Wedding Etiquette Forum

Faux Pas or not

indianaalumindianaalum member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited August 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My niece is a flower girl in a wedding. Her mom is invited to the bridal shower, but she is not.

Is that common or a faux pas? She is 8

Edited to add:

P.s. This isnt for my wedding. I already got married. Just wondering what others thought were on that situation as my sister felt a little surprised that my niece isn't invited. My flower girl was at my shower, so I thought it was odd when my niece wasn't included in the wedding SHE is a flower girl in....just wasn't sure what protocol was, that's all
lennonkdc
«1

Re: Faux Pas or not

  • Meh I don't think so. I've never been to a shower where children were present.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    doeydoweddingcactus
  • No.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • My niece is a flower girl in a wedding. Her mom is invited to the bridal shower, but she is not.

    Is that common or a faux pas? She is 8


    At 8, she's old enough that I think it would mean a lot to her to be included and she'd probably feel awfully special.  

    I'd invite her.  My 8 yr old would love the idea of a shower
    holyguacamole79
  • I go with the invite her camp. Opposite to others here pretty much every shower (bridal and baby) I've been to had some kids there. But its acceptable either way.
    Alikat9614holyguacamole79plainjane0415
  • You don't have to invite her. But she might enjoy it.
  • That's tough.  On one hand there is no one required to get  bridal shower invite.   Not one person is required to be there.

    On the other hand if the rest of those on the bride's side are invited,  I think it's  odd.     Ten again my family a WP members is a WP no matter their age.  My flower girl was at mine.   


    How old is she?  If she was 3 or under I guess I would understand.  But then I would side-eye a 3 or under being in the WP.

    Basically I'm no help,






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    lc07doeydo
  • LOL. Funny how divided answers are. I guess there is no true answer to this one.

    I know my flower girl was invited to mine, so not sure what etiquette truly is...


  • Kids have often invited to showers in my world (assuming they are also invited to the wedding).  Especially those who are in the wedding.  


    At 8 I would have invited her.   I had a 6 year old, 2 ten year olds and a 13 year old.  They were very helpful talking gifts from guests as they arrived.  They helped gather the wrapping paper and throw it away and re-piled up the opened gifts.

    They loved helping out the other BMs.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    indianaalumAlikat9614holyguacamole79
  • I would be shocked to see a child at a bridal shower. Ours usually have at least a couple lingerie-ish gifts and lots of laughter about men.
    bride2b71614pabride56
  • I went to the shower I was supposed to be the flower girl in (wedding called off a couple of weeks later).  I think I was around 5 or 6.  I have like one blurry memory of the shower and I know I was there.  I can't tell you how I felt about it.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Our showers never include anything risqué- my niece would have been at mine whether she as my flower girl or not (she is). I couldn't imagine her not being there!
    eballiett07
  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would be shocked to see a child at a bridal shower. Ours usually have at least a couple lingerie-ish gifts and lots of laughter about men.
    Let me tell you how many times I've tried to awkwardly explain the garter removal and toss to a young boy at a wedding who asked me what was happening.
    RebeccaB88steph861PrettyGirlLost
  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I don't think there is an etiquette rule here but I would invite her.
    holyguacamole79
  • I was a flower girl when I was 8 and again at 10.  Pretty sure I didn't go to either shower.  Pretty sure I never gave it a thought until I read this.  If you have an adult-only type crowd, I think it's fine not to invite her.  If it's kid friendly and y'all are close and you think she'd like it, then go ahead.  Don't think you can go wrong here.  Have you discussed it with the person hosting your shower?




    image
  • I'm also in the camp of it's odd but it's not inappropriate.  I do think as a member of the bridal party it is weird she's not included in this but at the same time, this isn't something that is only the call of the bride.  The hosts of the shower may not be comfortable with children being present or there may be adult-only activities planned.  (I was super awkward opening a pair of silly wedding-theme underwear - and it wasn't even a thong!)

    I'm not sure what can be done though - it's inconsiderate to bring her along knowing she's not invited, and it's equally awkward to solicit an invitation on her behalf. Perhaps the bride should have been clearer about her VIPs when providing the hosts with a guest list; perhaps fewer assumptions should have been made about how well behaved or not an 8 year could be.  Unfortunately, this may need to be a lesson in not all people get invited to everything.
    image
    Anniversary


  • I really think it depends on your crowd.

    What does the person(s) throwing the shower think? They might have games planned that aren't kid-friendly.
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  • I think it depends on the shower. Some showers simply aren't appropriate for children (due to games, lingerie, etc.) And frankly, as an eight-year-old, I'd have been bored at every shower I've ever attended.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • chasseuse said:
    I think it depends on the shower. Some showers simply aren't appropriate for children (due to games, lingerie, etc.) And frankly, as an eight-year-old, I'd have been bored at every shower I've ever attended.
    This is where I am. If it is a 3pm shower, invite her. If it is an evening boozefest with underwear and adult-only talk, don't.
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    indianaalumLDay2014
  • I was a flower girl when I was 8 and again at 10.  Pretty sure I didn't go to either shower.  Pretty sure I never gave it a thought until I read this.  If you have an adult-only type crowd, I think it's fine not to invite her.  If it's kid friendly and y'all are close and you think she'd like it, then go ahead.  Don't think you can go wrong here.  Have you discussed it with the person hosting your shower?
    It's not the OP's shower.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    indianaalum

  • mysticl said:
    I was a flower girl when I was 8 and again at 10.  Pretty sure I didn't go to either shower.  Pretty sure I never gave it a thought until I read this.  If you have an adult-only type crowd, I think it's fine not to invite her.  If it's kid friendly and y'all are close and you think she'd like it, then go ahead.  Don't think you can go wrong here.  Have you discussed it with the person hosting your shower?
    It's not the OP's shower.  
    Whoops!  I read it as it was her wedding with niece as her FG.  Sorry OP, and thank you @mysticl for letting me know! :)




    image
  • I'm in the "it depends on the shower" camp. We had a family of friends not show up to my shower because their four-year-old wasn't invited. It was a tea party at a fancy tea place -- definitely not a children's event.
  • Every shower I've been to have the flower girl/some family child there. I actually think it's a little hurtful to not invite them if they are in the bridal party. 
  • For my upcoming shower, my friend's daughter (12) was invited, as well as my cousin, who is in the 12-13 yr old range.    I don't know if they'll come, but they were on their mom's invites.
  • AddieCake said:
    I will be honest and say that depending on the kids, I find them annoying at showers. The last one I attended, this one little girl kept announcing her boredom, was pestering people about the games, and wanted to help open presents. If kids are going to act like that, I'd rather they not be there. if they don't, I don't mind. Personally, I find showers pretty boring and would think a kid would, too.
    This.  I have been to a few showers with kids in attendance.  They were running around, sticking their just licked hands into all the food and then basically took over the opening of the presents. Now I know that is the fault of the parents, but I honestly cannot imagine a kid enjoying a shower. Like Addie said, I find showers boring as an adult so I can only imagine how boring a shower would seem to a kid.

    But in the end, if I was the bride I would have included her on the invite list and then let her parents decide whether or not she could attend.

  • I went to a shower with my mom when I was young. 6, 8 , 10.... I can't remember. I felt a bit out of place. I was a pretty.... introspective kid. I had a lot of inner monologue. There weren't any other kids my age there, and I was worried that other people thought it was weird I was there, even though I knew the bride had specifically invited me (though I barely knew her. She was related to my mom some how, but I can't remember.)  I remember that I enjoyed the gift bingo (especially since I won a prize), and I liked the food -- the little cakes and there were chips and dip. I played upstairs with some of the younger kids for a while at the suggestion of some of the people there, though they were brats and it became exhausting because it felt like I was babysitting them. Actually, I'm pretty sure I was. I would have been happier to stick by my mom's side. 

    There was a young girl going into, I think, 6th grade at the bridal shower I just went to. Which means she was probably... 11, 12? She was fine. She got food, stuck by her mom and the people she knew, and barely made a peep besides braiding some woman's hair who asked her to. 
  • I don't think there was a faux pas. I don't know your niece but if she is someone that gets bored easily I could see why she wasn't invited.
  • I would be shocked to see a child at a bridal shower. Ours usually have at least a couple lingerie-ish gifts and lots of laughter about men.

    Yeah, I was thinking if the shower was more "adult" oriented, an 8-year-old would not be invited.
  • mimivac said:
    I would be shocked to see a child at a bridal shower. Ours usually have at least a couple lingerie-ish gifts and lots of laughter about men.

    Yeah, I was thinking if the shower was more "adult" oriented, an 8-year-old would not be invited.
    The showers in my circle generally do not include lingerie, and if they do they are tasteful. I had 1 invited child (a cousin) and 1 uninvited child at my bridal shower- someone brought their daughter

    The bachelorette party is a different animal, and usually not appropriate for children (or moms!). 
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  • In my little world showers are adult events. My bridal shower was held at a fancy winery that wouldn't have been appropriate for small children. My BM did bring her son, but he was 2 months old and breast feeding so she needed to bring him. That was no big deal, but I wouldn't have wanted any other children there. We didn't have a flower girl, but we did have a RB and he wasn't invited to any pre-wedding parties.
    image
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