Terrible bridal shower gift

AshStella1

So my first shower was the weekend before last, and I have all of my thank you notes done already (yay!) 

Except for one.  

I have no idea what to say in this note that would be both truthful and sound grateful.  The gift that was given was both embarrassing and inappropriate for the setting.  I'm having a shower with my side of the family in a few weeks and that would have been (slightly) better, but this shower was filled with FI's very conservative and judgmental aunts and grandmothers.

This gift was not just embarrassing, but frankly, a waste of money.  It is something I would never use or buy for myself.  The gift-giver is also someone I am close to (but not really friends with) and they would know this gift would be highly embarrassing and is something that would never get used.  

Ugh, I know I have to write a thank-you note anyways and at least appear to be gracious, but what can I say?  

JoanE2012

It's hard to advise what you could write without knowing what the gift was. If you tell us, I'm sure we can help you form a decent thank you note.

photokitty

How bad are we talking? Ball gag and anal beads bad or ugly plastic placements the pearl clutching  aunties would never dream of using bad?

Maggie0829

I really want to know what this gift is now.

photokitty

scribe95 said:

We need to know what it is. And how can you be close to someone you aren't really friends with?

Cousin, SIL or FI's BFF's wife perhaps?

AshStella1

photokitty said:

How bad are we talking? Ball gag and anal beads bad or ugly plastic placements the pearl clutching  aunties would never dream of using bad?

Well not quite a ball gag and anal beads but definitely on that side of the spectrum. It was something that if it was just my group of friends around I would have been a little embarrassed but laughed about and still returned later. As it was, in a setting with my FI's older family members and about 10 CHILDREN, it was mortifying. I'm sure you all can form some ideas...

ETA: Yep it was my brother's wife. We are the same age and they've been together foreeeever but we've never quite clicked and have actually had some tense moments.

photokitty

I would write this...

Dear Naughty Natalie,

It was lovely seeing you Saturday at my bridal shower. I had a great time visiting with you and catching up.

Thanks you for your generous gift. I will think of you fondly when you when I use it.

FI and I look forward to celebrating with you at the wedding. 

Love,

AshStella

If you won't be thinking of her while viewing the porn or wielding the dildo then feel free to omit that mine, but I'd have fun with her inappropriateness. 

There is nothing you can do about the fact that FI's family saw it. That reflects on her, not you. I'm sure everyone had a good gasping gossip or chuckle about her, not you. Be gracious and move on - that's really your only option. GL!

Jen4948

photokitty said:

I would write this...

Dear Naughty Natalie,

It was lovely seeing you Saturday at my bridal shower. I had a great time visiting with you and catching up.

Thanks you for your generous gift. I will think of you fondly when you when I use it.

FI and I look forward to celebrating with you at the wedding. 

Love,

AshStella

If you won't be thinking of her while viewing the porn or wielding the dildo then feel free to omit that mine, but I'd have fun with her inappropriateness. 

There is nothing you can do about the fact that FI's family saw it. That reflects on her, not you. I'm sure everyone had a good gasping gossip or chuckle about her, not you. Be gracious and move on - that's really your only option. GL!

Yeah, this is about all you can do-respond graciously and with some humor.

danamw

Oh I bet I know what it is! There used to be commercials for it on TV, saying it would "Blow your hair back"?

Am I right?

southernbelle0915

No one gives a gift like that at a wedding shower without the purpose being attention seeking and shock inducing. If you haven't "clicked" she probably has no idea what you'd want in regards to something like this. It's an inappropriate gag gift and I side-eye that pretty hard. I wouldn't make a joke about it since you're clearly offended. I'd keep it as generic as possible:

"Dear FSIL - 

It was great to see you at the shower. Thank you so much for taking the time to attend and for your thoughtful gift. Looking forward to seeing you at the wedding.

Love, AshStella"

chibiyui

The gift might have been inappropriate for the setting, but you should be able to admit what it is in an anonymous online forum without embarrassment.

PineapplePopsicles

I want to know what it is, too!!  

biggrouch

There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother where one woman doesn't realize that bridal showers aren't usually for silly lingerie/sex toys anymore (I think there was a time when that was fairly common, before the rise of the bachelorette party?) or for whatever reason honestly thinks she's supposed to bring something embarrassing. So she brings a giant dildo or something and realizes everyone else is giving, like, champagne glasses. It's a total nightmare, but hilarious!

So... can't you give this woman the benefit of the doubt? Some people are a little clueless about wedding stuff or have different traditions. She may have been mortified as well if she realized it was the wrong setting.

If you know for a fact she was trying to be malicious, don't bother writing a note, or write a super passive-aggressive one (I love the idea of saying you'll think of her fondly while using it, or even saying you're wearing it as you write it, if that's physically a possibility). But if you don't know for a fact that she was trying to hurt you, I honestly think you should try to be gracious and understand that she may not have realized, ya know? Give her the benefit of the doubt. Write a kind note. It can't hurt you.

JoanE2012

chibiyui said:

The gift might have been inappropriate for the setting, but you should be able to admit what it is in an anonymous online forum without embarrassment.

This.  I don't get what the big deal is OP.  Why can't you just tell us what it is?  And if you don't want to share, I really don't understand what the point in posting the question was.  Nobody can truly help you without knowing what it is.  And at this point, the beating around the bush just comes off as immaturity.

danamw

Yes I agree with other posters. We are mostly adults on this forum, there is plenty of profanity used, and if the gift is what I think it is, just say it.

Vibrator.

maiorielloam6

photokitty said:

I would write this...

Dear Naughty Natalie,

It was lovely seeing you Saturday at my bridal shower. I had a great time visiting with you and catching up.

Thanks you for your generous gift. I will think of you fondly when you when I use it.

FI and I look forward to celebrating with you at the wedding. 

Love,

AshStella

If you won't be thinking of her while viewing the porn or wielding the dildo then feel free to omit that mine, but I'd have fun with her inappropriateness. 

There is nothing you can do about the fact that FI's family saw it. That reflects on her, not you. I'm sure everyone had a good gasping gossip or chuckle about her, not you. Be gracious and move on - that's really your only option. GL!

Omg, yes

MairePoppy

danamw said:

Yes I agree with other posters. We are mostly adults on this forum, there is plenty of profanity used, and if the gift is what I think it is, just say it.

Vibrator.

I have a cute naughty story, if you don't mind.

My best friend was divorced when her daughter was about twelve years old. The two parents decided to act like adults and continue the family Christmas Eve tradition of mom, dad and the two kids enjoying a late dinner and opening their gifts to each other at midnight. Best Friend's Daughter was very excited about the wonderful gift she had purchased, months ago, at the BigE (big New England fair). Dad focused his camera as Best Friend opened a brand new pen shaped vibrator, and her daughter stood by innocently beaming. She thought it was a perfect gift for her mom because the hawker at the fair told the crowd that the mini vibrator relieved tension and headaches and her mom had a lot of those since the divorce. That was 20 years ago, but every once in a while, my friend tells this 'remember when' story and we both laugh like hysterical fools.

slothiegal

biggrouch said:

There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother where one woman doesn't realize that bridal showers aren't usually for silly lingerie/sex toys anymore (I think there was a time when that was fairly common, before the rise of the bachelorette party?) or for whatever reason honestly thinks she's supposed to bring something embarrassing. So she brings a giant dildo or something and realizes everyone else is giving, like, champagne glasses. It's a total nightmare, but hilarious!

So... can't you give this woman the benefit of the doubt? Some people are a little clueless about wedding stuff or have different traditions. She may have been mortified as well if she realized it was the wrong setting.

If you know for a fact she was trying to be malicious, don't bother writing a note, or write a super passive-aggressive one (I love the idea of saying you'll think of her fondly while using it, or even saying you're wearing it as you write it, if that's physically a possibility). But if you don't know for a fact that she was trying to hurt you, I honestly think you should try to be gracious and understand that she may not have realized, ya know? Give her the benefit of the doubt. Write a kind note. It can't hurt you.

Exactly.  My slothieguy's cousin got me lingerie at my bridal shower; the other guests were my mother and DH's aunts, mother, sisters (who got me towels, kitchen utensils, etc.).  Everyone had a good laugh about it.  Afterwards, she pulled me aside and apologized if she had made me uncomfortable; she explained that when SHE got married, she was given inappropriate gifts and thought that was just the norm (and that it would be less awkward if she got something along those lines, as opposed to my FMIL).  It may not have been a malicious action at all.

Besides, like others have said, the gift does not reflect on you at all.  It reflects on the giver.

(Also, count me in with other PPs who want to know what it was.  We're strangers who have shared our favorite fetishes in a previous thread.  We're not going to be shocked or ridicule you for a gift.)

beethery

Dear Lady,

Thanks for the vibrator! I will do my absolute best not to think about you if I ever use it, because you're my FSIL and that is awkward as hell. It should come in ~handy~ sometimes, get it?!?!?! Can you recommend a good toy cleaner?

Thanks again!

--AshStella

Personally, I don't know what this lady was thinking when she saw the potential for pearl-clutchin' biddiness and still decided HELLS YES IMA GIVE THIS GIRL SOMETHING NOT CROWD APPROPRIATE IM AWESOME.

But, that's on her. 

kvruns

Guilty!  The first bridal shower I went to (I was in college, maybe sophomore year) my friend and I got a gift together for our friend getting married and got her a nightie (not slutty), some random stuff and then something like edible underwear or something jokey like that from an adult store. 

We thought that's what people got. I'm not sure if she had a gift registry or not, she probably did, but apparently we didn't know that's what we were supposed to buy off of for the bridal shower.  Oops

allisoneliz

biggrouch said:

There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother where one woman doesn't realize that bridal showers aren't usually for silly lingerie/sex toys anymore (I think there was a time when that was fairly common, before the rise of the bachelorette party?) or for whatever reason honestly thinks she's supposed to bring something embarrassing. So she brings a giant dildo or something and realizes everyone else is giving, like, champagne glasses. It's a total nightmare, but hilarious!

So... can't you give this woman the benefit of the doubt? Some people are a little clueless about wedding stuff or have different traditions. She may have been mortified as well if she realized it was the wrong setting.

If you know for a fact she was trying to be malicious, don't bother writing a note, or write a super passive-aggressive one (I love the idea of saying you'll think of her fondly while using it, or even saying you're wearing it as you write it, if that's physically a possibility). But if you don't know for a fact that she was trying to hurt you, I honestly think you should try to be gracious and understand that she may not have realized, ya know? Give her the benefit of the doubt. Write a kind note. It can't hurt you.

The best part is that she panics and switches the cards, so when the bride opens it she thinks it's from her grandmother. It's really worth a watch: Link to video

MollyandD

My friend asked before my shower if it was a bridal shower or a wedding shower. She thought wedding showers were used for registry items and bridal showers were for sex toys and lingerie. There really are people who think this, so if it were me, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I know other people have said this same thing. I'd thank her for the thoughtful gift and leave out details of how I'd be using it. Or not using it, since you're too embarrassed to even say what it is.

theartistformerlyknownas

Naughty Lolo wants to hear the story when you give this back to her for a white elephant holiday gift.

AddieCake

1. I agree you should be able to just tell us what it is. I find it juvenile that you can't/won't. I picture whispering and giggling behind your hands not able to tell us. 2. I don't think it's difficult at all to write a thank you, even for a gift you don't like. "Thanks for coming to the shower and for the gift. Look forward to seeing you at the wedding." You are stressing over nothing regarding that. As for being embarrassed at the shower, I get that. As PPs have said, though, nobody will think YOU were inappropriate, so just let it go.

AddieCake

Oh, hell. This post is 2 months old, so OP is not likely coming back. Dammit, Molly!

theartistformerlyknownas

Aw boo.

beethery

It was a vibrator, womp womp.

MollyandD

AddieCake said:

Oh, hell. This post is 2 months old, so OP is not likely coming back. Dammit, Molly!

Sorry. I must be drunk. 

ShesSoCold

I'd be willing to bet that this gift giver gave her a vibrator to make OP uncomfortable since it was difficult for her to even type the word "vibrator" in an internet forum.

I can't GIF at work but all I can think of is what's her face from Big Lebowski and her talking about how men are uncomforable with the word vagina. 

cambryn

there you go.

ShesSoCold

cambryn said:

there you go.

YAHHHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS