Wedding Dress Purchased ... Not in Love

xkatie21

I'm just looking for some helpful insight here ladies...

My wedding is September 5, 2015 and at the end of July 2014, I purchased a wedding dress that at the time I loved.

It was the first dress I tried with my mom and sister by my side, as they both live in Orlando, FL. When I picked up my dress earlier this week and tried it on, I was overwhelmed with doubt and uncertainty. My fiance is completely on board with me continuing to look for a dress, as long as I can sell the current one (as the store does not allow returns/exchanges.)

Has this happened to others? I feel so stressed out over this, it's making the whole idea of a wedding seem awful!!

missdelilah

It's happened to few people on this site, and hopefully some of them will weigh in. Think about the reasons you no longer love it. Can these be solved with alterations? If so, it's probably easiest to consult a professional and see what can be done with it. If it's outright style problem, it's probably best to sell it. There are tons of websites through which you can do this, and great classifieds section here where you can advertise. I hope things work out for you.

msuprincess04

Dress regret is pretty common, but so much of that just comes from nerves. As above, with some alterations, a little emelishments (like a belt or sash), and paired with the right veil and hair, the dress often turns out to be as perfect as it was when the bride bought it. That said, if you don't think you can salvage it, remember that you will only be able to sell it for about half what you bought it for. People buy pre-owed dresses looking for a discount, and a big one at that. Can you afford to lose that?

emmaaa

It happened to me. I bought my dress in January and it wasn't scheduled to come in until July. I did the one thing everyone recommends against, I looked at pictures of me in my current dress, and the other dress I liked. I panicked a little bit. When my dress came in, I still loved it and knew I made the right choice.

It is easy to feel unsure about the decision. You need to be honest with yourself here. Do you not love it because you kept looking and see other you like or have you not looked at all and just don't like the dress anymore? If it is the former, stop looking! There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one.

However, if it is the latter, maybe sell it and move on. You have plenty of time to find another dress. You need to feel amazing and beauitful in your dress, if the current one is making you feel that way, then sell it and buy another one. 

sarahufl

I bought my dress at Thanksgiving for a July wedding. I didn't put it on again till April, when I went for my first fitting.

The other girls in the room were wearing these big, traditional gowns and mine just felt soooo plain and very, very simple. I had a twinge of dress regret. I still liked it, but I was just not really loving it.

When I put it on the day of my wedding- with hair, make up, accessories, my veil, I LOVED it. I felt so pretty and I remembered why I wanted it in the first place.

Car2992

This happened to me. I really felt  no love for the first dress I bought and ended up going to David's Bridal (I know they have mixed reviews, but they came through for me!) and got a 2nd dress....it came in in 1.5weeks.

Good luck! I'm trying to sell my first dress now

missdelilah

emmaaa said:

It is easy to feel unsure about the decision. You need to be honest with yourself here. Do you not love it because you kept looking and see other you like or have you not looked at all and just don't like the dress anymore? If it is the former, stop looking! There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one.

This is exactly how I feel, albeit with a lot more eloquent and sensible speech explaining why.  

emmaaa

missdelilah said:

emmaaa said:

It is easy to feel unsure about the decision. You need to be honest with yourself here. Do you not love it because you kept looking and see other you like or have you not looked at all and just don't like the dress anymore? If it is the former, stop looking! There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one.

This is exactly how I feel, albeit with a lot more eloquent and sensible speech explaining why.  

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I had to explain why with eloquent and sensible speech.

buttercup1958

Maybe post some pictures of you in it? I bet you look great! But if you don't love it, you have time to sell this dress and get a new one.

jenijoyk

This totally happened to me! And so many nice girls on this site talked me down from the ledge.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1034307/did-anyone-hate-their-dress-when-they-went-in-for-their-first-fitting-and-then-completely-freak-out#latest

For me, I think I had a lot of anxiety over how I purchased my dress - I went with my girlfriends instead of my mom and it really hurt her feelings - and I think I was confusing my stress over that baggage with stress over the dress being the wrong one. I also lost almost 20 pounds since purchasing my dress in January and was dealing with weird body image issues. Not to mention the general stress of my wedding fast approaching... I was taking it all out on my gown. It was like a boogyman in my closet. A boogyman I ulimately vanquished with a really big glass of wine and wearing my dress around my house for an hour.

Before giving up on your dress like I was about to, maybe first make sure you're not projecting other wedding-related stress onto it. That's definitely what I was doing. But if you're not, and it's just not the right dress, then you might as well try and find a different one. You have so much time! You'll figure it out.

manateehugger

I totally doubted my dress choice. Dress stress and regret is incredibly common.

1. If you feel like it, post pictures of the dress.
2. If you need alterations, the dress isn't going to look great on you yet because it hasn't been customized for you yet.
3. Yeah, "the dress" is a stupid concept that I sometimes feel was created to specifically stress brides out and make them search for dresses. You will look beautiful in multiple dresses, and you will love more than one.
4. If you are still looking at dresses online, STOP. You will drive yourself insane. There are so many gorgeous dresses out there and you will love lots of them. This would be like continuing to date after you've accepted a proposal from a person you love.

missdelilah

emmaaa said:

missdelilah said:

emmaaa said:

It is easy to feel unsure about the decision. You need to be honest with yourself here. Do you not love it because you kept looking and see other you like or have you not looked at all and just don't like the dress anymore? If it is the former, stop looking! There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one.

This is exactly how I feel, albeit with a lot more eloquent and sensible speech explaining why.  

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I had to explain why with eloquent and sensible speech.

It just makes a whole lot more sense when you explain why you think believe this, rather than me just stating that I believe this.  I could never really articulate why, except that most ladies are going to feel absolutely gorgeous in any number of dresses.  Does that make any sense?  

I hate the bloody lack of tone of voice online.  The original statement was made as a compliment.

emmaaa

missdelilah said:

emmaaa said:

missdelilah said:

emmaaa said:

It is easy to feel unsure about the decision. You need to be honest with yourself here. Do you not love it because you kept looking and see other you like or have you not looked at all and just don't like the dress anymore? If it is the former, stop looking! There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one.

This is exactly how I feel, albeit with a lot more eloquent and sensible speech explaining why.  

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I had to explain why with eloquent and sensible speech.

It just makes a whole lot more sense when you explain why you think believe this, rather than me just stating that I believe this.  I could never really articulate why, except that most ladies are going to feel absolutely gorgeous in any number of dresses.  Does that make any sense?  

I hate the bloody lack of tone of voice online.  The original statement was made as a compliment.

Thank you. I did think I explained by saying "There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one." Basically, there are a ton of dresses that are beautiful, there is no "one."

And yeah, lack of tone over the internet is hard to interpret. 

jenijoyk

emmaaa said:

missdelilah said:

emmaaa said:

missdelilah said:

emmaaa said:

It is easy to feel unsure about the decision. You need to be honest with yourself here. Do you not love it because you kept looking and see other you like or have you not looked at all and just don't like the dress anymore? If it is the former, stop looking! There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one.

This is exactly how I feel, albeit with a lot more eloquent and sensible speech explaining why.  

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I had to explain why with eloquent and sensible speech.

It just makes a whole lot more sense when you explain why you think believe this, rather than me just stating that I believe this.  I could never really articulate why, except that most ladies are going to feel absolutely gorgeous in any number of dresses.  Does that make any sense?  

I hate the bloody lack of tone of voice online.  The original statement was made as a compliment.

Thank you. I did think I explained by saying "There are thousands of dresses out there and many beautiful ones. The idea of one dress being "the one" is insane. If you look beautiful and feel beautiful, make it the one." Basically, there are a ton of dresses that are beautiful, there is no "one."

And yeah, lack of tone over the internet is hard to interpret. 

I think she originally meant YOU were the eloquent one and YOU were the one who explained it nicely, and SHE was the less eloquent one who failed to explain it. Not the other way around.

missdelilah

Thanks both @emmaaa and @jenijoyk.  I did mean that I hadn't explained it very well, but I thought emmaaa's explanation was very good.

emmaaa

My reading comprehension skills really suck today. I'm also on my period, sorry @missdelilah!

missdelilah

Not a problem @emmaaa!  My self expression skills sometimes suck.  I think it comes from writing too many academic papers.

dragonavicious

I haven't even completely paid my dress off and I am still having second thoughts. My sister was my bridal consultant and she did a great job, we narrowed it down to two!  After that I picked one that was simpler and looked great on me but then I started thinking that I really wanted the other one. 

You just have to remember what it is you liked about the dress and, for me, my concern is that I didn't pick "The One". My family really buys into that and I never did but when I never had that moment of clarity it kind of freaked me out. Suddenly this would stop being a dream dress and become the dress, relegated the past tense. It made me wonder if this was the dress I wanted to be my wedding dress for the rest of my life.  Then I realized that both were equally beautiful, equally me, but I chose the one I did because it was less heavy and moved better. I would be able to dance all night with mine. And, I love to dance. 

So just remind yourself why you liked it in the first place, ask if the things you don't like can be changed and definitely stop looking at dresses. My dress wasn't my dream dress, in that it wasn't the image I had in my head of what it would look like so if you keep looking it might keep adding the uncertainty to your stress. 

If you are absolutely certain that you don't like the dress and can't make accommodations for it, then I think cut your losses while you can to keep costs down and be prepared for the extra cost. 

xkatie21

Thank each and every single one of you for the kind words! I feel a sigh of relief tonight, that is for sure. The dress is actually a little bit small, so it's not a too big issue of it not fitting properly and me not being able to actually see how I look in it.

My mom and sister live in the Orlando area and I'm in Chicagoland. They came into town for a week to help with the wedding planning and we were at an appt to find bridesmaid dresses. I just so happened to see this dress while we were there and I could not take my eyes off of it the entire time.

When I tried it on, my hands started shaking, my heart was racing and I was short of breath. I took one look at my mom and I instantly stated to cry.

My hesitation comes from the fact that it's the complete opposite of what I had always imagined myself in. In fact, I still have never tried that dress on.

I know I shouldn't keep looking at dresses seen as I bought mine already, but of course I have been. So that's not helping either.

I've decided that at this point, I'm just going to let it be. I know that I still have so much time. So I'm going to focus on other aspects of the wedding and then try it on again after the holiday's are over and see how I feel.

Again, I appreciate all of your input ladies. Thank you all so, so much!

flyingfoxes

I'm going through that now.  I bought mine back in January, but then made the mistake of continuing to look at dresses. I'm smitten with Maggie Sottero dresses currently, but I'm wondering if it's just the corset back that I'm coveting, and if I change my dress to a corset back, maybe that will cure my wandering eye.  I also haven't tried everything on together yet. 

Pepperally

@xkatie21 - The thing is, a) you bought your dress sooner rather than later, so you have all of this time to look at other dresses to imagine yourself in, b) you had this idea of what you thought you'd wear, and the dress you bought was not in that initial image.  These are things that are bound to happen to a good majority of brides when they a) have a longer engagement, b) think that they were supposed to wear a certain "vision" dress.  I can say that if you had all of the time in the world to think about it, you would realize that you could have several "vision" dresses.  The fact of the matter is that you TRIED something on and it gave you an absolutely fabulous emotional reaction.  Do not take this lightly.  This will cancel out any vision dress you had in mind.  I thought I was going to get married in a low budget bridesmaid dress, very simple, no thrills, etc.  I tried one of those on and knew I needed more, and ended up with everything that was NOT in my vision dress.  And I'm totally happy to wear it! 

As you said, start focusing on other elements of your wedding.  When you have a year or so to go, it's daunting.  The amount of times your vision of dresses, décor, etc. changes is up in the air.  Just stay the course. 

jensilva13

Mine is the exact opposite of what I pictured myself in too. I did try on my dream dress styles and none of them looked right. Sounds like you picked a winner

xyentruocx

I found myself in a VERY similar situation. My wedding is in March 2015 and in February 2014 I purchased my gown. I went shopping with my mom, one of my sisters, and my mom's best friend. They all fell in LOVE with the gown I bought (tears and all) but I was kind of just "meh" about it. It'a  pretty gown, just not what I ever pictured myself walking down the aisle in. I got caught up in the excitement and ordered the gown, but 2 days later I realized that I really, really didn't like it and tried to cancel - but it was too late. I decided there was nothing I could do until my gown came in, and in the meantime bought accessories (shoes, veil, a little capelet thing) to try to make it fit my "dream" idea. 

When the dress came in in June I decided I would hold off on visiting it until December, when they said I should start my alterations. Well, good thing I ended up going to visit it in July because they ordered the wrong size. It was an easy fit - they let it out 1" and it fit like a glove (well, minus being about a foot too long because I'm only 5'2") but that just cemented it in my mind: I hated the dress. And then I started looking at other dresses and having major dress regret and dress envy.

I went dress shopping a couple of times by myself over the last week or so, I didn't even tell anyone I was going, to kind of get an idea of the type of dress I ACTUALLY wanted. And to make sure that it wasn't just nerves. At each store that I went to I also had them pull my original dress and put it into the mix (without telling them that I already owned it) to see how I felt about it compared to the dresses I was trying on and it just never came close. 

This morning/afternoon my mom and I went to a few different salons to a) try on some of the gowns that I had decided on my own I liked and b) try on some new ones (my mom made me try on just about every gown in two different salons to make sure that I REALLY knew what I was doing this time, haha). And I found THE PERFECT GOWN. It's stunning. It's flattering in all the right places, hides the things I don't like, and is a gorgeous color. I had MY bridal moment - tears and all. Now the only thing I'm worried about is that it won't come in in time! With my wedding being in March it'll be cutting it a tiny bit close and I had to order a dress 4 sized too big because I'm changing it from a corset back to a zipper back, and they need lots of extra fabric to do that, apparently.

Long story short: If you genuinely feel that your original dress is "not you" then take a little PRIVATE field trip and try on some gowns that you think are more your speed - including the dream dress that you never tried on. It's your wedding day and you should feel 100% comfortable and happy. Who knows, you might try on that dream dress and realize that you don't love it as much as you thought you would! However, if you think it just might be dress envy or maybe even just some nerves about how it will look once it's all finished etc, then I would agree with the others that once you are able to try on your dress with everything (veil, shoes, maybe a sash or something) you could fall completely in love with it again. You've still got plenty of time to make your decision!