Scary Situation - Serving Divorce Papers

hellosweetie1015

afox007 said:

In CA, or at least our county, anyone except the person named in the case can serve the papers. Since FI's ex is homeless it would have been ridiculous trying to get a sheriff or legal assistant to track her down to serve the papers. I kept the papers in my purse for weeks, since I knew that at some point she would resurface trying to ask for some sort of help. When she did I gave her the papers and she threw them back.

As for why I filled out the papers; FI had been separated for over two years and every time he tried filling them out something was wrong with them. He asked me to do them since I tend to be better at things like that. He probably should have hired a lawyer instead of having me do it for him, but since I had recently lost my job money was already super tight. 

Luckily everything worked out the divorce has been finalized for months, he got full custody of FSS, and she is pretty much out of the picture. 

Ah, yeah. That makes sense. I don't think it would have worked in ANY other situation, but in that specific situation yeah, a sheriff would be hard put to track her down. Hell, the sheriffs here can't track someone down unless you give them exact directions. We had something come back no service because my number-swapping brain turned an address from 1234 ABC Lane to 1324 ABC Lane. Even though I, as a civilian, can go and find out that 1324 is the wrong house number, the sheriff cannot (read: will not) do such a thing.

larrygaga

bostonbride2015 said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

In her defense, if my ex had his new GF/FI serve me with the divorce papers, I'd feel like throwing them in her face too.

This seems like salt in the wound. I would probably throw more than divorce papers at her. 

afox007

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

PrettyGirlLost

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

I gotcha but the bolded is kind of interesting to me. . . is it like that anywhere else? 

Thanks for explaining all of this- probably again- and not flipping on me!

hellosweetie1015

PrettyGirlLost said:

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

I gotcha but the bolded is kind of interesting to me. . . is it like that anywhere else? 

Thanks for explaining all of this- probably again- and not flipping on me!

Yep. Same here. If you're a party to an action, you can't serve the other party to the action.

afox007

@PrettyGirlLost I know the whole thing sounds weird to everyone since it is definitely a unique situation, so I stopped flipping out on people about it months ago. Pretty much as soon as they said FI gets 100% custody of his son I  stopped caring about what anyone said because FSS was the hardest and most important part of everything. 

As far as FI being the only one not allowed to serve the papers I'm not sure if that is the same anywhere else, but the county we live in said it just had to be someone 18 or older who wasn't the petitioner. I had to sign a form saying how and where I gave them to her. 

QueerFemme

afox007 said:

@PrettyGirlLost I know the whole thing sounds weird to everyone since it is definitely a unique situation, so I stopped flipping out on people about it months ago. Pretty much as soon as they said FI gets 100% custody of his son I  stopped caring about what anyone said because FSS was the hardest and most important part of everything. 

As far as FI being the only one not allowed to serve the papers I'm not sure if that is the same anywhere else, but the county we live in said it just had to be someone 18 or older who wasn't the petitioner. I had to sign a form saying how and where I gave them to her. 

It is like that in many states.

Fran1985

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

SITB I get that there is a long complicated backstory here but you are a describing a woman with mental illness who can't take care of her son who has to beg her husband's new girlfriend for help getting off the street and instead got served divorce papers. that's why people are like oh no shit she threw them back at you. 

PrettyGirlLost

QueerFemme said:

afox007 said:

@PrettyGirlLost I know the whole thing sounds weird to everyone since it is definitely a unique situation, so I stopped flipping out on people about it months ago. Pretty much as soon as they said FI gets 100% custody of his son I  stopped caring about what anyone said because FSS was the hardest and most important part of everything. 

As far as FI being the only one not allowed to serve the papers I'm not sure if that is the same anywhere else, but the county we live in said it just had to be someone 18 or older who wasn't the petitioner. I had to sign a form saying how and where I gave them to her. 

It is like that in many states.

That's interesting. I never knew that!  Is it set up that way due to conflict of interest rationale?  To keep Jerry Springer shit from going down?

afox007

Fran1985 said:

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

SITB I get that there is a long complicated backstory here but you are a describing a woman with mental illness who can't take care of her son who has to beg her husband's new girlfriend for help getting off the street and instead got served divorce papers. that's why people are like oh no shit she threw them back at you. 

She is on drugs, she chose to be on drugs, while I understand this accounts for her shitty life choices it doesn't in itself constitute mental illness. The first year I was with FI he was still paying her rent she still lost the apartment because she had let every junkie she knew move in. She doesn't want help getting off the street she wants help getting her next fix; her parents have told her she could move in with them IF she agrees to go to rehab and she refuses then claims no one cares or wants to help her. 

missdelilah

Crap! That's terrifying! Why are people so irrational? I'm pleased your colleague is alright. I hope nothing remotely similar to this ever happens to you.

larrygaga

afox007 said:

Fran1985 said:

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

SITB I get that there is a long complicated backstory here but you are a describing a woman with mental illness who can't take care of her son who has to beg her husband's new girlfriend for help getting off the street and instead got served divorce papers. that's why people are like oh no shit she threw them back at you. 

She is on drugs, she chose to be on drugs, while I understand this accounts for her shitty life choices it doesn't in itself constitute mental illness. The first year I was with FI he was still paying her rent she still lost the apartment because she had let every junkie she knew move in. She doesn't want help getting off the street she wants help getting her next fix; her parents have told her she could move in with them IF she agrees to go to rehab and she refuses then claims no one cares or wants to help her. 

That's how drugs make your mind work, so that's kind of a dumb point to make. If it were that easy, nobody would have a drug problem.

photokitty

PrettyGirlLost said:

QueerFemme said:

afox007 said:

@PrettyGirlLost I know the whole thing sounds weird to everyone since it is definitely a unique situation, so I stopped flipping out on people about it months ago. Pretty much as soon as they said FI gets 100% custody of his son I  stopped caring about what anyone said because FSS was the hardest and most important part of everything. 

As far as FI being the only one not allowed to serve the papers I'm not sure if that is the same anywhere else, but the county we live in said it just had to be someone 18 or older who wasn't the petitioner. I had to sign a form saying how and where I gave them to her. 

It is like that in many states.

That's interesting. I never knew that!  Is it set up that way due to conflict of interest rationale?  To keep Jerry Springer shit from going down?

Actually my attorney suggested I serve my ex bc he said there's typically less drama in the divorce proceeding if the spouse serves the other. So I find all this extra shocking.

chibiyui

larrygaga said:

afox007 said:

Fran1985 said:

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

SITB I get that there is a long complicated backstory here but you are a describing a woman with mental illness who can't take care of her son who has to beg her husband's new girlfriend for help getting off the street and instead got served divorce papers. that's why people are like oh no shit she threw them back at you. 

She is on drugs, she chose to be on drugs, while I understand this accounts for her shitty life choices it doesn't in itself constitute mental illness. The first year I was with FI he was still paying her rent she still lost the apartment because she had let every junkie she knew move in. She doesn't want help getting off the street she wants help getting her next fix; her parents have told her she could move in with them IF she agrees to go to rehab and she refuses then claims no one cares or wants to help her. 


That's how drugs make your mind work, so that's kind of a dumb point to make. If it were that easy, nobody would have a drug problem.

I don't disagree, but what are they supposed to do? Force her to go to rehab? You can't force anyone to overcome an addiction, and safety of their son comes first.

mysticl

afox007 said:

Fran1985 said:

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

SITB I get that there is a long complicated backstory here but you are a describing a woman with mental illness who can't take care of her son who has to beg her husband's new girlfriend for help getting off the street and instead got served divorce papers. that's why people are like oh no shit she threw them back at you. 

She is on drugs, she chose to be on drugs, while I understand this accounts for her shitty life choices it doesn't in itself constitute mental illness. The first year I was with FI he was still paying her rent she still lost the apartment because she had let every junkie she knew move in. She doesn't want help getting off the street she wants help getting her next fix; her parents have told her she could move in with them IF she agrees to go to rehab and she refuses then claims no one cares or wants to help her. 

Substance Use Disorder is a diagnosable condition according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5).  This manual lays out the guidelines to diagnose mental health disorders aka mental illness.  Also, some addicts start using because they are attempting to self medicate an underlying mental health disorder that may or may not have ever been diagnosed.  

levioosa

afox007 said:

Fran1985 said:

afox007 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

TKzilla said:

afox007 said:

Holy shit! That  is insane. I thought it was bad that FI's ex threw the divorce papers in my face when  I served her.

You mean you…

I just…

Seriously just…

Yeah, I'm going to assume that she isn't a sheriff or legal aide, in which case I don't think it was appropriate that she serve divorce papers to her BF's wife.

If I had been the wife, I would have slammed the door in her face and told her she can tell my cowardly, pansy-assed husband to come back with the papers himself.

I have definitely gotten a lot of flak both here and IRL over how we went about the divorce since I did a lot of the leg work. If he had not specifically come to me asking for help I would not have just taken over and done it for him; but I wasn't working,  had a lot of free time, and he needed help. 

He legally was the only person who could not have served her the papers. Aside from the fact that she didn't have a door to slam I think if she is capable of coming to ME begging for money or a hotel room for the night or whatever, then me being the one to give her the divorce papers can't be that much of a slap in the face. 

SITB I get that there is a long complicated backstory here but you are a describing a woman with mental illness who can't take care of her son who has to beg her husband's new girlfriend for help getting off the street and instead got served divorce papers. that's why people are like oh no shit she threw them back at you. 

She is on drugs, she chose to be on drugs, while I understand this accounts for her shitty life choices it doesn't in itself constitute mental illness. The first year I was with FI he was still paying her rent she still lost the apartment because she had let every junkie she knew move in. She doesn't want help getting off the street she wants help getting her next fix; her parents have told her she could move in with them IF she agrees to go to rehab and she refuses then claims no one cares or wants to help her. 

Addiction is a mental illness.  Please don't say it isn't.  You are incorrect in this.  Should she have custody of her kid?  No.  Or at least, not until she gets help and is clean for awhile.  Did she make some shitty life choices? Yes.  I'm not saying she shouldn't have to deal with the consequences of her actions, but it's still an illness.  You also don't know why she started/kept using.  Most of the time is an attempt at self-medication.  Addiction is an ugly, terrible disease, and it cripples both the user, and those around them who care.  

Trust me, I totally get what you are trying to say.  She did make choices, it's true.  She's also refusing to get help.  That is terrible, especially when there is a child in the middle.  However, no one can help until she wants/agrees to it.  

Jells2dot0

photokitty said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

QueerFemme said:

afox007 said:

@PrettyGirlLost I know the whole thing sounds weird to everyone since it is definitely a unique situation, so I stopped flipping out on people about it months ago. Pretty much as soon as they said FI gets 100% custody of his son I  stopped caring about what anyone said because FSS was the hardest and most important part of everything. 

As far as FI being the only one not allowed to serve the papers I'm not sure if that is the same anywhere else, but the county we live in said it just had to be someone 18 or older who wasn't the petitioner. I had to sign a form saying how and where I gave them to her. 

It is like that in many states.

That's interesting. I never knew that!  Is it set up that way due to conflict of interest rationale?  To keep Jerry Springer shit from going down?



Actually my attorney suggested I serve my ex bc he said there's typically less drama in the divorce proceeding if the spouse serves the other. So I find all this extra shocking.

I served my ex with the divorce papers. In AZ, you can serve the other party by hand delivering or by mail as long as the other person acknowledges being served by filling out a form. DH also served his ex with a child support mod by mail, she filled out the form, and returned it to the court. If they don't acknowledge, that is when you get a process server or sheriff involved.