it up- you did! My DH loves when I do that. He's always game :)
    I'm sorry, I did LOL at this.  And I must say you look great-- neither fat, nor like a man, and now you don't even have to be bald if you don't want!  I'm sure H thinks you look amazing!

    Cait, it's too bad you feel this way!  I'm sure Fi is looking forward to the seksaytimes.  Do you have something you can wear, or a particular lipstick or something, that always makes you feel great?  What about some sexy undies?

    Also it never fails-- make sure you're wearing a good bra, and jump in place until you feel better.  Really.  Just jump around.  It's hard to feel like shit when you're jumping around your living room like a little kid.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    themuffinman16
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If I sent DH a text alluding to sex tonight, he would probably take a 1/2 day vacation and come home.  (I'm working from home)

    I'm sure he'll be psyched.  Listen to some Michael Buble to get you in the mood.  And have some wine soon.
    themuffinman16
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Child please. There is no way he's thinking any of those things. And Jells, neither is your man! These guys LOVE YOU and signed up to make the sex at you and only you for the rest of their lives. Own it!

    Order some takeout so nobody needs pants, spread out a picnic blanket on the living room floor, get some beverages and have fun!

    Also, realize how jealous I am of your seksytimes because FI has been in such bad pain for the last TWO WEEKS from crashing his bike that he can barely move, let alone engage in extracurriculars. Do it for me!

    cracking up at this line!! I heart lolo.

    Hope your man feels better soon!

                                                                     

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    themuffinman16theartistformerlyknownassmichek
  • I don't know if I have anything helpful to say, but I know what you mean. I'm super shy about intimacy. DH was hoping that I'd get a little bit more...open after the wedding. And I am!....a teeny tiny bit. I'm just so damn awkward and self consicous. So I hear you.

    I got lots of beautiful lingerie for my bachelorette party and that helps me feel a little more sexy. Maybe put something cute on under a robe and surprise FI when he gets home. :-)

    And when in doubt, just do it for Lolo! lol.
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    themuffinman16theartistformerlyknownasOliveOilsMom
  • garnetandgold60garnetandgold60 Duuuvvvaaalll member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Child please. There is no way he's thinking any of those things. And Jells, neither is your man! These guys LOVE YOU and signed up to make the sex at you and only you for the rest of their lives. Own it!

    Order some takeout so nobody needs pants, spread out a picnic blanket on the living room floor, get some beverages and have fun!

    Also, realize how jealous I am of your seksytimes because FI has been in such bad pain for the last TWO WEEKS from crashing his bike that he can barely move, let alone engage in extracurriculars. Do it for me!
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    This is all I can picture when I saw your quote lolo!

    And CaitTDid, I think that the PPs have great advice. I don't have much else to add to their wisdom.

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    scrunchythief
  • edited August 2014
    Without being overly graphic, the other day i took leftover flower petals from the wedding, and made an aisle to the bed from the bedroom door. I took out votive candles and made a runway to the bed, and I put on a new Victoria's secret for FI.  I was sitting Sharon Stone-esque from Basic Instinct.  Best sex ever!  Guys like it when we are the ones to initiate... especially if the nooky comes before dinner! Then no one is too tired.  After that, you might feel like take-out anyway, and having a picnic on your living room floor is so romantic. Initiating is empowering. I am sure your FI will be so excited to come home, that he is just staring at the clock, at work.
    morphemesCLoGreenEyes
  • He's totally gonna jump you.  You just tell that voice to STFU.

    When you hear it, respond with something your FI loves about you!  "Yeah?  Well you're wrong, voice!  My tits are awesome, btw."

    I have those thoughts too sometimes.  I think we all do.
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    steph861
  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @Jells2dot0, I have seen your pics. You are definitely not fooling anyone with your "bald, fat man" routine, haha, you look phenomenal. ;D (Also: LOVE the wig! I was in the middle of responding over there and got distracted by the notification, haha.)

    Also: Y'all are all awesomesauce. I was trying to respond to everyone and now there are too many everyones to respond to. So ... yeah. Awesomesauce. I will try bouncing around, although it will most likely be done in the car on my drive home, with crappy top-40 coming through my speakers hahaha. I've always tried to "talk" the monsters away and for some reason they don't listen well in this particular situation. They do listen well other places though.... Maybe I just need to train these monsters? :D

    I especially enjoyed the "making the sex with you" line though.

    Also yes. We have a box. (Only because we packed all our stuff up about two weeks ago. Before it was all tucked discreetly away in amongst the sleepy pants.)
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  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Never mind Lolo (I do feel for you Lolo) but at least do it for me! Haven't had my freak on since February because FI and I are so far apart!!! I like the sexy lingerie idea, it will help you get in the mood!!!
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Awww honey. He's choosing to spend the rest of his life with you. That means he wants in your pants.

    FI feels sick a lot from his medical issues. It sucks for my self-esteem when he's not up for things. I just need to remind myself that it has nothing to do with me (and he's usually good about reminding me!).

    It sounds like there's no good reason why he wouldn't want you. You just need to banish the bad thoughts and embrace the sexy.

    And, when in doubt, have him come home to cookies baking with you in nothing but an apron.

    Naked woman + fresh cookies = undying love and desperate need for sex!

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    themuffinman16hellosweetie1015
  • That voice in your head, the one saying all that nasty shit? She is not nice to you. She needs to shut up.

    One way to get her to shut her mean, jerky mouth is to DROWN HER OUT with what the therapists call "positive self talk" and what I call RADBOMBS. 

    She says your FI is more likely to want to stay inside for dinner, where the pants aren't? "Awesome, then he'll be that much closer to NAKED for our sexytimes!"

    She says he's pissed off at you? "Mean brain, you are so full of shit. He loves me! He asked me to marry him! He's an adult and would tell me if he was mad, and even if he was we would STILL figure it out and have hot makeup sex, so shove it!"

    She says it's been two days and that ship has sailed? "It's been two days of PURE RAW ANTICIPATION, which is gonna make this all the more fun!"

    She says he'd rather play video games? "Bitch, please. I have a FUN BOX. Which is both a real thing AND a euphemism for my vagina, and there is nothing--NOTHING--on this earth that is more fun to my man than making the sex with ME. You are a laughable troll!"

    Try it, seriously! Try to laugh at your "jerkbrain," tell her she's nuts, and actively remind yourself of how awesome you are, how much you are loved, and how much fun you are going to have. Good luck, and know that you're fine (damn fine, according to your FI.)
    Wow. Well done. That's the single best piece of advice ever dispensed on this site. 

  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is your FI usually into sex? Does he initiate it? I have been in a relationship where my partner never wanted to do it with me and it killed my self esteem.
  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Y'all are all awesome. And I think I might bookmark this thread for future reference, because the tips were great. 

    As was my night. It did involve pants for dinner, and it involved no-pants once we got home. :D

    @lc07 Yes, and yes. And YES I think that, mixed with being a huge novice in the sheets, has a lot to do with it. 
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    theartistformerlyknownaslc07
  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    @smichek Well done and lucky you :) Thanks, and everybody get their freak on!!! (Lord knows how much I'D like to).
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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch Toronto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    smichek said:
    So as I was reading this and preparing to comment on how my self-confidence is crushed too now that FI never even makes out with me, he came in the room and started cuddling and giving me the sexytime eyes. We are saving P in the V sex for marriage, but we have other sexytime fun sometimes. Lately that hasn't been at all because of fucking prednisone not meshing with another med and causing FI to be in constant pain. Anyway, I was ABOUT to say that on here until sexyeyes happened and FI took me into the bedroom. We kissed and cuddled for a few minutes and I thought that was all that would happen (and I was grateful for even a few minutes of attention!) when all of the sudden clothes started flying and he started kissing my hips. Once his mouth makes it down there, I know where they will be next...

    So, long story short, I think the whole neighborhood heard what we did for the first time in three months today. I would like to dedicate my "extracurricular" to lolo and raissyrais. It was wonderful and we konked out for a 45 minute nap afterwards, which I think I needed more than the O.

    Also, sorry for being graphic.

    ETF: There were stinking paragraphs before!!! Hope the codes worked this time.

    Stuck in the MFing box (there's a joke here):
    To the bolded, that made me spit out my wine. I really enjoy this thread. Everyone, go get some! Woooooo!!! 
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Crossing my fingers for tonight! The other day, we went at in the shower.  I surprised H.  He wasn't expecting it.  We've tried before but it's never worked because it can be tough in there.  Well it worked the other day and, man, was it good!  I'm planning to jump him in the shower tonight!

  • I am so, so jealous.

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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch Toronto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    lolo, are you completely lacking in sexyfuntimes? or just p in v styles? because you can still do lots with FI where he'll barely need to move more than his head. 

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  • Lol! Been completely lacking, unfortunately, even on my birthday. He felt like he got hit by a truck for a while. :(

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  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer

    This thread makes me crack up! I've been following since it started but haven't had much to add.  That was until this morning when, FI woke me out of a dead sleep to get the sexy on.  God, he's been sick all week so when I read this yesterday I was seriously jonesing, thanks ladies for spreading the vibes so that I could have an awesome wakeup call!!!


    To those currently not able to have sexy times due to things like bike accidents, and distance, I send vicarious vibes your way. And I hope that everybody can get their extracurricular activities  in soon.


                                               

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  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Dude, I need more than double birthday sexytimes...and thrice the interest too. 
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