Am I bridezilla or is MOH conceited?

MGP

Just wanted to say I have food in my fridge that is older than Crazy Pants MOH's relationship.

Anoxymous

short+sassy said:

So sorry to hear this is happening!  I've been there.  It is hard to see a friendship you care about slipping away.  Obviously there is something wacky going on in your friends' life...even if it is just in her own head and she doesn't realize it.  Buying things for a wedding with "one month" guy, who hasn't even proposed is super wackadoodle.

I doubt any of this has anything to do with you. One of the other PPs mentioned a "quarter life" crisis.  It definitely sounds like some kind of inner unhappiness like that.  She may not even realize she is feeling unfulfilled/unhappy and so keeps telling you everything is "fine".

My best suggestion is to keep the doors open but, for your own sanity, limit contact with her.  Do more waiting for her to contact you.

When I was in my early 20s, I had a VERY similar situation to you, except there were no weddings involved.  My BFF met a guy and, at least to me, it looked like a dysfunctional relationship.

But I never badmouthed him, just tried my best to keep our friendship strong and on course.  However, HE didn't like me and after a few months, my BFF really withdrew.  She kept our conversations short and never wanted to go out anymore.  And really just made me feel like she was mad at me and didn't like me.

Finally, I'd had enough, and after one of those short, curt phone conversations, I said to myself I wasn't going to initiate another phone call.  She had to call me next.

And she did...TWO years later.  I kid you not.  Turns out her and the BF had gotten engaged at some point and she had recently ended their relationship because he was physically abusive.  Long story short, she apologized for her treatment of me and we had some good heart-to-hearts and rekindled the friendship.  In fact, we are still friends to this day. ..and all that was over 15 years ago.

Oh wow. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry about your friend being physically abused, that shouldn't happen to anyone! I'm glad she's out of that situation and that you guys are good friends now.

Anoxymous

UPDATE! So Friday she called me to tell me that she was coming to town (since she was staying her boyfriend in town which is only an hour away) the next day (yesterday) and that she should probably go in to get measured and fitted for a dress and asked if I wanted to go with. I said yes and told her which store the dress was. She said cool I'll have "my baby" drop me off at (and she also said that she didn't want to wear a Quinceanera dress or a straight dress because she has curves) and would probably be at the store about 12:15ish and hopefully they can get her in. So I called the store and made an appointment for 1230 surprisingly they had this space available. So yesterday I go in and sit for about half an hour and she hasn't shown up. I text her to see if she's alright and if she's coming and ten minutes later I get a response. "Oh um, I thought you were going to pick me up. But I guess I'll get "my baby" to drop me off."

At this point I'm already on edge and she doesn't make it any better or easier for me when she walks through the door. She tells me "Oh hey sorry I'm late... my... car broke down and then I got a $15 ticket." I really don't buy the excuse since she already told me something completely different. But I try to drop it so everything can go smoothly and tell her that I'm thankful she made it safely and that I was sorry that her "car broke down and she got a ticket." So then we go downstairs and the lady pulls the sample dress that I really liked and had C try it on, mind you this sample dress is emerald green (the color she wanted to wear in the first place). And the dress looked really good on her not gonna lie. She seemed to really like it too, but then she goes "Oh yeah I really like this dress plus the color." I told her that she wouldn't be wearing that color and she rolled her eyes and looked away.

I was at my breaking point. I know this sounds really petty, but all the events leading up to this point just threw me for a loop and set my on edge. So let's go back a few weeks to the end of October. C invited my fiance and I to her halloween party. Now I love Halloween so I got super excited and asked what I could bring. She said something other than sweets. I said okay and decided on making deviled eggs and a Monster in a coffin type thing (I cut up a bell pepper and made it look like a monster escaping from a coffin which was made of bread). I thought it was very creative and cute. Well on our way up my fiance's car started over heating so we had to turn back. I called C to tell her that we would be a little late since we had to switch cars real fast. Now when we got there C didn't look very happy since all of her guests were on the couch watching cartoons and eventually youtube. I handed her the monster thing and eggs. She rolled her eyes at both of these items, but set them in the kitchen on the counter away from the decorated table with all of the food that she prepared prior. I felt very hurt by this since there was plenty of room on the table for it. Nobody touched that food let alone even noticed it for the entire time we were there. Now my fiance really wasn't having a good time since he spent most of the time being ignored by everyone and plus that day was the 11th anniversary of his dad's passing. I completely understood how he was feeling, but he had told me before we had left for C's place that he should get out of the house and try to make the best of the day. So C finally noticed him and walked up to him with an attitude saying "You look like you really don't want to be here. If you didn't want to come you shouldn't have." He goes "It's not that I don't want to be here, C. This is the aniiversary of my dad's death." All she could say with the same attitude was "I have no idea what to even say to that" and walked away like nothing happened. He felt very insulted after that and after a little while we left.
So that from above plus all the other things that had happened previously had gotten me on edge. Maybe it is petty. I'm sorry. But it wasn't over. Fast forward back to Saturday in the car as I'm driving her home, since nothing interesting happened since then. I couldn't take it anymore. I told her "C, I need to talk to you and you know I should have talked to you sooner, but I guess now is as good a time as any. I feel very hurt that you blew me off  when you promised to come with me to pick out my dress, because instead you chose to go on a camping trip with your boyfriend which was planned after I had made an appointment. I feel very hurt as well what you told me in the mall one day and I quote 'well it was either going with you and disapointing him or going with him and disapointing you. So either someone was going to be disappointed and I guess you were the better option to disappoint.' That really stings C, I mean we're supposed to be friends, you shouldn't give in and disappoint anyone if you really cared. Speaking of which, I don't think you really cared to begin with. Whenever I brought up the wedding you either ignored what I had to say, changed to subject or dismissed it entirely. Actually whenever I tried to talk in general you cut me off and acted like I wasn't saying anything at all. I think you used me and treated me like sh*t  and whenever I tried to to do something nice for you, you threw it back in my face."
Her response was "I step down from being the maid of honor. Look to someone else to be it. I don't think I'm going to be available to do things that I "supposed" to do for "your" wedding, because you don't understand! I'm going through a lot right now! You're not! You're not going through anything jsut planning a wedding that's not as important as what I'm going through. So all I can say is I'm sorry I can't turn back time and make things right."

"How long have you been feeling that way?" I asked.

"Ever since trying to move out of this town," she replied. (She had been planning to move since June ever since she met her "baby".)
"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep ignoring me and lying to me and breaking your promises. We're supposed to be friends. I ask you all the time how you are doing and what's going on. I tell you everytime we speak that I am here for you if you need or want to talk. and for the record, I don't know what you are going through, but for you to say that you are the only one who has problems and the only one who's going through things is just self-centered and rude. You should have told me when you had these thoughts and feelings instead of leading me on."

I was in the middle of a sentence before she got out of the car and walked away from me. She didn't want to listen to me tell her that she been so rude and selfish towards me and probably other people too. I know it probably wasn't the best way to go about it. I don't blame all of this on her either, it's a two way street. I could have done more for her, but she needed to be there for me too, but she just couldn't reciprocate those actions. I can't believe she gave up the title so easily.
She texted me later on saying that she wasn't ending the friendship, but said she just wasn't right for the maid of honor "position". I have no idea what to say or think about this. I can honestly tell you that I feel like I've just been cast aside because she was too selfish to something nice for me, who has been there for her rain or shine. But for her to say that she isn't ending the friendship, I think she's just lying to me again. Maybe she doesn't want to end the friendship because she's too selfish or she knows that I was the only person who has been there for her. I was the one to reach out to her wishing her well and doing nice things for her when no one else did. So by her walking away wouldn't you all say that she had already ended it and doesn't even want to try be friends or whatever reciprocate those actions? Thinking back on it, she yelled at me countless time for petty things for example a few months ago, before she met her boyfriend, she had gotten a job at a call center that offered a 401k plan after a few months of employment. She yelled at me saying that she didn't think she was going to have enough money to put into that 401k and that she was disappointed in me that I didn't have enough money saved up to BUY A HOUSE! I didn't know what to say to that either... since it wasn't her business and plus it didn't make sense that she was yelling at me because of that.

I also tried to talk to her before as well. We were hanging out before she had to go back up to see her "baby" and she asked me what was wrong, since I told her I had a lot on my mind. I told her that I feel like I'm completely alone. She cut me off once again to say that "You need to go see a doctor so they can perscribe you some anti-depressents." Why didn't I go off on her then? She asked what was wrong, if she was just going to dismiss everything I was saying and cut me off, why ask and pretend you care?
 There was another time when she was completely rude and uncaring as well that I didn't mention before (because maybe it wasn't important, but now I think it is.) My fiance and I thought we were pregnant (and again this was before she met her boyfriend). I hadn't had my period in over two months. Turns out I wasn't pregnant. When I told her, I was so upset all she could do was smile at me and say "it's good you're not pregnant." As if it was a good thing, clearly I was crying and very upset. She just stared at me smiling like it didn't matter.
She treated me like a fart in a hot skillet, who ignored me on countless times, was completely rude and selfish in her actions, and insulted me, my fiance and everything that I tried to do for her, but yet she still wants to be in the wedding just not as the MOH. I'm going to talk to her today or at least message her and tell her not to pick up her dress (since I already canceled the order yesterday after this went down and it was still early enough to do so.) I'm also going to explain that I think it's unfair that she still expects me to treat her the same way I did before; as a friend. I realize now, and after rereading all the responses on here, that she never really was a friend and that she was just using me because I was the nice guy, but not now. I guess I know now what she thinks of me; just a piece of meat who doesn't have any feelings whatsoever and who isn't going through anything.

I'm sorry this was really long, longer than I had intended. So if you made it this far, I thank you kindly for hearing me b***h and moan and i appreciate you guys responding and sticking with me all this time.  So what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing in telling her how I felt, or should I have just kept my mouth shut?

Anoxymous

MGP said:

Just wanted to say I have food in my fridge that is older than Crazy Pants MOH's relationship.

LOL! Yeah so do I.

MairePoppy

You did the right thing by telling her how you feel. She lies so much that she can't keep her stories straight. I couldn't be friends with someone like that. The two of you need a long, long break from each other.

Anoxymous

MairePoppy said:

You did the right thing by telling her how you feel. She lies so much that she can't keep her stories straight. I couldn't be friends with someone like that. The two of you need a long, long break from each other.

I hope I did the right thing. Yes I agree that we need a long break from one another. I just can't believe it, you know?

strawberrybee9

You definitely did nothing wrong! In fact, you were extremely polite for an extremely long time, but everyone has their breaking point. You did the right thing by standing up for yourself, in my opinion.

If you end up losing the friendship, well... it doesn't sound like she was much of a friend to you anyway.

Even so, I'm really sorry you are going through this.

ETA: Meant to say this as well, but then forgot -- honestly, it sounds like she is very very jealous that you're getting married, and she can't deal with it.

Anoxymous

strawberrybee9 said:

You definitely did nothing wrong! In fact, you were extremely polite for an extremely long time, but everyone has their breaking point. You did the right thing by standing up for yourself, in my opinion.

If you end up losing the friendship, well... it doesn't sound like she was much of a friend to you anyway.

Even so, I'm really sorry you are going through this.

ETA: Meant to say this as well, but then forgot -- honestly, it sounds like she is very very jealous that you're getting married, and she can't deal with it.

Thanks, I hate to come to terms with it, I mean she was my best friend. But I can't keep living like I was. I hope I did do the right thing. But now it's more of just trying to move on and make her see that she isn't going to bring me down just because she can't handle or face the truth, right?

mrsk616

just let her remove herself from the wedding. tell her what she needs to get dress wise and if she doesnt get it then she removed herself from the wedding. Problem solved.

she sounds rude and selfish. i would be pissed if someone dissed my ring, actually i stopped talking a manager at work because he acted like my ring was fake. 

agenevieve22016

What the f$)& ??? Is she 15? Clearly you made a bad choice on having her in your wedding if she had been acting like this to you prior to the wedding. And u have to talk to her about the wedding if she's your MOh wtf is the point of having her if she's being a total c rag all the time when you bring it up?? I would tell her that the other girls want to be in contact about having a shower and doing all that and go from there and see how that goes. Otherwise you may need to give that MoH title to someone less self absorbed .

afterimage

You sound like a very patient and caring friend, and even if you considered C to be your best friend, I'm guessing there are lots of other friends in your life who will appreciate you more.  I think it will be healthy for you to not have her around for a while.  All the best with your wedding and relationships!

holyguacamole79

plainjane0415

agenevieve22016 said:

What the f$)& ??? Is she 15? Clearly you made a bad choice on having her in your wedding if she had been acting like this to you prior to the wedding. And u have to talk to her about the wedding if she's your MOh wtf is the point of having her if she's being a total c rag all the time when you bring it up?? I would tell her that the other girls want to be in contact about having a shower and doing all that and go from there and see how that goes. Otherwise you may need to give that MoH title to someone less self absorbed .

What's a c rag?