Wedding Etiquette Forum

Female MoH and Female Best "Man"

My Matron of Honor may be my Best Friend who is a Straight Female. My Fiance Best "Man" may be his Best Friend who is a Androgynous Female. The reason I state who everyone is and what their sexuality are is because I was wondering how this would work? The Matron and the Best "Man" would walk arm and arm together down the aisle and then after once we are married. My question is, will that be okay, should we talk to the Matron and BestMan beforehand, or what?
I'm sorry to sound so confused, because I really am. I'm just wondering what I should do. I really hope what I am asking made sense... 
(we havent asked anyone to be in the wedding party, but it has been discussed)
Thanks for any help!
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Re: Female MoH and Female Best "Man"

  • I have a man of honor and fiance has a male best man. The best man will walk alone, then my man of honor will walk alone.
    I think you are over thinking it. Sexuality doesn't matter. Just have them walk however you want it to look, or let them choose. It's a 20 sec walk, they probably won't care either.
  • They don't need to walk arm in arm. They can walk one by one or next to each other. I'm sure they'll figure it out.
    MNVegasCLoGreenEyes
  • AddieCake said:
    Overthinking.
    This. 

    1) Have whoever you want stand next to you, let them wear whatever they're comfortable wearing.
    2) They can process and recess however - walk alone, walk together arm in arm, walk together not arm in arm, cartwheel.... it really does not make any difference whatsoever.

    Your guests will be focused on you. This is a minor detail in the truest sense of the word.
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    chibiyuipinkshorts27bwy
  • Ditto Addie.

    They do not need to walk arm and arm.  They can if they want but they don't have to.  In fact, even if they were a man and a woman walking down the aisle together does not mean that they have to be arm and arm.

    For our wedding we had more GMs then BMs.  So two GMs had to recess down the aisle together. They just walked next to each other.

    This is really something that you should just stop thinking about right this second.

    ashley8918
  • Why does it matter how they walk? What's wrong with side by side, or one after the other?
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  • *GASP* two women walking next to eachother, down the aisle?

    THE HORROR!

    Get over it.
    Maggie0829
  • Why do you think they would have to walk arm and arm? If they want to they can. If they don't they don't have to. I really don't understand why this is causing you so much confusion. Its pretty simple!
  • We had the groom and best man walk from the side with the pastor.  The matron of honor walked by herself, followed by the rest in pairs. It worked out great. I agree you are overthinking this. Not everyone has to walk arm in arm, and in pairs. There's a million ways to do it, if you, or them, prefer not to have girls walk in pairs.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • I was a groomswoman in my cousin's wedding.  I walked next to the bridesmaid during the processional, no idea what we did during the recessional, and we held hands when being introduced into the reception.  Do you, as a straight woman, walk down the sidewalk arm-in-arm with your girlfriends?  Or do you just walk next to each other?
  • Teddy917 said:
    AddieCake said:
    Overthinking.
    This. 

    1) Have whoever you want stand next to you, let them wear whatever they're comfortable wearing.
    2) They can process and recess however - walk alone, walk together arm in arm, walk together not arm in arm, cartwheel.... it really does not make any difference whatsoever.

    Your guests will be focused on you. This is a minor detail in the truest sense of the word.
    They must cartwheel. There is no longer any other acceptable way to go down the aisle, except maybe flying or riding a peacock.
    What about a chocobo?

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  • luckysnorkelluckysnorkel member
    First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    My brother was my Man of Honor.  My husband's best friend was his Best Man.  Our wedding party processed one at a time down the aisle because we only had 4 attendants, but even if we had them walk in twos it wouldn't have been an issue.  The two guys had only just met the day of the rehearsal but they assumed they'd be walking in next to each other and even good naturedly joked around about doing it arm-in-arm.

    It's not a big deal, I promise.
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    Protip - not all androgynous women are gay, and not all gay women are androgynous. Nor do I understand what they look like or who they love has anything to do with this.

    My sister is gay. She'll be wearing tux pants, a vest and a bow tie. She is adrogynous. She'll be standing on my side. The men are filing in from the side, and the bridesmaids (which she is one of) will be coming down the aisle alone. Afterwards - they'll out walk out paired up - but I wouldn't imagine anyone will lock arms - even though all of the pairs will be M/F. 
  • melbensomelbenso member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2014
    My brother, who was my man of honor, just walked out next to DH's best man.

    ETA - they walked in separately.  DH followed by his groomsmen, then my bridesmaids, and finally my man of honor before my entrance.
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  • I had a female straight MOH, and DH had a straight male BM. They walked down the aisle separately (boys first, then the girls). I couldn't tell you how they got back down the aisle at the end. I really didn't care, I was married. OP - it doesn't matter how they get down the aisle. Do what everyone is most comfortable doing

  • thewolf2016thewolf2016 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2014
    Wow, Why are so many people here so snipping at me? I asked an innocent enough question because I don't have much help and I really wasn't sure. I asked (and thought) arm in arm because every wedding I have been to, they walked arm in arm. And yes I do know the definition of androgynous because she happens to be a very close friend of mine as well. I only mentioned because I know my Friend (MoH) is ok with the LGBT Community, I just not sure if she's that kind of comfortable ( so I was wondering if I should ask or if it even mattered (obvious not). My fiance is Transgender (pre-op) so obvious neither do I have a problem. The "horror" wasn't the fact two women would be walking down the aisle, I just wasn't sure if there was a "walking down the aisle" protocol. This is my First (and last) Wedding and my Fiance's first "real" Wedding so we just want it perfect. I am sorry if my question seemed pointless to a lot of you, I thought the point of the forum to post and get help if needed.
    And Yes I will agree that I probably am over-thinking things, but it's how I am because I just want things perfect. Once again I am sorry I ever asked The Knot Forums.

    Thank you tho, for everyones replies.
    M1ssJ
  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    thewolf2016 said: Wow, Why are so many people here so snipping at me? I asked an innocent enough question because I don't have much help and I really wasn't sure. I asked (and thought) arm in arm because every wedding I have been to, they walked arm in arm. And yes I do know the definition of androgynous because she happens to be a very close friend of mine as well. I only mentioned because I know my Friend (MoH) is ok with the LGBT Community, I just not sure if she's that kind of comfortable ( so I was wondering if I should ask or if it even mattered (obvious not). My fiance is Transgender (pre-op) so obvious neither do I have a problem. The "horror" wasn't the fact two women would be walking down the aisle, I just wasn't sure if there was a "walking down the aisle" protocol. This is my First (and last) Wedding and my Fiance's first "real" Wedding so we just want it perfect. I am sorry if my question seemed pointless to a lot of you, I thought the point of the forum to post and get help if needed.And Yes I will agree that I probably am over-thinking things, but it's how I am because I just want things perfect. Once again I am sorry I ever asked The Knot Forums.
    Thank you tho, for everyones replies.
     
    Please don't stress about making everything
    perfect. For your own sanity, just let the little things go.  This is considered a little thing.  That's why you got so many remarks on how it didn't matter in the slightest.  They don't have to walk arm in arm.  They can walk separately, together, arm in arm, however they want.  No one will remember anyways what the procession and recession looked like.  You probably won't even remember except when you look at pictures down the road. 

    What matters is marrying your FI and starting a life together.  Let that be your compass as you plan.  That's what matters.  

    Edit because TK formatting


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    luckysnorkelCLoGreenEyesOliveOilsMom
  • I think the OP left because we're mean.  

    I'm going to guess that "real wedding" means that as a pre-op, her fiance used to be a woman, probably considered herself gay, and had a civil union or other non-wedding type event with a woman.
  • No one was snipping. Going out of one's way to specify someone's sexuality (or gender identity, since that seems to be more what you're describing) in a situation where it is irrelevant (which is all of them except sexual situations) is part of perpetuating a culture that 'others' such groups of people.

    One would think with a transgender partner you would be a bit more aware of that.
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  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If my best friend might not be comfortable walking next to someone else because of their sexual orientation or gender identity they would not be my friend anymore.

    You do not need to ask them or dictate to them about walking arm in arm. They will or they won't. They can decide on their own. That goes for anyone walking down the aisle beside someone else.
    [Deleted User]
  • Wow, Why are so many people here so snipping at me? I asked an innocent enough question because I don't have much help and I really wasn't sure. I asked (and thought) arm in arm because every wedding I have been to, they walked arm in arm. And yes I do know the definition of androgynous because she happens to be a very close friend of mine as well. I only mentioned because I know my Friend (MoH) is ok with the LGBT Community, I just not sure if she's that kind of comfortable ( so I was wondering if I should ask or if it even mattered (obvious not). My fiance is Transgender (pre-op) so obvious neither do I have a problem. The "horror" wasn't the fact two women would be walking down the aisle, I just wasn't sure if there was a "walking down the aisle" protocol. This is my First (and last) Wedding and my Fiance's first "real" Wedding so we just want it perfect. I am sorry if my question seemed pointless to a lot of you, I thought the point of the forum to post and get help if needed.
    And Yes I will agree that I probably am over-thinking things, but it's how I am because I just want things perfect. Once again I am sorry I ever asked The Knot Forums.

    Thank you tho, for everyones replies.
    First bolded:
    So she's comfortable with the LGBT community, but not with actually... what? Touching them? Walking within two feet of them? Is she aware you can't catch Androgyny from touching androgynous people?

    Second bolded:
    What does that mean, "real" wedding? Was the first a fake? Not legal? Or what?



    Also, not all androgynous people identify themselves as LGB or T. Just wanted to clarify that for anyone who might be reading this and thinking, "but I thought all women who wear sensible pants suits with short hair are lesbians!"
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  • I was MOH in  a wedding with a Best Woman (gay). She walked in with the gentleman. We walked out of the traditional catholic ceremony arm in arm. No one cared.
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  • I don't understand why people feel the need to ask their straight friend if they're "okay with" walking next to or walking arm-in-arm with someone who is gay. 

    We don't ask if they're "okay with" walking next to or arm-in-arm with a straight member of the opposite gender, so why do we ask when one of the parties is gay? 

    It's not like gay people think being in close proximity with a member of the same sex = automatic makeout session. It's totally enforcing a horrible stereotype. There's just as much a chance that a straight GM is going to hit on you, but somehow that's no big deal and "okay"?

    If I were going to walk in with a gay female, we would discuss how to walk in (normally or arm-in-arm), and it would only be for the sake of matching everyone else, not because I'm worried she's going to feel me up or that the guests will think I'm gay (oh, the horror).
    lc07pinkshorts27huskypuppy14southernbelle0915
  • So am I understanding that your BFF would freak out at touching the elbow of an androgynous woman? If so, why the fuck are you friends with her?

    I guess if you insist on encouraging her treating the poor woman like a leper or a cootie carrying monster, you can just have them walk side by side, OR just have the BMs process, then the groomsmen.

    But for real, wtf at the not being ok with touching her elbow?



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    [Deleted User]
  • At  my nephew's wedding the bride had her brother as "Bride's Attendant". He walked side by side with a groomsman. No one raised an eyebrow.

    There were a few alternate preferences among the BP (we still aren't sure about the bride). The M/F walkers walked arm in arm. But no one really cared.

    The marriage lasted about 3 months, so everyone cares even less, now.

  • edited August 2014
    danamw said:

    At  my nephew's wedding the bride had her brother as "Bride's Attendant". He walked side by side with a groomsman. No one raised an eyebrow.

    There were a few alternate preferences among the BP (we still aren't sure about the bride). The M/F walkers walked arm in arm. But no one really cared.

    The marriage lasted about 3 months, so everyone cares even less, now.

    Ew, I don't like that term. Sounds more like he's her servant than a person of honor. Bathrooms and gas stations have attendants, not brides. 

    ETA and I realize "maids" doesn't sound terribly honorable either... but at least "bridesmaid" is a common enough term that people know they're not actually cleaning up after her. My friend had a "bridesman" and my BIL had a "groomswoman."

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