Just a question...

sstobbe

Why are some posters on the knot such B's?! I feel like on certain boards the same ppl are always being rude to people asking innocent questions. I thought the point of this place was to help eachother out, not to make eachother feel like idiots.

Wiscisbliss

I think some people don't intend on coming across as rude...  Disagreements in writing usually read a little harsh/cold. 

Others are probably just B's in real life... and hiding behind a computer screen makes it even easier. 

The local and month boards tend to be nicer, so you can always hang out there!

msteph82

Do you have a board in particular you're referring to?

Some boards have different feels to them, if you will.  It also depends on how many regulars there are (meaning people who post regularly on that board and have been on The Knot for a while)

gpapale1

There are definitely some rude people out there, and the guise of the internet makes it extremely easy for them to be a-holes.  I really only post here, my month board, and the DIY board...they seem the be the safest places and less judgemental.

gpapale1

P.S. I know the Etiquette board is famous for being nasty...

Victoria2013

Maybe they are trying to make themselves feel better because their life sucks.  You know how misery loves company...

But yes its quite a shame that some women out there act like that.  Especially since everyone has different circumstances.  I have run into these women on the Military Board and the Just Engaged and Proposals.  It was so bad when I posted about our engagement the women went off, the mediator actually closed down the discussion so no one else could post anything.

Now I just stick to the Wisconsin board and browse around the others.

kropee10

I just experienced some pretty harsh words on the Moms and Maids boards from an idea I was looking for opinions on. Because the whole story might not be provided, or its a touchy subject, people may jump to unfair conclusions. And the safety of a screen name allows others to say what they feel.  

I am glad to say I have never had issues from anyone posting on the Wisconsin board!

sstobbe

I don't do much posting on the other boards b/c of how a lot of the other girls can be. Once in awhile I will say something because I feel bad for the original poster especially when they gang up on someone. I feel like some people need to take a chill pill or something.

Jules08

Just another opinion on the subject (sorry long)...

A lot of times it is NOT that the women are B's or that they are miserable old hags with crappy lives.  A lot of women (myself included) are not a fan of puppy dogs and rainbows, meaning that you are going to get honest answers and for me personally I am going to give you an aswer just like I would with my friends IRL.  I am not going to sugar coat it, rather tell it like it is.  It is up to you and how you intend to interpret my replies if it's going to be taken as snarky or not.

Some things to keep in mind:

The information that is put out there is fair game for anyone to comment on.

If an answer varies from what the OP wanted to hear, it is often taken as negative or b.tchy - so did the OP post to get validation or honest opinions?

(Again) many times replies aren't said with snark, but others read into it how they want to and suddenly a snark war starts.

Sometimes posts ARE ridiculous and the OP's need to be called out.

National boards are full of women who are no BS, whereas the locals and the monthly boards are generally "softer."  It's just the way the board is and always has been - it's never going to end well if someone goes to the board to tell them they are wrong and should change their ways ... ESPECIALLY if they are not a regular.

The boards are communities of women.  Just like IRL you have personalities and opinions that will vary.  There is nothing that says that everyone has to think and act the same (IE being a supportive place, it's JUST a community).  It's a little more interesting to see / read what different women have to say anyway.

Some boards like first tri on the bump gets repeat questions 3 - 4 times a day.  There are some major red flags with those posts: the OP didn't lurk before posting and the OP didn't read the board FAQ's (at the top of the page) where the regulars already compiled a ton of information that most likely answers that question.  So all the work that the regulars did goes unnoticed and unappreciated and then new OP's get upset when no one wants to answer their question.

Most importantly, it's just the interwebz - you cannot take it seriously.  If you do and take what people say to heart, this (moreso the national boards) may not be the place for you, and that's okay too.


Again, just another perspective!

msteph82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_just-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:fc7f3240-9ca4-4a8e-8a70-231312547f25Post:c25bc09a-fa02-43a1-8278-23dcfe662106">Re: Just a question...</a>:
[QUOTE]Just another opinion on the subject (sorry long)... A lot of times it is NOT that the women are B's or that they are miserable old hags with crappy lives.  A lot of women (myself included) are not a fan of puppy dogs and rainbows, meaning that you are going to get honest answers and for me personally I am going to give you an aswer just like I would with my friends IRL.  I am not going to sugar coat it, rather tell it like it is.  It is up to you and how you intend to interpret my replies if it's going to be taken as snarky or not. Some things to keep in mind: The information that is put out there is fair game for anyone to comment on. If an answer varies from what the OP wanted to hear, it is often taken as negative or b.tchy - so did the OP post to get validation or honest opinions? (Again) many times replies aren't said with snark, but others read into it how they want to and suddenly a snark war starts. Sometimes posts ARE ridiculous and the OP's need to be called out. National boards are full of women who are no BS, whereas the locals and the monthly boards are generally "softer."  It's just the way the board is and always has been - it's never going to end well if someone goes to the board to tell them they are wrong and should change their ways ... ESPECIALLY if they are not a regular. The boards are communities of women.  Just like IRL you have personalities and opinions that will vary.  There is nothing that says that everyone has to think and act the same (IE being a supportive place, it's JUST a community).  It's a little more interesting to see / read what different women have to say anyway. Some boards like first tri on the bump gets repeat questions 3 - 4 times a day.  There are some major red flags with those posts: the OP didn't lurk before posting and the OP didn't read the board FAQ's (at the top of the page) where the regulars already compiled a ton of information that most likely answers that question.  So all the work that the regulars did goes unnoticed and unappreciated and then new OP's get upset when no one wants to answer their question. Most importantly, it's just the interwebz - you cannot take it seriously.  If you do and take what people say to heart, this (moreso the national boards) may not be the place for you, and that's okay too. Again, just another perspective!
Posted by Jules08[/QUOTE]

Thank you.  I was going to post something like this, but didn't want to feed into the "all the regs are biitches" mindset.  You said it exactly as I would have.

sstobbe

Jules08, I get what you're saying and I completely understand your opinion and agree with you for the most part. I don't think anything needs to be sugar coated & it's fine to give your honest opnion because that is what people are asking for.
 
I am referring to posts where people are like (please keep in mind this is not a specific example, just an example) "omg you're a baby" and then someone else comes along and says "yeah you're such a baby maybe we should get you a bottle" and it goes on and on. It's just unnecessary and I don't understand why it happens SO much on a wedding board website.

I feel like we're all adults here (I think? lol), is name calling and stuff really necessary? 

msteph82

I think that after you've been on the boards for so long, you start to have posters come through that are pretty immature and tend to post something that has been posted many, many times prior. 

As a regular, I know I run out of patience and start to post off the wall things, not necessarily thinking that the OP will be hurt/offended, but just because post after post after post about the same thing makes me wonder if the OP even thinks before they post.  Not thinking "oh, this person is new, be patient" 

I know I'm guilty of thinking "Figure it out before you post" but I'm usually not 'mean' enough to say "Hey, that question you asked about florists/receptions/photographers in SE Wisconsin?  It's been asked and answered 6 six times already, had you bothered reading this board before posting". 

Or people who have horrible punctuation, spelling or grammar.  I don't have a lot of patience with that and it does make someone look like they are less than intelligent. 
I suppose your attitude really does have to do with how long you've been around the board.  And by you, I do not mean you, specifically, but you in general.

sstobbe

It just makes me want to reach through my monitor and smack someone sometimes. But I guess some posts make people want to do the same thing which is why they respond the way they do. It seems like it should be easier to ignore it or politely refer someone to the previous similar post.

Jules08

In Response to <a href="http://chinese.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_just-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:fc7f3240-9ca4-4a8e-8a70-231312547f25Post:b880a4bd-d086-4cb3-9cc6-4037bdeaa079">Re: Just a question...</a>:
[QUOTE]Jules08, I get what you're saying and I completely understand your opinion and agree with you for the most part. I don't think anything needs to be sugar coated & it's fine to give your honest opnion because that is what people are asking for.   I am referring to posts where people are like (please keep in mind this is not a specific example, just an example) "omg you're a baby" and then someone else comes along and says "yeah you're such a baby maybe we should get you a bottle" and it goes on and on. It's just unnecessary and I don't understand why it happens SO much on a wedding board website. I feel like we're all adults here (I think? lol), is name calling and stuff really necessary? 
Posted by sstobbe[/QUOTE]

Oh I get what you're saying 100% and snark just to be snarky can be offputting, that's for sure.  Usually there is a reason (good reason or not) behind it and I think msteph explained that well.

(Hopefully my post sheds some light to some to help see the difference.)

Just as people post repeat questions and they respond to a snarky answer (or someone does for them) saying just ignore the post and move on, I think the same can be said for snarky responses ... ignore them and move on.



 I will say that there was some major drama and snark on this board when I first joined (back in '06) and it has drastically changed ... most people left and the board was empty for a long time.  It's nice to see it somewhat active again.