Here's my dilemma- I'm getting married in about 2 months and my younger brother (late 20's) is perpetually single. Due to space contraints at the venue (and also not wanting randoms we don't know at the wedding), we only extended plus one's to people married, engaged or in a serious relationship. My brother was never given a plus one and this was always understood and there was never an issue with it.
The day he sent in his RSVP card, he jokingly said it was just for him and no date. I told him not to worry about not having a date because we only extended plus ones to married/ engaged/ serious relationship and that lots of my single girl friends (who my brother is friendly with and has known for years) will be there. I also told him that "if he fell madly in love between now and the wedding, I was sure we could figure something out."
Fast forward to a few days later -- my brother told my mom I told him he could bring a date "if he was madly in love" and wanted to see what my mom thought about him bringing a girl who is just a friend. My mom stayed out of it and said for him to talk to me. I do not know the friend- have never met her before in my life- and my brother has only known her for max one year. I've never even heard him mention this girl.
I know he is my brother but don't want him to bring her because it would totally change the family dynamic and be ackward since no one in my family knows this girl and neither do FI or me. We're only having family stand up for us at the wedding so the girl would sit alone at the ceremony (not knowing anyone there). My brother's also going to hang with my fiance while he gets ready so again the girl would be alone for that (brother and girl are about a 2 hour drive away from city where we're getting hitched). We're also having a family only head table and our families all know each other really well but no one knows this girl, so it would turn a nice natural dynamic into one where my brother has to baby sit the girl or we all make small talk with her.
It would also be about $300 for food, booze, etc. to bring this girl to the wedding, and we then would also have to include her in reh dinner & brunch (FI parents paying for that). To me, that feels kind of inconsiderate to FI parents. It also puts me in a somewhat uncomfortable position with respect to other singles who weren't allowed to bring a date. I know he is my brother after all, but a friend???? not even a date???
Also, my brother knows 50% of the people at the wedding. He's friendly with my single girl friends so could dance with them and can also hang with our cousins who he is also close to. He also knows a lot of my fiance's friends and family. So this is not a situation where he doesn't know anyone.
Obviously this would be a different situation if there was a girl in his life that he was dating and felt close enough to that he wanted to bring her (I'd totally let him!), but feel very differently because this girl is literally just a friend.They don't have a long standing relationship & who knows how long they'll be friends for.
My brother doesn't understand my point of view (when I tried to explain to him after I learned about the "girl" we were trying to limit things to serious romantic relationships and weren't giving singles plus ones, he said "even for your brother"??) and hasn't thought through the complications of having a random girl at the head table and being alone in a strange city during the day of the wedding, not to mention the additional cost associated with her attending.
I told my brother to hold off on asking her and I'd think about it but I really don't want her there. Am I being mean or is my position reasonable? Thank you!! xx