Who Runs the Rehearsal?

MegEn1

So we were planning to use this caterer that  comes with a day-of coordinator. However, we found out that the day of coordinator won't press 'play' on the ipod for the ceremony music, or move/press play on the ipod for the cocktail hours music (musicians will be playing for the later part of the rehearsal). My FMIL thinks this is a load of crock, and while I'm frustrated I agree with her. The caterer recommended I have one of my friends turn on the ipod to start the ceremony. I'm putting enough freaking $$$ into this wedding that my friends shouldn't have to do squat.

Then the larger question arose - who teaches us what to do for the rehearsal? Is that the responsibility of the rabbi? A different coordinator? 

I'm so confused. I just want to lock my damn caterer in. 

misshart00

My coordinator ran it. But the officiant, or even you could.

artbyallie

Yes, that should definitely be the coordinator's job. Why are they refusing?

ElcaB

Your DOC sounds like an ass. 

Most RDs I've attended are run by the officiant and/or wedding planner/coordinator. 

MegEn1

It seems to be with both of the caterers we're looking at, one with the DOC and one with the event coordinator. Neither would seem to be the one to handle the rehearsal or this damnable ipod. All we want is processional music, and apparently this is asking for the moon? 

Are there ceremony coordinators who handle this stuff differently? Also yeah when the DOC sent me that email my jaw hit the floor, I couldn't believe she was recommending that my guests handle something like that. $20 grand and you can't be bothered to turn on an ipod to start the ceremony? 

MegEn1

artbyallie said:

Yes, that should definitely be the coordinator's job. Why are they refusing?

She says she'll be too busy with all the other moving parts of the day. I'm like 'Fuck if I care, have a waiter do it. If you're coordinating, coordinate!'

Jen4948

I think that the officiant is supposed to run the rehearsal with the help of the DOC.  But yeah, I wouldn't use that DOC if they expect you to ask your guests to work your ceremony.  Big no-no.

climbingsingle

Yeah, the DOC should be doing that. 

holyguacamole79

We had 2 coordinators - 1 at our church, and 1 at our reception venue.  They both operated independently of each other.

OP, I'd ask your rabbi about how he/she conducts rehearsals.  That should give you some insight.  And if you buy me a glass of wine, I'll happily push play on your iPod.

artbyallie

Yes, that should definitely be the coordinator's job. Why are they refusing?

MegEn1 said:

artbyallie said:

Yes, that should definitely be the coordinator's job. Why are they refusing?

She says she'll be too busy with all the other moving parts of the day. I'm like 'Fuck if I care, have a waiter do it. If you're coordinating, coordinate!'

You're exactly right. She needs to at the very least delegate. Whether that's delegating the other tasks or delegating this one it is her job to figure out how it's being taken care of.

NYCMercedes

Guess she coordinates food, waiters, dishes, utensils, chairs, tables, and centerpieces, but not the ceremony. I don't find this surprising. She's the caterer's coordinator.

MegEn1

sarahbear31 said:

We had 2 coordinators - 1 at our church, and 1 at our reception venue.  They both operated independently of each other.

OP, I'd ask your rabbi about how he/she conducts rehearsals.  That should give you some insight.  And if you buy me a glass of wine, I'll happily push play on your iPod.

It's open bar so you can have all the wine you can handle!

I spoke to her again - apparently she will be busy telling people when to walk down in the procession, what order, where to stand, etc. etc. during the ceremony. At first I laughed at how stupid that was but apparently adults turn into babbling idiots during weddings, so having someone say 'Ok now you go, Ok you wait here a sec, OK you go' is very helpful.

So I've decided I'm just going to get a music player with a remote, hand her the remote and say 'Good day, madame'. Her menu is good, her pricing is fair, and her company gets insanely rave reviews, so I think I'm going to go with her. Just going to have to watch that she doesn't try to push any of the work off on the guests! :P

jenijoyk

I agree that you will definitely need the DOC to help people get onto and down the aisle, so that kind of makes sense that she can't be manning the ipod during the ceremony.

But she should definitely be doing your rehearsal. Our officiant was going to charge an extra $100 to show up on the night of the rehearsal, but our DOC will do it for free. She's the one sending us down the aisle anyway and is the one familiar with the venue so we were happier that she'd be doing it anyway. If she really refuses, at least she should show you (or your mom, or your MOH) before the rehearsal where people will walk and stand and where she will be directing traffic. That way one of you can do it on rehearsal night.