Talk me down (vent)

blabla89

Ladies, I need y'all to talk me down. I am -thisclose- to scrapping our wedding plans. We're 5 months into planning and 8 months from the wedding, and we're finding that everything costs more than we expected and we were way too ambitious about what we can do ourselves. Admittedly I'm a hormonal, irrational mess this week, and yesterday the quote for ceremony chairs sent me over the edge. We've cut so much already but things just keep adding up. The entire budget is coming from me, and even if we stay within our original budget, do I really want to spend that much money on one day? I'm worried that we'll end up wishing we had saved that money for something else, but also afraid that I'll regret not having our family and friends there on our wedding day. I'm also starting to question whether the time and effort that goes into it, and the resulting stress, are really worth it. FI is indifferent about how many people we invite and all the other details. When I talk with him about it he immediately goes into "fix it" mode, when I really wish he would just listen to what's on my mind. So I'm venting here.

Did any of you ladies decide to cut back/cancel your wedding plans and do something smaller, or elope? Did you feel like you were missing out on anything? Or were you glad that you did?

lurkergirl

Oh man, I feel you. Just last week I was like, "Hey, Botanical Gardens has some great elopement/small ceremony packages. Wanna get married in a couple weeks?" FI talked ME down from that one. And I can't help because we just keep going bigger... But I do understand the sentiment.

JCbride2015

Oh girl.  I feel you too.  Seriously, I just posted a longer version of this exact vent at the same time as you!

Can we talk each other down?  How about we find some Bailey's for our Tuesday morning coffee?

blabla89

Okay, it's good to know that I'm not the only one and I'm not crazy.

I had a brilliant idea that we could cut our losses, forfeit the venue and catering deposits, and have a very small wedding at a local restaurant that has a nice garden. It would save us a few thousand over the original budget, and everything would be done for us. FI would be fine with having only his immediate family. But my immediate family isn't around, so I would invite my grandma...and if I invite grandma then I have to invite my aunt (because she manages my mom's trust, where most of the budget is coming from)...and then I'd have to invite her kids and nanny...and if I invite one aunt then I have to invite the others...and suddenly we're back to where we started. Argh.

JCbride2015

blabla89 said:

Okay, it's good to know that I'm not the only one and I'm not crazy.

I had a brilliant idea that we could cut our losses, forfeit the venue and catering deposits, and have a very small wedding at a local restaurant that has a nice garden. It would save us a few thousand over the original budget, and everything would be done for us. FI would be fine with having only his immediate family. But my immediate family isn't around, so I would invite my grandma...and if I invite grandma then I have to invite my aunt (because she manages my mom's trust, where most of the budget is coming from)...and then I'd have to invite her kids and nanny...and if I invite one aunt then I have to invite the others...and suddenly we're back to where we started. Argh.

Make "where we started" 150 people and yeah, this is our situation too.  Both Fi's parents have a lot of siblings, who all have a lot of adult kids, who mostly have their own kids.  God forbid everyone's not invited.  We talked last night about scrapping plans and doing something smaller and quickly realized we'd wind up with so many "must invite" guests, we'd be close to the original list anyway.

lurkergirl

Okay, I may have people confused, but did I read recently that you are near the CDC?

If so, I am your "neighbor" (Howdy, neighbor!) and I was referring to the Botanical Gardens at Piedmont Park. They have some super reasonable packages that you could probably do yourself, which would eliminate the need to invite anyone who is controlling other money. There are also many elopement and small/private ceremony packages in the mountains. Like some include a ceremony and a photographer for around $500. You would still have to host some food if you have any guests, but I think if it's only a few guests you could easily find either a great place in the city OR somewhere cute in the mountains.

A couple years ago we discussed not getting engaged at all and just eloping, so I did a fair amount of research into elopement and small ceremony packages. Hope it helps!

theartistformerlyknownas

Could you do a location change rather than cutting the guest list, and get more stuff like chairs included? Or have your ceremony at your reception space, with everyone seated at their tables? (Or in another room where the staff can "flip" during cocktail hour?) May be cheaper than renting double the chairs, and your decorations can do double duty too.

blabla89

@lurkergirl yep, I'm in Poncey-Highland area. I'm definitely going to check out the botanical gardens and I've emailed a few wineries up in the mountains. I'm also looking at Canoe in Vinings, which is where I originally wanted to have the wedding before our guest list got so big.

@lolo883 - Renting the chairs wasn't really that expensive, I was just being dramatic. It's like $250, but I'm PMSing and I had a whole ridiculous meltdown over it. Pass the chocolate, please.

theartistformerlyknownas

Well yeah but it could make a lot of other things easier too.

I can't give much advice on scaling back because we invited 270 to our wedding. We really wanted everyone there to celebrate with us, and we're confident that it'll all work out. Also, chocolate.

You've got this!

lurkergirl

OMG Canoe is amazing.  That's my side of town   But I used to work in Poncey Highland!!

My cousin got married at Chateau Elan, and it was beautiful.  She didn't serve booze though, so...

There is also Big Canoe in...somewhere north of Cumming?  Dahlonega-ish?  It's a little over an hour north of us.  But I have had two friends get married at "The Chimneys" there, although I would not recommend that venue for a large guest list.  However, Big Canoe definitely has other venues within the community, and I know my friends circle always rents a big house together and parties all weekend

Cookie Pusher

I can't talk you down. I'm the girl who had the wedding she didn't want and still wishes she pushed back harder to get her elopement. Everyone is now pushing us to get a house (no one is offering us money towards it, of course) and DH is all "yea, let's get a house!". My response is always "with what, the large down payment I had to lay out for your wedding?" So yea, I am of zero help.

cupcait927

Girl, I am in the same boat as you and I'm 30 days out. Everything is costing more than I expected and I'm already keeping things pretty damn minimal - $500 for ALL the flowers, all inclusive venue, no DJ, friend is our photographer, cheaper dress from DB than the Maggie Sottero that I wanted, etc. and still somehow I'm over budget. We haven't really paid much in deposits and that urge to just scrap and do it somewhere cheaper is overwhelming.

I think at the end of the day, you'll be happy that you kept your plans. Money is something that you can replace. You can always make more and find ways to scale back a little on your plans. No matter where you get married, at the end of the day you'll have your husband and you won't be thinking about the cost. At least this is what I try to keep telling myself

ElcaB

Been there, felt those feels (still do, sometimes). 

You're going to have to put in a lot of extra work to cut corners. You're also going to have to make a lot of sacrifices. Do I really want to be assembling bridesmaid bouquets the night before the wedding? Nope, but if I do it myself I can spend less than $10 on each bouquet, which would cost $57 if I bought them from a florist. 

There are lots of great money-saving ideas on here and in other places. These ladies have amazing advice pertaining to specific aspects of wedding planning, so ask if you need help!

Also, what you need to ask yourself is whether or not it's worth it to scrap your plans and go for something simpler. Will you look back and regret not having the wedding you really wanted, or will you be happy with your decision (and the size of your bank account)? 

beachyone15

Well if it makes you feel any better, we asked our venue about a fruit display for cocktail hour for 130 people and they quoted us $500. Uh...NO!

theartistformerlyknownas

beachyone15 said:

Well if it makes you feel any better, we asked our venue about a fruit display for cocktail hour for 130 people and they quoted us $500. Uh...NO!

What the hell kind of fruit display costs $500?!

climbingsingle

What the hell kind of fruit is that? 

Op, I'm sorry! Big internet hugs to you!

beachyone15

Seriously, it's fruit!!!? WTF. Oh well, no fruit for us. It was a nice idea initially.

slothiegal

lolo883 said:

beachyone15 said:

Well if it makes you feel any better, we asked our venue about a fruit display for cocktail hour for 130 people and they quoted us $500. Uh...NO!

What the hell kind of fruit display costs $500?!

SIB

Seriously, that fruit better be laced with coke or something.

steph861

blabla89 said:

@lurkergirl yep, I'm in Poncey-Highland area. I'm definitely going to check out the botanical gardens and I've emailed a few wineries up in the mountains. I'm also looking at Canoe in Vinings, which is where I originally wanted to have the wedding before our guest list got so big.

@lolo883 - Renting the chairs wasn't really that expensive, I was just being dramatic. It's like $250, but I'm PMSing and I had a whole ridiculous meltdown over it. Pass the chocolate, please.

You'll have to pry it from my sweaty, swollen, PMS-y hands.

lurkergirl

slothiegal said:

lolo883 said:

beachyone15 said:

Well if it makes you feel any better, we asked our venue about a fruit display for cocktail hour for 130 people and they quoted us $500. Uh...NO!

What the hell kind of fruit display costs $500?!

SIB

Seriously, that fruit better be laced with coke or something.

*********DOUBLE STUCK*********

A fruit display with the word "wedding" attached to it.  We went in to Jos A Bank to look at suits this weekend.  They heard "wedding" and were trying to sell us all sorts of promos.  We went online and found that the prices there  (same suit, same store) were much cheaper.  People hear wedding and $$$$$$$ starts flashing in their eyes.

MegEn1

Paying my first installment for the caterer today AND planning work travel (I only get reimbursed after the fact). The amount of money I'm dropping today is terrifying ,and it's a fraction of what the wedding will cost. Granted, FI's mother is sending us a check to cover the catering, and work will refund me for the trip, but now I can't help but thinking about the $20,000 FI and I are saving to cover this wedding - and I'm not even sure that's going to be enough! AUGH! I'm so terrified, but it seems like things just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. 

raissyrais

Hang in there Blabla love, I think we all go through this. And yes it all costs so much money doesn't it? But if everything about this wedding is what you want then you can do it, stay strong! Otherwise, try to cut back on the least important thing/items for FI and yourself and I'm sure you'll still have a fabulous time! At the end of the day, you'll be marrying your honey. And chocolate is always good. Always.

hellosweetie1015

Dude, FI went through this this morning. I really just think EVERYONE does it. I did it early, when I first got on TK - before I realized that TK is Big Wedding Industry just like everything else, haha - and texted FI twice about running off to an Elvis Chapel somewhere.

Have the wedding you want, can afford, and will be happiest with. Everything else will fall together.

brideofginger

Cookie Pusher said:

I can't talk you down. I'm the girl who had the wedding she didn't want and still wishes she pushed back harder to get her elopement. Everyone is now pushing us to get a house (no one is offering us money towards it, of course) and DH is all "yea, let's get a house!". My response is always "with what, the large down payment I had to lay out for your wedding?" So yea, I am of zero help.

This is me. I wanted a wedding until I realized how much time and money would have to go into it, so then I wanted to elope instead and was denied.

Ndelible

Hear ya! Cutting back on the reception extras to make sure everyone we want has a seat, something to drink and eat. No DJ, no photo booth or videographer. But everyone we love will be there. Worth it.

Nymeru

We tried our very best to do as much as possible ourselves to save money, and while it was beautiful and it all came together in the end, I would absolutely find an all-inclusive venue if I were to do it again.  No way do I want to go through that much stress again.  Everything kept getting bigger and bigger, and there were all sorts of details we forgot about/didn't know about.  If we had just had other people handle it, it would have been much nicer for us (and cheaper in the long-run too).