I am about to punch a wall...

jakeiaf

So this morning I woke up to find out TWO people have dropped from my wedding... Excuse all the bad grammar... I usually don't use terrible grammar only when I'm texting people close to me. 

If you didn't have a chance to read about my bridal party that I apparently chose right off a episode of Jerry Springer... Long story short it was messy. However, if you did... good news James is no longer in the wedding...

I woke up to a message from Jessie saying she had bad news...Now I had a mini panic attack because she is in the Marines and might be deployed for the wedding and I just knew that's what she was about to say.. Except.. This was the conversation... 

Jessie: So I have bad news

Me: what's that

Jessie: James can't be in the wedding

Me: uh oh what happened 

I haven’t heard from her since. I’m assuming they broke up ( long long story) and she decided he has to go. Ok that’s fine. I get it you guys broke up or something. But she just went off the grid and I’m concerned. I’m concerned for two reason. One, my bestfriend just broke up with her long time boyfriend and I’m sure she’s upset so I would like to make sure she is ok… Two: Now I have to decide if I’m one of those “it has to be even” brides. Or if I’m going to chop it up as a lost and say oh well.

I can live without him, my world is not ending because he got the boot.

Now the real problem... 

My sister is my MOH...I received a message from her today that went like this... 

Sister:We need to talk

Me: whats up

Sister: You and my brother wedding is on the same day and I'm in both of y'all weddings 

Me: I thought it was this month

Sister: Naw. I thought it was another day in June and he told me today what the date was and I knew that was your date and I instantly got sad

Me: so are you just gonna be in his?

Sister: I want to be in both

Me: it's impossible because they are in two different states. i hate to break it to you sista but you gotta choose which one you in

Sister:OMG!

I choose both 

Can one of you pleaseeee change your date! Y'all wedding mean a lot to me and I really want to be apart of them

 Me: i'm locked into contracts i cant change my date. sounds like you need to do some soul searching  

Sister: Damn man he can't change his either. It's gone cost over a 1000 to change it. Huuuuh.

A little back story.. Her brother got sick.. Which I totally understand, so I'm assuming that it why he moved his date (because it was this month). I totally understand why he changed his date. Further back peddle... My sister and I were separated at a young age and connected via facebook 10 years later.  So she is naturally closer to her brother than me and will more than likely end up in his wedding. I'm not upset with my sister because I know she is in a really tough spot. However, I am hurt that I just lost my maid of honor.. I have (well had) two maids of honor. So I do still have one. 

I just don't get why she expected me to change the date of my wedding. I know she wanted me to because she knew her brother couldn't. I'm a little frustrated at losing two people in one day. But I'm just really fighting tars at losing my sister.

rsbloom

One: It seems like your friend is going through something, give her time to work it out, she probably has a lot on her plate without a bunch of calls from you. If you still haven't heard from her in a couple days, try reaching out again, or touching base with mural friends or relatives of hers. Two: so your sister's brother already changed his date once....and didn't bother to clear it with his VIPs. I get that he was sick, but he should have still checked with his family and close friends before re-booking. Now he has put your sister in an awkward position. Don't move your date just for her, it's sad that she won't be there, but she could celebrate with you at the Bach party, or with dinner sometime after the wedding. It sucks that you lost two people, but it's just one day. They're still your friends and family even if they can't make it to the wedding. If they mean a lot to you, be there for them, and make it a point to not only talk about your wedding when you hang out with them. Don't make them feel worse about something that is out of their control. Edited:tried to put my paragraphs back in, but nope

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

You still have time to iron it all out.  Digest it and let your sister and friend come to terms with their problems.  It doesnt have to be resolved this instant.  At least you have time on your side.

pinkcow13

I'm sorry to hear that You still have plenty of time, and things might change by then. And if worse case scenario you have uneven sides, don't stress it. I used to think I wanted even sides, but I think unevern sides look fabulous and fun. 

MandyMost

Does anyone else find it odd that the way your best friend tells you she broke up with her long-time boyfriend is by telling you he can't be in the wedding? Reading between the lines here I am going to guess that maybe you've been a little wedding-centric with your relationships lately, and maybe need to stop talking about wedding stuff with your friends for a while? Maybe she's not talking to you because she doesn't want to deal with you talking about her her break-up is affecting your wedding?

jakeiaf

MandyMost said:

Does anyone else find it odd that the way your best friend tells you she broke up with her long-time boyfriend is by telling you he can't be in the wedding? Reading between the lines here I am going to guess that maybe you've been a little wedding-centric with your relationships lately, and maybe need to stop talking about wedding stuff with your friends for a while? Maybe she's not talking to you because she doesn't want to deal with you talking about her her break-up is affecting your wedding?

Actually, no, that's just my best friend. I actually don't talk to my friends about my wedding besides bridesmaids dresses and a trip we are taking. I talk to my maid of honor about the wedding, but that is only because she is helping me find a new venue.  My bestfriend just does not like hard conversations. She would rather say "he can't be in the wedding" instead of " hey me and James broke up because *insert the real reason they broke up here*" I actually have talked to her since this post and she explained what happened and said she told me like that because she didn't know how to say it. The only other people I talk to my wedding about are the knotties and my fiance. 

jakeiaf

rsbloomgoldchocobopinkcow13 I actually decided that instead of forcing my sister to have to literally choose between my siblings, I would allow her to just step down. My feelings will be hurt of course because all 5 of my other siblings (I have a basketball team over her =] ) will be there and she literally will be the only one. I don't want to make her stress herself out to much. She has been making social media posts about being upset about something and having a hard decision to make. She has been really down in the dumps and I seriously don't want that for my sister. I just can't watch it. Do you ladies have a suggestions on how I could tell her she can just be in his wedding? =/

VulgarGirl

jakeia0112 said:

rsbloomgoldchocobopinkcow13 I actually decided that instead of forcing my sister to have to literally choose between my siblings, I would allow her to just step down. My feelings will be hurt of course because all 5 of my other siblings (I have a basketball team over her =] ) will be there and she literally will be the only one. I don't want to make her stress herself out to much. She has been making social media posts about being upset about something and having a hard decision to make. She has been really down in the dumps and I seriously don't want that for my sister. I just can't watch it. Do you ladies have a suggestions on how I could tell her she can just be in his wedding? =/

I think this is very kind of you. Yes, you're sad she can't be there for your wedding, of course you are. But you're going to take the stress out of choosing for her. I'd saying something like this:

Hey sis, I've been thinking about it and I don't want to make you choose between me and your brother. So I'm very ok with you being in/at his wedding instead of mine. Lets get together for dinner/drinks/something before/after my wedding to celebrate though. I love you and you're very special and I just don't want you to stress about this, it's not a big deal.

Then sit down with your FI and have a big ass margarita and be a little upset your sister can't be there and then move on because in the long run, it's not a huge deal she can't make it. She wants to be there, but she can't clone herself so she has to pick. You're being a good sister by letting her know, it's ok to pick her brother and you aren't mad or hurt (even if you are, that's just for you tell your FI/us about, not her). I'd plan a special dinner with her to show her wedding pictures/video/whatever. 

PrettyGirlLost

I'm glad James is out of the wedding and not with your friend anymore because he sounded like an asshat, but I'm sorry your friend is hurting.

I'm also sorry to hear about your sister ><  That's a tough one and she sounds very torn.