Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rehearsal Dinner Nightmare - What would you do?

2»

Re: Rehearsal Dinner Nightmare - What would you do?

  • I'm sorry, I can't get over that they didn't invite the Bride's parents.

    image
    image
    image

    image


  • It is stupid and lousy, no question about it. Very insensitive. It shows them in a bad light that may never go away. And if I were in your family's spot, I would be hurt too, and incensed.

    But it is only one evening. One dinner. People do lousy things. It isn't like they killed your dog.

    Live through it, it will be over, and life will go on.


  • lyndausvi said:


    danamw said:


    It is stupid and lousy, no question about it. Very insensitive. It shows them in a bad light that may never go away. And if I were in your family's spot, I would be hurt too, and incensed.

    But it is only one evening. One dinner. People do lousy things. It isn't like they killed your dog.

    Live through it, it will be over, and life will go on.



    I disagree.  It's the night before their wedding.  Her future-in-laws do not get a monopoly on the couple.   F'that.    I would flip my lid if my MIL suggest I blow of my parents in order to spend the night before a big day with them. No, not happening.   My parents raised me.  They supported me through every milestone.  The deserve to be able to spend the night before with me.    ETA - and more importantly I deserve to spend the evening with them.

    Actions have consequences.   

    Besides the bride's parents are normally part of the rehearsal.   It's just plain rude not to invite them when everyone is invited.  What after the rehearsal does everyone go to the party and they just go off by themselves?  Talk about a snub.  Hell no.


    Quoted for truth.

    I couldn't even imagine. I mean, my parents have been inviting FI and his family over for Christmas forever just because they wanted FI and I to be happy and it was part of welcoming him into the family.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • Frankly, anyone who excluded my own mother from dinner would never even get a consideration from me. I would have said "You want to exclude my own MOTHER? No, I won't be going to that."

    Have fun throwing a "rehearsal dinner" without half the people who were at the rehearsal and no bride.
  • danamwdanamw member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited August 2014

    Anyone is free to become as angry as they like. I am only thinking, an ugly scene is to be avoided the night before the wedding.

    The groom's parent did a tasteless hurtful thing not inviting the bride's side. I don't think a screaming tantrum is going to help.

    Boycott the RH, hate the husband's parents with a blistering fury that will shame hell. Never forgive them, unless they donate a kidney to you someday.

    Then, only a little bit.



  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    My friend's (MOG) DIL family had only the bride's family included in the Friday night wedding. She is one of 13 so there were 100 people there, plus the groom. That's all that were there the next day, plus the groom's parents and his one sister. Yes, that's right, they had a party and excluded the only three people the groom invited to the wedding. Goofy groom thought NBD. My friend is still hurt four years later. OP, please ask your FI to resolve this now.
  • Any updates from the OP?
  • Ok, I am just not used to this. My mom raised me to go along with what other people want.

    She always said "stick your nose in the air like you just don't care"

  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    I legitimately cannot even fathom not inviting parents to the rehearsal dinner.

    I think your FILs are really getting off on the wrong foot with you, which is very unfortunate. 

    This is something I would certainly remember long after the fact, even if it is rectified.
    image
  • KlikinaKlikina member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited August 2014
    Lurker here. OP, I kid you not, I could've written your story. My MIL tried to pull the exact same thing. Wow. We had roughly 45 people that needed to be invited because they were immediate family, in the wedding or doing something with the ceremony, or an SO. Most of our friends were married or engaged or seeing someone so yeah, sounds like a lot. My MIL was like, "No BF's or GF's, but my other son can bring his GF." Yeah, no. She wanted to turn it into a reunion for my FI's family because he was the first to marry on both sides...but in order to do that, she wanted to exclude people who were in the wedding. And not let me invite my grandmother, or my aunt who was flying in to help me all week. It was nuts! We are talking she wanted to exclude like 10 people so that 20 others could be invited for a family reunion. So I was dealing with this over email at work (bad idea) and offered to help pay. My parents offered to help pay. Nope, nada, she wouldn't even acknowledge that I'd offered THREE times to help pay. She finally sent me an email saying, "The wedding is all about the bride (wtf? She actually said that about her own son!). The RD is for the groom and everyone knows that. I know you don't want to deny FI the chance to hang out with his cousins and family he hasn't seen in a long time (that he didn't care about inviting anyway.)" I wrote her back and told her we would be declining their RD offer and hosting our own where everyone who was supposed to be invited WOULD be. FI had been out of town without cell service while this was going on. He gets back to messages from both me and her. He calls me and I had to read to him over the phone the entire chapter from Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette about RD's so he knew I wasn't making this up, that everyone involved in the wedding has to be invited. He calls her, tells her we're inviting everyone on our list and we'll help pay if we need to (and only THEN does she acknowledge that!) It worked out after that but yeah. I had to fight her for that. Fortunately, my two future SIL's didn't. Sorry for the novel, but I totally feel your pain. Do not back down. This is a hill to die on if ever there was one. Tell her they can either invite everyone who needs to be there, or you will host your own. There are no other options. Have a pizza and beer night at someone's house if you need to. I guarantee it will be more fun that dealing with hurt feelings. Good luck and report back on how it goes!
    image AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Sorry for no spaces, stupid Knot!
    image AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • jynxiiejynxiie member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    Gotta pick your battles, this is one I would definitely pick. 
    I wouldn't be able to believe the nerve of my FMIL if this was even a thought that crossed their mind.
    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    danamw said:

    It is stupid and lousy, no question about it. Very insensitive. It shows them in a bad light that may never go away. And if I were in your family's spot, I would be hurt too, and incensed.

    But it is only one evening. One dinner. People do lousy things. It isn't like they killed your dog.

    Live through it, it will be over, and life will go on.


    This advice is so shitty and wrong. Good lord.

    Sorry mom and daddy, FFIL and FMIL only want their family at the rehearsal dinner. Go have some cereal at home or something at this wack-ass party. I really can't believe it would bother you so much, especially Daddy as he's IN THE WEDDING BY WALKING ME DOWN THE AISLE.

    Yeah that wouldn't go over like farts in church at all.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • Pretty sure this has been said (I skimmed) but the people the bride wants there are part of the rehearsal so then they must be invited to the rehearsal dinner. It's pretty simple.

    But WOW! Seriously. Not inviting the bride's parents while you invite 75 of your friends and family. That is complete BS and I don't know what I would do.

    OP - I hope your in laws see the error in their ways asap. Maybe have Fi pull the whole "if this was hte other way around how would you feel" kinda thing. As simple as it is, I feel that opens peoples eyes a lot.
    image


    Anniversary
  • danamw said:

    Ok, I am just not used to this. My mom raised me to go along with what other people want.

    She always said "stick your nose in the air like you just don't care"

    I am trying so hard not to Godwin this thread.
  • zitiqueen said:
    danamw said:

    Ok, I am just not used to this. My mom raised me to go along with what other people want.

    She always said "stick your nose in the air like you just don't care"

    I am trying so hard not to Godwin this thread.
    Seriously. Ever heard of the Milgram experiment DanaMW?
    image
    image

    image


This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards