Wedding Etiquette Forum

Watching a train wreck

I've been off the boards since my wedding, but I just got a hilarious train wreck of a wedding invitation in the mail and felt like I needed to share it, so, hi, everyone. I recently got this invitation (addressed to a dramatically incorrect version of my married name, btw) from a relatively close family member, who has always been maybe a little lacking on the etiquette front, but usually not egregiously. She sent out Save-the-Dates about six months before the wedding- and then, less than a week later, sent out invitations. These invitations set an RSVP date in about three weeks- i.e., five months before the wedding. So, informal poll- is she B-listing (honestly, five months out, probably C-listing and D-listing, too), or really, really clueless about etiquette? Or both? The invitation then directs guests to a cash registry. Second informal poll- is it wrong of me to be finding this train wreck hilarious?
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Re: Watching a train wreck

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think most likely B-, C-, D-, and maybe even E-listing is a possibility which would mean she is also clueless about etiquette. And yea, it's easy to find this stuff to be hilarious when you're not in the thick of it. I think all of us are guilty of that.

    Speaking of, we'd love a play-by-play of the shitshow when it finally happens!
    ~*~*~*~*~

    Megalega14happywigglechasseuse
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    First poll - Probably B-Z listing, though I have known people to have early RSVP dates without B listing.  Usually people with doing a DW though.  But really, most people told us they were coming and had booked flights before invites went out, so I still don't see the point.  

      Second poll - Nope.  I laugh at all of it too when I see it.  

  • A vote for she is probably B-Z listing and also very impatient.

    I have had friends send out invitations (for non-destination weddings)  8 months in advance of the wedding, with a RSVP deadline 2 months before the wedding, then got upset 4 weeks before the actual RSVP deadline when people hadn't responded yet. 

    I just don't even know, man.
  • Poll #1 - yes, I'm willing to bet she is almost definitely B-, C-, D-, E-, F-....listing. Cash registries are insulting. I KNOW YOU WANT MONEY. Everyone wants money. I don't need you to rub my nose in your request for money. Ugh.

    Poll #2 - It's fine to laugh at trainwrecks. Especially here. :)
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh my. What a shitshow!
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  • Yes - watch train wreck and laugh uncontrollably!

    And...you know her - do you really think she just doesn't know? I have a friend who's getting married about a year after us - she constantly asks me about etiquette because of how I talk about things on here. Honestly I'm always surprised when she (or anyone) doesn't know some very basic etiquette stuff.


    And my most recent wedding invite came from my FI's boss...where I wasn't listed on the invite but instead it said "and guest." Really? You've got the save the date to our wedding and you can't be bothered with looking at my name to put on our invite? AND registry info in the invite...which I don't hate - but is just against etiquette.
  • abbyj700 said:

    And...you know her - do you really think she just doesn't know? I have a friend who's getting married about a year after us - she constantly asks me about etiquette because of how I talk about things on here. Honestly I'm always surprised when she (or anyone) doesn't know some very basic etiquette stuff.

    That's the thing!  She can be kind of clueless about things, so getting names right, and the cash registry, and so forth, I can maybe see her not knowing.  The thing with the B-listing is that I can't think of any reason other than B-listing that she would need RSVPs 5 months in advance.  I mean, it's not like the caterer needs 5 months to buy the food or anything.  It's a DW for me, but not generally a DW (it's one of those things where the guests are really spread out so they picked the most central option out of several), so it's not like she's booking flights to Bali for everyone or whatever.


    The sad part is, it's looking like I can't actually go because of a work conflict.  I actually do like her as a person and would love to see her get married, plus it's going to be hilarious to see what else she comes up with - we do share one of those ethnicities where dollar dances are common, so that should be exciting - but I think I'm going to miss the fun.  I guess there will be Facebook afterwards.  :)

  • Oh yes to the B-listing. Although it seems common where I am to send out invites early with a RSVP date months before the wedding even when not B-listing.
  • Oh yes to the B-listing. Although it seems common where I am to send out invites early with a RSVP date months before the wedding even when not B-listing.
    That is because people think that everyone else's life revolves around their wedding and they're just waiting at the mailbox, hoping they get their invite today.  Also, lots of brides on here will say they need RSVP #'s so they can "Plan".  Um, that is called a budget.  Look it up.
  • The last wedding I was invited to had an RSVP deadline 2 months before the wedding because "it stressed the bride out" that she didn't have exact numbers to know how many were coming. She hounded people on FB biweekly for RSVPs.

    Anniversary
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    One of my friends sent out invitations about 6 months in advance with an RSVP date 2-3 months before the wedding. She wasn't b listing. She really just didn't know. And they couldn't have b-listed because she texted me one day freaking out because the venue holds 150 and they invited 285.
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I had a friend who sent out her invitations and the RSVP date was four months before the wedding. I am pretty positive she didn't B-list.  About a month after I get the invitation, she was complaining that a lot of people had not RSVP'd yet. I told her that four months was pretty far out and many people don't know their schedules yet. She hadn't thought about that. So some people are really clueless about etiquette.

  • I feel like another reason she (or any person getting married) could be asking for RSVPs so far in advance is so she knows exactly how many people she has to pay for so she can tailor her budget accordingly.

    Not saying this ok, by any means! I can just see someone saying "Let's get the RSVPs in early enough so we know if we can add another option to the buffet/have more elaborate centerpieces/order favors/etc and we'll have enough time to do all of that"
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I get being clueless about etiquette. I see it all the time IRL after all. But having an RSVP date almost half a year before the wedding? Yeah, that's got to be a B listing scenario. And we all enjoy train wrecks going over the Cliffs of Good Taste and into the Valley of Tackiness.

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    adk19 said:



    One of my friends sent out invitations about 6 months in advance with an RSVP date 2-3 months before the wedding. She wasn't b listing. She really just didn't know. And they couldn't have b-listed because she texted me one day freaking out because the venue holds 150 and they invited 285.

    I'd like to hear the end of this story, please.

    It actually worked out somehow. At least the room didn't seem full. The biggest issue is that it was storming that day. Bad. (This same venue was destroyed by our really bad oklahoma tornados last year.) We got there about 20 before the ceremony was scheduled to start and they were still deciding if they wanted to have the ceremony outside or move it to the reception space.
  • In an opposite problem of those mentioned above, I work with a girl who is getting married mid-September and just sent her invites out a few days ago... 
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