elope and still have a bachelorette ?

Greenmachine34

Hi, my finance and I are thinking of eloping in Europe this fall. Neither of us is big on planning a large wedding and are families are supportive of just eloping. If I elope can I still expect my friends to throw me a bachelorette party? My group of college friends, we have been doing destination weekend parties, I've been to three so far. Is it fair for me to expect the same thing even though I probably won't be doing a large wedding?

Jells2dot0

Pre- wedding parties are reserved for those invited to the wedding and are completely optional. Not everyone will be asked if they want a shower or bachelorette party, regardless of the type of wedding you have. Given that, if you elope, you do not have any guests, so you must decline any pre-wedding parties. You can, however, just have a NWR girls night out before or after you leave. No tiaras, no boas, no theme, but just a normal night out on the town with those you want to spend time with.

Edit- BTW, eloping means that no one knows about your wedding prior to it occurring. You run off, get married, and then tell people. So, how could anyone throw you a party when no one knows when you're getting married?

Latillo

If you are eloping you can't really expect a shower or bachelorette party unfortunately. You can always get together with the group of girls when you get back to have some fun though!

kimberly0315

All pre wedding parties should be for those invited to the actual wedding.  If they aren't invited, you shouldn't expect a shower or bachelorette party.  I think etiquette says you should decline these as well.  But if they want to throw you a girls night out, there's nothing wrong with that. 

WinstonsGirl

 

Greenmachine34 said:

Hi, my finance and I are thinking of eloping in Europe this fall. Neither of us is big on planning a large wedding and are families are supportive of just eloping. If I elope can I still expect my friends to throw me a bachelorette party? My group of college friends, we have been doing destination weekend parties, I've been to three so far. Is it fair for me to expect the same thing even though I probably won't be doing a large wedding?

Only people invited to the wedding are to be invited to pre-wedding parties, otherwise you're basically saying "spend a bunch of money n me and buy me gifts, but I don't want you to my other party".  If you are inviting guests, and someone offers, yes, you can invite some or all of your guests to a stagette/shower.  If you are truly eloping and not inviting anyone, you need to decline pre-wedding parties.  

Plan a get together with your friends.  Just don't label it as anything to do with your wedding/pre-wedding stuff. 

weddingcactus

"If I elope can I still expect my friends to throw me a bachelorette party?"

Do not expect anyone to host any parties for you. Ever. In my opinion, this is a surefire way to set yourself up for disappointment or rudeness. 

That said, I am a little surprised when people say "If you are truly eloping and not inviting anyone, you need to decline pre-wedding parties." I am not an etiquette expert, but would it not also be hurtful and maybe even a little rude to friends to decline an offered bachelorette party? Now, I'm not thinking of a bridal shower (where the primary purpose is for the bride to be "showered" with gifts), but simply a pre-wedding party with friends, whether it be a night out or a luncheon or a full on stripper-fest hosted at a friend's house. If a really good friend of mine was eloping (no guests, but I was aware of the planned wedding in advance), I would love to throw a bachelorette party/event and would probably feel a little hurt if I was turned down. 

Jells2dot0

weddingcactus said:

"If I elope can I still expect my friends to throw me a bachelorette party?"

Do not expect anyone to host any parties for you. Ever. In my opinion, this is a surefire way to set yourself up for disappointment or rudeness. 

That said, I am a little surprised when people say "If you are truly eloping and not inviting anyone, you need to decline pre-wedding parties." I am not an etiquette expert, but would it not also be hurtful and maybe even a little rude to friends to decline an offered bachelorette party? Now, I'm not thinking of a bridal shower (where the primary purpose is for the bride to be "showered" with gifts), but simply a pre-wedding party with friends, whether it be a night out or a luncheon or a full on stripper-fest hosted at a friend's house. If a really good friend of mine was eloping (no guests, but I was aware of the planned wedding in advance), I would love to throw a bachelorette party/event and would probably feel a little hurt if I was turned down. 

Truly eloping would mean that you aren't telling anyone about your plans to marry before the actual marriage occurs. So, how could anyone know to plan you a party when they don't know when you are having a wedding?

That being said, if you are having a private wedding (only two people, but others know of your plans in advance) and someone offers to host a party, I think it depends on the type of party. It's considered a breach of etiquette to have a shower, where gifts are given, when the invitees are not invited to the wedding.The point of argument on this, though, is that other parties (engagement, bachelorette) are still a "bridal events". I think as long as an event is planned and it's not tied to the wedding, anything goes. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to host a party, full of friends, food, and drinks! It just shouldn't mention the wedding plans in the invitations or theme.

[Deleted User]

I'm not sure if by eloping, perhaps you just mean "destination wedding for two"? Like it was previously noted, 'eloping' would indicate that no one else knows, and after you come back from your vacation, you have a surprise marriage! That being said, I am doing a destination wedding next month, with 18 guests total. None of my close friends are coming, as our wedding package will only accommodate our close family, BUT, my friends were very set on throwing a bachelorette party for me. We all went away for the weekend, and did typical bachelorette things (boa, tiaras, photo booth, etc), and everyone had such a good time. I think, if your friends are on board and willing to throw you a bachelorette party, then do it, but don't EXPECT it. My friends are so excited for me, and although they can't join in on the actual wedding, they still wanted to do something to celebrate beforehand. We are also doing an "open-house" style reception when we get back from our wedding/honeymoon for everyone to come to.