SPINOFF FROM PET PEEVE: What's your weirdest idiom???

theartistformerlyknownas

OH I just remembered FI's favorite. Whenever anyone says something like "if this, then that" he says "well if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle." Basically means don't put a lot of stock in "if."

ohannabelle

"That makes my ass ache." Said waaaaay too often. Variations include, "Don't make my ass ache," "Ass-achingly bad," "She (or he) is an ass-ache," or "God, my ass aches."

"Holy mother on a pogo stick!" Vaguely disrespectful, but a great visual image of Our Lady boing-boing-boinging down the street.

"Pig trail." As in, "holy mother on a pogo stick, would you look at the state of your room? Just dig a pig trail through the mess so you can walk." Or, "the basement looks like all hell. We need to make a pig trail. "

"All hell." Not just ordinary hell. Very bad hell. Mad as all hell. It looked like all hell. I feel like all hell. 

"The wreck of the Hesperus." Said basement or boy's bedroom mentioned above might also be described as this. "This damned place looks like the wreck of the Hesperus. "

And my favorite, my mother's great Freudian slip, "Kiss and throw up." 

"Enough bickering. You two need to kiss and throw up."

Kahlyla

My MIL's great for these:

"Kiss my grits" (I don't think she's even eaten grits...)
"The cat's ass" (instead of the cat's pyjamas/the bee's knees)
"Like ugly on an ape"
"Go like spit" (do it fast)
"Giving shit" as in, "I gave your father shit for getting high in the barn" or "Why do you always have to give me shit just for speaking my mind?"

I don't even know where it comes from. She's from small town Northern Ontario by way of rural Southern Ontario I guess.

My husband's more the corny pun/"Dad" joke type, with a little Franglais on the side ("Ne give shit pas", "Qu'est-ce que le fuck?")

Oh, and when it rains while the sun is shining here, we just call it a sunshower.