Chit Chat

I need some encouragement.

It's been a tough week.

FI & I got into a stupid argument over wedding planning. He feels our wedding has become "too complicated." Yes, we have a lot to figure out because our venue is a chairs-and-tables-only venue. Everything else is up to us. Dishes and linens must be rented, we are making our own centerpieces, etc. But he knew this when we decided on our venue, so I don't know why he's so frustrated about it. 

Then, I feel a little let down by one of my BMs. FI & I asked a few close friends/family to help us with the cleanup the day after if they are willing, emphasizing that there is no obligation. We'll be providing a big breakfast/brunch for anyone who joins. BM said she would, provided she is able to take that day off work. Well, she must have gotten that day off --- except last week, she told me she's attending a sporting event that day.

If she can't help or doesn't want to help, fine. What upsets me is that she committed (again, provided she could get the day off) and then backed out. I'll get over it, I just don't think it was a great move on her part. 

And lastly, we are trying to get price quotes for our mini cake for ceremonial cake cutting purposes and I have not been able to contact a SINGLE BAKERY. I've tried four over the past few days, calling during different hours and multiple times a day. I even just stopped by one, only to be told I have to make an appointment. THIS SHOULD NOT BE THAT COMPLICATED. 

There is so much to do and I feel like I'm at it alone. I also feel like I can't vent to anyone because I hate it that any bride who's a little stressed can't vent without everyone being like:

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Re: I need some encouragement.

  • Oh man that's the worst. I make it a personal rule to not do business with anyone who's hard to contact. I won't try twice. A lot of times, I won't even bother if they don't have email.

    Vent all you want here! And now for some gifs.

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  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited August 2014
    It seems like your wedding stress is just piling up! Try taking a few days off from thinking about the wedding and just RELAX! I know, what a concept right? Everything will eventually work out in the end but it is important not to let every little detail (even though some of the things you're worried about aren't necessarily "little" details) stress you out. As far as your friend backing out, that was kind of rude on her part. But like you said, it isn't worth harping on too long and you will eventually get over it. Honestly, if I were her I would feel bad about backing out on you.

  • We skipped over a couple of recommended bakeries for the same reason. We ended up ordering our place from a cute bakery we noticed near our venue - and checking Yelp for reviews after we put down the deposit.

    As for the stress, it sounds like a lot. I agree with the PP's, let it sit for a bit then pick it up again. There's no point in letting it stress you out. It will come together and it will be perfect.

    In terms of your friend, it was thoughtless and that stinks. Wedding planning has shown me that people you trust can be flakier than you thought.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Vent away! You have got a LOT on your plate and I can understand the frustration and stress. It totally sucks that your friend bailed on helping you (particularly because it wasn't for a good reason either, like work or family) but like you said, if she's a good friend you'll get past it and things will be fine. Everything will get figured out.

    As far as the bakery thing goes, that's nuts that no one is being responsive. You'd think as business owners that at least one of them would get back to you so they could take your money. I'll cross my fingers that something pans out soon!

  • edited August 2014
    kick that BM out! Who does she think she is?!  

    kidding, kidding :)

    I feel you on the Bridezilla thing.  The TINIEST complaint/vent/remark to anyone and the first thing they do is freak out that you're going all bridezilla.  Um, no, I'm just stressed about an actual, real life problem that happens to be about my wedding.  Come to us.  We will help you :)

    And I'm with @lolo883 - no email?  No business from me.  I hate making phone calls. 
  • kick that BM out! Who does she think she is?!  

    kidding, kidding :)

    I feel you on the Bridezilla thing.  The TINIEST complaint/vent/remark to anyone and the first thing they do is freak out that you're going all bridezilla.  Um, no, I'm just stressed about an actual, real life problem that happens to be about my wedding.  Come to us.  We will help you :)

    And I'm with @lolo883 - no email?  No business from me.  I hate making phone calls. 
    A-fucking-men. My mom would play this card and it made me even more BSC (therefore probably proving her point). I even told her I was going to flip the fuck out on her once. Ooops. 

    OP, you're good. I swear it's the people around is that make brides batty and it sounds like this is your situation. Is is margarita time yet? 
  • I had a similar venue and you really do need help and a good team to take care of things. I got SO MAD at H's brothers. They are all very, very physically fit and there is nothing stopping any of the three of them from helping out but they didn't do shit. Nothing. Not the entire weekend.

    While I recognize that people are not slaves, I was brought up in a family where we helped each other, did things for each other, and showed up even when it wasn't asked of us. I was furious that H was doing stuff all weekend without any help from his brothers.

    As for the cake- try a grocery store? We got ours from a grocery store and it was only 20 bucks (and delicious!!).
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  • Hang in there!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • sarahufl said:
    I had a similar venue and you really do need help and a good team to take care of things. I got SO MAD at H's brothers. They are all very, very physically fit and there is nothing stopping any of the three of them from helping out but they didn't do shit. Nothing. Not the entire weekend.

    While I recognize that people are not slaves, I was brought up in a family where we helped each other, did things for each other, and showed up even when it wasn't asked of us. I was furious that H was doing stuff all weekend without any help from his brothers.

    As for the cake- try a grocery store? We got ours from a grocery store and it was only 20 bucks (and delicious!!).
    I'm going to respectfully disagree with you here. When you choose to put together a reception site yourself, you shouldn't be expecting anything from anyone. I was in this situation and it seriously sucked. H & I were miserable and didn't have fun at the wedding at all because we were working. You can't hold that against your H's brothers. You should have hired help. 
  • If you belong to a church, think about hiring some members of the teen youth group to do cleanup for you. A nice donation to their group for future activities as well as pizza and soda goes a long way.
  • I hate hearing, "don't worry about it, don't let this stress you, no wedding is perfect." "Are you stressed about the wedding?" 

    I'm not fucking stressed about the wedding. I just want to make sure that I don't hurt people's feelings and it isn't a redneck hoe-down!
    *msstaticfancypants*
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • I hate hearing, "don't worry about it, don't let this stress you, no wedding is perfect." "Are you stressed about the wedding?" 

    I'm not fucking stressed about the wedding. I just want to make sure that I don't hurt people's feelings and it isn't a redneck hoe-down!
    After some dumb shit with my mom last week, I had a mini-breakdown and kept crying about the wedding being a hillbilly hoe-down. FI kept having to choke back laughter whenever he said it's not going to be a hillbilly hoe-down, you are not that country, it's alright.

    In hindsight I feel ridiculous, but FI was so good about it. I'm glad I'm not the only one worried about looking like I'm having a hoe-down lol
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • kick that BM out! Who does she think she is?!  

    kidding, kidding :)

    I feel you on the Bridezilla thing.  The TINIEST complaint/vent/remark to anyone and the first thing they do is freak out that you're going all bridezilla.  Um, no, I'm just stressed about an actual, real life problem that happens to be about my wedding.  Come to us.  We will help you :)

    And I'm with @lolo883 - no email?  No business from me.  I hate making phone calls. 
    YES. Luckily I haven't encountered the bridezilla accusation yet, but I worry a little bit about coming across that way over things that merit being annoyed at.

    And I totally agree about the no email thing. I don't understand businesses that don't bother to get back to me / make it difficult to contact them. I can only assume that they're making too much money and feel bad about accepting more. 
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  • I'm not fucking stressed about the wedding. I just want to make sure that I don't hurt people's feelings and it isn't a redneck hoe-down!
    This has been my struggle from the beginning, or the alternative: a biker/kegger/house party. 
    FI is in a motorcycle club, half of his groomsmen are also 'brothers' in this club. I agreed to allow this as long as they didn't wear their biker vests, and FI agreed. FI and I had a huge argument about my fear that this is going to turn into a biker party and he assures me that I'm being ridiculous and that isn't going to happen... But in this whole wedding planning process I've learned that I'm quite bossy and anal and I really should trust him more. It's a work in progress.  

    But back to OP's post, we feel ya girl. Vent away :)
    Anniversary



  • No one's called me bridezilla yet, but I really wish we could ban the term because I'm terrified of it. From what I can tell, most of the zilla moments don't come from being a bride, they come from planning a giant moneysuck of a party. Most of us don't do this on a regular basis - heck, even a handful of times in our lives.

    Getting married is the easy part - planning the party is the pain in the ass. I'm not freaking out because BRIDE, I'm freaking out because I JUST SPENT $10,000 ON A BAND AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME THEY DON'T HAVE THEIR OWN EQUIPMENT?

    Or some such thing.

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
  • I would say relax but I know that's not always possible. I had done so well but now, 2 days away I have been accused of being a bridezillah for the first time. I thought my dad told a cousin that RSVPd no that he could come and snapped on him. He didn't, I apologized but still.

    So not telling you not to stress but try to enjoy it more. It will be stressful but know you have company all over these boards.
  • Isn't it so hard to try and make everyone happy...but arm yourself with patience and courage! Wedding planning is stressful enough as it is! Almost got into a fight with my mom a few days back due to guest list stuff and I had to tell her to calm down or her blood pressure would go berserk.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • mschristie123mschristie123 member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited August 2014
    You can do it! Honestly wedding planning was hard enough for me with a venue that basically included everything. I cannot even imagine having to book linens, food, dishes, etc separately. I feel like I would have an anxiety attack.

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  • MegEn1 said:
    No one's called me bridezilla yet, but I really wish we could ban the term because I'm terrified of it. From what I can tell, most of the zilla moments don't come from being a bride, they come from planning a giant moneysuck of a party. Most of us don't do this on a regular basis - heck, even a handful of times in our lives.

    Getting married is the easy part - planning the party is the pain in the ass. I'm not freaking out because BRIDE, I'm freaking out because I JUST SPENT $10,000 ON A BAND AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME THEY DON'T HAVE THEIR OWN EQUIPMENT?

    Or some such thing.
    Right!? No one has called me a 'zilla yet, but every time I come close to venting or voicing my concerns or issues I fear it's going to lead to that. 

    Reading this thread has lifted my spirits, though. You people rock! 
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