Soon to be mother-in-law drama?

soontobemrsfillier

Please tell me I am not the only one that's dealing with the mother in law from hell pretty much. She's going to drive me insane, I don't even know how to handle that woman. Help me. She's honestly making everything so much harder then it actually is. I might kill someone by the time we get married. 

lyndausvi

examples?     I do not have a MIL problem so I can't really relate.

manateehugger

Post some examples of issues and we'll try to help you out. Sorry you're having a hard time.

soontobemrsfillier

Well, we've been together now for close to a year we got engaged a little fast but we knew that we wanted to be together. she's been trying to convince him to leave me for the last few months and move back home with them because apparently I'm not good enough because I take advanged to him (total lies, because I'm tryin to help him as much as I can with getting him debt paid off I mean we're together we're getting married I want to help him we're soo close too) and because I don't have a university education like she does. She wants him to leave me, move back home and she'll pay off all his debt, she's made me life a living hell from the moment I met her, she started talking crap about my mom when he was on the phone with her and I was sitting right next to him doing my home work. and she's just very rude to me.

manateehugger

soontobemrsfillier said:

Well, we've been together now for close to a year we got engaged a little fast but we knew that we wanted to be together. she's been trying to convince him to leave me for the last few months and move back home with them because apparently I'm not good enough because I take advanged to him (total lies, because I'm tryin to help him as much as I can with getting him debt paid off I mean we're together we're getting married I want to help him we're soo close too) and because I don't have a university education like she does. She wants him to leave me, move back home and she'll pay off all his debt, she's made me life a living hell from the moment I met her, she started talking crap about my mom when he was on the phone with her and I was sitting right next to him doing my home work. and she's just very rude to me.

What does your FI say or do about all of this?

I'd be expecting my H to be shutting this talk down ASAP. He needs to be standing up to his mother for you. 

soontobemrsfillier

He's pretty quiet around her, I'm pretty sues he's afraid of her but he says he doesn't care what she says, she's just pushing him away. 

Inkdancer

A guy who won't stand up for you is not a stand-up guy.

manateehugger

soontobemrsfillier said:

He's pretty quiet around her, I'm pretty sues he's afraid of her but he says he doesn't care what she says, she's just pushing him away. 

Yeah, the quietness needs to stop once someone is flatout insulting his future wife. This isn't your battle - it should be your FI's. 

That's fine if HE doesn't care what she says, but it clearly bothers YOU (understandably so). In which case, he needs to take on this fight with his mother for you. He needs to shut it down and say he wont listen to any more talk about you and until his mother can have a civil conversation about you, he's done talking. 

missdelilah

I'm sorry you're going through this.  I don't have any major problems with FMIL, but FSIL is a living hell.  Good thing she's so far away.  

PPs are right.  Your FI needs to make it clear to his mother that he loves her, but he wants this relationship with you more than anything else, and it doesn't matter to him what qualifications you have (you can get a degree at any time in the future if you like, but they're totally overrated unless you're doing something ultra specialized in the STEM areas), and that he really hopes that in the future the two of you can forge a meaningful and deep relationship.

Are you just offended by the behavior of FMIL, or are you worried that FI may actually take her up on the offer?  Work out exactly what you feel, and bring it up with FI in a constructive and non-confrontational way.  Hopefully he'll take you seriously, and have that chat with his mother.

AddieCake

If my husband's family was rude to me or talking shit about me, my husband would tell them off immediately. Same if it were my own family doing it.

climbingsingle

Your FI needs to stand up for you. That would not fly in my relationship. We wouldn't stand for any of our family members treating the other one poorly.

sarahufl

Don't forget that this woman is about to become a permeant part of your life and don't underscore the impact her attitude will have on your relationship.

I happen to like my MIL (most of the time) but my brother can't stand his. He told me once he never understood how much his ILs would affect his life until he got married.

If your FI isn't standing up for you, that is also a red flag. Good luck dealing with this, but don't take it lying down.

smalfrie19

sarahufl said:

Don't forget that this woman is about to become a permeant part of your life and don't underscore the impact her attitude will have on your relationship.

I happen to like my MIL (most of the time) but my brother can't stand his. He told me once he never understood how much his ILs would affect his life until he got married.

If your FI isn't standing up for you, that is also a red flag. Good luck dealing with this, but don't take it lying down.

Not necessarily. my Fi and I are going through issues with his sister because she is being a royal pain and projecting her insecurities on to me and he's about had it and told her that if she can't be happy for him and stop her negativity she's free to GTFO of our life.

DNA does not give a right to be in someone's life. 

bahamabride2015

You are not alone my friend.

KatieinBkln

PPs are right--this is the kind of behavior that no one would tolerate from someone who wasn't their family. Can you imagine if a stranger/acquaintance were to talk to you/about you this way? No one would allow it. If I were you, I'd tell your FI how upsetting this is to you, and that you would like him to tell his mother that she can get on board or she can say goodbye to him, permanently. This is not a line he can walk with any kind of grace. She may be his mother, but she's acting like an asshole, and must be told as much. Many a MIL has gotten in line because her son promised he'd shut her out if she doesn't shape up.

shelbygetsmarried1214

I'm so sorry you're going through this! But, as Inkdancer said, a guy who won't stand up for you is not a stand up guy. 

If he isn't making a point to her that he really wants to marry you, then are you really sure that he's in this? If my future mother-in-law was saying those things about me and my family I would expect my FI to stand up for me and tell her all the great things about me that led him to want to get married.

She sounds like the movie monster in law!

ShesSoCold

My MIL is a horrible woman and my H was completely ready to sever all ties with her because of her shitty attitude and dislike of me. She told him one time that she doesn't like me and he shut her down quick. Since then, she's tried to bring it up again and he refuses to discuss it. She threw a series of temper tantrums during our wedding planning and even told him he had been removed from her will. He still refused to budge and she's since been kissing our asses. He's still not ready to let her back in, but she's trying. 

My point is that while you may have a terrible FMIL, your problem is with your F. He needs to stand up for you and for your relationship and if she brings anything negative, he needs to tell her flat out that he refuses to discuss it and stay firm.