Wedding Etiquette Forum

Flaky family member

Hello!  First post!  :)

When my aunt found out in January that I was engaged, she offered to do my hair for the wedding (I was also planning on asking her; she's really a wonderful hairdresser).  My aunt lives about 8 hours away.

She came out in June and I asked her if we could do a trial then, but she went shopping instead and only wanted to look at ideas I had put on Pinterest.  She said that the family would be out to visit several times over the summer and we would have plenty of time for a trial.

She was supposed to come out earlier this month, but bailed, and suggested labor day weekend.  

I just found out that she's going to CA for labor day weekend instead of coming here.  My wedding is 6 weeks away.  It is highly unlikely that she will visit in that time-frame.

It's possible that whatever her vision is will be perfectly wonderful, but I'd like to see what that is before I sign up for it.  We won't have time the day before the wedding for a hair trial.

I trying to decide if I need to ask someone else to do my hair for the wedding.  

Her husband (my Mom's brother) is walking me down the aisle.  My potential new hairdresser is a guest at the wedding.  

I really don't know what to do.  I feel like I need to ask someone else for the sake of my own sanity; I don't have a lot of hair that we can just curl and put up or down or whatever, and I'd like to try out some options. This is one box that I'd like to have checked (because it seems like it should be an easy box to check).

How do I tell my Aunt this without hurting her and causing family drama?

TIA! :)

Re: Flaky family member

  • Ask her if she still wants to do it. If she says yes and you trust her to do a good job then let it be.

    I didn't have a trial at all and had never been to the hairdresser I hired before my wedding (although she came highly recommended). I had a few photos, showed them to her and loved my hair. Just send her a few pics of what you want and your accessories. It'll be fine!
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  • What southern belle said.  I had a hair trial with my hairdresser and had my hair done by someone else (DW, so my stylist wasn't there).   I used the trial to try a couple of different styles - 1 more structured, the other looser.  I then took photos of the one I liked and showed these for the wedding.  It wasn't the same, but it gave her the idea of what I wanted.  

    I also rarely know what I want and can't do photos.  I need to see something on me to know if I like it.  If your Aunt is still interested, you could try this to give you ideas and photos

  • lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Hello!  First post!  :)

    When my aunt found out in January that I was engaged, she offered to do my hair for the wedding (I was also planning on asking her; she's really a wonderful hairdresser).  My aunt lives about 8 hours away.

    She came out in June and I asked her if we could do a trial then, but she went shopping instead and only wanted to look at ideas I had put on Pinterest.  She said that the family would be out to visit several times over the summer and we would have plenty of time for a trial.

    She was supposed to come out earlier this month, but bailed, and suggested labor day weekend.  

    I just found out that she's going to CA for labor day weekend instead of coming here.  My wedding is 6 weeks away.  It is highly unlikely that she will visit in that time-frame.

    It's possible that whatever her vision is will be perfectly wonderful, but I'd like to see what that is before I sign up for it.  We won't have time the day before the wedding for a hair trial.

    I trying to decide if I need to ask someone else to do my hair for the wedding.  

    Her husband (my Mom's brother) is walking me down the aisle.  My potential new hairdresser is a guest at the wedding.  

    I really don't know what to do.  I feel like I need to ask someone else for the sake of my own sanity; I don't have a lot of hair that we can just curl and put up or down or whatever, and I'd like to try out some options. This is one box that I'd like to have checked (because it seems like it should be an easy box to check).

    How do I tell my Aunt this without hurting her and causing family drama?

    TIA! :)
    I get wanting to have a hair trial. I'm really glad I did one. I loved the style that I had chosen and the hair dresser did, but unfortunately, after about an hour it fell out. So I was able to explain to her what happened and she did the same style but secured my hair with an elastic and then covered that up and did tighter curls knowing they'd settle a lot. The hair elastic made all the difference.

    I think this is one of many reasons we suggest not having family members "work" your wedding. It gets tricky when you mix business with pleasure.

    That said, I think it's alright to politely ask her if she was still wanting to do your hair for the wedding and that it's important to you to do a trial. You, of course, should offer to pay her for that service. If she can't do the trial and it's that important to you, it would be fine to politely tell her that you understand her scheduling conflicts and will be going with someone else for hair and cannot wait to see her on the wedding day. 
  • I did not have a hair trial either.  But I'm not very particular about my hair generally.  Usually as long as it's up and out of my face, I don't care what it looks like.  

    But I have fine hair, so when I was a BM some years ago, I bought clip in hair extensions.  I have used them for most weddings I've been in since then.  Maybe that is something you can invest in for yourself, since you said you don't have a lot of hair to work with.  I don't wear them all the time, just for when I need some extra volume for an up do.  I bought mine online from Sally Beauty.

    As for your Aunt, just call her and say you really want to do a trial before the wedding.  See what she says.  Would you be fine having the trial the day before the wedding, assuming she comes into town that early for it?  Or maybe you can go to her for it?
  • I'd tell your aunt that you really want to do a trial before the wedding.  If she flakes out on you again, then I'd tell her that since it hasn't been possible for her to do one for you, you'd prefer that she just enjoy the wedding as a guest, and get a professional to do your hair for the wedding who will give you a trial.
  • I'm not able to do a trial with the stylist I am using for my wedding as they are 9 hours away. I could with someone here but I ultimately decided if it wasn't with the same stylist I didn't really want the extra expense.

    If you really want a trial do as PP suggested. Ask her again and stress it is important, and if she won't or can't then politely let her know you will go with someone else and you look forward to seeing her at the wedding.
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  • I would encourage you to reflect on how important it is for you to have a hair trail before the wedding. If it is important, communicate that to your aunt, and let her know "I would love for you to do my hair on my wedding day. It is important for me to try out some styles for the big day. Let me know if you are still available to help with this. If you aren't, no worries, I have gotten a couple other referrals that I may start to follow up on." 

    Hopefully this communicates your needs clearly, all the while letting her make the choice without feeling pressured. 
  • My hair trial ended up being moot, as soon as I got my veil I wanted something different, so a trial doesn't even mean that you'll figure out what you want. I would maybe just allow for extra time day of for your aunt to redo if necessary. Good luck!
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