Dear Prudence,
I’m a white American. My husband is a Chinese immigrant. When we married, I took his last name—let’s say it’s “Chang.” It’s been mildly amusing when people have a moment of confusion comparing my face to my last name. Now I’m job hunting and my last name is causing some problems. I work in an international field, and prospective employers always mistakenly assume that I am of Chinese descent. Of course they are not supposed to discriminate based on race, but when I arrive at the interview I can tell that they are disappointed, and I don’t get the job. Yesterday a prospective employer called for a phone interview. It quickly became clear that she was angling to find out my race, commenting that I had “no accent,” and inquiring about my “life journey” (meaning, where was I from). I related this to my husband who told me that I should not have taken his last name and that now my decision is undermining my job search. I don’t want to change back to my maiden name. I want my children, my husband, and I to share the same name. I hate to think that racial identity matters so much in this day and age, but I’m starting to see how my married name is confusing. I don’t want to send my résumés out and live my professional life as “Mrs. not-really-an-Asian-person Chang.” Do you have any ideas?
—Not Really an Asian Person