Don't want to be bridezilla...don't want to be that bride...

Missbikini

So I find myself on this rollercoaster of emotions that has me feeling like a brat at times.

So I am getting married( 0_0 ) ...and everyone is getting on my damn nerves. I really didn't think this would be me. My sister (who lives eight hours away) threw a fit about me not asking any of her kids to be in the wedding. Her daughter is now in it. As are three other little girls(I originally had one). Then I find out that she is having our father get the dress. I am not trying to be selfish(or am I?), but how are you going to throw a temper tantrum about you kid not being in the wedding, when you can't even buy her dress??? That money could have been used on another wedding expense...and EVERYONE ELSE is buying their own dresses.

My sister in-law also threw the same temper tantrum about her younger boys not being in the wedding(although her oldest daughter and son are BOTH in the actual wedding party). I now have 3 little boys in the wedding(I originally had 1).

My brother looked at my wedding list(that I've been editing lately) that I left up on the computer and misinformed my other sister with information about her not being invited.

My fiancé has done close to nothing to help with the wedding although if he were to tell it he would say that I haven't told him what I need him to do. Stuff invitations was draining...labeling them and putting on stamps was annoying. I asked him to help with that and he said he didn't trust his hand writing. My summer camp kids helped me stuff invitations. Bless their damn hearts. We are looking at 300 guests. I had no ink in my computer...I was doing them by hand.

His aunt has been on my case about the wedding flowers. She is an active member of the church and helps decorate. She told me to talk to her when I was ready to get flowers. I DID. She gave me NO information and told me to go with the florist I had wanted(who is also a member of the church and charged me WAAAAAAAY less then all the other florists in our area. When she found out I'd booked and paid she got upset. I'm perplexed.

Told my fiancé that I need time by myself tomorrow and now he's mad at  me.

I really don't want to be bridezilla...I really don't want to be that bride...

Thank for listening (

I just feel drained and I am waiting for this to be fun again. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm getting really sad and grumpy.

JasperandOpal

I think you need to practice saying "no" to people.  While it is too late to change the things you have already agreed to (such as having young family members in the wedding party) moving forward you should feel free to liberally use "no" when asked to do something you don't want to do.  

Then you need to be more assertive with you fiancé. The invitations are done but there will be other projects and if he finds a reason why he can't do it, assign him another project to do or just don't accept his no.  For the invitations, I would have said "my writings not great either but how about I write the addresses and you put them in the envelopes and add the stamps."  So with all future projects, find a way that you can get him involved.  If he still gives you an excuse you will need to have a conversations about how these things need to be done and this wedding is about two people, you and him, and that you cannot do these things without his help.

As far as your dad spending money on a dress for your niece, that is really none of you business and I wouldn't stress about it.  If your dad is willing to pay for the dress that is between him and your sisters, as long as the niece shows up in the dress on the day, I wouldn't worry about it.

It sounds like a lot of the issues come down to miscommunication and lack of communication.  I am not quite sure what you were saying about the flowers and FIs aunt but it sounds like she wasn't clear with what she was saying to you.  Don't be afraid to ask people to clarify.  If she is upset for no reason, I wouldn't worry about it, she will likely get over it.  

Take deep breaths and remember that all it takes for a wedding is you, your FI, the officiant and a witness or two.  Everything else is just icing so if it is becoming nothing but pain, taking a second to figure out what it is you really want and see what you can do to make that happen.  

But again, I think the most important thing is to learn to say no.  I think that would have eliminated 90% of the stress you are feeling. 

Missbikini

Thank you @JasprandOpal

mim29

I'm struggling with a rule I set from the beginning. Basically my wedding will be 18 and over, but my fiancé has a cousin, one whose children are godchildren of he and his brother. I have spent time with this family and these children are SO poorly behaved!!!!!! They hit their parents, they don't listen, they can't sit still and have the attention span of a mosquito.

I know that inviting the parents is necessary (even if I hate them), but under no circumstances do I want children at the wedding - ESPECIALLY ones I know are little nasty brats. There will be alcohol served at the reception so of course I think it's reasonable to tell them they will need to find a sitter for that... They are prone to being histrionic and fidgety so I also REALLY do not want them doing something to ruin the ceremony itself. They can't even sit at their kitchen table to eat dinner without getting up and doing something else - and the parents just let them because they won't listen/they don't care! The parents can be just as bad to each other/their kids as the monsters are. I don't want to have my guests watch a child get reprimanded (LOUDLY and sometimes physically) at our wedding. Personally, I don't see why he would want them there either but I think it's just the principle of it being "family" (even though he never sees them outside of holidays). His parents sent the guest list and put "4" for that family. I've asked him to be the one to break it to them, but he wants me to do it because I'm the one who doesn't want them there. His cousin almost always leave the kids with their Aunt - who  is invited. I'm not sure if that's because it's free or if it's because it's family. What to do, what to do?

Heffalump

*Barbie*

MadeleineFoster said:

I'm struggling with a rule I set from the beginning. Basically my wedding will be 18 and over, but my fiancé has a cousin, one whose children are godchildren of he and his brother. I have spent time with this family and these children are SO poorly behaved!!!!!! They hit their parents, they don't listen, they can't sit still and have the attention span of a mosquito.

I know that inviting the parents is necessary (even if I hate them), but under no circumstances do I want children at the wedding - ESPECIALLY ones I know are little nasty brats. There will be alcohol served at the reception so of course I think it's reasonable to tell them they will need to find a sitter for that... They are prone to being histrionic and fidgety so I also REALLY do not want them doing something to ruin the ceremony itself. They can't even sit at their kitchen table to eat dinner without getting up and doing something else - and the parents just let them because they won't listen/they don't care! The parents can be just as bad to each other/their kids as the monsters are. I don't want to have my guests watch a child get reprimanded (LOUDLY and sometimes physically) at our wedding. Personally, I don't see why he would want them there either but I think it's just the principle of it being "family" (even though he never sees them outside of holidays). His parents sent the guest list and put "4" for that family. I've asked him to be the one to break it to them, but he wants me to do it because I'm the one who doesn't want them there. His cousin almost always leave the kids with their Aunt - who  is invited. I'm not sure if that's because it's free or if it's because it's family. What to do, what to do?

if you and your FI can't compromise on an "18+" rule for the wedding, how do you plan to handle more complex decisions after you get married?

If you wrote the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. Last Name" and did not list the kids names or "and family" then it's perfectly reasonable to give them a call and politely explain that the wedding and reception will be "adults only." 

"Hi so-and-so. I received your RSVP and saw that you indicated that 4 would be coming. I'm sorry if there was a miscommunication, but the wedding will be an adults-only event, so unfortunately the invitation was not extended to the children. Thank you for understanding, and we look forward to seeing you and [your spouse] at the wedding!"

NOLABridesmaid

Ha. This reminds me of a convo I had with my sister last night. She said that people are calling wanting to know what the number 1 meant on the rsvp card. If one really meant two.

No, one means one. You're not married and don't have any kids. 1=1

No, your boo of three weeks can't come.

mim29

I agree and am perfectly willing to have that conversation if they don't "take the hint". I think he's more... irked? by it. I don't know that you can make the judgment however about more complex issues in a relationship you know nothing about... I just meant this specific instance. I'm well aware that there are much larger hurdles ahead. My other thing is that I don't think any of those parties involved are really going to care in the years to come; the kids won't even remember it and frankly most parents I know are thrilled to have a night out to themselves!! The kids would probably rather be at a sleepover anyway.

MNNEBride

You address the invitation to those invited (Mr. & Mrs. Mykidsarebrats).  You can also customize the RSVP to indicate how many are invited:

To limit number of guests Wording Sample 1 Kindly reply on or before June 5, 2012 A total of _______ seat (s) have been reserved in your honor. M_______________________________ ________ accepts with pleasure ________ declines with regret ________ number attending

To limit number of guests Wording Sample 2 Please respond on or before June 5, 2012 We’ve saved ______ space(s) just for you. Name ________________________________ ______ happily accepts ______ number attending ______ sadly declines

hmonkey

dude can't stuff an envelope or put on a stamp? way to hitch your wagon to a star.

MesmrEwe

If you can't get him to help stuff invites how are you expecting to get him to change diapers when it's time for kids?

OP - remember the words "Thanks for your advice I'll take it into consideration!"..  Then file it in the round file...  The way to avoid becoming a bridezilla is to avoid telling anyone the details unless they're on a need to know basis.  I had people telling me to wait until mid-dance to cut the cake because we wouldn't have much leftover that way - well, we were doing table cakes, ad pieced together three at the end of the night because I chose awesome tasting cakes by the baker.  Simple as that.  The only thing you can control is your reaction.  So they're in a bundle because of their kids not in the wedding, boo hoo, life is full of disappointments.  That's on them, not you!