Gift help/etiquette for "unofficial bridesmaids" and others

dinnerparty3

Hey Ladies! Any input/advice would be much appreciated! 

FH and I know we definitely want to get gifts for our parents, his Best Man, my MOH, and the flower girl. 

This is where it gets tricky. We happily have done things a bit differently as he has no groomsmen, and I have three informal BMs (I'm not having them buy specific dresses/walk down the aisle/stand up there with me, but I do want them there with me while I get ready on the wedding day and to take pictures with me before the ceremony). I'm basically just wondering if you think they should receive gifts or not? I'm not opposed to giving my friends gifts, but I'm just wondering if the reasoning behind bridal party gifts is because they have to spend money on a dress, possibly shoes, and because they are a part of the ceremony? So is it necessary and expected to give my unofficial BMs gifts? And to add more confusion, two of these girls have been extremely helpful to me with wedding planning and also active in planning my Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party (so regardless I would love to give them something as a token of my appreciation). The third is still a great friend and has been sweet and supportive, but she hasn't done anything above and beyond what any other friend/wedding guest would do, and she is not even sure yet if she can arrive early and get ready with me and take pictures before the wedding (so she might not even end up being part of that). Would it be rude to give my other two friends a "bridesmaid gift" (I'd give them each a completely different gift) and not the third friend (I wouldn't give the other gifts right in front of her or anything)? 

We also have three ring bearers. I have bought each of them a bow tie to wear when they walk down the aisle (and of course, it's theirs to keep afterwards). They are ages 2, 3, and 7. Should I give them a gift or are the bow ties enough? Or since they're so young should the gift be for their parents? So confused haha!

Thanks for reading!!

mysticl

dinnerparty3 said:

Hey Ladies! Any input/advice would be much appreciated! 

FH and I know we definitely want to get gifts for our parents, his Best Man, my MOH, and the flower girl. 

This is where it gets tricky. We happily have done things a bit differently as he has no groomsmen, and I have three informal BMs (I'm not having them buy specific dresses/walk down the aisle/stand up there with me, but I do want them there with me while I get ready on the wedding day and to take pictures with me before the ceremony). I'm basically just wondering if you think they should receive gifts or not? I'm not opposed to giving my friends gifts, but I'm just wondering if the reasoning behind bridal party gifts is because they have to spend money on a dress, possibly shoes, and because they are a part of the ceremony? So is it necessary and expected to give my unofficial BMs gifts? And to add more confusion, two of these girls have been extremely helpful to me with wedding planning and also active in planning my Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party (so regardless I would love to give them something as a token of my appreciation). The third is still a great friend and has been sweet and supportive, but she hasn't done anything above and beyond what any other friend/wedding guest would do, and she is not even sure yet if she can arrive early and get ready with me and take pictures before the wedding (so she might not even end up being part of that). Would it be rude to give my other two friends a "bridesmaid gift" (I'd give them each a completely different gift) and not the third friend (I wouldn't give the other gifts right in front of her or anything)? 

We also have three ring bearers. I have bought each of them a bow tie to wear when they walk down the aisle (and of course, it's theirs to keep afterwards). They are ages 2, 3, and 7. Should I give them a gift or are the bow ties enough? Or since they're so young should the gift be for their parents? So confused haha!

Thanks for reading!!

The reasoning behind bridal party gifts is to thank them for being in your wedding.  Not to offset the cost of being in the wedding.  

Since these women are not in your wedding party you don't need to thank them for being in it.  Now it is proper to give the people who host your shower and/or bachelorette party a thank you gift for that.  And it's never "wrong" to give a friend a gift.  

Bow ties are not gifts unless the person in question loves bow ties and wears them often.  I'm guessing that is not the case with these kids.  It is proper to get each of them a real gift not their parents.  We gave our ring bearer an age appropriate toy.  

dinnerparty3

Thank you!! 

CMGragain

dinnerparty3 said:

Hey Ladies! Any input/advice would be much appreciated! 

FH and I know we definitely want to get gifts for our parents, his Best Man, my MOH, and the flower girl. 

This is where it gets tricky. We happily have done things a bit differently as he has no groomsmen, and I have three informal BMs (I'm not having them buy specific dresses/walk down the aisle/stand up there with me, but I do want them there with me while I get ready on the wedding day and to take pictures with me before the ceremony). I'm basically just wondering if you think they should receive gifts or not? I'm not opposed to giving my friends gifts, but I'm just wondering if the reasoning behind bridal party gifts is because they have to spend money on a dress, possibly shoes, and because they are a part of the ceremony? So is it necessary and expected to give my unofficial BMs gifts? And to add more confusion, two of these girls have been extremely helpful to me with wedding planning and also active in planning my Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party (so regardless I would love to give them something as a token of my appreciation). The third is still a great friend and has been sweet and supportive, but she hasn't done anything above and beyond what any other friend/wedding guest would do, and she is not even sure yet if she can arrive early and get ready with me and take pictures before the wedding (so she might not even end up being part of that). Would it be rude to give my other two friends a "bridesmaid gift" (I'd give them each a completely different gift) and not the third friend (I wouldn't give the other gifts right in front of her or anything)? 

We also have three ring bearers. I have bought each of them a bow tie to wear when they walk down the aisle (and of course, it's theirs to keep afterwards). They are ages 2, 3, and 7. Should I give them a gift or are the bow ties enough? Or since they're so young should the gift be for their parents? So confused haha!

Thanks for reading!!

There is no such thing as an informal bridesmaids.  These ladies are your guests.  They are not your bridesmaids unless they are standing up with you at your ceremony.
Anyone can plan a shower or a bachelorette party for you.  They do not need to be relatives or bridesmaids to do this.  You thank them the same way you would thank any hostess who gives a party in your honor.
Having three ring bearers is fine, but I don't personally understand why it is necessary.

southernbelle0915

No, I don't think you need to get them BM gifts since they're not BMs. 

I do think it's rude,however, to give two girls a gift and not the third simply because those two girls helped you with things. These ARE your friends, right? So you love them unconditionally, right? If so, let your gift giving reflect that - and don't condition your gifts on what people do for you. If I were you, I'd just get them all corsages, pay for their mani/pedi (if doing) and call it a day.

Re. the ring bearers, things they will use for the purpose of being in your wedding aren't gifts. It's part of the uniform. I don't know these kids, but just brainstorming - the 2&3 y/o might like bath and/or sandbox toys and the 7 year old might like a super soaker or a video game. If you can't think of a good gift, talk to their parents. 

OliveOilsMom

It would be acceptable to give the two girls hostess gifts for hosting your shower or b party.  But don't otherwise give them any BM gifts.  If you want to single them out, get them corsages to wear. 

And what kid wants a bow tie as a gift?  Really, just ask yourself that question.  Most of the time, the answer will be none.  Get the RBs something else that is truly a gift to them - a toy or gift card to a store where they can pick something out on their own.  My 5 year old nephew is really into picking out his own gifts now.  He was so excited to get Target gift cards for his birthday this year!

Jen4948

If these women are not bridesmaids, then stop calling them "unofficial bridesmaids."  They don't get bridesmaid gifts, although they should get hostess gifts.

And don't give the kids bow ties as gifts.  5 year olds will not appreciate them.  Choose gifts for them the same way you would choose gifts for them for their birthdays or Christmas.

dinnerparty3

CMGragain said:

dinnerparty3 said:

Hey Ladies! Any input/advice would be much appreciated! 

FH and I know we definitely want to get gifts for our parents, his Best Man, my MOH, and the flower girl. 

This is where it gets tricky. We happily have done things a bit differently as he has no groomsmen, and I have three informal BMs (I'm not having them buy specific dresses/walk down the aisle/stand up there with me, but I do want them there with me while I get ready on the wedding day and to take pictures with me before the ceremony). I'm basically just wondering if you think they should receive gifts or not? I'm not opposed to giving my friends gifts, but I'm just wondering if the reasoning behind bridal party gifts is because they have to spend money on a dress, possibly shoes, and because they are a part of the ceremony? So is it necessary and expected to give my unofficial BMs gifts? And to add more confusion, two of these girls have been extremely helpful to me with wedding planning and also active in planning my Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party (so regardless I would love to give them something as a token of my appreciation). The third is still a great friend and has been sweet and supportive, but she hasn't done anything above and beyond what any other friend/wedding guest would do, and she is not even sure yet if she can arrive early and get ready with me and take pictures before the wedding (so she might not even end up being part of that). Would it be rude to give my other two friends a "bridesmaid gift" (I'd give them each a completely different gift) and not the third friend (I wouldn't give the other gifts right in front of her or anything)? 

We also have three ring bearers. I have bought each of them a bow tie to wear when they walk down the aisle (and of course, it's theirs to keep afterwards). They are ages 2, 3, and 7. Should I give them a gift or are the bow ties enough? Or since they're so young should the gift be for their parents? So confused haha!

Thanks for reading!!

There is no such thing as an informal bridesmaids.  These ladies are your guests.  They are not your bridesmaids unless they are standing up with you at your ceremony.
Anyone can plan a shower or a bachelorette party for you.  They do not need to be relatives or bridesmaids to do this.  You thank them the same way you would thank any hostess who gives a party in your honor.
Having three ring bearers is fine, but I don't personally understand why it is necessary.

Thank you for your response. For the ring bearers, we wanted to include all of FH's cousin's kids in the wedding (so one FG, three RBs) and not leave any of them out, especially since we did not invite any other children to our wedding. 

dinnerparty3

Thank you for your input ladies!