Snarky Brides

Sketchy, flaky people (kind of lengthy post)

I was a bridesmaid in my maid of honor (let's call her Barb)'s wedding this past weekend. We have a mutual friend who was also invited to the wedding, let's call her Jane. To effectively convey my frustration, let me give you a little info about Jane. 

She has quite the history of being 'flaky' and a little crazy. We even fondly (behind her back) refer to her as "Crazy Jane" because all through college she did sketchy stuff like go to the bar with us, then meet up with one or (more often) multiple guys and make out with them and then refuse to leave with us because "she met this really nice guy and they're going to hang out!!!" Or she'd ditch us at the bar without telling us because she again met the man of her dreams, and then another time she brought a guy home to my friend (same one who just got married, Barb)'s house because that's where she was crashing that night, etc. etc. Detailing the extent of her craziness would take forever, so I'm going to condense this to the important stuff. Crazy Jane is not yet 30, but has managed to marry and divorce THREE (3) men over the course of her adulthood. Also, when she is not married, she is in a serious relationship, at least for a month, until they break up and she meets the next guy who's perfect for her and they enter into a serious relationship. Whatever, it's her life.  Long story short = men don't last long with her, no matter how much they seem to be her soul mate. 

So this brings us to about a month ago when Barb sends out her wedding invites, including one to Jane. 

Jane RSVPs for 2 people, which Barb thought was strange because as far as she knew, Jane was currently single and Barb didn't include a plus-one for single guests. She calls Jane to investigate further, and Jane says "Oh I want to bring my new boyfriend!!! He really wants to come!" Barb said "Okay cool. He can come."

Barb tells me that she still didn't include Jane's BF in the count because we know how Jane is and they absolutely would not be together by the wedding. 
But then! In a whirlwind romance, we see on Facebook that Jane has MARRIED this guy that she's known for a month or less! Barb says, "Wow, I guess he really is coming now." And then included him in her count. Now Barb's wedding is several states away, so she confirmed with Jane multiple times over the course of the month leading up to her wedding, because she knows how flaky Jane can be and it was costing Barb and her FI around $80 a person and they paid for the wedding themselves. Jane confirmed with Barb every time, including once last week before the wedding, saying "Yes Yes of course we will be there!!!"

It's noon on the Friday before the wedding. Barb gets a text message from Jane saying they can't make it. 

A fucking text message?! After she HAD to bring her boyfriend-now husband and Barb spent $160 to include them because they confirmed 7 damn times that they were going to be there?!?!

The worst part is we all KNEW this would happen. 
I can't even. 
Anniversary



Re: Sketchy, flaky people (kind of lengthy post)

  • yogablossomyogablossom member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    Ouch! Jane seems like a piece of work. Sorry to hear about that happening to your friend. I know how frustrating it is when dealing with flaky people who are also your friends! Some people are just oblivious to others and their feelings, or etiquette, or they just don't give a crap and pretend like they are flaky.

    I have a best friend of mine who is SO flaky. His phone is basically attached to his hip and whenever we're hanging out he's always on his phone doing random crap, but then when you call him or text him and he never responds it's so frustrating because you KNOW he's choosing to just not answer you. It's just incredibly frustrating.

    I have another friend who recently got married and we threw her a bridal shower (she INSISTED that her honeyfund be placed on the invites I was making) and I am still waiting for a thank you note for her shower gift. And at her actual wedding, she also had a tip jar at the bar asking for money for their honeymoon. As if the honeyfund wasn't enough?! I don't anticipate we'll be seeing a thank you card from her for her wedding gift either.  The thing is, I truly don't think she thought what they did was rude, tacky and impolite, because this friend of mine is a very sweet, generous, gracious girl! It blows my mind that she could be so flaky about stuff like this!

    Long story short, flaky people = frustration! :)
    theycallmelinz
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    ugh my FMIL is the definition of flaky. She will tell FI she wants to make plans and that she will call him...and then NEVER fucking call... and it hurts his feelings so much. 

    But then she has the audacity to accuse me of not being mindful of FI's feelings because I post a vague status on FB that she took out of proportion....

    She's a cow....
    Anniversary
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  • I think there will be flaky people as long as there are weddings. We had a few people drop out on us last minute. One of H's friends was travelling from out of state. We thought it was weird that we hadn't heard that he had arrived that week so he texted him to see how he was. Turned out he couldn't afford to make the trip (understandable) and just didn't bother to let us know until 3 days before the wedding (after being asked if he was still going to make it. Another guest confirmed multiple times that she was bringing her bf (who is known to be flaky). She followed that up with "if he can't make it I'll just bring my friend _____." A few days before the wedding we found out she was coming solo. Some people just don't realize that your presence or lack there of could mean the difference of $100 or more for the bride and groom. We had three no shows total. The last couldn't make it due to illness (impossible to foresee that).
  • Eh- you have dropouts and no shows - that is normal at a wedding. Yes, it sucks because people pay so much - but sometimes life just happens. My FI missed a wedding I was in this December because he was so sick he was throwing up the whole weekend. The bride was more than courteous when I told her - I apologized for the money we wasted, but she's a friend and loves us and only hoped he got better. 


    And honestly...have you ever talked to this friend about her issues with men? Instead of judging her? Ever think there is a reason why she's looking to be loved by a bunch of strangers? Yeah, she sounds like a bit much- but she also sounds like someone who might just need a friend to show love and affection for her and find out what happened in her world to make her this way.
    kikstizzyesstee33
  • If you have a friend this flaky you need to learn to drop those friends!!  She shouldn't have even been invited. 

    I had a flaky friend once, she was so unreliable and awful all the time.  She even revealed to me that she planned on bailing on my friend's upcoming wedding, AFTER she RSVP'd yes with a date!  I told her she can't do that to our friend, so she showed up....late...after the bride walked down the aisle and was in the middle of the ceremony (a big no-no). 

    Later on, when she was getting married the 2nd time around, I got really sick and was throwing up uncontrollably.  I had to spend her wedding day in the ER.  I felt so horrible for bailing on her day, and apologized profusely and gave her a really nice gift.  She cashed my check and never spoke to me again!  Well, actually she did speak to me again, it was to flip out at me for not being "supportive of her big day"....Byatch please, I was in the hospital, you psycho!  It wasn't enough that I attended every pre-wedding function, bought you multiple gifts, and cashed my check WITHOUT so much as a thank-you note.....seriously, it's the flaky people like that who are the most selfish and psycho. 

    Better to NOT have those kind of toxic relationships in your life!  Drop the flaky friend!

    theycallmelinz
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    abbyj700 said:
    Eh- you have dropouts and no shows - that is normal at a wedding. Yes, it sucks because people pay so much - but sometimes life just happens. My FI missed a wedding I was in this December because he was so sick he was throwing up the whole weekend. The bride was more than courteous when I told her - I apologized for the money we wasted, but she's a friend and loves us and only hoped he got better. 


    And honestly...have you ever talked to this friend about her issues with men? Instead of judging her? Ever think there is a reason why she's looking to be loved by a bunch of strangers? Yeah, she sounds like a bit much- but she also sounds like someone who might just need a friend to show love and affection for her and find out what happened in her world to make her this way.

    **SITB** 

    This, so much. Jane sounds like she has some serious personal issues with relationships and needs friends who don't judge her and talk shit behind her back. Girlfriend sounds like she's hurting and looking for love anywhere she can get it. 
  • I get what you're saying about trying to dig down into her issues, but sometimes you have to differentiate between being a supportive friend and being a therapist.  GF sounds like she's going to do whatever she wants to do and has no regard or respect for anyone else's feelings, esp the bride.
    theycallmelinz
  • We've talked to Jane about all of this before (with the exception of us calling her Crazy Jane. That's behind her back. Bitchy? Probably, but it is what it is), so it's really not like we talk shit about her behind her back all the time. I realize that's how this comes across, but it's not like that. When we've talked to her about the stuff with men, we get the same response, "I understand but he's really not like that!!" Except he has been. Each 'He' has been exactly the same all those times. And when we've talked to her about flaking out, she gets defensive. So we've given up. I realize that this board wasn't the best place to vent about Jane because my friends and I have all come to accept that this is how she is and we've stopped including her, or relying on her to show up to events because we just know, and its hard to convey the years of frustration we've been dealing with. That being said, no she probably shouldn't have been invited to Barb's wedding since it was costing Barb so much per person and she knows how Jane is, even when Jane SWEARS she will be there. I just came here to snark on her because I was seriously pissed that once again she flaked out, but I've learned my lesson about her and don't rely on her anymore :) 
    Anniversary



  • I have a few people like this on my guest list and I am freaking out because of it.

    One of them has flaked on my engagement party and shower already, plus a get together with friends. I think it's just that she's got really high anxiety so I can understand. 
    My coworkers are a little flaky too so I am hoping they all come. 
    I think they just don't realize how much of a big deal our wedding is to us and how not showing up effects us.

    My ceremony is going to be taking place while they're sitting at their tables, so no shows will be extremely obvious. So fingers crossed!!!
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