FFIL complaining about hotel

jules3964

FFIL is driving us crazy. He can't decide which hotel to stay in, and keeps calling FI about it. 

A little back story: Our October wedding is in a beautiful, yet remote area on the coast. It's a very popular tourist destination, so we sent hotel information to family last November so people could start  making plans. Because it's a remote area where camping is prevalent, almost all hotel options are more on the "rustic" side. So while they are definitely clean & comfortable, they don't have TVs. We have a room block at one of these, which is the largest hotel in the area. But your typical Holiday Inn is about an hour away.

So, back to FFIL. He doesn't want to stay at a place without a TV. He'd rather stay at a hotel an hour away, but is concerned about the drive at night (which we made him aware of -- it'll be a long drive on a windy road). FI repeatedly tells him "do what you want, but it will make it easier on yourself if you stay in town." Apparently FFIL can't take that for an answer, really needs his TV, and keeps calling with the same questions. 

He's now asking about a shuttle, which is making me feel guilty. When we first started planning the wedding, we considered having a shuttle to this other city, but decided it was too expensive and that people wouldn't want to take an hour-long shuttle ride anyway. Fast-forward to now, and most people are staying close to the wedding and not complaining about the accommodations.

Was it rude of us to expect people to stay in a hotel without TV? Honestly I think FFIL is being kinda ridiculous about it (because I'm not sure when he'll even have time to watch TV--it's just for two nights).

KatieinBkln

Your FFIL is being ridiculous and childish. If he cannot go one or two nights without TV, then he has to drive himself to a further town. If he will not or cannot drive himself to a further town, then he must go without TV. Hard choices*, but he has to make them himself without asking you and his son to manage his feelings about them, or provide a solution for him. He is a grown man.

*No, they are not. 

KatieinBkln

KatieinBkln said:

Your FFIL is being ridiculous and childish. If he cannot go one or two nights without TV, then he has to drive himself to a further town. If he will not or cannot drive himself to a further town, then he must go without TV. Hard choices*, but he has to make them himself without asking you and his son to manage his feelings about them, or provide a solution for him. He is a grown man.

*No, they are not. 

Gah, quoting myself because it's not allowing me to edit (@KnotPorscha, is this something tech can fix?): It should be "farther," not "further" above. 

NYCMercedes

Stand your ground. You are not being unrealistic. Do they have wifi?

jules3964

NYCMercedes said:

Stand your ground. You are not being unrealistic. Do they have wifi?

No, that specific hotel we blocked doesn't have wifi, but some others do. And there are a couple restaurants close by that do.

mysticl

Portable DVD player. Problem solved.

short+sassy

This sounds just bizarre!  I'm assuming he will be busy hanging out with family, going to the RD, the wedding, etc. for most of the visit.  For the little bit of "downtime" he'll have, what is so hard about bringing a book...or one of those portable DVD players, throw in a movie, and viola..tv substitute.

Definitely stand firm.  Can you imagine if you paid big bucks for a shuttle and the ONLY guest on it was FFIL?  I bet he'd feel really silly then.

 

manateehugger

I'd have FI email him a list of suggestions - hotel with wifi and a netflix account, portable dvd player, a magazine, good book recommendations and say, "Here's what we can offer - and that's it. Your decision from here. We can't help you any further. Sorry, Dad."

My dad would pull this kind of bullshit. I usually send him options and then refuse to engage afterward. 

lyndausvi

Your FFIL is being ridiculous.  I would not have a shuttle.  Stand your ground.

That said, this is why some people do not like DW or semi-DW.    Some people are rustic, camping want to get away from it all types.   Others not so much.     This is the nature of the beast when picking such a location.   People are being "forced" to spend time and money at a location they would rather not go to.  I say "forced" because, lets face it parents are almost required to attend their own kids weddings.

 Anyway, I would just have your FI tell your dad he needs to shut up now.  You get it, he doesn't like the location.  No amount of complaining is going to change the location.  So either not come or deal with it.  Either way the discussion is closed.

jules3964

short+sassy said:

This sounds just bizarre!  I'm assuming he will be busy hanging out with family, going to the RD, the wedding, etc. for most of the visit.  For the little bit of "downtime" he'll have, what is so hard about bringing a book...or one of those portable DVD players, throw in a movie, and viola..tv substitute.

Definitely stand firm.  Can you imagine if you paid big bucks for a shuttle and the ONLY guest on it was FFIL?  I bet he'd feel really silly then.

I know, right?? It's almost like he's trying to create drama for attention. With the family dinner the night before and the wedding on Saturday, I don't even think there will be that much downtime. And if he spends his downtime driving back and forth to the other city, he'll have even less time to watch TV.

theartistformerlyknownas

I found a shuttle for him.

jules3964

lyndausvi said:

Your FFIL is being ridiculous.  I would not have a shuttle.  Stand your ground.

That said, this is why some people do not like DW or semi-DW.    Some people are rustic, camping want to get away from it all types.   Others not so much.     This is the nature of the beast when picking such a location.   People are being "forced" to spend time and money at a location they would rather not go to.  I say "forced" because, lets face it parents are almost required to attend their own kids weddings.

 Anyway, I would just have your FI tell your dad he needs to shut up now.  You get it, he doesn't like the location.  No amount of complaining is going to change the location.  So either not come or deal with it.  Either way the discussion is closed.

Yeah, this is why I feel somewhat guilty. But we did check with all VIPs before deciding the date and location. Honestly we both feel like if someone doesn't want to go or feels forced to… we'd rather they just not attend. We originally wanted to elope, but decided to do the semi-DW. 

FI doesn't have the best relationship with his dad to begin with, so this isn't really helping.

jules3964

@lolo883 - HAHA! Love it.

lyndausvi

jules3964 said:

lyndausvi said:

Your FFIL is being ridiculous.  I would not have a shuttle.  Stand your ground.

That said, this is why some people do not like DW or semi-DW.    Some people are rustic, camping want to get away from it all types.   Others not so much.     This is the nature of the beast when picking such a location.   People are being "forced" to spend time and money at a location they would rather not go to.  I say "forced" because, lets face it parents are almost required to attend their own kids weddings.

 Anyway, I would just have your FI tell your dad he needs to shut up now.  You get it, he doesn't like the location.  No amount of complaining is going to change the location.  So either not come or deal with it.  Either way the discussion is closed.

Yeah, this is why I feel somewhat guilty. But we did check with all VIPs before deciding the date and location. Honestly we both feel like if someone doesn't want to go or feels forced to… we'd rather they just not attend. We originally wanted to elope, but decided to do the semi-DW. 

FI doesn't have the best relationship with his dad to begin with, so this isn't really helping.

just have FI tell him you get it, he doesn't like the options.  However, these are the options and either pick one or  not come.   Whatever the case you don't want to hear about it anymore. 

Sometimes you do have to be that point blank with some people.

photokitty

Is he driving to the hotel? If he needs a TV that bad, pack one and bring it along. 

The most I would do is ask the hotel if he can rent one, maybe they'll put the one in the lobby in his room for the night :-p

loveislouder

The way I look at it - he's not going to have a ton of time to watch TV anyway so he shouldn't worry about it.

southernbelle0915

How strange... A grown man who can't figure out how to solve his own lodging problems, or live without television for the weekend.

If I'm your FI, it would be "welp, gotta go" as soon as FFIL brings up lodging. Every single time. 

PrettyGirlLost

southernbelle0915 said:

How strange... A grown man who can't figure out how to solve his own lodging problems, or live without television for the weekend.

If I'm your FI, it would be "welp, gotta go" as soon as FFIL brings up lodging. Every single time. 

Either that or her FI should give FFIL the name and number of a travel agent.

sarawifenow

Yeah I got nothing. He is being very childish. I would tell you FI that he needs to let FFIL know that these are his options. Pick one. Move on.

beethery

BOOKS, HAS HE HEARD OF THEM???????

MF needs to use this for entertainment:

sophhabobopha

FFIL needs to pick up a damn book.

Jen4948

If he doesn't like what the available accommodations have to offer, he will have to stay at a hotel an hour away. If he doesn't care for that, he will have to get over it.

hellosweetie1015

...I mean, my mom would HAVE to stay in the hotel an hour away. She has-has-has to have the TV on at night. If it goes off - like if the power goes out or when Netflix hits its four-episode limit - she wakes up immediately. She cannot go to sleep without it, and she can't sleep if it's off. 

That being said, I KNOW she would not make that big of a deal out of it. She would suck it up, and while I'd ensure she had a taxi home in case she decided to drink a (yes, just one...) beer, I wouldn't go out of my way for her because she'd have issues with that.

Now, if she WERE to make a fuss... I'd tell her to cry me a river, probably, and then tell her it was her choice and to get over it. If you're fussing at me over something so minor as missing an episode of Friends, you're not getting preferential treatment.

climbingsingle

He's being totally ridiculous. He really can't go a night or two without a TV? 

Our venue (a mountain resort) doesn't have TVs in their rooms either. Thankfully I haven't heard any complaints yet. 

theartistformerlyknownas

I would think anyone that dependent on having a TV at all times would have a portable one they brought along with them.

jnissa

Give him a laptop and some dvds. Millions of traveler substitute streaming or dvd's on a laptop for TV every day.

Ok, maybe not millions. But people who travel for work and don't want to be limited to hotel basic cable  

jules3964

Thanks everyone for all your comments and suggestions! I was feeling guilty about the hotel being too "rustic" for him, but I clearly shouldn't. When I stay in a hotel, I definitely prefer to have TV too… but I can't imagine making it into an issue.

FI and I have decided to provide him with a suggested activity list (things to do in the area, borrow a portable dvd player & dvds from us, book recommendations, cards games, etc.) and then after that, FI will ignore any further discussion on the topic. 

beethery

jules3964 said:

Thanks everyone for all your comments and suggestions! I was feeling guilty about the hotel being too "rustic" for him, but I clearly shouldn't. When I stay in a hotel, I definitely prefer to have TV too… but I can't imagine making it into an issue.

FI and I have decided to provide him with a suggested activity list (things to do in the area, borrow a portable dvd player & dvds from us, book recommendations, cards games, etc.) and then after that, FI will ignore any further discussion on the topic. 

Please get him a coloring book. Please please.

jules3964

beethery said:

jules3964 said:

Thanks everyone for all your comments and suggestions! I was feeling guilty about the hotel being too "rustic" for him, but I clearly shouldn't. When I stay in a hotel, I definitely prefer to have TV too… but I can't imagine making it into an issue.

FI and I have decided to provide him with a suggested activity list (things to do in the area, borrow a portable dvd player & dvds from us, book recommendations, cards games, etc.) and then after that, FI will ignore any further discussion on the topic. 

Please get him a coloring book. Please please.

HAHAHA yes. We're on the fence about doing welcome bags, but if we do them, we could put a coloring book & crayons in his. Sounds great.

climbingsingle

beethery said:

jules3964 said:

Thanks everyone for all your comments and suggestions! I was feeling guilty about the hotel being too "rustic" for him, but I clearly shouldn't. When I stay in a hotel, I definitely prefer to have TV too… but I can't imagine making it into an issue.

FI and I have decided to provide him with a suggested activity list (things to do in the area, borrow a portable dvd player & dvds from us, book recommendations, cards games, etc.) and then after that, FI will ignore any further discussion on the topic. 

Please get him a coloring book. Please please.

Yes. And an Etch-a-Sketch. 

beethery

If it makes you feel better, I keep threatening to get a full dinner setup for FFIL like this:

Because he will not cut the shit clanking glasses around us now, and saying that even if we ignore him during the reception he won't stop.

I upped the threat the other day by saying he will have ketchup and chicken nuggets for dinner that night. To quote RuPaul, "I try to always come from a place of love, but sometimes you have to break it down for a motherfucker."

Sounds like your FFIL just wants attention and this is his way of getting it. Put a coloring book in his welcome bag and ignore him in the future. You're on the right path!