The beef with my sister stemmed from Christmas a few years back. That Christmas, it was my twin sister's turn to host dinner. She invited her FI's parents, older sis and husband, me and my boyfriend, now DH. My older sister's husband likes to call the shots. He will rarely go to a dinner, hosted at someone else's house, and always make up some lame excuse. That year, twin sister's FI's parents were invited, and his mom was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. My sister invited them to dinner, because all of her FI's family wasn't really doing anything, and she didn't want them to spend Christmas alone.
Older sis says her and husband are going. A few days later, she calls back, and says they can't make it. she said that they don't think it's right to have people who aren't family at a Christmas dinner. My twin sister is engaged, they are her family. She asked me my opinion, and I said, "Honestly, I think it's bullshit. You have a black friend who is invited EVERY major holiday when you host it, and I am sure we aren't related to him. (I have nothing against black people, but was just pointing out the absurdity that only family members should attend family functions.)
Then, a few seconds later she changed her story to say that her husband did not want to go because he didn't want to be around cancer. (His mother died of cancer 9 years ago.) I was floored that they would use cancer as an excuse. Twin sister's mom had more good days than bad, and didn't like to share her medical issues with anyone. I told older sis this. She still said no. I asked her how she would feel if we ever gave that excuse when her husband's mother had cancer and we refused to come to dinner, and make them chose between spending time with someone for their last Christmas or having dinner with them. That was the end of the conversation. I was mad as hell, but it was just a fight. The rest of us still enjoyed a beautiful Christmas without them, at my sister's house with her Fis family.
I called sis the next day to see when she would like to hang out for the holidays, and she said their her husband didn't want her to see us for Christmas, because we put other people before our own family. We should have cancelled that dinner and had dinner at their house. I was disgusted by their selfishness, and that he was willing to use cancer as a cover because he just wanted to have dinner at his house. She said he is her husband, so she has to put him first. I told her you don't put someone first when they are wrong. You privately discuss it, and set boundaries. That is when she told me the gem that I would die a spinster. And that is the last time we talked. I think I have a good reason to not talk to her, and it irritates me that everyone in my family acts like I am in the wrong. You don't walk out of my life twice and think I will beg you to be in my life when it is just a matter of time before you are commanded to no longer talk to me. She was the one to stop talking to me, and walked out of my life. I am just forever honoring this decision. Why does my family treat me like I need to be a doormat, just to be her sister again. This was the second time. No.