Friend is furious I didn't put her in wedding...

Knottie38349558

Hell naw!!! Don't invite her! It's your day! And it sounds like she is just jealous. She'll be walking around with the stank face intentionally trying to make you not have a good time. Don't invite that kind of energy there! It's not about the quantity (time), it's about the quality, and she doesn't sound like a sincere friend. That's one less person you have to pay for. I'm just saying...

beethery

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

Who in the hell told you that? That shit is wroooonnnnnng.

My bestie, who is going to be a bridesmaid, has not met my FI yet. She lives on the other side of the state, and we don't get to hang out as often as we'd like. If I didn't invite her she would rightfully be like, "SCUSE ME WTF" about it. That is a made-up crazy "rule" that is not worth following.

crystalbrook

Hell NO!!!! If anything she will probably try to hit on your husband to be...and we all know that that won't end well.

mizzcc

Glad to hear you cut her off. After reading your post and responses, I had a friend whom I known for a really long time but our friendship became toxic a few years ago and I don't speak to her because of all the shit I went through. If someone was upset that they're nit included in my wedding, I'd let them know why.

prisnepomuceno

You should not feel obligated to invite anyone to your wedding. It is such an important time of your life to share with the ones that truly loves you. Just the fact she made you feel bad when she should be making you feel happy goes to show she does not like you at all. Sometimes we try to please people too much, and we forget that we meed to be pleased too. Your wedding is your day to be pleased, not hers. Go have fun and be happy!

Knottie66137744

No. Forget her. She's a fatal attraction. Single white female.

cerdafied

I'm sorry to hear your friend is being so selfish during one of the most happy and joyous times of your adult life. I am concerned as to why you are still friends with this girl, however, I don't know your whole history and it's possible she has managed to do some thoughtful things along the friendship. I too had a friend get upset with me b/c I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid. I felt awful initially b/c she said I hurt her and that she felt I could have handled the situation better. This was all via text btw. When I tried to talk to her about the situation she did not want to talk and ignored my texts for several days. After discussing my reasons with other friends of why I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid (I did not want a large wedding party & I have closer friends that I have known longer and am closer to) b/c I needed to know if I truley did something wrong, I was told she was being selfish and that it is MY wedding so that I can choose whom I want and not worry so much about hurting feelings. After being ignored after all I tried to do was apologize I realized my friend was assuming something about my wedding which was that she would be a bridesmaid. And that assumption lead to hurt feelings. We are fine now and she never wanted to discuss it but I think it was not right for her to assume she would be in my wedding party. Your friend was assuming you would ask her to be a part of YOUR big day bc she has probably been a part of so many other things. However, regardless of what anyone tells you , at the end of the day will you regret inviting her or not inviting her. She may be hurt you didn't invite her but on your special day with people that truly love and care for you think about who want there and who deserves to be there. Obligation is not a fun way to start off anything. If you feel obligated and she is already bowing out from coming bc of expenses,etc then ask yourself if she is even making the effort for you to continue to waste yours. A real friend will figure out how to make it to your most special day regardless of personal sacrifice. Good luck and remember this is about you and your fiancé.

sarboine

Sounds like she might hit on your fiance if she had the chance. Doesn't seem like a friend hun. People come into your life for a season. I think her season has ended and you should let her know. Don't invite her and don't share any of your wedding details with her.

LoriWill0130

I was friends with a girl from the time we were 12 until we were almost 30. Sometimes these things don't last any better than any other relationship. Take this as your "get out of jail free" card and leave it be. All I can picture is her grabbing the microphone at your wedding and trying to make it all about her. Save yourself the hassle and stop being friends with her.

carrie1188aaron

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I haven't figured out how to tell my friend from high school she won't be in my wedding. She isn't exactly one who is willing to do things for others, and if anyone is going to be a diva on my wedding day, its going to be me.  Personally I think you should invite the people you can't imagine sharing your special day without. If you think your wedding wouldn't be the same without her there, then invite her.

[Deleted User]

beethery said:

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

Who in the hell told you that? That shit is wroooonnnnnng.

My bestie, who is going to be a bridesmaid, has not met my FI yet. She lives on the other side of the state, and we don't get to hang out as often as we'd like. If I didn't invite her she would rightfully be like, "SCUSE ME WTF" about it. That is a made-up crazy "rule" that is not worth following.

I personally really like this "rule", came up with it myself, and will probably put it into effect for my own guest list.  But then I've been with FH for 6 years now.  Except for work friends, how close can we really be to people our SO hasn't met in 6 years of us dating?  For example, I had a close group of high school friends.  I lived with one girl for 13 months 9 years ago.  We keep in touch on facebook, but FH has never met her because I haven't seen her in 9 years.  Are we really so close that she should get an invite to my wedding?  Or should I instead give her spot to a couple who has hosted us both at their Florida home and invited us to their son's graduation party?  While I may be close to my friend, as a couple WE are closer to the Florida couple.

beethery

adk19 said:

beethery said:

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

Who in the hell told you that? That shit is wroooonnnnnng.

My bestie, who is going to be a bridesmaid, has not met my FI yet. She lives on the other side of the state, and we don't get to hang out as often as we'd like. If I didn't invite her she would rightfully be like, "SCUSE ME WTF" about it. That is a made-up crazy "rule" that is not worth following.

I personally really like this "rule", came up with it myself, and will probably put it into effect for my own guest list.  But then I've been with FH for 6 years now.  Except for work friends, how close can we really be to people our SO hasn't met in 6 years of us dating?  For example, I had a close group of high school friends.  I lived with one girl for 13 months 9 years ago.  We keep in touch on facebook, but FH has never met her because I haven't seen her in 9 years.  Are we really so close that she should get an invite to my wedding?  Or should I instead give her spot to a couple who has hosted us both at their Florida home and invited us to their son's graduation party?  While I may be close to my friend, as a couple WE are closer to the Florida couple.

Of course you made it up yourself.

It makes sense not to invite people you're not super close with anymore, even if you leave each other fb comments all the time. No shit.

However, just because someone hasn't met your FI, even if you're close with them, doesn't mean they don't deserve an invitation. Use your head.

rooz103

I personally like the rule. That way I don't have to invite FI's dad, don't have to pay for his flight, his hotel or his boutonniere (do you guys even know how much it costs for a boutonniere these days?). I mean even FI hasn't seen him in person for like 8 years, so how close could they really be? 

Edit: quote boxes hate me, so I uninvited them

beethery

rooz103 said:

I personally like the rule. That way I don't have to invite FI's dad, don't have to pay for his flight, his hotel or his boutonniere (do you guys even know how much it costs for a boutonniere these days?). I mean even FI hasn't seen him in person for like 8 years, so how close could they really be? 

Edit: quote boxes hate me, so I uninvited them

@rooz103 if you're not close with him, you don't have to invite him anyway. Regardless of whether or not he's met you. That's the point I'm trying to make.

rooz103

@beethery Nah, I was just trying the whole tongue-in-cheek thing but I guess I'm just too good at playing it straight. FI's dad is most definitely invited, no matter any inconvenience or cost, because he's FI's dad and they're close, despite having to live in separate countries. So even though I've never met him, either he's invited or FI checks me in to have both my head and priorities checked. 

beethery

rooz103 said:

@beethery Nah, I was just trying the whole tongue-in-cheek thing but I guess I'm just too good at playing it straight. FI's dad is most definitely invited, no matter any inconvenience or cost, because he's FI's dad and they're close, despite having to live in separate countries. So even though I've never met him, either he's invited or FI checks me in to have both my head and priorities checked. 

Phew! Ok cool, good. Tone is sometimes hard to convey over the internet, and I get it now

rlnatalia

Relax, no need to stress about her. Clearly she is not polite and hasn't behaved like a true friend. Congrats and enjoy your time!

mrsmagicgeek

adk19 said:

beethery said:

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

Who in the hell told you that? That shit is wroooonnnnnng.

My bestie, who is going to be a bridesmaid, has not met my FI yet. She lives on the other side of the state, and we don't get to hang out as often as we'd like. If I didn't invite her she would rightfully be like, "SCUSE ME WTF" about it. That is a made-up crazy "rule" that is not worth following.

I personally really like this "rule", came up with it myself, and will probably put it into effect for my own guest list.  But then I've been with FH for 6 years now.  Except for work friends, how close can we really be to people our SO hasn't met in 6 years of us dating?  For example, I had a close group of high school friends.  I lived with one girl for 13 months 9 years ago.  We keep in touch on facebook, but FH has never met her because I haven't seen her in 9 years.  Are we really so close that she should get an invite to my wedding?  Or should I instead give her spot to a couple who has hosted us both at their Florida home and invited us to their son's graduation party?  While I may be close to my friend, as a couple WE are closer to the Florida couple.

That is a stupid rule. There is no excuse for rudeness, that's why it's not an actual rule.

mrscomposer

adk19 said:

beethery said:

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

Who in the hell told you that? That shit is wroooonnnnnng.

My bestie, who is going to be a bridesmaid, has not met my FI yet. She lives on the other side of the state, and we don't get to hang out as often as we'd like. If I didn't invite her she would rightfully be like, "SCUSE ME WTF" about it. That is a made-up crazy "rule" that is not worth following.

I personally really like this "rule", came up with it myself, and will probably put it into effect for my own guest list.  But then I've been with FH for 6 years now.  Except for work friends, how close can we really be to people our SO hasn't met in 6 years of us dating?  For example, I had a close group of high school friends.  I lived with one girl for 13 months 9 years ago.  We keep in touch on facebook, but FH has never met her because I haven't seen her in 9 years.  Are we really so close that she should get an invite to my wedding?  Or should I instead give her spot to a couple who has hosted us both at their Florida home and invited us to their son's graduation party?  While I may be close to my friend, as a couple WE are closer to the Florida couple.

If I haven't seen someone for 9 years, I personally wouldn't be inviting them to my wedding, regardless of whether my FI has met them or not.  The Florida couple is a bit of a no-brainer to me, but not as an either/or.

I moved away from my family for work four years ago.  My FI lives in the area I moved to.  Your "rule" means that our entire wedding party, minus our BM/MOH and flower girls won't be invited - I haven't met his groomsmen, he hasn't met my bridesmaids.  My FILs have only met my mother - and they're partially paying for the wedding, so does that mean my dad and siblings aren't invited on their behalf?  I'm not even going to start in on my entire side of the guest list that he hasn't met.

[Deleted User]

jsangel1018 said:

adk19 said:

beethery said:

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

Who in the hell told you that? That shit is wroooonnnnnng.

My bestie, who is going to be a bridesmaid, has not met my FI yet. She lives on the other side of the state, and we don't get to hang out as often as we'd like. If I didn't invite her she would rightfully be like, "SCUSE ME WTF" about it. That is a made-up crazy "rule" that is not worth following.

I personally really like this "rule", came up with it myself, and will probably put it into effect for my own guest list.  But then I've been with FH for 6 years now.  Except for work friends, how close can we really be to people our SO hasn't met in 6 years of us dating?  For example, I had a close group of high school friends.  I lived with one girl for 13 months 9 years ago.  We keep in touch on facebook, but FH has never met her because I haven't seen her in 9 years.  Are we really so close that she should get an invite to my wedding?  Or should I instead give her spot to a couple who has hosted us both at their Florida home and invited us to their son's graduation party?  While I may be close to my friend, as a couple WE are closer to the Florida couple.

If I haven't seen someone for 9 years, I personally wouldn't be inviting them to my wedding, regardless of whether my FI has met them or not.  The Florida couple is a bit of a no-brainer to me, but not as an either/or.

I moved away from my family for work four years ago.  My FI lives in the area I moved to.  Your "rule" means that our entire wedding party, minus our BM/MOH and flower girls won't be invited - I haven't met his groomsmen, he hasn't met my bridesmaids.  My FILs have only met my mother - and they're partially paying for the wedding, so does that mean my dad and siblings aren't invited on their behalf?  I'm not even going to start in on my entire side of the guest list that he hasn't met.

In my mind, I'm closer friends with some people than I actually am.  Barb is a good friend from high school youth group, I got her a job when we were both in community college locally and we commuted to work together, I lived with her for a year in another state, I still keep up with life on facebook and comment on her beautiful daughter's photos.  But if, after 6 years of dating my FH, he hasn't yet met her, should she be on the guest list for the wedding?  I mean, I guess if I'm inviting 200 people to my wedding, what's a couple more?  But if I'm trying to keep my numbers down, she'd be an easy one to cut.  But, again, in my addled mind we're closer than we actually are.  So, no, it's not a Rule, but it's a simple place for me to start with whittling down the guest list.

doeeyedbecky

adk19 said:

beethery said:

ashbaker2010 said:

The rule I have read and heard about (I can't remember if it was on the knot or pinterest) says if someone hasn't met your fiancé, then you shouldn't invite them. Now, there's the understandable, my family/friends lives way out of town, he lives out of town, whatever. But your friend, you purposely did not let her meet your fiancé for a really good reason. Then she's victimizing herself, after you tried calling her. I say "nope" don't invite her.

Who in the hell told you that? That shit is wroooonnnnnng.

My bestie, who is going to be a bridesmaid, has not met my FI yet. She lives on the other side of the state, and we don't get to hang out as often as we'd like. If I didn't invite her she would rightfully be like, "SCUSE ME WTF" about it. That is a made-up crazy "rule" that is not worth following.

I personally really like this "rule", came up with it myself, and will probably put it into effect for my own guest list.  But then I've been with FH for 6 years now.  Except for work friends, how close can we really be to people our SO hasn't met in 6 years of us dating?  For example, I had a close group of high school friends.  I lived with one girl for 13 months 9 years ago.  We keep in touch on facebook, but FH has never met her because I haven't seen her in 9 years.  Are we really so close that she should get an invite to my wedding?  Or should I instead give her spot to a couple who has hosted us both at their Florida home and invited us to their son's graduation party?  While I may be close to my friend, as a couple WE are closer to the Florida couple.

I'm inviting a close family friend who I have not seen in 25+ years and has not met FH, but as I said, she was a close family friend. We've stayed in touch ever since 1988, even through 2 moves and my mother's death.

Truth be told, I DON'T expect her and her family to make the near-5 hr trip here for the wedding, but I would feel awful if I didn't at least invite the family.

My SIBLINGS have not even met FH, but they are being invited.

mrsmagicgeek

I still have not met my DHs brother or uncle, but if we'd invited people to our wedding, they would both have been on the list.

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