Open bar or no open bar?

andyleemrrs

My fiancé and I are debating on whether or not to upgrade to an open bar. Our coordinator says we already have free juice, tea, coffee and soft drinks for the guests. He said we can upgrade to open bar. It will be an extra $700 total. I am not a big drinker, none of my friends are, none of my family is. The dilemma, my fiancés family is nothing but big drinkers. Three of his cousins are alcoholics. That makes me VERY nervous. I would feel terrible if they drank too much and drove home. His grandma told me she doesn't want open bar, so did my mom. But my fiancé thinks we should for his friends. What to do?!

Liatris2010

andyleemrrs said:

My fiancé and I are debating on whether or not to upgrade to an open bar. Our coordinator says we already have free juice, tea, coffee and soft drinks for the guests. He said we can upgrade to open bar. It will be an extra $700 total. I am not a big drinker, none of my friends are, none of my family is. The dilemma, my fiancés family is nothing but big drinkers. Three of his cousins are alcoholics. That makes me VERY nervous. I would feel terrible if they drank too much and drove home. His grandma told me she doesn't want open bar, so did my mom. But my fiancé thinks we should for his friends. What to do?!

Open bar, if you can afford it. His friends will have a better time, and people who are not generally drinkers may like to have one or two drinks on special occasions, like weddings. The alcoholics are adults, and they are responsible for their own behavior. They will be with family, and surely if they drink too much will be offered a ride home.

artbyallie

What happens if you don't pay for the bar? If the venue will just offer the free drinks, it's okay to not pay and just have a dry wedding. If they're going to have a cash bar by charging people who want alcohol, that's not okay. The bartender should be cutting people off if they're drinking too much, otherwise they could lose their liquor license.

Maggie0829

scribe95 said:

Wow - never heard of a place doing an open bar for $700. I would jump on it. 

Seriously!  I would jump on this as well.

Don't concern yourself over the handful of alcoholics.  It is not up to you to babysit them or control what they can and cannot drink.  Instead think about your guests and what they would prefer as well as what your FI would prefer.

beethery

See if they can do beer/wine or both and a specialty drink. If not, dry weddings are fine.

manateehugger

$700 is CHEAP for an open bar. We paid many times over that. 

Your bartender will take on liability for you; you can warn them about cutting certain people off.

ohannabelle

It's your choice not to have alcohol, and what you're presently offering is fine.

If you do decide to add open bar, relax. The bartender will make sure that nobody's over served. Be very specific with him about it. 

If serious alcoholics are determined to drink, they will, no matter what you serve. They'll sneak a bottle in.  At least with a professional bartender, you have control over when they 're cut off. 

climbingsingle

Open bar. And that is crazy cheap! 

The bartender, if she/he is a good one, will know not to over serve your guests. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Seriously, I choked a little bit. My bar tab is estimated at $5k.

PPs are right - people's level of drunkenness is the responsibility of the person drinking and the person serving (legally). If you think your friends will have a better time, get the bar. It's a great deal. The bartenders are legally obligated to cut off people who appear intoxicated. If the alcoholics cheat the system, they are adults who are responsible for their choices. You could provide a shuttle if you felt so inclined, but you're not obligated.

If it's not going to make a big enough difference to a large enough number of people though, there's nothing wrong with a dry wedding. The people who do want a drink might leave early though, so you'll just have to be prepared for that and not take it personally.

Jen4948

While a dry wedding is a valid option, I'd have an open bar and let the bartenders cut off anyone who's intoxicated.  It's really not up to you to monitor their alcohol consumption, and as PPs note, they are adults and should deal themselves with the legal consequences of their choices, whether that's drinking to excess or anything else.  Your other guests should not be restricted simply because these people make poor choices.  If you choose not to serve alcohol, it should not be because someone might get drunk.  They may do so anyway, regardless of what you do or don't serve.

hellohkb

Ditto PPs, I would jump on this. A bartender will be able to cut off anyone if they get out of hand

southernbelle0915

Our open bar was almost $10K. I would have been all over a $700 open bar. Wow!! I would book this immediately while the offer is still on the table.

His grandma and your mom don't have to drink if they don't want to - so what do they care? If you're worried about people driving drunk, put a few business cards for cab companies in the bathrooms. They're adults. If they are the type of people who will drink and drive, your wedding is probably not the first or last time. 

Regarding the alcoholics...these people will find a way to drink at your wedding whether alcohol is available or not.

photokitty

Question: Is your mom and FI's grandma helping pay or are you two paying for the wedding by yourself?

I would jump at a $700 open bar...that's cray cheap assuming you are inviting more than 25 guests. But if mom and grandma are paying than I thin you all need to sit down and decide what's best.

The wedding venue is responsible for cutting off intoxicated patrons. But check your contract and make sure they don't have a clause that holds you some how responsible as well.

novella1186

manateehugger said:

$700 is CHEAP for an open bar. We paid many times over that. 

Your bartender will take on liability for you; you can warn them about cutting certain people off.

This. Bartenders are legally obligated to NOT over-serve people, so it's the bartenders problem to keep an eye out, not yours. You don't need to try and block bad behavior of adults, even though it's unfortunate. I promise the bartenders have experience with this exact type of situation and will know what to do. 

atlastmrsg

Compromise and do beer/wine bar? People will get drunk either way if they're going to behave badly. But I think beer/wine tends to slow people down. Once your stomach is full after a few beers, you don't drink so fast.

lurkergirl

Wow, we're paying more than that just for the open bar set-up (glasses, mixers, garnishes, bartenders), and we still have to provide the booze!  I say take it!

mysticl

Like others have said if an alcoholic wants to drink they will find a way to drink.  If they know it is a dry wedding they will have a flask on them and/or a bottle in the car, heck they will probably do those things even if they don't know because they are an addict and have to have their drug of choice available.