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Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette party dilemma

So, my maid of honor and bridesmaid are both out of state, and won't be able to attend or throw a bachelorette party.  I know what I want, and have arranged for the location, my sister-in-law's father has a lake house he is letting us borrow for free.  I don't want to have extravagant entertainment or a pub crawl, or a dinner out, I'd just like to buy stuff for the grill and invite my girlfriends to attend overnight, and bring whatever they want to drink, whether that is soda or alcohol.  I'm not asking for or expecting gifts.  The only entertainment I want is a couple of movies, and facials and pedicures for all, board games, card games, whatever people feel like doing.

Is it OK for me to be the hostess of this party?  My Fiancee's family is already going to the expense of throwing me a bridal shower, and I've made it clear to my Mom that she is not invited to the bachelorette party, so I'm not asking her to host it.  My sister-in-law has a full time job and a toddler, and doesn't have time to plan a party, so I don't know who else I could ask to do this, but I really want my friends who can come to come, and not have people thinking I'm a bridezilla (I've tried very hard not to be, and think I've succeeded until now).

The only other thing I can think of is to slip my cousin some cash and ask her to hostess it, but that kind of feels sneaky.  But I feel like I'm trying to come up with excuses to throw myself a party, and everything I've read so far seems to imply that this is against all etiquette rules.

Re: Bachelorette party dilemma

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, you're not really supposed to throw your own bachelorette party. Since what you're planning is not really a "take me out and celebrate me" kind of shindig, it does blur the lines for me a bit, and I can see why it makes the most sense for you to be the hostess. You could still do this. Just don't call it a bachelorette party and then nobody can get offended by it. Just ask the girls to come spend the night on such and such a weekend. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Megalega14catmiss9JCbride2015emanon321
  • Sigh.  I tried to type out a reasonable response, and then realized that I was just getting on a soapbox and not really saying anything productive.

    Long story short, someone who is already very involved in the wedding, already investing a lot of time and money, said that I HAVE to have a bachelorette party.I can't ask her for more time or money planning, and I'm willing to do a get together, but....meh.  there was another paragraph, but it had turned back into a rant.

    Maybe I'll just get my cousin to hostess it on fb, and go grocery shopping with her to get the food for the party and pay for it and we can all pretend she is the hostess.

  • Sigh.  I tried to type out a reasonable response, and then realized that I was just getting on a soapbox and not really saying anything productive.

    Long story short, someone who is already very involved in the wedding, already investing a lot of time and money, said that I HAVE to have a bachelorette party.I can't ask her for more time or money planning, and I'm willing to do a get together, but....meh.  there was another paragraph, but it had turned back into a rant.

    Maybe I'll just get my cousin to hostess it on fb, and go grocery shopping with her to get the food for the party and pay for it and we can all pretend she is the hostess.
    If someone isn't offering to host, they need to keep their mouth shut about whether you have a b-party or not. I understand they've contributed to the wedding, but bachelorettes and weddings are separate things. If this person pressures you, I'd say something like, "Well it was hard for my friends to host since everyone is out of town, so we're just having a casual girls' weekend. Which is actually perfect, because I wanted something casual and laid back" and then change the subjet if they wont let it go.

    Having a party for yourself under someone else's name seems so bizarre. And I think it's so unbelievably inappropriate to tell someone they have to have a bachelorette party for themselves, regardless of how much money they are contributing to the wedding.
    image
    Megalega14msuprincess04
  • Can it be not talked about, who is "hosting"? You had this great weekend practically dropped into your lap, and it would be very ungracious for anyone to say you "should not" have had it, when it is so perfect.

    Just do it, and disregard any unwanted opinions. Anyone who thinks you are hosting your own party and that is wrong, doesn't have to attend.


  • I'm late to this, but call it a bachelorette party, host it yourself, do what you want, and have a fabulous time!  There are too many rules about who is allowed to host and what it's called and blah blah.  If you want a girl's weekend and it functions as a bachelorette party, I think that's great.  
    Knottie30728405
  •     Just call it a 'girls weekend', they'll all know what it's really for. I just posted on another thread. We are having an immediate family only destination wedding. Because of this we aren't having any showers ,engagement or bachelor/ette parties. 

        Some of the girls I do theater with wanted to do a bachelorette party anyway. I declined because of etiquette. Instead we are doing 'girls night out' and getting dinner and a few drinks. It will be low key and not have any bride or penis shaped items or anything wedding related, but we all will know what it's for even if it's not called a 'bachelorette party'. We have satisfied etiquette and I still get to hang with my friends. 
    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jaime232 said:
    I'm late to this, but call it a bachelorette party, host it yourself, do what you want, and have a fabulous time!  There are too many rules about who is allowed to host and what it's called and blah blah.  If you want a girl's weekend and it functions as a bachelorette party, I think that's great.  
    Your thinking it's great doesn't mean it's okay.  And the rules are there for a reason.  It is not polite to throw parties in one's own honor.  When couples host their own weddings, the invitations are worded so that there is no official "host."
  • Your party sounds like a great time, and whoever wants to be there will show up. You know the people being invited, do you think anyone would be offended if you threw your own bachelorette party? Once you answer that question, then you can go from there. 
  • I doubt anyone is following this anymore, but I "hosted" a "Not a bachelorette party party" on FaceBook, invited the 2 friends I wanted to come who aren't on fb over txt, told everyone to byob, I'll supply food, and we're having a pajama party.  It just seemed easiest, I'm not hosting a party where I'm expecting anyone to give me any gifts, just come hang out with me, I'll supply the food, they supply the drinks (alcoholic or not, as one of the invitees is pregnant).  Hopefully any snarking about who the hostess is will be done well behind my back, because I've already reached the stress point I can take, and I have almost 3 weeks to go before the wedding!
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