Younger Sister... Plus two??

Katiecantwait

So my fiancé wants to allow his 14 year-old sister to bring two of her friends (that likely neither of us have ever met) to our rather small wedding to keep her company. I told him that I didn't really like the idea, and we decided she would be treated as every other single guest - given a +1.

It seems he had a conversation with his mother and since she didn't see it as an issue, the plan is that his sister is indeed bringing two friends now, even though I wasn't informed.

What should I do?

NYCMercedes

Katiecantwait said:

So my fiancé wants to allow his 14 year-old sister to bring two of her friends (that likely neither of us have ever met) to our rather small wedding to keep her company. I told him that I didn't really like the idea, and we decided she would be treated as every other single guest - given a +1.

It seems he had a conversation with his mother and since she didn't see it as an issue, the plan is that his sister is indeed bringing two friends now, even though I wasn't informed.

What should I do?

If FI agreed with his mom, then the decision has been made and you live with it. If you two had decided plus one was okay, then a plus two is not a hill I'd die on. Be nice about it to your FMIL. What's done is done.

As far as FI, however, I recommend he be told in no uncertain terms that you thought the decision was made jointly by the two of you, and that you don't take lightly his siding with his mom before he revisits the question with you. 

Is his mom paying? Could she have strong-armed him into agreeing with her choice? Could she have given him an ultimatum that it was either the two friends or she'd take back her contribution to the party?

southernbelle0915

Is your FMIL paying for the wedding? If so and she wants to let her daughter bring two friends, you're kind of stuck and need to just let it happen.

If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, I think your FI way overstepped here and he may need to backtrack and correct his mistake. He should be discussing the guest list with you, not your FMIL. The two of you need to sit down and come to a decision together. 

Personally, I would agree with you. She should get one friend - especially if you're having a small wedding. She's lucky she even gets one friend, normally 14 year olds are not bringing dates to weddings as it is... Usually they just attend with their parents. So, IMHO, letting her bring one friend IS a compromise. 

manateehugger

NYCMercedes said:

Katiecantwait said:

So my fiancé wants to allow his 14 year-old sister to bring two of her friends (that likely neither of us have ever met) to our rather small wedding to keep her company. I told him that I didn't really like the idea, and we decided she would be treated as every other single guest - given a +1.

It seems he had a conversation with his mother and since she didn't see it as an issue, the plan is that his sister is indeed bringing two friends now, even though I wasn't informed.

What should I do?

If FI agreed with his mom, then the decision has been made and you live with it. If you two had decided plus one was okay, then a plus two is not a hill I'd die on. Be nice about it to your FMIL. What's done is done.

As far as FI, however, I recommend he be told in no uncertain terms that you thought the decision was made jointly by the two of you, and that you don't take lightly his siding with his mom before he revisits the question with you. 

Is his mom paying? Could she have strong-armed him into agreeing with her choice? Could she have given him an ultimatum that it was either the two friends or she'd take back her contribution to the party?

All of this, especially the bolded. 

This isn't an issue of his sister bringing someone, this is an issue of your FI teaming up behind your back with his mother. My H and I would be having a long discussion about this. 

Lauderdale Pink

You probably can't change the current situation, but you and FI have a lot of talking to do if he thinks it is appropriate to make any decisions, with his mom, after the two of you have already talked.  He may see this as just the one issue and not a big deal, but it may be a preview of life to come.

Katiecantwait

Thanks so much for all the input. Its helped put things in perspective, and I think it is time for a serious chat.

Thanks again all!