Replanning events after ceremony, need some ideas please

Knottie21832397

So here is a little information of what we have planned so far. We planned on having a small ceremony on the date of our 10th anniversary. We will have only our parents present for the actual wedding and then a reception on the weekend for everyone else to attend. Its a little different but its the compromise we came up with instead of just eloping. So originally we planned to have the ceremony in the afternoon and then afterward we were going to take our parents out to dinner. But the person we found to officiate, that we like and fits our budget well, informed me that she can only do the ceremony in the morning. I don't really know what to do for the remainder of the day now. Our parents are coming from across the country to be there and I don't want to say thanks and send them back to their hotel for a few hours. We have thought of possibly hiring a limo service to drive us around to see some sights and then have dinner, but its not really in the budget. We have considered just doing lunch instead, but I don't know about having a few celebratory drinks that early in the day. Any ideas for the afternoon that is not going to break the bank? Thanks 

msuprincess04

A brunch is a great way to celebrate a wedding, and it's totally appropriate to have a few cocktails like mimosas that also have champagne. I wouldn't put off eating till dinner. Even if you have other things planned, they are going to want to eat at lunch time.

Jen4948

Don't call the event on the weekend for everyone else to attend a "reception." A "reception" is held to "receive" one's wedding guests, and they are not going to be your wedding guests. Call that event a "celebration" instead. If seeing sights and having dinner isn't in your budget, I think you need to completely scrap your plans and just have your actual "wedding" when you can afford to entertain all these guests, not just your parents-especially if you want to have dinner and drinks.

Knottie21832397

I knew I should not have posed this question to the people of the Knot community, I do thank msuprincess04 for not including snark in her comment. I know my "wedding" and "reception" do not fit the standard wedding traditions. I don't appreciate being told that I should scrap all plans because I can't afford to accommodate people at my wedding. Thats not even the point. We aren't doing our wedding this way to save money. This is the way we wanted our wedding. We wanted to get married on our anniversary. Its a Wednesday, so to accommodate guests we are having the RECEPTION on Saturday. I am not inviting you to the wedding so I believe I can call it that if I like, so far the people that will be attending have been supportive of what we have chosen for our day. I don't believe in spending more than I have on a wedding with 200 plus people that I don't even know. Jen4849, I hope you can open you mind more to the other people on this site that do things differently than you. Not everyone's wedding has to be the same, to fit some cookie cutter idea. 

Jen4948

Knottie21832397 said:

I knew I should not have posed this question to the people of the Knot community, I do thank msuprincess04 for not including snark in her comment. I know my "wedding" and "reception" do not fit the standard wedding traditions. I don't appreciate being told that I should scrap all plans because I can't afford to accommodate people at my wedding. Thats not even the point. We aren't doing our wedding this way to save money. This is the way we wanted our wedding. We wanted to get married on our anniversary. Its a Wednesday, so to accommodate guests we are having the RECEPTION on Saturday. I am not inviting you to the wedding so I believe I can call it that if I like, so far the people that will be attending have been supportive of what we have chosen for our day. I don't believe in spending more than I have on a wedding with 200 plus people that I don't even know. Jen4849, I hope you can open you mind more to the other people on this site that do things differently than you. Not everyone's wedding has to be the same, to fit some cookie cutter idea. 

Excuse me, but I find the bolded offensive.  I was neither "snarky" to you, nor do I not have an "open mind...to the other people on this site that do things differently" from the way I do them.

Your post reads like you want to serve drinks at whatever you host your parents at, and don't want a daytime wedding because you don't think drinking during the day is desirable, but can't afford to do things during dinner.  If you need to save money, it sounds like you can't afford to really have the wedding you claim to want, so your plans really don't sound like they're what you want.

Sorry to have to tell you this, but I think many other posters here will tell you the same thing I did, with more or less the same words, which were not "snarky."  If you can't handle that other people don't share your opinions, then you are the one who has some "opening your mind" to do.

OliveOilsMom

Knottie21832397 said:

So here is a little information of what we have planned so far. We planned on having a small ceremony on the date of our 10th anniversary. We will have only our parents present for the actual wedding and then a reception on the weekend for everyone else to attend. Its a little different but its the compromise we came up with instead of just eloping. So originally we planned to have the ceremony in the afternoon and then afterward we were going to take our parents out to dinner. But the person we found to officiate, that we like and fits our budget well, informed me that she can only do the ceremony in the morning. I don't really know what to do for the remainder of the day now. Our parents are coming from across the country to be there and I don't want to say thanks and send them back to their hotel for a few hours. We have thought of possibly hiring a limo service to drive us around to see some sights and then have dinner, but its not really in the budget. We have considered just doing lunch instead, but I don't know about having a few celebratory drinks that early in the day. Any ideas for the afternoon that is not going to break the bank? Thanks 

Knottie21832397 said:

I knew I should not have posed this question to the people of the Knot community, I do thank msuprincess04 for not including snark in her comment. I know my "wedding" and "reception" do not fit the standard wedding traditions. I don't appreciate being told that I should scrap all plans because I can't afford to accommodate people at my wedding. Thats not even the point. We aren't doing our wedding this way to save money. This is the way we wanted our wedding. We wanted to get married on our anniversary. Its a Wednesday, so to accommodate guests we are having the RECEPTION on Saturday. I am not inviting you to the wedding so I believe I can call it that if I like, so far the people that will be attending have been supportive of what we have chosen for our day. I don't believe in spending more than I have on a wedding with 200 plus people that I don't even know. Jen4849, I hope you can open you mind more to the other people on this site that do things differently than you. Not everyone's wedding has to be the same, to fit some cookie cutter idea. 

There was NO snark whatsoever in Jen's post.  She explained what a reception actually is, it's when you receive your wedding ceremony attendees and thank them for attending your ceremony.  They will not be attending your ceremony so you will not be having a reception.  You will be having a celebration of your marriage.  It shouldn't have the traditional trappings of a reception, like a first dance, bouquet tosses, or a huge cake cutting and feeding each other.  But please, have cake, everyone loves cake.

Your invites to the celebration should be as follows:

Wife

&
Husband

Invite you to a Celebration of their Marriage

Location

Date

Time

W&H will be married in a private ceremony on x date.

thisismynickname2

OP you are completely overreacting.
If your ceremony is on a Wednesday with just your parents, brunch would be fabulous.
As long as people celebrating with you on Saturday are well aware you're being married a few days prior, I'm guessing everything's fine.

Jells2dot0

Knottie21832397 said:

I knew I should not have posed this question to the people of the Knot community, I do thank msuprincess04 for not including snark in her comment. I know my "wedding" and "reception" do not fit the standard wedding traditions. I don't appreciate being told that I should scrap all plans because I can't afford to accommodate people at my wedding. Thats not even the point. We aren't doing our wedding this way to save money. This is the way we wanted our wedding. We wanted to get married on our anniversary. Its a Wednesday, so to accommodate guests we are having the RECEPTION on Saturday. I am not inviting you to the wedding so I believe I can call it that if I like, so far the people that will be attending have been supportive of what we have chosen for our day. I don't believe in spending more than I have on a wedding with 200 plus people that I don't even know. Jen4849, I hope you can open you mind more to the other people on this site that do things differently than you. Not everyone's wedding has to be the same, to fit some cookie cutter idea. 

I'm sorry you regret posting on here, but you did post on the etiquette board about how to properly host your wedding guests. In your case, you have two sets of "guests"- those who are attending your wedding and those who you are hosting at a reception a few days later. You have to properly host both sets of guests. For the reception immediately following the wedding, I do recommend hosting a brunch or lunch. It's the traditional and appropriate way to thank those who took time to celebrate your wedding with you. After all, that is what a wedding reception is- a party following the wedding to receive and thank guests for their attendance.

For the weekend celebration, it isn't technically a reception since not everyone there will have been to the wedding. 

@Jen4948 was just trying to point out that you have two parties that you have to properly host and its obviously stretching your budget. In order to properly host both parties, it may make sense to postpone the weekend celebration. Still get married on your special date, still host a lunch for your family, but give yourselves a month or so to save up some more for the celebration so your actual wedding reception isn't cheated. 

Knottie21832397

 I realized after the fact that I was posting in the etiquette section of this website. Had I known that the wedding police were going to be coming out I would have refrained from posting entirely. In fact I now know I will not again post anything on any website if this is what is to be had. I was simply asking for some ideas for things we could do that day after the ceremony. I was not soliciting advice for how to write my invitations, or what events I can and cannot do at my reception because its not technically a reception. Here is the definition taken from Webster's dictionary for all of you who posted:              

re·cep·tion

 noun \ri-ˈsep-shən\

: the kind of welcome that someone or something is given

: a social gathering to celebrate something or to welcome someone

: the act or process of receiving, welcoming, or accepting something or someone

and here are some synonyms for those of you that are now dwelling on the other parts of the definition instead of what I put in bold:

reception

 noun

a social gathering <a wedding reception>Synonyms affair, bash, binge, blast, blowout, do, event, fete (or fête), function, get-together, powwow, reception,shindig

As for me having an open mind I don't think I have ever told someone to completely scrap all wedding plans for any reason. I support people in what they want to do. Again I will say that I did not mean to post this in the etiquette section, I was only wanting ideas, not everyone to drag mine through the mud. 

freebread03

Wow, I was going to post that you should host a brunch for your parents after your morning ceremony and wish you a lovely wedding, but with your over-reaction and outright mean reaction to what Jen posted, you just sound like a mean and nasty person looking for a fight. The other posters were right on in telling you its not a reception-its a celebration. There is nothing wrong with telling you the correct name for the event, and nobody was snarky in doing so.

RebeccaFlower

Have fun with your guests who will probably talk about you behind your back because you're doing this ass backwards. xo. 

misshart00

freebread03 said:

Wow, I was going to post that you should host a brunch for your parents after your morning ceremony and wish you a lovely wedding, but with your over-reaction and outright mean reaction to what Jen posted, you just sound like a mean and nasty person looking for a fight.

The other posters were right on in telling you its not a reception-its a celebration. There is nothing wrong with telling you the correct name for the event, and nobody was snarky in doing so.

This. All of this. Although I don't really care what you call it. But way to jump down people's throats as soon as you got an answer.

lilacck28

I call MUD. At least, I hope it is. 

chibiyui

MNVegas

OP get a grip! Better still have a drink and calm yourself down. I hope this is MUD also because if it is not someone is in for a rude awakening. BTW, while you have your little dictionary open, look up the word etiquette. You might learn something.

holyguacamole79

Dude, this is NOT snark. That is just etiquette advice.

gothic_fairy60

Knottie21832397 said:

 I realized after the fact that I was posting in the etiquette section of this website. Had I known that the wedding police were going to be coming out I would have refrained from posting entirely. In fact I now know I will not again post anything on any website if this is what is to be had. I was simply asking for some ideas for things we could do that day after the ceremony. I was not soliciting advice for how to write my invitations, or what events I can and cannot do at my reception because its not technically a reception. Here is the definition taken from Webster's dictionary for all of you who posted:              

re·cep·tion

 noun \ri-ˈsep-shən\

: the kind of welcome that someone or something is given

: a social gathering to celebrate something or to welcome someone

: the act or process of receiving, welcoming, or accepting something or someone

and here are some synonyms for those of you that are now dwelling on the other parts of the definition instead of what I put in bold:

reception

 noun

a social gathering <a wedding reception>Synonyms affair, bash, binge, blast, blowout, do, event, fete (or fête), function, get-together, powwow, reception,shindig

As for me having an open mind I don't think I have ever told someone to completely scrap all wedding plans for any reason. I support people in what they want to do. Again I will say that I did not mean to post this in the etiquette section, I was only wanting ideas, not everyone to drag mine through the mud. 

Your right! You shouldn't post on an internet board asking for advice if you are going to freak out when it is given. Maybe you should check out wedding wire. They have a tendency to tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth. Bye.

JoanE2012

Oh, FFS, KnottieNumbers, grow up.  It always baffles me when people get all wound up and can't handle hearing points of view they don't want to hear.  I question if they're really mature enough to get married.

artbyallie

I don't understand why the exact date is so much more important than your guests, who by the way would probably like to see you get married. If the date is the important thing, you don't need the weekend party at all. If the guests are important, you can give up the exact date and get married on Saturday. So what that it's three days after your dating anniversary? It will be your new wedding anniversary and it's close enough to say later something like, "We've been married ten years and together for twenty."

CMGragain

Knottie21832397 said:

So here is a little information of what we have planned so far. We planned on having a small ceremony on the date of our 10th anniversary. We will have only our parents present for the actual wedding and then a reception on the weekend for everyone else to attend. Its a little different but its the compromise we came up with instead of just eloping. So originally we planned to have the ceremony in the afternoon and then afterward we were going to take our parents out to dinner. But the person we found to officiate, that we like and fits our budget well, informed me that she can only do the ceremony in the morning. I don't really know what to do for the remainder of the day now. Our parents are coming from across the country to be there and I don't want to say thanks and send them back to their hotel for a few hours. We have thought of possibly hiring a limo service to drive us around to see some sights and then have dinner, but its not really in the budget. We have considered just doing lunch instead, but I don't know about having a few celebratory drinks that early in the day. Any ideas for the afternoon that is not going to break the bank? Thanks 

I am confused.  Are you already married?
There is nothing wrong with a morning private ceremony followed by a lovely brunch reception.  That will be your wedding reception.
Any celebrations on a different day are not part of your wedding.  It is fine to have a party to celebrate your marriage, but it is not a wedding reception.  That will be when you take your parents out after your ceremony.
We can help you plan a lovely celebration party, and to write the invitations that make it clear what it actually is.  There is nothing wrong with this. 
There are a few etiquette points that you should be aware of.  No wedding dress, since it is not your wedding day.  No wedding party, since you were married privately.  You can have a special dance with your Dad and with your husband.  Just don't call it a "first dance".  Toasts are fine, but not "to the bride and groom".  "To the newlyweds" is OK.  No bouquet tossing or garter tossing.  Other than this, have a lovely party to celebrate your marraige!

CMGragain

About your invitation wording, I would suggest this:

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
will be united in marriage
Date
City, State

The pleasure of your company is requested
to celebrate their marriage
Day, Date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

Lizzieyounce

I hope that she is planning on hosting her guests properly at her "reception", but I have the feeling that this will not be the case.

OP is you ever come back to this thread, please make sure you host your weekend celebration party properly.  This means food and beverages appropriate to the time of day, i.e.: a full meal if it's at a meal time and an open bar..NOT a cash bar.  It doesn't have to be fancy, and if you can only afford wine, beer and non alcoholic beverages that's perfectly fine too.

sophhabobopha

JCbride2015

This may be an UO, oh well.

But grown adults who insist on getting married on their dating "anniversary," guests and hosting be damned, remind me of my high school students who celebrate each week and month they've been going steady.  Facebook posts like this: "Together two weeks!  Best two weeks of my life!"  "Together 6 months!  I love you babiieee!"  It's juvenile.

The date will be special because you got married on that date.  No need to bend over backwards to keep your same dating-versary.

aurianna

JCbride2015 said:

This may be an UO, oh well.

But grown adults who insist on getting married on their dating "anniversary," guests and hosting be damned, remind me of my high school students who celebrate each week and month they've been going steady.  Facebook posts like this: "Together two weeks!  Best two weeks of my life!"  "Together 6 months!  I love you babiieee!"  It's juvenile.

The date will be special because you got married on that date.  No need to bend over backwards to keep your same dating-versary.

OMG! I know.

I still remember my dating anniversary with hubby (Feb 17, 2004!). But I also happen to remember a few of the dating anniversaries with some exes (not intentionally). Those days aren't important. They're just days on a calendar. And I've had those types of days with lots of men. But a wedding anniversary is something I only have with my husband.
Sure. It's important that we started dating. But the exact day? Doesn't amount to much. We have a new date to celebrate now.


A friend of mine started dating his fiancee on Valentine's day, so now they've decided they are going to have a two-year engagement so that they can get married on Valentine's day on a Sunday. And I just think it's idiotic to postpone your married life together for two years just to get the date you want on a calendar just for the sake of the number. I also find it annoying that my husband and I will have to shift our valentine's day plans to a different day to accommodate the "omg! need this day on the calender!!" fever.

If a couple started dating on Christmas or what ends up being Thanksgiving day.... would they really ask guests come to their wedding on that day so they could get married on their dating anniversary?

guests > date on calender
married date > dating date

climbingsingle

Holy jeez. Talk about an overreaction. 

Do brunch/lunch. It's never too early for celebratory drinks. 

Knottie21832397

I wanted to thank you all for the wonderful advice, your right I did overreact. And brunch is a fabulous idea, I can't believe I didn't think of it before.  So I now know that I shouldn't have any sort of reception as its not what it is including dancing, or any of the other traditional items. I guess I shouldn't even call it a wedding either. I suppose that's not what it is. So I will wait until I have more acceptable plans, ones that are perfect for everyone involved, because the guests are of course the reason I'm getting married after all. I won't use our dating anniversary because its juvenile, and the exact same thing as someone in high school celebrating a two week anniversary. I'll just pick a day that works perfect for everyone, regardless of when it is so that I know I will have accommodated all my guests needs. Thank you all again for all the support, ideas, and now rules I now know I have to follow in order to have a correct wedding. I won't have it until everything is correct. I hope you all find the same kind of support and kindness I have found on this site.

lennonkdc

martha1818 said:

Knottie21832397 said:

I wanted to thank you all for the wonderful advice, your right I did overreact. And brunch is a fabulous idea, I can't believe I didn't think of it before.  So I now know that I shouldn't have any sort of reception as its not what it is including dancing, or any of the other traditional items. I guess I shouldn't even call it a wedding either. I suppose that's not what it is. So I will wait until I have more acceptable plans, ones that are perfect for everyone involved, because the guests are of course the reason I'm getting married after all. I won't use our dating anniversary because its juvenile, and the exact same thing as someone in high school celebrating a two week anniversary. I'll just pick a day that works perfect for everyone, regardless of when it is so that I know I will have accommodated all my guests needs. Thank you all again for all the support, ideas, and now rules I now know I have to follow in order to have a correct wedding. I won't have it until everything is correct. I hope you all find the same kind of support and kindness I have found on this site.

Here's some new advice, OP. Don't get married. You're clearly 12.

You CAN do whatever you want OP, we are just a group of disinterested 3rd parties, who as such will tell you what you friends and family won't say out loud, but are totally thinking. 

chibiyui

Just elope. You obviously don't care about anyone else.

CMGragain

Knottie21832397 said:

I wanted to thank you all for the wonderful advice, your right I did overreact. And brunch is a fabulous idea, I can't believe I didn't think of it before.  So I now know that I shouldn't have any sort of reception as its not what it is including dancing, or any of the other traditional items. I guess I shouldn't even call it a wedding either. I suppose that's not what it is. So I will wait until I have more acceptable plans, ones that are perfect for everyone involved, because the guests are of course the reason I'm getting married after all. I won't use our dating anniversary because its juvenile, and the exact same thing as someone in high school celebrating a two week anniversary. I'll just pick a day that works perfect for everyone, regardless of when it is so that I know I will have accommodated all my guests needs. Thank you all again for all the support, ideas, and now rules I now know I have to follow in order to have a correct wedding. I won't have it until everything is correct. I hope you all find the same kind of support and kindness I have found on this site.

A reception is when you receive your guests (parents) and offer them food and drink.
A "wedding reception" is a reception for your ceremony guests (parents) on your wedding day.

Neither has anything to do with dancing, bouquet tossing, or any other customs.  You are confusing tradition with etiquette.  Etiquette is required.  Tradition is not.

yogablossom

I'll tell you right now, OP (and lurkers for that matter), I was a part of a two day wedding celebration and as someone who was in the wedding party and celebrating with mutual friends who were guests, it was HELLA confusing (a very disorganized wedding weekend) and really, really inconvenient for EVERYONE involved.  People said they had fun at the reception, which occurred another day after the wedding, but we all complained amongst ourselves about how inconvenient it was to attend an entire weekend celebration. The worst part was being a part of the ceremony the night before as a guest or bridal party member and not being received by ANYONE following the ceremony. We all literally left and dispersed our own way or to a friend's house. FI and I ended up at Wendy's for dinner on the way home because of the late ceremony and nothing provided to use before or after. Then we had to get up the next day and do it all over again. Awkward.