Bridesmaid dresses dilemma

aj081415

Has anyone ever considered having the bridesmaids purchase their own dresses? I feel like Im asking them to be in my wedding like its a bad idea to even think about it at all like its rude of me. Would it be? Any advice? 

misshart00

Most bridesmaids purchase their own dresses. Just make sure and ask them all their budgets privately. Then go with the lowest one.

southernbelle0915

It's not rude. That's the one cost of being a BM (well, that and getting to the wedding). Ask them *privately* what their budget is for a dress. Go with the lowest budget and then choose a dress below it (to provide a cushion for shipping/alterations/etc.).

manateehugger

The bridesmaid purchasing their own attire is the norm. I would always assume I'm paying for the dress when I'm asked to be a bridesmaid - I view the dress as the bridesmaid's only actual duty. 

However, it is important that you as a bride ask each bridesmaid individually for budgets before you start looking at bridesmaid dresses or designer lines. Do not select a dress outside one of your friend's budgets.

Of course, if you can spring for their attire, it's always an incredibly nice gesture that I'm sure your friends would appreciate. Nice gesture, not required. 

doeydo

Knottie46658704 said:

Has anyone ever considered having the bridesmaids purchase their own dresses? I feel like Im asking them to be in my wedding like its a bad idea to even think about it at all like its rude of me. Would it be? Any advice? 

Bridesmaids usually do pay for their own dress.  As for the budget, you should ask each bridesmaid in private what theirs is before even looking at dresses.  If you want all BMs in the same gown, then you can start looking at dresses within the lowest price point.  If you want to make it easier, you can just specify a colour, length, and/or material and let them all pick out their own dresses.

aj081415

Okay thank you so much for the advice. Ill be sure to use it all!

missdelilah

PPs are right.  It's the norm that bridesmaids pay for the own dresses.  However, you if require anything specific after that (shoes, jewelry, hair, makeup, etc.) it's your responsibility to pay for that.  The best bit here is to let the ladies accessories themselves, and ask for something really simple in the shoe department that they're either likely to already have, or will likely wear again.  I told my ladies, anything black, so long as they can walk in them and stand for about twenty minutes.  

cafarrie

@aj081415 This is going to be a little "rant-y" but it's not directed at you personally, just my two cents about this whole tradition

I know it's the norm for BM's to pay for their own dresses.  THIS TRADITION NEEDS TO END.....I feel like it is so rude to ask girls to be in your wedding and then essentially charge them for the honor of standing up with you.  I don't know where the tradition came from but it just seems so silly.  Personally, I don't feel like it's any better to let them pick their own dress....I've been a BM, paid for my own dresses and not said anything, but picking my own and paying for it is much more stressful, especially when the bride gives fabric, length, designer requirements.  I'd rather have no rules, or no choice  I think having BM's pay for their own dresses that they likely won't wear again, is even sillier because so many girls spend so much time (and sometimes money) worrying about picking the perfect "bridesmaid gifts".  Dude, just pay for my dress - I said yes to being in your wedding, i don't need a present for that. Again, all just my opinion - but the whole thing just seems so backward.  

When I got engaged last December, I went shopping with my sister (MOH), mom and grandma for my dresses and for my BM dresses.  We went to a department store, found gorgeous chiffon gowns that I loved, my sister thought were comfortable and that were within MY budget (I had 5 BM's, Calvin Klein dresses were on sale and I paid 60/dress).  I asked the girls their usual size for a dress in that style, bought those sizes, plus a few extra (department store perk - you can return things).  I gave the girls the dresses that fit the best and one chose to have hers altered slightly (i didn't know this until after the wedding or I would have paid for that as well).  I let them pick their own shoes, gave them earrings, paid for their hair and makeup (if they wanted it) and wrote them all lengthy thank you notes about how thankful and appreciative I was of them. 

I know I'm biased because it was my wedding, but I did it that way because I really do feel like it's the right thing to do.  I really dislike paying for the "privilege" of being in a wedding...

Again, my two cents!!  It's not uncommon, but I'm betting that a lot of BM's would rather have no expenses (other than travel or a gift for the couple - nothing above and beyond normal invited guest expenses) than have to pay a bunch for a dress they'll never wear and then get a present...

Just a thought

QueerFemme

cafarrie said:

@aj081415 This is going to be a little "rant-y" but it's not directed at you personally, just my two cents about this whole tradition

I know it's the norm for BM's to pay for their own dresses.  THIS TRADITION NEEDS TO END.....I feel like it is so rude to ask girls to be in your wedding and then essentially charge them for the honor of standing up with you.  I don't know where the tradition came from but it just seems so silly.  Personally, I don't feel like it's any better to let them pick their own dress....I've been a BM, paid for my own dresses and not said anything, but picking my own and paying for it is much more stressful, especially when the bride gives fabric, length, designer requirements.  I'd rather have no rules, or no choice  I think having BM's pay for their own dresses that they likely won't wear again, is even sillier because so many girls spend so much time (and sometimes money) worrying about picking the perfect "bridesmaid gifts".  Dude, just pay for my dress - I said yes to being in your wedding, i don't need a present for that. Again, all just my opinion - but the whole thing just seems so backward.  

When I got engaged last December, I went shopping with my sister (MOH), mom and grandma for my dresses and for my BM dresses.  We went to a department store, found gorgeous chiffon gowns that I loved, my sister thought were comfortable and that were within MY budget (I had 5 BM's, Calvin Klein dresses were on sale and I paid 60/dress).  I asked the girls their usual size for a dress in that style, bought those sizes, plus a few extra (department store perk - you can return things).  I gave the girls the dresses that fit the best and one chose to have hers altered slightly (i didn't know this until after the wedding or I would have paid for that as well).  I let them pick their own shoes, gave them earrings, paid for their hair and makeup (if they wanted it) and wrote them all lengthy thank you notes about how thankful and appreciative I was of them. 

I know I'm biased because it was my wedding, but I did it that way because I really do feel like it's the right thing to do.  I really dislike paying for the "privilege" of being in a wedding...

Again, my two cents!!  It's not uncommon, but I'm betting that a lot of BM's would rather have no expenses (other than travel or a gift for the couple - nothing above and beyond normal invited guest expenses) than have to pay a bunch for a dress they'll never wear and then get a present...

Just a thought

I actually agree with all of this.  I went shopping with my girls and paid for the dresses and told them to wear whatever shoes they wanted to wear.  I paid for the jewelry.  They paid for hair & makeup IF they wanted it, but it was not required at all.  The only thing they paid for to be in the wedding was their alterations, but both just required a hem and it was about 20 bucks. 

I paid for the tux rentals for the two people wearing tuxes and for the attire for the flower kids.  Overall, I spent about $1000.00 out of a pretty small wedding budget (of about $12-13k) on wedding party attire.   I made sure that I built that into my budget.

I feel like couples should really build this into their wedding budget. 

missdelilah

I'm in two minds about this.  I let my ladies choose their own dresses so that they could get something they would wear again.  If they had all agreed on the three dresses I suggested I would have paid for them.  I hate being made to pay for a dress I didn't feel comfortable in and won't wear again (particularly because one was really overpriced, and all the other BMs in that wedding got some sort of option - two styles, and two colors - and I got the one that was left over).