"I better be invited!"

psiloveyouu

Hello!

I recently went to look at dresses for the first time with my mom and she tagged me in a Facebook post that stated what we were doing and how excited she was.

Cue the "I better be invited!/Can't wait to attend!" comments...from people I have no intention whatsoever of inviting, mostly based on the fact that I've never met them or haven't seen them in 2+ years.

This isn't the first time I've had people say something like this to me, although I've generally just changed the subject (if in person) or not responded (if on social media).

A friend of my cousin recently asked me at a family party, "Hey, is it okay if I come to your wedding?" I was so caught off guard that my response was something along the lines of "I don't know yet...?" It was my first time meeting this person!

Just curious...how does everyone else handle this?

I know I can't be the only one who thinks it's extremely forward to just assume you're invited to someone's wedding? Especially if it's someone I have no contact with?

Side note: I don't post frequent wedding updates or details on social media. I think I've had two wedding related posts since I got engaged in January - one being when I changed my relationship status to "engaged" and the other being when I "checked in" at a bridal show.

Thanks and Happy Friday!

thisismynickname2

I think you're handling it correctly. Just bean-dip.  The "we haven't finalized the guest list" works and so does "our guest list is already set and unfortunately we can't invite everyone we'd want to."

Yes, it's extremely forward, and people you've never had contact with are crazy pants. 

beethery

Also, ask if your mom can take that off of facebook. That'll close the door on at least some of that bullshit.

MegEn1

Who are these people making these statements?

holyguacamole79

Untag yourself from the post, and ask your mom to stop Facebooking about your wedding.

I had several people ask / assume they were invited to our wedding.  I finally had to tell one of them that we're flattered that they are excited for us.  We already set our guest list and are disappointed that we couldn't invite everyone that we love.  (granted, I can't stand this person, but I never explicitly said that I loved her). 

smalfrie19

ugh.. that drives me so crazy. I have people who are friends of my family members (like my great aunts best friend from high school and a woman who sold longerburger baskets to my family back in the 90's) who people seem to think I should invite and I am like .noooooopppeee.. these are YOUR friends, not mine and the only people who's friends are getting invited are mine and my fiance's and two of my mom's best friends.

novella1186

Ugh I can totally sympathize with how annoying this is. I didn't even tell anyone at work when I got engaged but eventually word got out anyway (FI's sister has some friends who work at my company). I don't intend to invite anyone from my office because we're trying to keep our guest list under control and I'm really not that close with anyone at work. When coworkers try to bring up my wedding or my plans I just bean dip like there's no tomorrow. 

But then I was in a meeting with a lady who asked me out of nowhere which city my wedding would be in. I answered without thinking and she said really emphatically "I wanna go to your wedding!" while literally bouncing around in her chair with excitement. I guess she REALLY loves that city or something. I just stared at her in shock and the first thing to fall out of my mouth was "seriously?" I had no idea what to say. 

The fact that someone I don't know very well would say that to me-- while we're supposed to be having a work meeting-- just seemed out of line. But there's nothing I can do about it, besides continuing to keep my mouth shut about wedding plans, and perfecting my bean dipping skills. 

thelastdreamer

I just always say, "It's going to be a small wedding with mainly family." Of course this only works if you are actually having a small wedding. Don't say that if you're inviting 500 people. 

climbingsingle

Keep everything wedding related off of Facebook. I also had someone post on my FB page asking if she was invited. I hadn't even seen this girl in years. So yeah, people are rude about it. You handled it well. Just change the subject. 

short+sassy

(Shamefaced Admittance)...When I was younger and before being on TK, I would sometimes say dumb stuff like "oh, I can't wait for your wedding" when people told me they were engaged. It wasn't even that I necessarily expected an invitation, it was just something to say to convey excitement for them.

I now know the error of my ways and am much more careful what I say now.  But I wanted to point out that sometimes it might just be someone saying something off the cuff.  In your shoes OP, I wouldn't even respond to Facebook comments about wanting to be invited.

JellyBean52513

I too am guilty of trying to talk my way into a wedding. It was my best friend from middle school, we stayed relatively close even after I moved away, and then we both ended up taking classes at the same college and she mentioned in conversation that she was getting married (I had met her FI before). I was SO happy for her, I didn't even realize that I was putting her through the same nonsense that posters here have to deal with! I'm talking the whole "It's ok that it's a very small wedding, I'll just stand in the back, I won't even stay to eat, I just want to see the ceremony!" I feel so bad in hindsight, because it must've been so awkward for her 

[Deleted User]

I, too, will admit to having done this.  But this was my speech, "Please invite me, I promise not to go!  I just want to see your invitation and know when it is so I can think of you on that day and send you good vibes."  I got the very artsy invitation to the California wedding (sent to my Chicago address), sent my regrets, and remembered the date and did send good vibes to the bride and groom on their wedding day.  So, different, but still probably a little annoying.

downtondiva

I wonder how many people who said "I better be invited!" over Facebook would've said it to you or your mom in person. People will say things over social media nowadays that they'd never say to someone's face. I'd just ignore these people for now and then ask your mom (nicely, of course) to take down the pictures and not post anything else about the wedding. Otherwise this will just keep happening and it will only be more awkward when you don't invite these people. 

Knottie37373131

When I first got engaged I was surprised by how many people said "congratulations on your engagement!, so I am invited to the wedding right?" Well we ended up deciding on a destination wedding just the two of us so nobody is actually invited. Wedding planning is such a pain.

Cookie Pusher

I not only had people invite themselves to our wedding, but people inviting themselves to be in the bridal party and to plan/attend my non-existent shower and bachelorette. Some people have no tact at all.

allisoneliz

Yep. One of my mom's cousins (my second cousin) had herself problem-solved onto our B-list. We didn't have a B-list. Our wedding was 2 weeks ago and I accidentally told Mom last night that we'd had a last-minute cancellation. Her response? "So you could have invited Cousin after all! HRMPH!" *eyeroll*

wandajune6

We've only had one person ask about her invitation and she was someone my mom and I argued over inviting- the woman who helps my gramma. I wanted to invite her but my mom worried about her feeling obligated or like we wanted her to work. She's coming!

I've asked everyone to keep the wedding off of Facebook and it's worked well so far. I have heard about a few hurt feelings from people seeing STD magnets. That's tough. One girl is hurt that a bunch of mutual friends were invited but not her, though she understood. She keeps asking a friend about joining the bachelorette though. Odd.

moonpowder

My #1 rule for wedding stuff is no ambiguity.

Because the time you spend pussyfooting around issues/people/vendors won't get back! 

You better snip it in the bud. 

peachy13

I met up with my old college roommate a week or so after getting engaged and she told me she had the perfect date if she was invited with a plus-one.

Who even said she was invited? I just awkwardly smiled and moved on.

Cookie Pusher

I had a friend who repeatedly told us how she was going to hook up with BIL after the wedding no matter how many times we told her to stop talking about it. Um, sorry, but I really didn't want to hear about what you wanted to do to or with him. And not surprisingly, she didn't get an invitation. 

smalfrie19

Oh one of my mom's BFF's pretty much demanded an invitation. Guess what...she's not coming because she booked a weekend trip for that weekend. I guess if it was SOOO IMPORTANT that you be there, you should have made sure when my wedding is. Even though you asked a million times and never once did it change. 

BTW. I am not bitter she isn't coming, I just think that kind of shit is ridiculous. 

psiloveyouu

Sincere apologies for the delayed response!

But thanks to everyone who commented and gave feedback. I think when it comes to social media, I will just take the advice of most and not post anything.

If someone asks in person, I think I'm going to take the direct approach and let them know that unfortunately we had to limit the guest list due to venue restrictions.

Thanks again to all and enjoy the rest of your week!

PhoneCardLady

iannawill said:

A friend of my cousin recently asked me at a family party, "Hey, is it okay if I come to your wedding?" I was so caught off guard that my response was something along the lines of "I don't know yet...?" It was my first time meeting this person!

Ask them if they have tried the bean dip and give them this recipie"

1 can (16 oz) Old El Paso™ refried beans

1 package (1 oz) Old El Paso™ taco seasoning mix

1 package (8 oz) cream cheese, softened

1 can (4.5 oz) Old El Paso™ chopped green chiles

1 cup Old El Paso™ Thick 'n Chunky salsa (any variety)

2 cups shredded lettuce

2 cups shredded Cheddar or Mexican cheese blend (8 oz)

1 can (2.25 oz) sliced ripe olives, drained (1/2 cup)

1 medium tomato, diced (3/4 cup)

Tortilla chips, if desired

Directions

• 1 In medium bowl, mix refried beans and taco seasoning mix. Spread mixture on large platter.
• 2 In another medium bowl, mix cream cheese and chiles. Carefully spread over bean mixture.
• 3 Top with salsa, lettuce, cheese, olives and tomato. Refrigerate until serving time. Serve with tortilla chips.

lotsosandwiches

Ugh. FI's uncle posted on FI's FB page this weekend something along the lines of, "Got your invite! My son can't make it because he'll be back in school, so I was hoping I could bring someone in his place?"

This person is not in a relationship.

We wanted to just ignore it, but we felt like we couldn't just have it HANGING out there, for all to see. So we ended up deleting it and then private messaging him. "Sorry, invite was just for you and cousin Bobby. Unfortunately we can't accomodate anyone else right now. Looking forward to seeing you!"

I seriously CANNOT believe how many people think this is OK. We've also gotten the angry email from a random aquaintance flipping out because they realized they weren't invited. And we've also gotten the, "Can I bring my kid?" I seriously had no clue how either rude or clueless so many of our people are. Until this wedding. Bums me out.

psiloveyouu

This is amazing

JellyBean52513

lotsosandwiches said:

Ugh. FI's uncle posted on FI's FB page this weekend something along the lines of, "Got your invite! My son can't make it because he'll be back in school, so I was hoping I could bring someone in his place?"

This person is not in a relationship.

We wanted to just ignore it, but we felt like we couldn't just have it HANGING out there, for all to see. So we ended up deleting it and then private messaging him. "Sorry, invite was just for you and cousin Bobby. Unfortunately we can't accomodate anyone else right now. Looking forward to seeing you!"

I seriously CANNOT believe how many people think this is OK. We've also gotten the angry email from a random aquaintance flipping out because they realized they weren't invited. And we've also gotten the, "Can I bring my kid?" I seriously had no clue how either rude or clueless so many of our people are. Until this wedding. Bums me out.

Swear to god, in a situation like this, how does one NOT lose their cool and respond bluntly? Seriously, it would take every moral fiber of my being not to respond to some shit like this by saying "Honest questions: what made you think you would be invited in the first place, and why are you so angry about not being invited? Really, WHY ARE YOU ANGRY?" Like, I can't even picture myself not putting someone in their place if they ever had the nerve to get angry with me for not inviting them to my wedding.

But, I'm kind of an asshole, so there's that.

PhoneCardLady

iannawill said:

This is amazing

Did you like the recipie for the bean dip?  I know that Martha1818 wanted it NOW!