Wedding Etiquette Forum

Parents wedding song not offending FMIL

I posted this in music section but realize it is more etiquette question. I would like to play my parents wedding song at my wedding and have my parents and my fiancé and I dance with them. Just us two couples on the dance floor because my parents are the idle couple of a loving, lasting marriage. However I don't want to offend my future mother-in-law but it is hard to include her because she is divorced and has been for many years and is single not bringing a date. Should I just not do it or is there a way to not offend mother in law? Anyone ever do this? Plus I know it would mean the world to my parents plus bring up wonderful memories of their wedding day.

Re: Parents wedding song not offending FMIL

  • Guests get really, really bored by "special dances."  Which is why most people draw the line after the bride and groom's first dance, the bride/father dance, and the groom/mother dance.  Seriously, i was bored at my own wedding while this stuff was going down.  Don't add any additional spotlight dances, for the sake of your guests.

     

    If you and your FI would like your parent's wedding song to be your first dance song, i don't think it would be weird for your parents to join you on the dance floor halfway through.  Otherwise, just play it during the reception and don't make a big deal about it.

    TeddiD34hellohkbgrassynowell
  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    Play the song if you like, just don't make a big deal out of it. 

    ETA: when I say don't make a big deal out of it, I mean just playing it as any other song at your wedding.  No special dance. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Ditto PPs. Just have your DJ play it at some point during the reception, without calling attention to it. Your parents will know it's in their honor, and it won't make anyone else feel bad.

    image
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Play the song without making it a special dance.   As I guest I not a fan of a lot of special dances.   By not making a big deal it's not offending MIL either.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I think you should do this if you want to....but not make it a spotlight dance. So you'd just tell the DJ, "ok can you play ___ as the next song?" and then you'll tell your FI and your mom and dad it's time. 

    Why kick everyone off the dance floor to do this at the risk of offending your FILs? Not worth it.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    huskypuppy14PrettyGirlLost
  • I think you should do it as the first song right after the 'special dances' to open up the dance floor.  You grab your new hubby, your mom grabs your dad, the four of you start dancing, and anyone else who wants to slow dance joins in.
    JCbride2015PrettyGirlLost
  • delujm0 said:

    Guests get really, really bored by "special dances."  Which is why most people draw the line after the bride and groom's first dance, the bride/father dance, and the groom/mother dance.  Seriously, i was bored at my own wedding while this stuff was going down.  Don't add any additional spotlight dances, for the sake of your guests.

     

    If you and your FI would like your parent's wedding song to be your first dance song, i don't think it would be weird for your parents to join you on the dance floor halfway through.  Otherwise, just play it during the reception and don't make a big deal about it.

    I'm with this. We played both parents' wedding songs and it was really special but we didn't call any attention to it.
  • I agree that while there's no reason you shouldn't play this song, but don't do it as a spotlight dance.  That allows everyone to enjoy themselves without making your FMIL or the guests uncomfortable.
  • I agree with everyone else play it but not as a spotlight dance.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I slipped an instrumental version of my parents' wedding song in during the processional into the church before my entrance.  My parents had asked me to play it as a favor to them.  My uncle (who had died a few years previously) had sung it to my parents as their wedding gift.
    short+sassyMobKaz
  • I'm dying to know: what's the song?
    holyguacamole79
  • Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!
  • delujm0 said:

    Guests get really, really bored by "special dances."  Which is why most people draw the line after the bride and groom's first dance, the bride/father dance, and the groom/mother dance.  Seriously, i was bored at my own wedding while this stuff was going down.  Don't add any additional spotlight dances, for the sake of your guests.

     

    If you and your FI would like your parent's wedding song to be your first dance song, i don't think it would be weird for your parents to join you on the dance floor halfway through.  Otherwise, just play it during the reception and don't make a big deal about it.

    This.  DH and my first dance song was 2 minutes long.  My father-daughter dance song was 2 minutes and 20 seconds long.  DH's mother-son dance song was six minutes long.  I was bored out of my skull during it - and that is even considering how glad I was that I just got to sit down and relax for a few minutes with no one looking at me - so I'm sure that our guests were bored too.  (I thought he had edited the song down.  Apparently not.)

    As PP said, play the song during the general reception. We played the wedding songs of several of our close friends and family members during the reception.  You and your new husband can dance to it.  Your parents can dance to it.  And anyone else who wants to can dance to it as well.  You can even ask your DJ to play it at a certain time or announce that it was your parent's wedding song as well.
    image
  • .... and apparently they are now common at vow renewal receptions.

    Why wouldn't they be? If someone was to host a reception with dancing subsequent to their vow renewal a well curated playlist would certainly include slow songs.

    Try harder next time you try to throw shade.
  • Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!
    Oh.....this seems to be a recurring theme with you.  I'm glad to see you are just as opaque with your music as you are your marital status. 
    holyguacamole79ShesSoCold
  • MobKaz said:



    Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!

    Oh.....this seems to be a recurring theme with you.  I'm glad to see you are just as opaque with your music as you are your marital status. 


    Hahahaha! Like clockwork!!!! When I wrote that line I knew just who would be the first to highlight it and comment!

    But you know - maybe for each of these songs I'll stand on a chair and scream aloud whose song it is so everyone knows. There are a few I'm sure were playing at moments best not described to Mr. E as well. Should I be upfront about those too?

    I'm afraid I'd fall off the chair after enough tequila though. So would a megaphone be appropriate? It's certainly within every guest's purview to know if every song being played was also played at other people's weddings.

    Comedy gold.
    AroundTheBlock
  • Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!
    Oh.....this seems to be a recurring theme with you.  I'm glad to see you are just as opaque with your music as you are your marital status. 
    Hahahaha! Like clockwork!!!! When I wrote that line I knew just who would be the first to highlight it and comment! But you know - maybe for each of these songs I'll stand on a chair and scream aloud whose song it is so everyone knows. There are a few I'm sure were playing at moments best not described to Mr. E as well. Should I be upfront about those too? I'm afraid I'd fall off the chair after enough tequila though. So would a megaphone be appropriate? It's certainly within every guest's purview to know if every song being played was also played at other people's weddings. Comedy gold.
    Now THAT ^^ is the comedy gold!
    jerkyanne
  • MobKaz said:



    MobKaz said:



    Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!

    Oh.....this seems to be a recurring theme with you.  I'm glad to see you are just as opaque with your music as you are your marital status. 
    Hahahaha! Like clockwork!!!! When I wrote that line I knew just who would be the first to highlight it and comment!

    But you know - maybe for each of these songs I'll stand on a chair and scream aloud whose song it is so everyone knows. There are a few I'm sure were playing at moments best not described to Mr. E as well. Should I be upfront about those too?

    I'm afraid I'd fall off the chair after enough tequila though. So would a megaphone be appropriate? It's certainly within every guest's purview to know if every song being played was also played at other people's weddings.

    Comedy gold.

    Now THAT ^^ is the comedy gold!


    Glad you picked up on that. I couldn't resist. Sorry.
  • Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!
    Oh.....this seems to be a recurring theme with you.  I'm glad to see you are just as opaque with your music as you are your marital status. 
    Hahahaha! Like clockwork!!!! When I wrote that line I knew just who would be the first to highlight it and comment! But you know - maybe for each of these songs I'll stand on a chair and scream aloud whose song it is so everyone knows. There are a few I'm sure were playing at moments best not described to Mr. E as well. Should I be upfront about those too? I'm afraid I'd fall off the chair after enough tequila though. So would a megaphone be appropriate? It's certainly within every guest's purview to know if every song being played was also played at other people's weddings. Comedy gold.
    Now THAT ^^ is the comedy gold!
    Glad you picked up on that. I couldn't resist. Sorry.
    Oh, please.......As if I can believe anything you say.  I guess when you don't have to carry truth, it allows you to be clairvoyant.  But I guess you already knew that was coming, too.  This is always your "go to" response when you have no counterpoint. 
  • MobKaz said:
    Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!
    Oh.....this seems to be a recurring theme with you.  I'm glad to see you are just as opaque with your music as you are your marital status. 
    Hahahaha! Like clockwork!!!! When I wrote that line I knew just who would be the first to highlight it and comment! But you know - maybe for each of these songs I'll stand on a chair and scream aloud whose song it is so everyone knows. There are a few I'm sure were playing at moments best not described to Mr. E as well. Should I be upfront about those too? I'm afraid I'd fall off the chair after enough tequila though. So would a megaphone be appropriate? It's certainly within every guest's purview to know if every song being played was also played at other people's weddings. Comedy gold.
    Now THAT ^^ is the comedy gold!
    Glad you picked up on that. I couldn't resist. Sorry.
    Oh, please.......As if I can believe anything you say.  I guess when you don't have to carry truth, it allows you to be clairvoyant.  But I guess you already knew that was coming, too.  This is always your "go to" response when you have no counterpoint. 

    SIB**************

    I wish I were clairvoyant! Doubtful I'd be discussing any of these wedding particulars with y'all - I'd be too busy spending all my powerball winnings and such if that were the case! 

    You're just super predictable. And I'm sorry if that bothers you and now you know you're easy to bait. Which, if I had to make a wager, will cause you to exclaim something along the lines of, "See! See, I TOLD you you're a troll!!!" Which, no, of course I'm not. You're just so (allegedly) concerned with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth all day, every day that anything I could say involving any type of word or phrase even slightly related to the word truth causes a nearly Pavlovian response with you. My apologies that after enough time it just started to amuse me. I'm not going to alter what I have to say just to see if you'll respond they way I know you will (that seems trolly, for sure) but when you inevitably do, I think it's completely okay that I'm amused. 

    Now, either post a lame gif or ascend your high horse and tell me that being concerned for truth, justice and virtue is so much better than whatever the likes of me has going on. I'll wait. 

  • MobKaz said:



    MobKaz said:



    MobKaz said:



    Our guest list is small, comprised of mainly, but not all, couples. We are including all the couples' special songs but not making a "thing" out of it. They'll recognize their songs and do what they want with the moment. The only special exception we made was where we put my parent's song on our playlist (song number three) because we wanted it early in the reception bc my mom's going through cancer treatment and can get tired out earlier than she used to. Everyone else we're just distributing their songs throughout the night. The singles won't be the wiser and slow dances really shouldn't be taken as a slight to their failed relationships. Not everything should be taken so seriously - slow dances are pretty common at wedding receptions!

    Oh.....this seems to be a recurring theme with you.  I'm glad to see you are just as opaque with your music as you are your marital status. 
    Hahahaha! Like clockwork!!!! When I wrote that line I knew just who would be the first to highlight it and comment!

    But you know - maybe for each of these songs I'll stand on a chair and scream aloud whose song it is so everyone knows. There are a few I'm sure were playing at moments best not described to Mr. E as well. Should I be upfront about those too?

    I'm afraid I'd fall off the chair after enough tequila though. So would a megaphone be appropriate? It's certainly within every guest's purview to know if every song being played was also played at other people's weddings.

    Comedy gold.

    Now THAT ^^ is the comedy gold!
    Glad you picked up on that. I couldn't resist. Sorry.

    Oh, please.......As if I can believe anything you say.  I guess when you don't have to carry truth, it allows you to be clairvoyant.  But I guess you already knew that was coming, too.  This is always your "go to" response when you have no counterpoint. 

    SIB**************

    I wish I were clairvoyant! Doubtful I'd be discussing any of these wedding particulars with y'all - I'd be too busy spending all my powerball winnings and such if that were the case! 

    You're just super predictable. And I'm sorry if that bothers you and now you know you're easy to bait. Which, if I had to make a wager, will cause you to exclaim something along the lines of, "See! See, I TOLD you you're a troll!!!" Which, no, of course I'm not. You're just so (allegedly) concerned with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth all day, every day that anything I could say involving any type of word or phrase even slightly related to the word truth causes a nearly Pavlovian response with you. My apologies that after enough time it just started to amuse me. I'm not going to alter what I have to say just to see if you'll respond they way I know you will (that seems trolly, for sure) but when you inevitably do, I think it's completely okay that I'm amused. 

    Now, either post a lame gif or ascend your high horse and tell me that being concerned for truth, justice and virtue is so much better than whatever the likes of me has going on. I'll wait. 





  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    My horse isn't really all that high.  I think it appears that way from your lower perspective.  It does help keep me from stepping in the BS you think you so cleverly sling, however.  
  • MobKaz said:

    My horse isn't really all that high.  I think it appears that way from your lower perspective.  It does help keep me from stepping in the BS you think you so cleverly sling, however.  

    That just elicited a smile from me. Now THAT was a zinger right there!! My horse is only as high as my bar stool this evening. Touché!!
  • What was the original question again? Oh right. OP I think you're on the right track with having it played and dedicated to them but not having it be a spotlight dance.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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