Reception opinion please

Knottie64742250

Hi all,

My fi and I are on a tight budget.  Our wedding is coming 6 months after a move across country so money is tight.  We are doing a Vegas wedding (the majority of folks live 3 hours away from Vegas so no flying is necessary)  We have booked a nice lakeside reception venue and were thinking of just doing a dinner afterwards at a local restaurant and then an "after party" for the crazy folks  (50-60 people for dinner).  We both have lived on our own and dont really need or want gifts as we have all we need.  Would it be to tacky to ask the guests  "In lieu of a gift, please join the bride and groom for a dutch dinner after the ceremony"  In a way we feel like friends and fam that want to share this moment shouldnt expect anything...we want it to be about us and what fits in our budget...

JoanE2012

Knottie64742250 said:

Hi all,

My fi and I are on a tight budget.  Our wedding is coming 6 months after a move across country so money is tight.  We are doing a Vegas wedding (the majority of folks live 3 hours away from Vegas so no flying is necessary)  We have booked a nice lakeside reception venue and were thinking of just doing a dinner afterwards at a local restaurant and then an "after party" for the crazy folks  (50-60 people for dinner).  We both have lived on our own and dont really need or want gifts as we have all we need.  Would it be to tacky to ask the guests  "In lieu of a gift, please join the bride and groom for a dutch dinner after the ceremony"  In a way we feel like friends and fam that want to share this moment shouldnt expect anything...we want it to be about us and what fits in our budget...

You should never mention anything related to gifts or no gifts on an invitation.  If you are inviting guests to the ceremony, you MUST host them properly afterwards.  That means paying for their dinner.  It is incredibly rude to have your guests pay for their own meal, especially when most of them will have driven 3 hours each way!  

Remember, the reception (or dinner) is your thank you to your guest for attending the ceremony.  You don't thank someone by letting them pick up the tab.

ETA - If you cannot afford to host your guests properly, either cut back the guest list, delay the wedding or elope!  There are many other options available.  Feel free to pick our brains more if you need help.

[Deleted User]

I agree with Joan.  To have many of your guests drive three hours to Las Vegas and then have to pay for their own meals is asking a bit much.   Examine your budget and look for ways to cut back so that you're able to pay for their meal.

lyndausvi

yes it would be tacky.

theartistformerlyknownas

Yes, it would be tacky. You can host just cake and punch after an early afternoon ceremony, then spread via word of mouth where you'll be for the after party if anyone chooses to join you. Although you may have a higher decline rate, asking guests to travel that far and not hosting a meal.

No matter what though, you need to feed all of your guests something appropriate to whatever time of day it is. You can't ask them to pay their own way, even as your gift.

Jen4948

Yes, it would be tacky.  If you want to invite guests to your wedding, especially if they are three hours away, you have to assume the costs of hosting them properly, meaning, you owe them meals they don't have to pay for, and you cannot politely mention gifts on your invitation.  No "in lieu of gifts" requests.

wrigleyville

Since gifts are not mandatory, asking your guests to foot the bill for dinner is, basically, mandating they spend money on you and goes against etiquette. It's also a bit too much like charging admission to "share in your moment".

If you're on a budget and serve appetizers and cake (at a non-meal time), they'll understand. It's better than not doing anything at all, and it's much better than making them pay for things. I would have your ceremony at 2:00, appetizers and cake at 2:30, and then spread the after-party via word of mouth. That will give people time to eat dinner.

I would also mention on the invitation that you are having a "cocktail reception to follow". That way, they'll know you aren't planning to serve dinner and can plan accordingly.

CMGragain

Ew!  Horribly tacky!

southernbelle0915

Nope nope nope. Host what you can afford. If all you can afford for 50-60 people is appetizers and cake/punch then have your wedding at 2pm and your reception from 2:30-5pm.

Wording your invitations like this is WAY wrong. I would read this as "we expect you would have brought is a really nice gift, so instead we want you to pay for your own food so we don't have to." Just no.

QueerFemme

Horribly tacky. Don't do this.

NYCMercedes

You feel "that friends and fam that want to share this moment shouldn't expect anything" yet you are expecting that they'll give you a big gift. Funny how it works both ways

MyNameIsNot

This is not tacky.  Having a fat Elvis officiant would be tacky.  

Asking guests to buy their own dinner at your reception is incredibly rude.  Mentioning gifts on the invitation and presuming that you will be receiving them is also very rude.  

lurkergirl

Knottie64742250 said:

Hi all,

My fi and I are on a tight budget.  Our wedding is coming 6 months after a move across country so money is tight.  We are doing a Vegas wedding (the majority of folks live 3 hours away from Vegas so no flying is necessary)  We have booked a nice lakeside reception venue and were thinking of just doing a dinner afterwards at a local restaurant and then an "after party" for the crazy folks  (50-60 people for dinner).  We both have lived on our own and dont really need or want gifts as we have all we need.  Would it be to tacky to ask the guests  "In lieu of a gift, please join the bride and groom for a dutch dinner after the ceremony"  In a way we feel like friends and fam that want to share this moment shouldnt expect anything...we want it to be about us and what fits in our budget...

**Stuck in the box**

1. When you invite someone to your wedding, etiquette dictates that you host them (meaning you pay) with food and drinks following the ceremony.

2.  It's your wedding day.  It is unquestionably about you (plural).  Your friends and family--the people you love most--are literally willing to travel hours (gas/airfare money, overnight stays, time off work) just to see you get married!  And you can't even buy them a meal?