Twin sister issues.

thelovelylindsey

I'm getting married on September 5th 2015. over a year away. But when I talked to my twin sister about the date she became very upset because she is a teacher and school starts that week. She is my moh and she is most upset because she can't take that week off to help.  I told her over and over again that it was ok I don't expect my brides  maids to take the week off. I told her that I didn't take the week of her wedding off but nothing I say seems to help. Has anyone else had this issue and if so how did you handle it?

southernbelle0915

Well, she has over a year to get over it. Let it be for a while. She just needs time. 

Keep reiterating your message that there won't be anything for her to do except show up the day of the wedding, so there's no reason for her to need to take any time off. Tell her you've got it under control. If she wants to help with stuff, include her on stuff during the summer when she's not working. 

MobKaz

In hindsight, it is often helpful to check with immediate family members prior to selecting a date. That first week of school is incredibly hectic and exhausting. 

By the last week, almost everything should be done.  Try to be considerate in planning the timing of your rehearsal dinner.  Leaving school even for half a day that first work would be extremely difficult for your sister. 

slothiegal

I can sort of understand this.  My MOH lost her job a couple months before my wedding and called me in tears that she wouldn't be able throw me a bridal shower or plan a bachelorette party, because she had no resources to do so.  Obviously I didn't get a shit about that, I was more concerned about how she was doing with everything.

Give your sister some time.  It sounds like she wants to (and is afraid she won't be able to) "fulfill MOH duties", but, spoiler alert, there are none.  Just gently remind her that you expect nothing from her but to show up in her (budget approved) dress.  Plus, you have plenty of time.  Not time to stress yet!

[Deleted User]

I'd drop the subject, and if she brings it up give her a careless shrug and say "Yeah, I'm not worried about it. It's my wedding and I plan to have everything done by then. Go teach kids, that's really important!"

peachy13

If she really is this upset about being unable to help, tell her she has all next summer to help! You'll be sending invitations, probably doing a bridal shower, finalizing stuff with the venue, talking about decorations, etc. In reality you probably want to do all that stuff next summer, rather than the week of your wedding.

abbyj700

I echo the opinion that you should always ask VIP's on the date of your wedding and if you don't, you get what you get.

I also think that talking to your sister about and including her in everything over the summer is key - for both your sanity and hers! Having someone so eager to help is wonderful - and you'll appreciate it all summer long! :-)

superblackcat

peachy13 said:

If she really is this upset about being unable to help, tell her she has all next summer to help! You'll be sending invitations, probably doing a bridal shower, finalizing stuff with the venue, talking about decorations, etc. In reality you probably want to do all that stuff next summer, rather than the week of your wedding.

This is great advice - just tell her about all things she can help with during the summer.

I work in a school system as well, so I get why she's upset. As someone said earlier, just be mindful of her in the rehearsal dinner if you're planning on doing it the night before. She will most likely not be able to get any day during that week off, which does kind of suck if you just want to help/relax before your sister's wedding. 

She might also just be upset because that first week is incredibly physically and mentally exhausting. She might be thinking about how tired she'll be at by the end of the week (I know I would) and how she won't be at her 100% for your wedding. She'll probably feel better about it with time, but right now she might be only thinking about the craziness of that first week. 

maiorielloam6

Omg... I'm getting married the day after you!!!!!!! I wouldn't get too upset it... Honestly you have to pick your battles.... I'm sure you have plenty of other people to help you out during the week.