Chit Chat

I'm in a pickle...

Hi All,

I have been on the knot since getting engaged 03/13.  I know you all will give me honest , unbiased opinions on my issue.  My fiance and I are getting married 9/27/14, and are over the moon thrilled.  I have some family drama(step mother doesn't like me or any of her sister in-laws) so there's that challenge, but hey not to bad, some strategic seating chart planning and that can be resolved.  So here comes the issue we just ran into. . . My fiance has 2 sisters - each having two kids- 1 boy, 1 girl each.  We asked each set of sisters and kids separately in  November, 2013 to be in our wedding as follower girls/ring bearers.  We quickly decided we didn't want any kids at the ceremony/reception and told sister #1 at Christmas if the kids can take part in the ceremony but not the reception, and sister #1 was 100% fine with it and thought it was a great idea.  Word quickly traveled between my family and our friends that we completely spaced on telling sister #2 since we haven't seen her since originally asking her kids. We found out from sister #1(just this weekend) that she told sister #2 about the no kids being at the wedding/reception and sister #2 flipped and how dare we not let her kids be at the reception.  My fiance called sister #2 immediately after we found out she didn't know and apologized and tried to help find a solution, she said told him how could we do this to her and her kids and how he was the worst uncle for doing this and we better make an exception.  She even told him she would call me, and would tell me to make an exception.  We are just under 6 weeks out from our wedding and we don't want to make an exception for her because then we would have to for several other people's kids who are close to us.  While I get where she is coming from that her kids are in the ceremony, I also feel like she may be over the top and has time to find an option.  Any advise, even telling me I'm wrong is appreciated as I don't want to start my marriage on drama.

Thank you!

Re: I'm in a pickle...

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2014
    jco619 said:
    Hi All,

    I have been on the knot since getting engaged 03/13.  I know you all will give me honest , unbiased opinions on my issue.  My fiance and I are getting married 9/27/14, and are over the moon thrilled.  I have some family drama(step mother doesn't like me or any of her sister in-laws) so there's that challenge, but hey not to bad, some strategic seating chart planning and that can be resolved.  So here comes the issue we just ran into. . . My fiance has 2 sisters - each having two kids- 1 boy, 1 girl each.  We asked each set of sisters and kids separately in  November, 2013 to be in our wedding as follower girls/ring bearers.  We quickly decided we didn't want any kids at the ceremony/reception and told sister #1 at Christmas if the kids can take part in the ceremony but not the reception, and sister #1 was 100% fine with it and thought it was a great idea.  Word quickly traveled between my family and our friends that we completely spaced on telling sister #2 since we haven't seen her since originally asking her kids. We found out from sister #1(just this weekend) that she told sister #2 about the no kids being at the wedding/reception and sister #2 flipped and how dare we not let her kids be at the reception.  My fiance called sister #2 immediately after we found out she didn't know and apologized and tried to help find a solution, she said told him how could we do this to her and her kids and how he was the worst uncle for doing this and we better make an exception.  She even told him she would call me, and would tell me to make an exception.  We are just under 6 weeks out from our wedding and we don't want to make an exception for her because then we would have to for several other people's kids who are close to us.  While I get where she is coming from that her kids are in the ceremony, I also feel like she may be over the top and has time to find an option.  Any advise, even telling me I'm wrong is appreciated as I don't want to start my marriage on drama.

    Thank you!

    Well, you're wrong. Apologize to your sisters-in-law. Everyone invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception. This includes especially your children in the WP. You need not, however, open the wedding and reception to any other children.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2014
    jco619 said:
    Hi All,

    I have been on the knot since getting engaged 03/13.  I know you all will give me honest , unbiased opinions on my issue.  My fiance and I are getting married 9/27/14, and are over the moon thrilled.  I have some family drama(step mother doesn't like me or any of her sister in-laws) so there's that challenge, but hey not to bad, some strategic seating chart planning and that can be resolved.  So here comes the issue we just ran into. . . My fiance has 2 sisters - each having two kids- 1 boy, 1 girl each.  We asked each set of sisters and kids separately in  November, 2013 to be in our wedding as follower girls/ring bearers.  We quickly decided we didn't want any kids at the ceremony/reception and told sister #1 at Christmas if the kids can take part in the ceremony but not the reception, and sister #1 was 100% fine with it and thought it was a great idea.  Word quickly traveled between my family and our friends that we completely spaced on telling sister #2 since we haven't seen her since originally asking her kids. We found out from sister #1(just this weekend) that she told sister #2 about the no kids being at the wedding/reception and sister #2 flipped and how dare we not let her kids be at the reception.  My fiance called sister #2 immediately after we found out she didn't know and apologized and tried to help find a solution, she said told him how could we do this to her and her kids and how he was the worst uncle for doing this and we better make an exception.  She even told him she would call me, and would tell me to make an exception.  We are just under 6 weeks out from our wedding and we don't want to make an exception for her because then we would have to for several other people's kids who are close to us.  While I get where she is coming from that her kids are in the ceremony, I also feel like she may be over the top and has time to find an option.  Any advise, even telling me I'm wrong is appreciated as I don't want to start my marriage on drama.

    Thank you!

    Your FSIL is correct.  You are being terribly rude to ask her children to participate in your ceremony, but to ban them from the reception.  You were wrong.  Apologize and invite the all children who are in your ceremony to the full event!  They are not cute props for your wedding!  They are honored participants and guests!  If you didn't want children at your reception, then you had no right to ask them to be in your ceremony!
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  • I'm on team FSIL






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • There should be no issue allowing the kids in the wedding party to attend the reception. Anything else is grossly improper on your part.  Now, if the parents want to send them home with someone after the ceremony, that's their decision, but the kids should be invited.  You're still safe not including anyone else's kids.
  • image

    Ahem. Couldn't resist. Sorry, I'm seven.

    OP, wedding-party kids will be extremely disappointed if they don't get to go to the reception. I guarantee you, someone has mentioned the possibility of cake. They will want the cake. 

    Also - ceremony invite = reception invite. It's totally fine to have no kids invited, and it's perfectly fine to have just "circles" of kids - like kids in the WP, your first cousins' kids, whatever - but you gotta give the kiddos the cake. 
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  • Kids in the WP should be invited to the reception.  This does not mean you have to invite all 50 kids of your guests.  FSIL has a right to be upset.  


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  • How would you like it if someone asked you to be in a wedding party and then told you that you can't go to the reception?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • The PPs are right. The only option I see now is to begs both FSILs for forgiveness and invite all of their children.
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  • Sorry OP, but you need to fix this. I would say that the nieces and nephews are invited. You need to save face because people really do go ape shit about their kids.
  • Yep, OP, you made a mistake here. As PPs have said, everyone invited to the ceremony needs to be invied to the reception (especially those in the wedding party). I understand you didn't want to hurt anyone else's feelings by not inviting their kids also but those in the wedding party are always the exception.

  • I'm going to echo PPs.   You and your FI made multiple big mistakes and you need to apologize to both FSILs and say that of course their children in the WP are welcome at the reception. 


  • Sorry, OP. I think you're 100% in the wrong. They should be invited to the reception. 
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