NWR: Sharing Phone Time / Interruptions

LakeR2014

DEAR ABBY: I love my sister and enjoy chatting with her, but our schedules make it difficult to connect. When we do speak, her husband often interjects or starts another conversation with her, as if she isn't on the phone. She also settles spats between her toddlers and other things her husband could manage while we're talking.

When this happens I say, "I can tell you're tied up. Can we talk later when things settle down?" Her reply: "We can talk now. Things are always crazy around here."

As it stands, we speak only a few times a year, and I'd like her undivided attention. I have tried bringing this up a number of times, but she feels life doesn't stand still for anyone.

Is it too much to ask for 30 minutes, three times a year? We live several states apart, so having a face-to-face isn't an option. Any help would be appreciated, because I'm hurt. -- MISSING MY SISTER IN GEORGIA

I had to post this as I have a friend who does this religiously as well.   She'll call and want to talk and then half the time I've spent talking to her involves her talking with her kinds/yelling at her kids or telling her husband to take the kids.   If I ask her to call me later when she's not so busy, it's a 'good luck with that, it's always busy.'    I can understand it always being busy when you have kids, but I have tons of other friends with kids who are able to hold long conversations with me without interruptions.   Does this occur with anyone else?  I'm at least glad to know that I'm not the only one who's a little miffed by it when it occurs.

SJM7538

This happens to me with two of my friends and it drives me nuts. One has kids and she's always yelling at the kids or her husband. It's obnoxious. So we really don't talk on the phone so much anymore and just try to get together in person...
Which is difficult in itself. She has taken more to texting in order to make plans but sometimes she'll take 3 days just to respond to a txt.


Then another friend who doesn't have kids. Will call me to chat or vice versa and then she'll get an incoming call and tell me it will be two seconds and then Five minutes later I'm still on hold and I hang up. Or she will call, leave a vm and I get it within a few minutes, usually just didn't hear tue phone and I will call her back and she doesn't answer. Then she doesn't call back for another week.

pinkshorts27

If I call home, I never get uninterrupted phone time. I don't mind because I call at least 3 times a week to check in and generally the interruptions are relayed to me.  When talking to my mom, my dad interrupts to make comments on the half conversation he is hearing or to add to what my mom said. Sometimes they go on tangents, but I don't mind.

JCbride2015

My mom does this. She'll answer the phone while she's working or with a friend. I'll say, "You're busy, I'll call back" and she says, "no, I can talk now." Then proceeds to talk to me and her friend at the same time. Gah! I hate it.

JMalettas

 I thankfully don't have friends or family like this. I can only imagine your frustration, and honestly, wouldn't be calling anymore, if said "time" was always spent listening to children fighting, and other conversations. 

 I'd be straight up, and honest. If she wants to talk, ask H, or whoever, to keep an eye on the kids for a half an hour. Or however long you're talking. I can understand being busy, and whatnot, but I would assume she doesn't live in a zoo, and her children can be kept under control, by her husband, for the small amount of time you're talking. It's not like you're calling every second day, or weekly even. Either that, or I'd ask when their bedtimes are, and call an hour or so after said "bedtime"! It sounds like you're going to need to plan, and organize these phone calls, so this is where I'd start! 

 Good luck!

 *J

afox007

I think this is why the only long phone calls I have are with my friend who has a 3 year old and my grandma who watches my younger sisters. Both ends of the call are interrupted by kids; with my friend or grandma its usually kids screaming, with me it's FSS walking in to ask 50 thousand questions. My friends who don't have kids usually just text me and now that I read this I kinda don't blame them.

AddieCake

It drives me nuts when this happens. I have friends who tell me when to call, and then half the time is spent answering to the kids. If you want to talk on the phone with me, please make sure you are actually able to do so.

Simply Fated

This bothers the shit out of me.

I try to be understanding with one of my friends who has a couple of kids because she is almost always alone with them. The few times her husband is around, he's pretty useless at redirecting the kids' attention.

I'm way more bothered with my friends who do this with their significant others. Like, seriously? You need her to list all of the contents of the refrigerator right this very second? Yeah, that happened one time. The only thing worse is when we actually get to hang out in person and she spends the entire time on the phone calling or texting with him. You live with him, you see him all the time. We see each other once every other month for two hours. Can we have a conversation for five minutes without him, please?
I honestly think it's a power thing. If he can't have her undivided attention, then no one can.

lyndausvi

I went about 4-6 years only talking to my sister about once a month  (or less) during her toddler years with her kids.    It was a weird phenomenon, but my sister getting on the phone = the kids acting up.   

The kids are teen/pre-teen now.  I talk and/or text my sister a few times a day now.    

I experienced that with other friends during those years also. I just figure it's the circle of life when it comes to kids.

larrygaga

It's annoying but to me it seems like that's just how it is with young kids!!!

Sugargirl1019

I don't know why going to stand outside the front door to talk in quiet has not been done yet. Seems like an easy solution! Say, "husband I'm stepping outside for a phone call, don't bother me unless someone is dying." And then do it. Surely husband can control 3 kids for a little bit of time.

AddieCake

Sugargirl1019 said:

I don't know why going to stand outside the front door to talk in quiet has not been done yet. Seems like an easy solution! Say, "husband I'm stepping outside for a phone call, don't bother me unless someone is dying." And then do it. Surely husband can control 3 kids for a little bit of time.

This is exactly how I feel. I am taking a scheduled call. You (husband) make sure I can do that by leaving me alone and keeping the kids occupied so they leave me alone as well.

Sugargirl1019

AddieCake said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

I don't know why going to stand outside the front door to talk in quiet has not been done yet. Seems like an easy solution! Say, "husband I'm stepping outside for a phone call, don't bother me unless someone is dying." And then do it. Surely husband can control 3 kids for a little bit of time.

This is exactly how I feel. I am taking a scheduled call. You (husband) make sure I can do that by leaving me alone and keeping the kids occupied so they leave me alone as well.
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YES. If she's not willing to step outside, then she doesn't respect her sister or friend. If husband refuses to help his wife out for this, he does not respect either of the women and she needs to sit him down and talk about respect.