Kid friendly wedding???

laurieblp

I have read many threads on here about having kids at the wedding and would like some advice from people who had kid friendly weddings.  I have a ton of kids in my family and would love to have them be a part of the reception.  My concerns are two: 1-that kids will distract their parents and I really want this to be an opportunity for our families to get to know each other and 2-logistics regarding bedtimes (some of the kids who would come to the wedding typically go to bed at 8, including nieces and nephews that I am close to).  My thoughts are to have a separate program for kids to keep them occupied (one place I am considering as a venue is a nature museum and they could go off an play in the kids sections with a few babysitters) or to do a reception in a hotel where parents could whisk children off to a babysitter if needed.   I am also tempted to do a brunch type reception so it is not an issue.  Anyone with experience?  I would love to hear specifics on things like schedules/babysitters/etc. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?  Thanks in advance for your help!!!

 

holyguacamole79

laurieblp said:

I have read many threads on here about having kids at the wedding and would like some advice from people who had kid friendly weddings.  I have a ton of kids in my family and would love to have them be a part of the reception.  My concerns are two: 1-that kids will distract their parents and I really want this to be an opportunity for our families to get to know each other and 2-logistics regarding bedtimes (some of the kids who would come to the wedding typically go to bed at 8, including nieces and nephews that I am close to).  My thoughts are to have a separate program for kids to keep them occupied (one place I am considering as a venue is a nature museum and they could go off an play in the kids sections with a few babysitters) or to do a reception in a hotel where parents could whisk children off to a babysitter if needed.   I am also tempted to do a brunch type reception so it is not an issue.  Anyone with experience?  I would love to hear specifics on things like schedules/babysitters/etc. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?  Thanks in advance for your help!!!

 

First off, YAY for someone else who wants a kid-friendly wedding!! 

Our wedding was at 2:00 and the reception was from 4-9 (wedding was a full Catholic Mass).  We didn't think about anything to make the reception specifically kid-friendly, to be honest.  We sat two families together with kids (neither family really knew others at the wedding), but that was the extent of what we actually planned.

Our venue had a grassy yard where a lot of kids were running around during cocktail hour and after dinner / before the dancing started.  A lot of the kids just got on the dance floor with us and started dancing. 

We didn't bother with a babysitter at all.  Regarding schedules, I wouldn't have a wedding until midnight, but I wouldn't move it to brunch.

Good luck!

southernbelle0915

If you invite children to your wedding, parents may: 1) be distracted with...well parenting and 2) leave early due to bedtimes, tuckered out kids, or moody kids. That's the risk of inviting children. I don't think you should have a "separate program" for children. You could OFFER babysitting services, but not all parents will take you up on it. I think you either decide you're going to have a kid friendly wedding and accept that these things might happen, or you don't invite children. There isn't really a good way to control the in between.

theartistformerlyknownas

I don't understand the point in having kids there if they'll be whisked away to some other "program." I invited kids because I wanted to hang out with them just as much as their parents.

My wedding hasn't happened yet, but all we're doing is:

 - having "kids' packs" at each of their tables with a wedding coloring book, small box of crayons, squishy light-up ring, mini maze toy, and mini bag of pretzels

 - making sure there aren't any horribly offensive lyrics in the music (dueling pianos, easy enough)

 - we offered my sister the option of bringing either her nanny or her in-laws to the wedding so they could go back to the hotel with the kids while S and BIL stayed. they declined that.

 - there's a "kids' room" at my venue with toys and a TV that will be open to them, but none of them will be asked to go there.

Parents who wanted to party without worrying about the kids just declined the invitation to their kids and are coming solo. The others will worry about bedtimes on their own. That's their job, not mine.

laurieblp

Thanks to all of you for the good advice so far. @sarahbear31 would you be willing to share your reception timeline.  I am also having a catholic wedding.  Thanks!

laurieblp

@lolo883 thanks for the info.  I really like the ideas of kids packs and letting people brind nannies/babysitter.

laurieblp

 @lolo883, where is your venue (hotel, reception hall, etc.) and what time is your reception?  Thanks!!

 

lolo883 said:

I don't understand the point in having kids there if they'll be whisked away to some other "program." I invited kids because I wanted to hang out with them just as much as their parents.

My wedding hasn't happened yet, but all we're doing is:

 - having "kids' packs" at each of their tables with a wedding coloring book, small box of crayons, squishy light-up ring, mini maze toy, and mini bag of pretzels

 - making sure there aren't any horribly offensive lyrics in the music (dueling pianos, easy enough)

 - we offered my sister the option of bringing either her nanny or her in-laws to the wedding so they could go back to the hotel with the kids while S and BIL stayed. they declined that.

 - there's a "kids' room" at my venue with toys and a TV that will be open to them, but none of them will be asked to go there.

Parents who wanted to party without worrying about the kids just declined the invitation to their kids and are coming solo. The others will worry about bedtimes on their own. That's their job, not mine.

holyguacamole79

@laurieblp, I PMed you.

theartistformerlyknownas

I'm in Detroit. 4:00 reception/5:00 cocktail hour/6:00 reception.

jenijoyk

When I was a little kid, my aunt got married in a museum and had a few people there to herd the kids around through the exhibits if we wanted. It was SO MUCH FUN in my little kid mind. I still think back on that wedding as one of the best ever, even though I was like, 10.

On the other hand, my girlfriend recently had a kid-friendly brunch wedding. She set up a whole table with crayons and stuff, and I never saw a single kid ever use them. She also had a grassy field outside though and brought in a few lawn games, and the kids were ALL OVER that stuff. For hours.

emmyg65

You're overthinking it. We had a kid-friendly wedding, but we didn't do anything kid-specific. We got married in a backyard, so the kids just formed a pack and roamed around. They ate dinner and then danced their little butts off. They would have done the same thing if it was in a ballroom. Our reception went 6-10:30, and most of the kids stayed the whole time. Ages ranged from 2 to 16. I really like this article, specifically #3. Our young guests made our wedding awesome.

laurieblp

 

emmyg65 said:

You're overthinking it. We had a kid-friendly wedding, but we didn't do anything kid-specific. We got married in a backyard, so the kids just formed a pack and roamed around. They ate dinner and then danced their little butts off. They would have done the same thing if it was in a ballroom. Our reception went 6-10:30, and most of the kids stayed the whole time. Ages ranged from 2 to 16. I really like this article, specifically #3. Our young guests made our wedding awesome.

Great article.  I probably should have posted this as "parent friendly wedding" in retrospect.  Thansk!

peachy13

I've been totally upfront with my guests with kids that they can either feel free to bring their kids or go kid-less to the wedding. My reception venue has a little room off to the side where coffee and extra cake will be left out, and the coordinator told me that there will also be a TV/DVD player set up in there so that we can play a movie if kids do end up coming. I expect that if kids do attend, they'll eat and have some fun, but then likely crash around 10, and our reception goes until 11:30 so I would definitely want to set something up in the reception hall to help occupy the kids while allowing their parents to keep having a good time.

I don't think you need to plan a whole program for them, you're already planning a wedding and their parents will know if they can or can't handle going to a big event like that. 

AddieCake

watermelons said:

let the older kids take care of the younger ones!

Assuming they want to. It's not right to expect older child guests to be responsible for the younger kids who are there.

Jen4948

watermelons said:

I think you may think too much about being kid friendly wedding!I think you just need prepare some programs that children will love and let the older kids take care of the younger ones!

If I were an older kid, I would not want to take care of the younger ones.  I was invited to the wedding as a guest, not as a babysitter.  If you want to invite kids, whatever their age, hire someone to do the babysitting.  Don't expect your guests, even older kids, to work your wedding-especially if you're not going to pay them for it.

BlueBirdMB

What makes a wedding "kid friendly" and "non-kid friendly"?  Kids go, they eat, they dance.  Done. The kids at our wedding sat with their parents, then they danced a lot.  They were very well behaved and they stayed for the full length of the wedding.  

I've seen the coloring books and such and never seen a kid touch them.

BlueBirdMB

peachy13 said:

I've been totally upfront with my guests with kids that they can either feel free to bring their kids or go kid-less to the wedding. My reception venue has a little room off to the side where coffee and extra cake will be left out, and the coordinator told me that there will also be a TV/DVD player set up in there so that we can play a movie if kids do end up coming. I expect that if kids do attend, they'll eat and have some fun, but then likely crash around 10, and our reception goes until 11:30 so I would definitely want to set something up in the reception hall to help occupy the kids while allowing their parents to keep having a good time.

I don't think you need to plan a whole program for them, you're already planning a wedding and their parents will know if they can or can't handle going to a big event like that. 

I don't know why, but this just bugs me.  We're not teaching our children how to socialize and how to behave in social settings if we always put a screen in front of them or never take them to events like weddings.  

Jen4948

BlueBirdMB said:

peachy13 said:

I've been totally upfront with my guests with kids that they can either feel free to bring their kids or go kid-less to the wedding. My reception venue has a little room off to the side where coffee and extra cake will be left out, and the coordinator told me that there will also be a TV/DVD player set up in there so that we can play a movie if kids do end up coming. I expect that if kids do attend, they'll eat and have some fun, but then likely crash around 10, and our reception goes until 11:30 so I would definitely want to set something up in the reception hall to help occupy the kids while allowing their parents to keep having a good time.

I don't think you need to plan a whole program for them, you're already planning a wedding and their parents will know if they can or can't handle going to a big event like that. 

I don't know why, but this just bugs me.  We're not teaching our children how to socialize and how to behave in social settings if we always put a screen in front of them or never take them to events like weddings.  

Weddings are not held as "teachable moments" for kids.  Couples and hosts have no obligation to invite them, even if they invite their parents.  And those who do have the right to expect those kids to already know how to socialize and behave in social settings, and with regards to those kids who don't, to have their parents immediately remove them from the ceremony or the reception.

tammym1001

We only had 2 children at our wedding. They were 5 and 6.They had a blast. I made them goodie bags with toys, candy, coloring books, crayons, and stickers. During dinner they laid on the dance floor and colored in their coloring books together (cutest photo op ever) and they danced when the adults were dancing. We served them chicken fingers and fries in case they didn't like the "adult" meal. We had a very small wedding so I don't even think their parents worried about where they were. They went around the wedding and played and socialized. 

As far as bedtimes, I would let their parents worry about that. One of the kids went home when the wedding was over at 9:00 and the other one came to our after party with her parents. 

laurieblp

Great thoughts / ideas. I will probably try to do a little something, but you all have convinced me to stop worrying about it.

BlueBirdMB

Jen4948 said:

BlueBirdMB said:

peachy13 said:

I've been totally upfront with my guests with kids that they can either feel free to bring their kids or go kid-less to the wedding. My reception venue has a little room off to the side where coffee and extra cake will be left out, and the coordinator told me that there will also be a TV/DVD player set up in there so that we can play a movie if kids do end up coming. I expect that if kids do attend, they'll eat and have some fun, but then likely crash around 10, and our reception goes until 11:30 so I would definitely want to set something up in the reception hall to help occupy the kids while allowing their parents to keep having a good time.

I don't think you need to plan a whole program for them, you're already planning a wedding and their parents will know if they can or can't handle going to a big event like that. 

I don't know why, but this just bugs me.  We're not teaching our children how to socialize and how to behave in social settings if we always put a screen in front of them or never take them to events like weddings.  

Weddings are not held as "teachable moments" for kids.  Couples and hosts have no obligation to invite them, even if they invite their parents.  And those who do have the right to expect those kids to already know how to socialize and behave in social settings, and with regards to those kids who don't, to have their parents immediately remove them from the ceremony or the reception.

I never said the couple had to invite children.  They certainly don't.  All I meant was that as a parent, if my child was invited to the wedding, I wouldn't want them to sit in front of a screen. I didn't say anything about the bride and groom needing to do or not do anything.  Simply talking in general about how I would feel as a parent.  They won't know how to behave if they have never had experiences.  I 100% believe that parents should remove their children who are misbehaving in any social setting- wedding or no wedding.  This is how they learn- having experiences, being instructed how to behave, and then having consequences if they do not behave in said manner.  

Jen4948

BlueBirdMB said:

Jen4948 said:

BlueBirdMB said:

peachy13 said:

I've been totally upfront with my guests with kids that they can either feel free to bring their kids or go kid-less to the wedding. My reception venue has a little room off to the side where coffee and extra cake will be left out, and the coordinator told me that there will also be a TV/DVD player set up in there so that we can play a movie if kids do end up coming. I expect that if kids do attend, they'll eat and have some fun, but then likely crash around 10, and our reception goes until 11:30 so I would definitely want to set something up in the reception hall to help occupy the kids while allowing their parents to keep having a good time.

I don't think you need to plan a whole program for them, you're already planning a wedding and their parents will know if they can or can't handle going to a big event like that. 

I don't know why, but this just bugs me.  We're not teaching our children how to socialize and how to behave in social settings if we always put a screen in front of them or never take them to events like weddings.  

Weddings are not held as "teachable moments" for kids.  Couples and hosts have no obligation to invite them, even if they invite their parents.  And those who do have the right to expect those kids to already know how to socialize and behave in social settings, and with regards to those kids who don't, to have their parents immediately remove them from the ceremony or the reception.

I never said the couple had to invite children.  They certainly don't.  All I meant was that as a parent, if my child was invited to the wedding, I wouldn't want them to sit in front of a screen. I didn't say anything about the bride and groom needing to do or not do anything.  Simply talking in general about how I would feel as a parent.  They won't know how to behave if they have never had experiences.  I 100% believe that parents should remove their children who are misbehaving in any social setting- wedding or no wedding.  This is how they learn- having experiences, being instructed how to behave, and then having consequences if they do not behave in said manner.  

It's a compromise.  A lot of people would rather not have the kids there at all, but they know it's the only way to get their parents to attend.  But again, I don't agree that the kids are there to learn how to behave.  They should already know it.  If they haven't been taught this by their parents in advance, they don't belong there.