"We wanted to do it for real this time!"

peachy13

A girl I went to HS with and who I’m FB friends with had a baby earlier this year and then a few months later married the baby’s father in a simple courthouse wedding. She even posted a very adorable picture of her, her new husband, holding up their baby and the certificate and showing their new wedding bands, and a caption that said “Guess what? We just got married!!” I thought it was great.

Flash forward to this morning when I log onto FB and see picture after picture of her semi-lavish, OOT bachelorette party, bride-to-be sash and all. Saw one comment under a picture of someone saying “congrats! Didn’t know you were having a wedding!”, girl responded with "we wanted to do it for real this time!" Went onto TK to "find a couple + registry" and sure enough, her and her husband are registered for a “wedding” this fall.

I know this topic has been beaten to death already and I know I’m snarking extra hard because I haven’t had my second cup of coffee yet. So what will the caption for her "wedding" picture say? "Guess what? We booked a date and created a registry so that our family and friends would feel obligated to buy us gifts while I wear a white dress and eat cake!"

wrigleyville

Good lord.

That's like saying she didn't have a baby "for real" because it wasn't born at home or naturally or whatever so now she wants to get pregnant again.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

One of my friends is having a PPD.  She got married suddenly in July but is having another ceremony in September, the one they booked originally.  She isn't hiding the fact it's a PPD but there's a ceremony and a wedding dress and vows and yadda-yadda-yadda.  She had a bachelorette party last week and a shower and all that jazz.  It's an odd situation for sure....  I hear ya on the snark, OP.  

thisismynickname2

Saying, "for real" after saying, "we're married" really grinds my gears.

 

I dare you to post something like, "Wait, I'm confused, what wasn't real about that marriage certificate you posted way back when?"

JCbride2015

thisismynickname said:

Saying, "for real" after saying, "we're married" really grinds my gears.

 

I dare you to post something like, "Wait, I'm confused, what wasn't real about that marriage certificate you posted way back when?"

I would do this for real.  But I'm a raging bitch.

banana468

I don't understand the "for real" comment.   Wasn't it a real courthouse?   

afox007

One of my coworkers suggested I have a PPD the other day. She was asking for the hundredth time when the wedding was and I told her AGAIN that it was on hold indefinitely until we're in a better place financially. She told me to just go to the court house and have the real wedding later; there were so many things I wanted to say, but I need my job so I just walked away.

wrigleyville

This whole "real wedding" business makes my blood boil. Seriously.

Maybe it's because we got married in Vegas. So many people make comments about how tacky that is, and "lol were you drunk", and I want to slap them. I say, "We signed a marriage certificate. Yes, we're REALLY married."

short+sassy

I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I find it just disgusting that some people have this attitude that it's not a REAL wedding if there wasn't a poofy white dress, 20 attendants, a horse drawn carriage,and a frickin' champagne fountain.  I mean, while those are nice things if you want them, none of that has ANYTHING to do with a happy and successful marriage.  It's not the trappings around your vows that matter...it is the VOWS THEMSELVES that matter.

Why oh why is this hard for people to understand?

I'm even cool with a "celebration of our marriage" party, after the fact.  But using phrases like "...and now we're having our real wedding..." just totally discounts the WHOLE solemnity of the most important part.

Long story short, I was having health problems, but didn't have insurance.  My FI suggested we go to the justice of the peace and get married, so he could add me to his insurance.  And then we could have a reception-like party at a later time.  And long before I was on TK.  Long before I ever thought about people's opinions of PPDs.  I remember telling him, "But I don't want to do that.  It's important to me to have a more traditional wedding and, if we are already married, what would be the point of doing it again?  It's not the same."

thelastdreamer

Whenever PPDers come into the bridal shop I work at and it comes out that they're already married "Usually by me asking 'So tell me about your Fiance.' and them saying 'Oh it's actually my husband.'" I always say something like "Oh, so we're picking out a dress for your VOW RENEWAL today." (Because that's really all I can say and still be an excellent customer service representative Usually they say "Oh yeah, I guess so." But the other day this girl INSISTED that it was a wedding. "No, it isn't a vow renewal. It is a wedding. We got married technically two years ago but this is a wedding." Um, ok. 

ssammii

Two girls I work with had PPDs and now I'm going to start planning mine...they told me to go to the courthouse this year and get married next year. Thanks but no thanks. I don't understand what's wrong with waiting...?

OnceUponSnow

I can't get on board with the whole ''you only get one day'' argument. A wedding is a private party, who cares if they book a venue, serve dinner and cake to their guests ? It's their money, they can splurge on whatever they want. Although I find the registry tacky for a ''re-wedding'', it doesn't bother me if a couple decides to throw a big party and re-enact the whole reading of the vows. I would only feel offended if they actually lied to me and pretended they weren't married at all. 

I don't see a wedding day as a sacred concept. As many of you pointed out, it's mostly legal when it comes to the actual signing of the papers, thus making the marriage valid and ''real''. But everything surrounding the signing of that document (the ''wedding'' as the celebration of two people and two families coming together) is social. If a couple thought they should get a courthouse wedding with barely any guests, but now regrets they didn't wait and genuinely wants to go through this special celebration with all their loved ones, who am I to judge ? Somehow, I can understand a couple who felt they missed on the traditional ritual afterwards, or didn't have enough money at the time and therefore didn't have the wedding they wanted, or had to plan quickly because of the illness, deployment or death of a loved one, and support their decision to to re-do the whole celebration the way they feel they should have had. 

banana468

OnceUponSnow said:

I can't get on board with the whole ''you only get one day'' argument. A wedding is a private party, who cares if they book a venue, serve dinner and cake to their guests ? It's their money, they can splurge on whatever they want. Although I find the registry tacky for a ''re-wedding'', it doesn't bother me if a couple decides to throw a big party and re-enact the whole reading of the vows. I would only feel offended if they actually lied to me and pretended they weren't married at all. 

I don't see a wedding day as a sacred concept. As many of you pointed out, it's mostly legal when it comes to the actual signing of the papers, thus making the marriage valid and ''real''. But everything surrounding the signing of that document (the ''wedding'' as the celebration of two people and two families coming together) is social. If a couple thought they should get a courthouse wedding with barely any guests, but now regrets they didn't wait and genuinely wants to go through this special celebration with all their loved ones, who am I to judge ? Somehow, I can understand a couple who felt they missed on the traditional ritual afterwards, or didn't have enough money at the time and therefore didn't have the wedding they wanted, or had to plan quickly because of the illness, deployment or death of a loved one, and support their decision to to re-do the whole celebration the way they feel they should have had. 

If a couple had a terrible wedding day and they're renewing their vows because they want to redeem the first event, I'll side eye it but I'll get over it.   They're acknowledging that it isn't a wedding.

It's when people take the attitude that small and intimate wasn't REAL.    I was one of four guests at my aunt's wedding.    Friends of ours just went to city hall and made it official as the two of them.   DH and I had 165 guests.    In the eyes of the United States, we're all just as married as each other.    Saying that it's not real if it isn't big is such a slap in the face to those who WANTED a small and intimate wedding.   

aeryfaery

thelastdreamer said:

Whenever PPDers come into the bridal shop I work at and it comes out that they're already married "Usually by me asking 'So tell me about your Fiance.' and them saying 'Oh it's actually my husband.'" I always say something like "Oh, so we're picking out a dress for your VOW RENEWAL today." (Because that's really all I can say and still be an excellent customer service representative Usually they say "Oh yeah, I guess so." But the other day this girl INSISTED that it was a wedding. "No, it isn't a vow renewal. It is a wedding. We got married technically two years ago but this is a wedding." Um, ok. 

Awesome!

lemme know what bridal shop you work at so I can avoid it.

Marriage =/ wedding. One is a legal contract. The other is a ceremony about that contract.

This is why I avoid "bridal shops" like the fucking plague.