I have a question... Don't I always...

jakeiaf

So I got engaged last year but because of life (my grandma passed) and school I didn't start planning until this year. I found two venues I liked but their beverage policy was ridiculous (I just don't see myself paying $5,000 for alcohol for 100 people) but whatever I got over it and kept it pushing. So I came across one that allowed you to bring your own everything and I was sold. I contacted them my date was open yay yay yay. Life happened again and four months later my date was about to be taken. Since my wedding is in Georgia and I'm in Michigan I couldn't make it to pay the deposit first. So again I'm screwed. Fast forward two weeks and I have found another beautiful venue that has tons of praises from gay couples about being gay friendly so quadruple yay. I start communicating with them and they are selling me all my hopes and dreams down to a specialty menu to accommodate my fiancés Louisiana family (my fiancé really loves crawfish). I get the proposal and they are saying $13,000 for food,alcohol, venue, staff. tables/chairs, and things along that line. So I'm sold. I'm ready to go pay my deposit next month.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and I'm having a conversation about the venue and when I said the price and everyone just freaked out. "oh that's to much" "are you crazy I'll cook for you at the price" "that's a waste of money because you still have to pay for x,y and z". So moral of the story I'm looking at the budget and now I'm doubting myself and my choice. I've had people sending me cheaper venues saying "look at this place they do a.b. and c for cheaper than $13,000" etc. etc. So of course I have now started looking and reaching out to some of these venues and now they are selling me my hopes and dreams wrapped in a pretty purple bow. Does anyone have advice on what I should do?

Oh and yesterday my fiancé said and I quote "I mean if place B can do what place A is doing for cheaper we can save thousands and do d, e and f and still have everything we want. I appreciate what place A did but we have to think smart." So now I'm really questioning my decision.

HELPPPPP!

AprilH81

As long as you properly host your guests (and it sounds like you will be) then go with the place that you like the most.  As long as you  can afford it it doesn't mater what random friend/relative says.

Saving money is great if you can do it, but don't "settle" on a venue you don't like just to save money.

manateehugger

I'm confused how the distance is making it hard for you to pay your deposit. I planned my wedding from a few states away mailed checks to everyone or gave credit card numbers over the phone. You may not have a venue or a date if you haven't put a deposit down. As far as the money, first of all, if you are paying for your wedding, stop talking money with anyone but your FI. It is not their business in the slightest. I've also found that people who haven't planned a wedding are kind of clueless on the actual expense. If you can afford to spend 13K on your reception and this venue offers you what you want, that's fine. Receptions are usually at least half of your budget if not more. Ours was about 75% of our total budget because that's how we wanted to prioritize it. If you spend the 13K do you still have money for an officiant, attire, rings, ceremony location, transportation, hotel room, etc.? How many quotes from venues do you have? We had about 4-5 final quotes and did a lot of comparing to see who gave us the most bang for our bucks. ETA: WHY CAN'T I USE PARAGRAPHS?!

pinkshorts27

jakeia0112 said:

So I got engaged last year but because of life (my grandma passed) and school I didn't start planning until this year. I found two venues I liked but their beverage policy was ridiculous (I just don't see myself paying $5,000 for alcohol for 100 people) but whatever I got over it and kept it pushing. So I came across one that allowed you to bring your own everything and I was sold. I contacted them my date was open yay yay yay. Life happened again and four months later my date was about to be taken. Since my wedding is in Georgia and I'm in Michigan I couldn't make it to pay the deposit first. So again I'm screwed. Fast forward two weeks and I have found another beautiful venue that has tons of praises from gay couples about being gay friendly so quadruple yay. I start communicating with them and they are selling me all my hopes and dreams down to a specialty menu to accommodate my fiancés Louisiana family (my fiancé really loves crawfish). I get the proposal and they are saying $13,000 for food,alcohol, venue, staff. tables/chairs, and things along that line. So I'm sold. I'm ready to go pay my deposit next month.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and I'm having a conversation about the venue and when I said the price and everyone just freaked out. "oh that's to much" "are you crazy I'll cook for you at the price" "that's a waste of money because you still have to pay for x,y and z". So moral of the story I'm looking at the budget and now I'm doubting myself and my choice. I've had people sending me cheaper venues saying "look at this place they do a.b. and c for cheaper than $13,000" etc. etc. So of course I have now started looking and reaching out to some of these venues and now they are selling me my hopes and dreams wrapped in a pretty purple bow. Does anyone have advice on what I should do?

Oh and yesterday my fiancé said and I quote "I mean if place B can do what place A is doing for cheaper we can save thousands and do d, e and f and still have everything we want. I appreciate what place A did but we have to think smart." So now I'm really questioning my decision.

HELPPPPP!

Sit down and create a budget. What are you willing to spend total. Last what is important to you. Then start selecting a venue.

Also you don't have a date if you don't have a venue. Be flexible on date, it will help save you money. And don't rely on other people to cook for you. That just seems like a recipe for disaster.

jakeiaf

manateehugger said:

I'm confused how the distance is making it hard for you to pay your deposit. I planned my wedding from a few states away mailed checks to everyone or gave credit card numbers over the phone. You may not have a venue or a date if you haven't put a deposit down. As far as the money, first of all, if you are paying for your wedding, stop talking money with anyone but your FI. It is not their business in the slightest. I've also found that people who haven't planned a wedding are kind of clueless on the actual expense. If you can afford to spend 13K on your reception and this venue offers you what you want, that's fine. Receptions are usually at least half of your budget if not more. Ours was about 75% of our total budget because that's how we wanted to prioritize it. If you spend the 13K do you still have money for an officiant, attire, rings, ceremony location, transportation, hotel room, etc.? How many quotes from venues do you have? We had about 4-5 final quotes and did a lot of comparing to see who gave us the most bang for our bucks. ETA: WHY CAN'T I USE PARAGRAPHS?!

I wanted to see the venues before I put deposits down. I should edit my op to add that.

 I have one proposal and I am awaiting 3 more final proposals from other venues. I am usually really good at tuning peoples opinions out but they got to me this time. I think it's really my FI who is doing the most persuading because it's her wedding too. I'm trying to be fair in the choosing of a venue but at first she wall for this place and now she changed her mind.

jakeiaf

AprilH81 said:

As long as you properly host your guests (and it sounds like you will be) then go with the place that you like the most.  As long as you  can afford it it doesn't mater what random friend/relative says.

Saving money is great if you can do it, but don't "settle" on a venue you don't like just to save money.

I'm trying to make sure everyone is happy, fed and maybe just a little bit drunk so of course I want to get the most bang for my buck but I also don't want to settle like you said. I'm going to try my hardest to stick to my guns on this one because I really love this place.

morphemes

The only two people who have to be happy with the venue are you and your FI (unless someone else is paying...but it sounds like you and your FI are paying yourselves so correct me if I'm wrong). You're totally right that it's her wedding as well as yours, so sit down together and have a conversation about your budget. If she liked the venue before, but changed her mind, talk to her about why she changed her mind. Is it because of the cost? Location? Something else? If it's the cost, spend some time talking about what the ideal budget is and, since it sounds like you have been doing most of the research, talk to her about how this price compares to other, similar venues. In the end, don't worry about what anyone else thinks of the price (other than your FI), because they aren't paying and they will be guests at your wedding. As long as they are properly hosted, they'll be fine. I recommend not talking to anyone who isn't paying about the various costs. They don't need to know and it sounds like it's just stressing you out. ETA: I swear I had paragraphs!!

jakeiaf

morphemes 

jakeiaf

pinkshorts27 I did that and she still won't budge so I guess I kinda have to go back to the drawing board and see what really matters to her because what she changed her whole game plan.

SN: I am a very picky eater so I wouldn't let very many people cook for me let alone my wedding. The only people I trust to cook will be with me ( i.e. my mom and aunts) oh and my uncle.. but I wouldn't burden him with that task.

manateehugger

Ok, it sounds like you don't agree on how much should be saved and spent on the wedding, and you currently don't have the money you are planning to spend in your pocket, so I can see why she is apprehensive to go ahead and sign a contract saying you'll pony up $13K.

You two need to sit down and discuss entire life budget, it sounds like, not just wedding budget. Talk about where you want to spend your money, whether you want/need big purchases in the future (car, house, furniture, etc.). Figure out where your wedding lands on the priority list in life and then talk about wedding visions - must haves, wants, size, etc.