Venue Anxiety and Indecision -- Please help?

Knottie46245158

So, I am having a really really hard time deciding where to get married -- in the city where I currently live (and where most friends and family live) or the city where fiancee just moved and where we will live together beginning in the spring, about a six hour drive/1 hourish flight from where I now live.   We have a date set for the wedding in our new city (no deposit yet) at a place we both love.   But my mother has thrown a fit about the wedding in my hometown city.  Plus most of our guests (about 60% or so) are from my city, while very few (less than 20%) live in or closer to the newer city.   In my city I would want to do a smaller restaurant wedding, possibly get married at city hall so no super formal ceremony.  I feel anxious about planning anything else and a restaurant wedding feels intimate and fun to me, however, we would have to cut the guest list.  

All things being equal, I love the venue in the new city more.   But I have this fear that: (i) people won't come and (ii) I will be inconveniencing them if they do.  Plus the logistics of playing host to certain cranky family members is starting to feel a bit overwhelming.  Has anyone whose planned a quasi-destination wedding such as this have any advice or anecdotes on this?  

Hopefully gathering thoughts from those who have been there or going to be there .   Plus, is it normal to feel this anxious about the city decision?   Will this anxiety stop once the decision is made?

monica&brad

My FI and I moved away from our hometown (only about 1.5 hours) and have decided to have the wedding in our hometown. It is a lot more convenient for our guests as most live in that area and there was just something more special to us about getting married in the area where we both grew up. Anothr benefit is that our hometown has a lot better prices on venues/caterer then where we live now!

Jen4948

Our advice here tends to be that the first rule of planning is to make a guest list.

Not to go picking venues or locations first, but to make a guest list.  Because if you want a wedding that's in a location that's inconvenient for a significant number of your guests or for specific VIP guests, then they're more likely to decline than if you'd chosen a location that's convenient for them.

Yes, it might mean giving up your "dream location" or even your "dream wedding."  But those are the sacrifices we make for the people we love.

lyndausvi

julybride2015 said:

FI and I live in another state about 1200 miles away from our families and friends.  We live in a much cheaper part of the country and we could have had very nice wedding for far less money; however, we realized that this would be a destination wedding for everyone but us.   It didn't' seem fair to our family and friends.  We also knew that many people would not have the time/money or even the desire to travel to our wedding.  

We decided it was more important to have a wedding that was convenient for our guests.   The people attending the wedding were far more important than my dream venue/wedding.

The logical decision is to bring the wedding to where a majority of the guests live.   I'm thinking you're feeling anxious about the venue in your city because you are settling on it.  It seems like it's not a good fit.  I would suggest trying to find a different space.  That might ease your mind.  

This was totally us.    Except we lived in the islands, so getting to us meant a plane ride for everyone.  And not cheap Southwest ones either.

We choose a place that was about 2.5-4.5 hours away from most of our guests (our families live in different areas).  Having them at the wedding was more important to us than the location.

I personally would not change a thing. I didn't find  planning from a far to be difficult at all.    

That was me though, if you want to have the wedding in your new home town, go for it.  Just remember all choices come with consquences.  Those can be good or bad.  Once you make the choice own it and do not second guess yourself.

jenijoyk

If you guys are going to be in the new town for the long hall, and that's where the venue you you love is, then I say go for it. If people don't want to travel then they don't have to come. It's not harsh, it's just how it is. I've passed on weddings I couldn't afford to get to. But I would never expect them to change their wedding location for me.

One of the things FI and I are so, so happy about is that our venue is a few minutes from our home (I'm new here - I grew up about 7 hours away and my family friends are all back there) and that we can go there anytime we want after the wedding. It makes me feel like I'm part of this place, even though I didn't grow up here.

But a lot of people get married away from their home and don't give it another thought. I know for me though that I really love that we're marrying in our "new" spot. It's like putting down roots.

JoanE2012

Knottie46245158 said:

So, I am having a really really hard time deciding where to get married -- in the city where I currently live (and where most friends and family live) or the city where fiancee just moved and where we will live together beginning in the spring, about a six hour drive/1 hourish flight from where I now live.   We have a date set for the wedding in our new city (no deposit yet) at a place we both love.   But my mother has thrown a fit about the wedding in my hometown city.  Plus most of our guests (about 60% or so) are from my city, while very few (less than 20%) live in or closer to the newer city.   In my city I would want to do a smaller restaurant wedding, possibly get married at city hall so no super formal ceremony.  I feel anxious about planning anything else and a restaurant wedding feels intimate and fun to me, however, we would have to cut the guest list.  

All things being equal, I love the venue in the new city more.   But I have this fear that: (i) people won't come and (ii) I will be inconveniencing them if they do.  Plus the logistics of playing host to certain cranky family members is starting to feel a bit overwhelming.  Has anyone whose planned a quasi-destination wedding such as this have any advice or anecdotes on this?  

Hopefully gathering thoughts from those who have been there or going to be there .   Plus, is it normal to feel this anxious about the city decision?   Will this anxiety stop once the decision is made?

I would plan the wedding that was most convenient for my guests.  Having friends and family be there was more important to me than the venue.

maiorielloam6

I think it depends on how you always pictured your big day. If it includes being surrounded by all your friends and family, then yeah you may want to pick a location that's more accessible for them. It sucks but it's a harsh reality for those of us who have moved away